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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that going out with the "girls" isn't the B all and end all and that maybe these people need to grow up and stop dumping their kids on people so that they can go out and get drunk!

438 replies

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 15:28

Just that really. I have shall we say aquaintences on Facebook who I've known from various places, work, college, school etc and their posts are full of nights out, holidays, lunches etc and this is all they seem to care about. There are four women in particular, three of whom are single parents (if you can call it that) and the other is married. There Facebook feeds are all about how they can't wait to dump the kids on their fathers at the weekend as they can't wait to go clubbing, to parties, concerts etc etc, but are dreading their hangovers the next day!

Now I know that everyone is entitled to a bit of me time and shouldn't be begrudged a night out but with these women it's every single week! Three of them don't even work so I don't know how they afford to go out every week as well as buying a new outfit, getting their hair done weekly, manicures etc.
As far a I'm concerned (before anyone suggests it, and I know that they will) I'm not jealous, I'm relitively happy with my life and could chose to go out every weekend if I wanted to as I have enough friends who socialise in different circles and I'm always invited to go out, but I work all week, my children go to after school club so weekends are for family time. Now I know that people do things differently and whilst that's all good I don't know how these women can just dump their kids every week not spend any time with them and spend their money on goog out when their kids need things first. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I dot care, I think it's disgrace, a parent is supposed to put her kids before everything (within reason) and clearly these women don't give a damn and would rather spend their time getting drunk on nights out than with their child and spend money on flashy clothes and haircuts rather than on their children, AIBU to think this is kind of sad?

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 03/10/2015 17:55

Sadwidow Flowers you sound like an amazing aunt. Your DN is lucky to have you and I am sure your DSIL is very grateful for all the help your gave her.

Oysterbabe · 03/10/2015 17:55
Waltermittythesequel · 03/10/2015 17:56

You and your oh so amazing friends sit around drinking whilst you're in charge of small children?

Wow. You're a shit mum...

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 17:57

Sadwidow you are amazing ThanksWine

anothernumberone · 03/10/2015 17:57

Oyster I would have thought you made that especially for this thread if it were not for the 2 million hits. Brilliant.

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 17:58

That was in regards to your DN btw, not because you said I nailed it on page 3!!!'

Starkswillriseagain · 03/10/2015 17:58

So these women piss you off on a regular basis

They aren't actually friends

You are posting about them to rant and getting more annoyed about the whole thing

Why haven't you just unfriended or unfollowed them? Do you secretly like having them to rant about? I rant at certain TV shows and much as they piss I can't stop watching.

If not, why not stop seeing the annoyance?

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 17:58

You're right fedupbutfine, I cannot relate to you and nor would I want to. You live your life the way you chose, it all sounds very glamorous but deep down you're telling yourself that you're happy, it's ok I believe you!

OP posts:
Starkswillriseagain · 03/10/2015 17:59

And YABU. Everyone deserves private time- kids or no kids, everyone has a way to decompress.

popandboo · 03/10/2015 18:00

Difference is, they aren't drinking while looking after their children. You are.

I'd rather my kids were taken care of by somebody who wasn't drinking.

Otherwise, does is matter if they drink in a bar or in their living room, have their hair done or not?

LocalEditorEssex · 03/10/2015 18:02

Op, I am a single parent.
I think you would self combust if I told you what I got up to last night Grin Wink

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 18:03

See I rather beleive fedupbutfime is happy suzi happier than you because she's not the one starting threads on an Internet forum while drinking wine while not having a clue what her children are doing! Shall Fed up is enjoying herself knowing her children aren't being traumatised by building a bond with their dad

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 18:03

We drink within reason, what is wrong with that? We aren't out getting wasted then driving the next morning to pick our kids up whilst still over the limit. I will allow myself to drink sensibly around my children as i do not want to bring them up letting them believe that to drink any alcohol is bad as that would only increase their chances of binge drinking when they're older.

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 03/10/2015 18:04

Well at least now we get to see what it would be like if Katie Hopkins got married.

fastdaytears · 03/10/2015 18:06

another Grin you win the thread for me!

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 18:07

So let me get this straight are we saying that people, including couples are not allowed to ever have a glass or two of wine, beer of a weekend etc in their own homes if there children are playing upstairs or otherwise asleep, safe in their own beds?.......wow! Well I'm sorry but I trust that I can sensibly have a glass or two sensibly in my own home and still be able to attend to the needs of my children, so think what you like.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 03/10/2015 18:08

Well let's see.

