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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder at this age gap

159 replies

Phonebox · 05/10/2015 14:56

I've been flirting outrageously with a just-turned 22 year old man. I'm 29. He would like things to get a bit more serious and see me regularly...as a girlfriend, I suppose.

Aibu?

OP posts:
velouria · 06/10/2015 00:16

My ex was 18 years older than me. We were together 13 years, I don't think his age factored much in the split, we have a lot in common and a lot to talk about even now. I'd say, I was a little more aware of the gap when we split, than when we got together

jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 00:17

At eighteen? A woman. Sixteen and seventeen? Old enough in the eyes of the law to make up her own mind where sex is concerned.

I'll leave you to your delusions then. You clearly have some serious hang-ups.

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:17

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velouria · 06/10/2015 00:19

Mr daddy is a lucky git in my mind lol, although tbh I wouldntgo younger in the dating stakes. I'm 34 and all of the younger men I have met have been hopeless

jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 00:20

You are still defending the age of 16 due to knowing it could be wrong for many, maybe not you but many.

I'm defending the age of sixteen due to it being the legal age of consent FFS.

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:22

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fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:23

so you are saying even if it is 16 and 40, the man is not a predator jorah?

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:26

a man of 40 going after a 16 year old is not the behaviour of a vile predator? there cannot be anything wrong with this man at all? he is appropriate?

KatieLatie · 06/10/2015 00:28

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fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:30

so a 16 year old with a man of 40 is acceptable is it katie? a 30 year old with someone 20 years plus might be ok, not sure why they choose this, its usually to do with wealth rather than attraction.

jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 00:32

If she wasn't interested and he hounded her, groomed her on the internet or forced her to have sex with him then sure, he's a predator.

If they met through, say, a mutual hobby or just by chance, had a mutual attraction and both consented to sex, of course he isn't a predator.

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:33

oh my god really jorah?

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:34

Im worried about you now. I have to leave here but please think about what you're saying.

jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 00:37

You're worried about me? Hmm Erm, thanks for your concern, but as an adult woman with a partner and child, I'm fairly sure I'll be alright... Hmm

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:39

I hope you will, I hope you wont be on here in another couple of years wondering why this man is controlling you. Good luck Jorah.

jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 00:41

Okie dokie, and on that day I give you permission to say 'I told you so'.

Although, considering he can barely control a shopping trolley I think I'm pretty safe, but still, cheers for the luck Wink

MN gets weirder and weirder Grin

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:46

Mumsnet is not weird, you may have been quite lucky, a 16 year old girl with a 40 odd year old man is still weird and why you should advocate that is beyond me. Take care. This thread wasnt about you remember.

jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 00:48

I'm well aware of that full, nor was it about mrdaddypig but that didn't stop you accusing him of being a predator, did it? Hmm

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:51

Gosh the arrogance of the young Grin

A man of 40 with a girl of 16 is predator behaviour. No ifs or buts about it.

Good night jorah and good luck.

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 00:58

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Pandora97 · 06/10/2015 01:04

Moving swiftly on, is it not normal to have to hold your boobs up in the bath to wash under them? Because I've had to do that since I was 20. Sad

To answer the original question, go for it. It can be difficult at that age because he may have just graduated and be starting on adult life whereas you might be settled and looking for a life partner. That's the stereotypical view. I'm 28 and know 22 year olds who are far more 'adult' than I am, in that they have a mortgage, are in long term relationships, etc. I have none of these things. I would absolutely go out with a 22 year old if I liked him enough.

MinecraftWonder · 06/10/2015 01:05

What do you not understand about the definition of paedophile?

You just as well look at an apple and say 'well in my eyes it's a banana' you fool. You're arguing the un-arguable - sleeping with someone 16 +, whether you're 16, 26 or 56 does not make you a paedophile.

You may think it's odd, you may think it's distasteful, but it's categorically not paedophilia Hmm

Boleh · 06/10/2015 01:05

And back to the OP...
I'd give it a try, some guys can be very mature at that age - some still won't be 10 years later, same for ladies, you just have to 'match up' as it were.
My DH is 3.5 years younger than me, meaning I broke my 'rule' of never dating anyone younger than my little sister! But I did a PhD so he's actually been at work longer than me and we are at the same kind of place in our life veg and careers.
A friend of mine who is much younger used to scare off his girlfriends by wanting to settle down - he met a somewhat older lady (5-10 years? I've never asked) with a primary aged child and has settled down very happily with a cottage in the countryside and a dog!

fulldutypaid · 06/10/2015 01:20

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jorahmormont · 06/10/2015 02:14

Pandora After having DD, I had to hold my boobs up to wash them! It's only 18 months on they're starting to get any semblance of boob-ness back to them!