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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be tired of DP constantly stalling in regards to us protecting my rights?

112 replies

MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 17:35

Basically for two years now we've been going back and forth on the issue of us going to a solicitor to have our house (currently in his name only despite us both paying the mortgage) put into a tenants in common agreement to protect the money that I put in and to protect my rights overall. In all that time he's vonstantly tried to talk me out of it but I eventually put my foot down and we went to solicitor today. He reckons he totally agrees with me that my rights should be protected and said he'd use the solicitor he's always used as she's the dogs bollocks basically and knows everything. We went and she's lovely, I instantly liked her and trusted that she knew what she was doing. DP continuoudly agreed with Her, nodded his head and laughed along to her jokes ... Yet when we came out he decided he didn't agree with her, thought she'd got some legal stuff wrong and he'd need to "read up more" on the Internet Hmm with regards to how to split shares on houses. She also suggested we make an appointment with our current mortgage provider in regards to remortgaging. He is now saying it's best if he "looks around" so again he's going against her advise.
Imo this now just comes across as more stalling. Also, why do I get no say in whether we make appointments or not?? Why is it all on his terms???

The solicitor suggested a 55/45% split in his favour. He's unhappy as he thinks that's unfair to him. He did put a lot more into the deposit than I did but I have been paying 50/50 since then and will always do so. So beating this in mind she suggested it would be unfair to have me stuck on a tiny % especially considering we are getting married and I'm normal circumstances would accumulate a bigger share through marriage anyway. Hence the 45/55. I think he feels badly done to. This is why, imo he's stalling again.

OP posts:
AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 01/10/2015 20:40

YEP DUMP. awful.

leave him to his house and let him find a woman he would be willing to give it all too should she want it.
Not love.

and this is BEFORE you have even got married!! imagine how it would be if you got married and had dc!

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 01/10/2015 20:41

I also agree to stop paying money to mortage immediately.

start saving for your own place or rent

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 01/10/2015 20:44

Be grateful he's shown you who he is before you got married and had kids.

This x 1000000000

Op If I was you I wouldn't want to hear these comments I really wouldn't, its awful, but sadly its true.

walk away, doesnt matter whether venues are booked just walk away with lucky escape.,

this will lead to financial abuse should you have dc...even if he changes his mind, he had the mind set do to this anyway. walk away.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 01/10/2015 20:45

More importantly, I'd be asking him what will happen if/when you have children and how he anticipates your financial future together in circumstances like this. That will tell you whether you should marry him

HE could say anything to make sure she doesn't leave, to make sure she stays. But lets face it - his actions THUS far have proved clearly otherwise.

sleeponeday · 01/10/2015 20:49

if your name is not on the mortgage either then basically you gave him a loan of 2k and you are merely a lodger. paying "half the mortgage" means nothing. this could be interpreted as a fair rental as a lodger... are the bills in joint names or just his name?

I don't actually think that's right. If a couple live together and each party pays half the mortgage, then the argument could easily be made that there is a trust arising from the shared intention that s/he gains an equitable interest, regardless of the deeds, under trust law. You'd have a lot more of a problem if you'd paid for say food and some bills only, because shared intention is a lot murkier to prove (and SAHM, if unmarried, are usually screwed).

He's admitted to the solicitor that you made those payments, and all they are wondering about is what shares are reasonable. That's not going to leave him a lot of wiggle room on shared intention. Post on Legal to check all this out, as the law changes really fast, and this was what I remember of the position over a decade ago - could be very different now - but I don't think you do have to write all the money you've paid off, actually.

But - do you really want to be married to this guy? He doesn't sound very certain of the marriage, if he's this suspicious of sharing assets now. Is anything actually booked for this wedding? And are there any other things giving you pause about him?

I'd see a solicitor on your own - a different one - and provide the written advice from this one, so the position can be properly assessed.

sleeponeday · 01/10/2015 20:51

Do NOT stop paying until you've had proper legal advice. Seriously.

SimLondon · 01/10/2015 20:51

I was in a similar situation and posted on the legal board a couple of months back. We ended up doing a re-mortgage with a tenants in common agreement taking into account the deposit split at the time of purchase so the equity ended up being 45.51% for the one owner and 54.49% for the other.

We took the cost of buying the house and split that into percentages, his, mine and the mortgage - e.g. say he put in 20% you put in 5% and the mortgage covered the other 75% which you have been paying equally - you have your 5% plus 37.5% which is your half of the mortgage equity so your total equity is 42.5% and his is 57.5%.

Would he go for something like that? I must admit I did have to get quite tough with him over it and i was 9 months pregnant as well.

cestlavielife · 01/10/2015 20:58

If it's in writing that they "bought together" then there could be claim to beneficial interest but if it not clear then op would have to prove it and it would cost more than 2k in legal fees. .plus if he dies tomorrow she has nothing. Or has he written a will leaving it to her ?

tedhis · 01/10/2015 21:02

So £140k to begin with. You put in 2 and he put in 21. So 23/140s with a mortgage of 117?. Split the mortgage 50/50 so you each own 58.5/140 then add. so he owns 79.5/140 and you own 60.5/140. 43% to you and 57% to him

assuming that you split all buying costs and any stamp duty equally.

sleeponeday · 01/10/2015 21:03

No, it doesn't need to be in writing, if she can prove she paid towards the mortgage and/or deposit. An implied/resulting or constructive trust can still arise. The courts draw the most likely inference, which is usually in this sort of situation that cohabitants intend some sort of shared ownership.

