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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be tired of DP constantly stalling in regards to us protecting my rights?

112 replies

MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 17:35

Basically for two years now we've been going back and forth on the issue of us going to a solicitor to have our house (currently in his name only despite us both paying the mortgage) put into a tenants in common agreement to protect the money that I put in and to protect my rights overall. In all that time he's vonstantly tried to talk me out of it but I eventually put my foot down and we went to solicitor today. He reckons he totally agrees with me that my rights should be protected and said he'd use the solicitor he's always used as she's the dogs bollocks basically and knows everything. We went and she's lovely, I instantly liked her and trusted that she knew what she was doing. DP continuoudly agreed with Her, nodded his head and laughed along to her jokes ... Yet when we came out he decided he didn't agree with her, thought she'd got some legal stuff wrong and he'd need to "read up more" on the Internet Hmm with regards to how to split shares on houses. She also suggested we make an appointment with our current mortgage provider in regards to remortgaging. He is now saying it's best if he "looks around" so again he's going against her advise.
Imo this now just comes across as more stalling. Also, why do I get no say in whether we make appointments or not?? Why is it all on his terms???

The solicitor suggested a 55/45% split in his favour. He's unhappy as he thinks that's unfair to him. He did put a lot more into the deposit than I did but I have been paying 50/50 since then and will always do so. So beating this in mind she suggested it would be unfair to have me stuck on a tiny % especially considering we are getting married and I'm normal circumstances would accumulate a bigger share through marriage anyway. Hence the 45/55. I think he feels badly done to. This is why, imo he's stalling again.

OP posts:
MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 19:20

We supposedly bought the house together. I gave him money towards the deposit. I have paid thousands off HIS mortgage under the premise that we'd be getting the house in both names. Now it's come to doing that he's stalling. Surely I shouldn't be expected to carry on paying HIS mortgage?!

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 01/10/2015 19:23

If the house was worth 140k when you bought it his additional 19k (21-2) means he should have 13.5% and then you should split the balance 86.5% between you - 43.25% and 56.75% if you want to be really fair. I'd recalculate based on the value when you bought it.

LieselVonTwat · 01/10/2015 19:29

Can you document your contributions to the mortgage?

ApologiseForAnotherDay · 01/10/2015 19:29

But surely if she were to walk away now would she not be left with nothing anyway? Not suggesting that as a reason to get married obviously!

MrsRonniePickering · 01/10/2015 19:32

What gets me is not the money or the house shares -it's his attitude.

I need to look into things
I don't want to make an appointment with mortgage providers
i don't want to discuss it right now

It's all on his terms and he doesn't give a shit about his upset I am. He won't even talk about it.

OP posts:
rageagainsttheBIL · 01/10/2015 19:35

Surely I shouldn't be expected to carry on paying HIS mortgage?!

Well actually yes, if you live there you should of course contribute towards the cost of the house...

However you should have been on the mortgage from the start and his unwillingness to rectify this rings HUGE alarm bells.

HermioneWeasley · 01/10/2015 19:36

OP, I'm afraid I don't see a future in this relationship for you. Be grateful he's shown you who he is before you got married and had kids.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 01/10/2015 19:37

Why, if you bought it together, aren't you on the mortgage / deeds?

rageagainsttheBIL · 01/10/2015 19:37

So what are you going to do OP?

Do you really think this will ever happen?

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 01/10/2015 19:37

Ie from the outset?

Lynnm63 · 01/10/2015 19:37

Is the getting married in 6. Months set in stone. I mean vicar booked, venue paid for, dress hanging in your wardrobe, guest and wedding present list in circulation or just a vague we will run off the registry office with 2 witnesses sometime?
Personally Id stop paying any money towards mortage and save every penny I could. If in 6 months you're married you'll have a nice little honeymoon pot if not then you'll have the deposit saved for your own flat.

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2015 19:52

Why are you thinking of marrying someone who's told you to fuck off?

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2015 19:53

How much were you paying in rent prior to moving in, in comparison to what you're paying off the mortgage?

FantasticButtocks · 01/10/2015 20:00

When you decided to buy a house together, what was the reason you didn't both take out a mortgage together?

Because it sounds to me like he bought a house and let you live in it with him and contribute financially towards it. But at the moment it is his house. And it sounds like he wants to keep it that way.

As an aside, a house in London for 140k? Shock I honestly didn't think that was possible these days. I would love to know where for my DDs Or have I misread the thread?

WorzelsCornyBrows · 01/10/2015 20:05

I wouldn't be marrying this fool. Stop paying him any money and when he wants to discuss it, reserve the right to chill. Petty, but effective. Meanwhile, think about whether you really want to marry this person. He won't get better with the addition of children and any career sacrifices you make for those children.

FantasticButtocks · 01/10/2015 20:07

Blush Oh sorry, I did misread the thread. You were answering a poster called 'London', not saying the house was in London!!! Blush

FantasticButtocks · 01/10/2015 20:08

And no, I wouldn't want to marry someone who behaved as if he thought I was a gold digger.

Jeffreythegiraffe · 01/10/2015 20:09

He told you to fuck off? Nice. Get rid, he doesn't want the long term commitment. Is the wedding all organised? He is stalling.

StatisticallyChallenged · 01/10/2015 20:09

I'd agree with Noeuf's method of calculating, which is remarkably close to what the solicitor suggested in the first place so you're hardly trying to rip him off.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 01/10/2015 20:11

I'm sorry OP but he's planning to steal your 2k plus mortgage payments and do a runner. Stop paying IMMEDIATELY and get your own solicitor.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 01/10/2015 20:18

You have a house in London for £140k?

Sorry, completely sidetracked by that.

He is a total arse. Is he tight / selfish in other areas as well?

I also don't like how casually you mention that he told you to fuck off. Sounds like it happens a lot.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 01/10/2015 20:20

Ha thank you for explaining FantasticB - i made the same mistake Blush

WorzelsCornyBrows · 01/10/2015 20:20

If you're planning to stay with this idiot, please refuse to pay him a penny until the difference between what you have paid in total and the market rent for renting a room in a house share has been fully recouped.

magoria · 01/10/2015 20:38

How much would you have paid in rent over the time you have been paying towards his mortgage.

I think you may have to write it off as rent.

He has made it clear that he really isn't planning on adding you to the deeds.

I would bet money on there being reasons for the wedding not to happen if you don't stop now.

What you do now is your choice.

travailtotravel · 01/10/2015 20:39

Don't pay a single penny more towards this until you sort this out. And tell him why.

More importantly, I'd be asking him what will happen if/when you have children and how he anticipates your financial future together in circumstances like this. That will tell you whether you should marry him.

If you pay your share via bank transfer, make sure the transfer is labelled mortgage or something so you can evidence you've been paying a share.