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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tired of DP constantly stalling in regards to us protecting my rights?

112 replies

MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 17:35

Basically for two years now we've been going back and forth on the issue of us going to a solicitor to have our house (currently in his name only despite us both paying the mortgage) put into a tenants in common agreement to protect the money that I put in and to protect my rights overall. In all that time he's vonstantly tried to talk me out of it but I eventually put my foot down and we went to solicitor today. He reckons he totally agrees with me that my rights should be protected and said he'd use the solicitor he's always used as she's the dogs bollocks basically and knows everything. We went and she's lovely, I instantly liked her and trusted that she knew what she was doing. DP continuoudly agreed with Her, nodded his head and laughed along to her jokes ... Yet when we came out he decided he didn't agree with her, thought she'd got some legal stuff wrong and he'd need to "read up more" on the Internet Hmm with regards to how to split shares on houses. She also suggested we make an appointment with our current mortgage provider in regards to remortgaging. He is now saying it's best if he "looks around" so again he's going against her advise.
Imo this now just comes across as more stalling. Also, why do I get no say in whether we make appointments or not?? Why is it all on his terms???

The solicitor suggested a 55/45% split in his favour. He's unhappy as he thinks that's unfair to him. He did put a lot more into the deposit than I did but I have been paying 50/50 since then and will always do so. So beating this in mind she suggested it would be unfair to have me stuck on a tiny % especially considering we are getting married and I'm normal circumstances would accumulate a bigger share through marriage anyway. Hence the 45/55. I think he feels badly done to. This is why, imo he's stalling again.

OP posts:
abbieanders · 01/10/2015 17:38

Find your own place and let him buy you out. He's not your partner, darling or otherwise.

ilovesooty · 01/10/2015 17:43

I agree. Get him to buy you out and dump him.

BarbarianMum · 01/10/2015 17:44

When you say he put a lot more into the deposit, do you mean 5k or 50k? Do you think what the solicitor is saying is fair, based on the value of the deposit and the value of his house? How does the money you are paying against a mortgage compare to what you'd be paying in rent if you didn't live there?

On the face of it, he sounds very unreasonable but without factoring in things like your ages and circumstances it is hard to be sure.

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2015 17:46

You're planning to marry this man? Be very careful. He doesn't see you as equal partners.

It might be a good idea to get out now and buy your own place for your own security.

Topseyt · 01/10/2015 17:46

Yes, he is stalling, and I would be majorly pissed off with him about that.

Are you jointly responsible for the mortgage? So are you jointly and severally responsible for paying it? If not then I'd be sorely tempted to say that unless he does the decent thing, and does as the solicitor has recommended, you will pay no more towards it. I could be wrong though. See what others with more experience say.

Does he really think that a little bit of googling on the internet can be a substitute for the years of legal study and experience of his "dog's bollocks" solicitor? What's the betting Mr. Google throws up some spurious reason for him not to proceed with your wishes.

magoria · 01/10/2015 17:48

He doesn't want you on his asset. He cannot actually make that any clearer without just saying the words.

When is this marriage going to happen?

You are an independent person. You do not have to wait until he deigns to agree to another appointment. Take independent legal and financial advice without him and consider stop paying over money towards his asset.

londonrach · 01/10/2015 17:49

Hes not sure about you. Roles reserved...you put alot more into the deposit then him, you not married, only been together 2 years would you add him? (Taking no children together)

PennyHasNoSurname · 01/10/2015 17:50

Well I would stop putting a penny more into the house from now on. Pay your half of the utilities but like shite would I be paying the mortgage on a house that I had no connection to.

Thatll sharpen his focus.

Original poster
MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 17:51

He but £21 in.
I put £2k in

I know its a huge difference and I never wanted an equal share of that but as she was pointing out - considering we've paid 50/50 since and will continue to do so - and we are getting married - how would it be fair to have me stuck on a tiny percentage for the rest of the mortgage? If we were to scrap the whole thing and just get married now I'd walk away with more but I never wanted an equal share. But She (HIS) solicitor suggested 55/45. Now he's stalling again.

OP posts:
LunchpackOfNotreDame · 01/10/2015 17:52

Get shot.

Seek independent legal advice and get out of this relationship. He doesn't see you as his equal but as a lodger

junebirthdaygirl · 01/10/2015 17:53

Are ye not going to own the house 50/50 when ye marry anyway. What's he playing at? What's he going to do if you are ever on maternity leave and have very little money to pay into mortgage. I wouldn't trust him to provide for me there.

Spartans · 01/10/2015 17:54

Did you do a thread on this a few days ago.

Tbf he did put substantially a lot more in. I wouldnt be happy with the 45/55 split. I would however pay more than half of the mortgage.

Original poster
MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 17:54

We've been together 4 years. Both work full time.
London, I would not allow someone to pay thousands towards my asset if I had no intention of adding them to that asset.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 01/10/2015 17:55

So is 20k approximately 10% of the value of the house? If so, then the solicitor is right. Not so much if its worth 45k.

All in all though, OP, this is not looking good. Would you consider moving out until the wedding, to give him a chance to think?

Namechangenell · 01/10/2015 17:56

He needs to either put you on the deeds or you need to get rid. Imagine if you won the lottery. I'm sure he'd be more than happy for you to invest more in the house then. That's what happens in a partnership. We recently inherited from my DF. Technically I've brought more cash to our relationship than DH (if that's how some would choose to interpret it). I fully expect that if he ever inherits anything, it will go into our joint family pot in just the same way. We support each other. End of.

Spartans · 01/10/2015 17:56

Will this contract stand if you are married?

I would expect it to be 50/50 upon marriage. Do you think the wedding will never happen?

Original poster
MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 17:56

The house is worth £140k

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 01/10/2015 17:56

X post If you're in London I think we can safely conclude he's being an arse.

Gottagetmoving · 01/10/2015 17:57

Once you are married you both own the house equally so what is he moaning about?
I wouldn't live with a man who didn't see us as equal partners and with everything 50/50

Are you in a relationship with commitment or just sharing a house?

PennyHasNoSurname · 01/10/2015 17:59

Maybe she could write up an agreement that ringfences the funds currently put in? So if you both own it and come to sell, his 20k amd your 2k is returned to you each, then the remainder split 50/50

goawayalready · 01/10/2015 18:00

he stops stalling or you stop paying?

seriously why are you messing around like this? he just isn't looking at you as a long term commitment (in my opinion)

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/10/2015 18:01

be wary

I am in your DPs position, and I am stalling on this too. why? because I don't want to tie myself financially to DP as - well its a long story....

be very careful OP and consider paying less until this resolves, or getting you OWN legal advice

cestlavielife · 01/10/2015 18:01

if your name is not on the mortgage either then basically you gave him a loan of 2k and you are merely a lodger. paying "half the mortgage" means nothing. this could be interpreted as a fair rental as a lodger... are the bills in joint names or just his name?

you have no rights to the house really but you could ask for your 2k back and leave.
when is the wedding? marriage would give you access to the property anyway. but if he doesn't want you on mortgage/property as joint owners think hard about marriage...

Original poster
MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 18:01

Well yeah, you'd think you'd go into a marriage with a 50/50 mindset.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 01/10/2015 18:01

I would worry that if we ever had children and split up, he would suddenly see the children as yours and not his, to provide for. I wouldn't trust him based on his attitude to the house.