It's true it could cost him more, if he contested it. But he has a good solicitor, who might well advise him not to. And it's £2000 plus 2 years of mortgage payments he would be repaying, plus potentially an increase in the equity given what's happened to the market in a lot of the country over the past couple of years. He would be an idiot not to make her an offer, at least.

All this does rather assume she will choose to leave, of course - sorry OP, that may be the last thing you intend to do.

Oysterbabe · 01/10/2015 21:14

DH and I are buying a house. He's putting in 90k, I'm putting in 0k. We'll be equal owners, which I think is pretty normal for a couple who are married.
If you're going to be married and together forever surely everything should be joint?

bessarabiantiger · 01/10/2015 21:18

Run a million billion miles away. Run.

I have been on the 'trusting' side of this bargain and it nearly destroyed me and
my son.

Clad yourself in legal armour, and run.

AyeAmarok · 01/10/2015 21:25

Don't run. Not until you have your name on the property.

Your DP is a cunt, BTW Sad

bessarabiantiger · 01/10/2015 21:43

Agreed. Do that ^^. Then run.

BuggersMuddle · 01/10/2015 21:44

Sorry if I've missed it, but how long have you been together?

DP and I bought our first house together (previously owned) over 10 years ago. At the time I had a bigger deposit by £20,000, but both deposits in the 10s of thousands. Admittedly the property value was higher, so it makes less difference in the scheme of things in terms of % share, but we both went straight on the mortgage / deeds.

Thinking was, he earned more (and paid more) in the first few years and I put in a bit more. We were both happy with the risk.

Years on we're a bit rubbish about getting married (we're engaged, we're just not very good at actually getting around to organise a wedding) and I'm far better paid, so pay in more. I don't think this is unfair as we are living as a married couple, so why shouldn't I pay in more if I earn more. We have joint & separate (ISA) savings, mirror wills etc.

I would have thought for a married couple or couple who were planning to be married this isn't totally unusual (although I can understand protecting the interest in the case where the the deposit is a far larger chunk of the value, but what the solicitor put forward seems entirely fair).

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 01/10/2015 21:48

Would he go for something like that?

who would want him too !! seriously!!!

what if you fall ill, cant work what happens then???

Oyster has right idea here.

Look living together, buying a house without marriage, work out sums, your not committed your not protected. but seriously, with marriage on the table and all this odd avoidance behaviour????? who would want to proceed with the big, finite marriage, I mean, that means all assests are laid bare!!!

Nah!! Lucky escape!

Grazia1984 · 01/10/2015 21:50

Does he realise that if you marry it does not matter what shares it is held in you might well get 100% of it until the children leave home for example if you spilt up, or he 80% if he gets the children on a divorce - in other words marriage is going to change all this anyway.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 01/10/2015 21:51

Op he is cold and calulating on your arse.

Do what sleep has said

sleeponeday Thu 01-Oct-15 21:03:41

consult your own solcitor and just move on, get what you can and hope to find love one day

verystressedmum · 01/10/2015 22:07

Are you sure you want to marry this man?

Why don't you just protect your contributions to the deposits ie he gets his 21k back, you get your 2k and the rest is 50/50?

Osolea · 01/10/2015 22:39

I'd be interested to know if he could afford the mortgage without your income OP, and in what your finances are like the rest of the time.

Why does he have a chip on his shoulder about being treated unfairly with finances? Are all of your bills and day to day coss costs paid for equally between you or not?

JawannaDrink · 01/10/2015 22:43

He's just not that into you, is he?

Spartans · 02/10/2015 13:22

OP how far have you got with wedding plans. Because of you trust this man you know you will be entitled to half when you marry.

It actually sounds to me like you don't think this wedding will go ahead.

sleepdeprivedtigers · 02/10/2015 13:26

Honestly. I would run.

Muckogy · 02/10/2015 13:38

he does not see himself being with you in the long term.
this is very obvious, but you just can't see it. we all can see it though - its clear as day- so i think you need to make a mental adjustment.

he certainly does not love you or he would not be telling you to fuck off.
he's with you but he has one eye open for a better prospect of woman. he's biding his time and waiting for something that he feels is better for him.
get your entitlements, dump the prick and move on.

FluffyNinja · 02/10/2015 13:39

Does he ever comment negatively about what you spend your salary on?
It's easy to ignore minor rifts over finances when your have your own salary coming in but if you had kids and were on maternity leave for any period, how would you feel if he controlled the family pot of money?
Would you trust him 100% to be fair and reasonable?
Stalling on the house ownership is very telling, IMO.
Get out now!

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