'Friend' leaves her dc with their other parent, goes out, has a few drinks, gets a bit pissed, picks up dc the next day and spends the rest of the week parenting them.

You dump your kids in front of Netflix, leave them upstairs with no adult supervision, drink wine whilst in sole care of them.

I know which one is the more responsible. Do you?

Probably not. So let me ask; what would you do if mid gossip, after a few drinks, one of those kids you dumped upstairs was to have an accident and needed to be taken to the hospital?

Because your friend's child would be taken by the other parent.

Yours wouldn't. Your husband's down the pub!

AHypnotistCollector · 03/10/2015 18:12

Yes they are allowed to do that. It's just the blatant hypocrisy of you slating others for going out drinking when their children are in the care of family members. Meanwhile you are sitting there swigging wine while your kids are upstairs. Why do you need to do that? Surely you can not drink now that you are a mother? You are putting drinking before your children's welfare!!!

It's fairly obvious that you are quite bitter and not very happy at all. fedupbutfine on the other hand sounds like she genuinely enjoys her life and I don't blame her, it sounds fab.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 03/10/2015 18:15

No we're not saying that at all OP, it's being said that they know their children are safe and happy their drinking when they don't have the children which for some bizzare reason you seem to have an issue with.

Some people would regard drinking when your with your children as worse than without them. I don't im having wine now I know my friends ex and wife will tonight bcause their at awards thing which her girls wanted to go too. See you don't like being judged but your the one that started a thread judging others

Supermanspants · 03/10/2015 18:15

Oh go away OP. Call the AA.... they should have the tools needed to locate and remove those pants of yours..... it may take some time given the amount of judging you seem to enjoy doing.

Suzi78 · 03/10/2015 18:15

I'm not even going to bother answering that. You could ask the same question to a lot of couples who, after a hard week at work decide to settle down to a take away and bottle of wine of a weekend, it's the norm for a lot of people, drinking in moderation isn't a sin whether you have children or not, getting plastered is!

OP posts:
fedupbutfine · 03/10/2015 18:17

You're right fedupbutfine, I cannot relate to you and nor would I want to. You live your life the way you chose, it all sounds very glamorous but deep down you're telling yourself that you're happy, it's ok I believe you!

yes, it's deeply glamorous being in sole charge of 3 little people day in, day out. It's deeply glamorous being out the house at 7:30am and back in gone 6pm during the week. It's even more glamorous working marking books into the early hours and being terrified to take time off when I'm ill because I can't take those days as well as my children's sick days....it's all about responsibility, responsibility, responsibility. Fuck off to glamour.

As for 'telling myself I'm happy'....I think you perhaps need to look inwards at that one. My life is what it is. It's not a life I would have chosen for myself. But sadly, my marriage broke down and my now ex husband didn't want to try and fix it. So here I am. I make the most of it because it's the only life I have and I don't see why I should sit at home alone weekend after weekend because my having some child-free time, my own hard-earned money and just a desire to enjoy the life I have somehow makes you uncomfortable. If by 'happy' you mean 'married and sitting comfortably with a glass of wine on the sofa whilst watching Dr Who' then how do I achieve your vision of happiness by sitting at home 7 nights a week, and keeping my children away from their father?

Oh, right, yes, I get it. Single mums don't deserve happiness because....well, because we're single, right? I'm a single mum, not some kind of second class citizen. Get over yourself.

BlueBlueBelles · 03/10/2015 18:18

How the fuck is getting plastered a sin?!

It's not great parenting if you child is with you, but your child is with their other parent, happy, and safe?

Then there is nothing wrong with getting plastered

ghostyslovesheep · 03/10/2015 18:18

OP are you arguing with yourself now Grin

I believe Fedup is happy because why would I think otherwise - again we all get that YOU think people can only be happy if they behave and live like you - but people are different - you need to grasp this basic concept and you'll be fine

Oyster I love you a bit for that Grin

Supermanspants · 03/10/2015 18:19

So...in a nutshell, according to the OP it is ok to drink at home but not out and about. It is also ok to drink as long as you don't get drunk.
Getting plastered is a 'sin' is it?
Grin

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