Holidays without children

[PIPPA74]

I have been separated from my X for 7 years and have shared contact of our children.

I am planning 2 holidays next year, the first with my current partner of 6 years and our son and my two daughters from my previous marriage.

The girls are then going away with my X and new spouse. While they are away I am planning on going away with my partner and my son.

My X has texted going crazy because I am treating my girls unfairly and that i should not have a holiday with my son and partner unless i take the girls as I am apparently favouring my son over them.

I have argued that while my girls have two families and therefore half of the things they do is with one family while half is done with the other. My son however just has us and so all the things he does are with us. The girls will have one holiday with me and one with their other family and my son will have one holiday with his sisters and one holiday with us so they have all had two breaks with their families.

My X is saying the girls are really upset and and crying and i feel awful but they go away as a couple numerous times without any of the children which they say is ok because they are not favouring one over the other. The girls are also upset when they do this as they state they feel like they are being dumped.

I feel really bad that I am apparently upsetting the girls but my X is so adamant that what I am doing is really awful and is damaging my girls that i am considering just not going on the 2nd holiday.

This is obviously causing issues with my partner who says they have been dictating to us for 6 years and that they have no right to dictate to us what we do and that this will mean our son always has less than the girls as they will always go away with their mum and us while he does not get that opportunity of a second break.

So, I would really appreciate some honest opinions as to whether I am being unreasonable, is my X right that i should never go away with my partner and our son as it is unfair on the girls. Also am i explaining it fairly to the girls?

I think this was so much more simple when I was a kid and we couldnt afford any holidays ha ha #firstworldproblems

I don't feel sorry for the girls I mean.

I would say go on the holiday with your DS and DP. Bring back a nice present for each DD (from your son to show he was thinking of them). If your X was kind she would do the same - oh no shock horror though that would mean your DS got 2 presents and they only got 1 each.

Even if your dds do feel hard done by, the fact remains that each child is getting 2 holidays. If this is coming from your dds I think you need to stop allowing them to second guess you and influence parental decisions. However, I suspect this has your exh's fingerprints all over it. If nothing else he hasn't attempted to get the girls to see it from your pov, the way you did with him going on child free trips.

Your dds need to accept that this is just the way it pans out in blended families. Remind them that they are all getting 2 holidays, no one is hard done by and then refuse to get drawn in to further discussions.

And yes, you do need to tell your exh to fuck off stop allowing your exh to dictate ther terms of your life

Oh for goodness sake this is nuts! It's never going to be fair unless all holidays are cancelled with both families and they never do anything ever again.
The op isn't in a position to be able to take hundreds of weird combinations of kids and partners on holiday and nor should he have to and unless they want to all go on holiday together (the 2 families combined) then what the op is doing is perfectly acceptable. The girls will get over it (if their mother will let them of course)
I am flabbergasted that they are even having the conversation about holidays with the kids. My parents just picked holidays and who was going and that was that. I wasn't jealous or think it unfair when my brothers spent more time with my dad on their specialist holidays and they weren't jealous or think it unfair when I got to spend more time with mum at home doing nothing. When my dad died last year I didn't say 'cor I wish he had taken me on holiday as often as my brothers' or 'my step sister was so lucky because she got my dad all to herself' I was just sad that a great man had died and I was lucky he was my dad.
I'm a stepmom & step daughter so I can see it clearly from all sides.
Op your ex wife is seriously taking the piss by pulling this stunt.
Do what you think is fair and next year no one will be moaning as they get the fun of a campervan and boy did we have our best holidays as a kid in one of those all together.

Can you imagine if the Op's girls were going to somewhere like DisneyWorld with their mum and the OP and his DW decided to take their DS to a little Haven caravan holiday or something for that same week- I bet the girls/their mum would still complain about how it "isn't fair". Just ridiculous.