To ask you to tell me what om earth dh means?

[Shanolyooo]

Long conversation last night about money/ childcare/ jobs. Background- dh and I earn equally , ds is 5 and DD 10 months. I'm on 3.5.days though so salary is pro rataed down, if that makes sense. Could anyone help me work out what he means, I'd be most grateful.

Conversation below is in response to me saying I'd like to go up to full time , DD is 10 months as we need the money. Him: 'I'd be really disappointed if dd was in nursery more than 3 days a week.'

Me- would you like to work part time then?

Him: 'don't be ridiculous. I have much greater earning potential than you (true- I'm public sector, he's IT). In fact you should invest in me and support me more, if you want me to earn more'

Me: 'I simply can't do anymore than I do- I do the majority of the child rearing, admin and housework, as well as night wakings. How can I support you more?'

Him: if you supported me more, I'd make more money. Think about it.

I felt he was emotionally blackmailing me.

Too harsh? Is this a reasonable conversation that other couples have? I had to change topic and wander off before shouting something incoherent.

Well done, OP! How did he respond?

Of the Day !

Blimey Shanoly, I think you are the vanguard of the revolution!

Woooooooo! Nice one! We're so proud of you

Thank you for kind words and stars which I like very much!
He took it badly. I said this is how it's going to be. He harrumphed and said he did as much hw,child rearing etc- I said, let's do a spreadsheet. And smiled sweetly.

The gloves are off my friends

Good for you!

I hope you're doing a montage of all this with Eye of the Tiger as a the soundtrack.

I have it on YouTube as I type

Shanolyoo in action:

Yay! Well done OP!

Wish I had as much balls as you when I was married to my useless exH!

I said, let's do a spreadsheet
excellent choice of weapon Shanoly, do your worst, he's got no chance

I'm so very pleased you have had your 'light bulb moment' and are standing up for yourself.

The most important things for you are happiness, balance and a sense of fulfilment in your home/work/family life. Not how much money is earned and who is making it.

Good luck!

Google "spreadsheet of household chores" A thousand people have been there before you.

I thought that this was great this Just substitute dog for child and you are pretty much there

Oh dear. He has no idea has he?

Having said that, it's exactly the sort of things that would work with DH.
Numbers, no emotions, straight picture.
But he won't like it.

Unfortunately with a husband like this you need to really make sure your career is secure and forge forward to make it better and climb the ladder

A spreadsheet, that's inspired!

It always surprises me when I see the typical male attitudes towards housework, earning, child care etc. Seems it's only ever certain "sorts" of man too. Usually those that think time with friends or indulging hobbies is more important than helping etc.

Mind you, I quit work recently and took over child care, house care, shopping, etc etc. My OH works because she can earn more than me. Some 'men' in my situation would feel very insecure, unmanly etc. Bonkers.

OP, I hope it sorts out and he pulls his fat head out of his lazy arse.

Good for you Op and refreshing to read a thread where the Op isn't questioning/doubting herself. Take no shit on this one, you've more than done your bit to support him and the family as a whole. Is he agreeable to the spreadsheet or has he decided he might be best off shutting up now?

How can he possibly think he does as much at home as you? The spreadsheet sounds hilarious but it doesn't even need to be that complicated. 'I do all the night wakings, you do none. So for that statement to be true, you need to do 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next. Are you starting tonight or tomorrow?'

Also hilarious that he thinks he's some up and coming moneymaker but is too tired to do either more work or more anything in the evenings. It's hardly the Alan Sugar or Richard Branson model of success, is it?

Supported him more how? I think there's a fair bit of cock-waving going on here. Does he just think that if you take on more hours at work, you will be requiring him to pull his weight a bit doing the domestic/family stuff?

Would he prefer you to know your 'place'? I think being 'perturbed' is a strange reaction to the news that there will be more cash coming in.

Well done, OP.

Maybe he could program a household contributions app?

Well done OP! The gloves are off indeed. Now he can man up and pull his weight or harrumph and look for a mug who will mother him.

DH tried to argue that he was doing his fair share at a time when he wasn't. I asked him why it was that I got up earlier than him every day and sat down later than him in the evenings. He got the message. Bizarrely, I don't think he'd made the link between him doing less meaning I had to do more - it was as if he thought the jobs disappeared. When I asked him how he thought things got done he was , then the penny dropped.