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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About my job situation and wonder how others do it?

117 replies

Lime12 · 01/10/2015 13:59

I'm currently on maternity leave. I've been in my job for nearly 10 years and recently they denied my request for flexible working. I was very upset and angry but have moved on from that. I was on a decent salary, local to my home and it would have been ideal part time. I have now resigned as it is not possible for me to get full time childcare.

I have to work. My husband doesn't earn enough for me to stay at home full time. I wanted to work 3 full days, I thought that would be a good balance. I simply can't find a job that is worth it. Please tell me they do exist?! Nursery costs 50 quid a day and I need to bring in at least £500 AFTER I have paid nursery fees.

I'm doing the maths and most jobs I've seen, it just isn't worth me going out. There are very few part time jobs anyway and most are terribly paid (when you factor in nursery cost).

Aibu to think I have limited options here? What do others do? Evening job? Is there something I have not thought of? I'm starting to get really worried.

Without the risk of outing myself, I have a degree (think core subject like Chemistry) but my previous job didn't use it.

I find it incredibly frustrating that I seemingly can't have a career and be there for my family :(

OP posts:

ThruUlikeAshortcut · 01/10/2015 14:03

Self employment? It was my only choice in order to be able to pick children up from school etc.............is there anything you can try?

Original poster

Lime12 · 01/10/2015 14:04

I was thinking about tutoring gcse...not sure how much I could earn plus I've never done that before but I guess you have to start somewhere right!

OP posts:

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 01/10/2015 14:12

Have you asked work why they declined flexi hours?

They have to give a decent reason. Eg, if you are one of two doctors doing essential operations. The other doc can't work your "shifts"

Evening work is a possibility, with your dh sharing childcare.

Could either you or dh do "compressed hours"? Where you do 4x 10 hour days instead of 5 x 8 hour days.

It might be worth looking on one of the websites (entitled2 ?) and see if taking a low paid evening job would be "topped up" by working tax credits or similar?

I worked 3 days when ds was a year old. It was a really nice balance for us. He got to spend time with us and time with other kids too.

Could you be a tutor? Teaching teens or interested others in the subject of your degree? Either face to face, or online?

parrotsummer · 01/10/2015 14:14

Why wasn't it possible to get full time childcare?

Number3cometome · 01/10/2015 14:17

What parrot said.

sproketmx · 01/10/2015 14:18

I work Sundays only in the garage, weekends an evenings in the pub if the need me and casual at the farm if they need me. I can't afford childcare and wouldn't really want anyone apart from family or friends watching mine. There's up and downs like you get to keep everything you earn and you get all week and during the day with the kids, things aren't as busy on the weekends like town for shopping, swimming pools parks etc but sometimes me n hubby pass each other like ships in the night

Original poster

Lime12 · 01/10/2015 14:23

I picked a lovely nursery but right now they only have availability 4 days. I can go on a list to wait. But to be honest I really want a balance. Work said I can't do my job part time. I checked it out and they have covered themselves, done things properly and given valid reasons for declining it, I didn't see point in arguing.

OP posts:

Headofthehive55 · 01/10/2015 14:25

People who work part time for a good salary are very lucky. I think people see other mums working part time and assume you can just drop your hours but not everyone can. Even teachers are t always allowed to work part time. Most people I know work under their capabilities just so they can have reduced hours.
It's not just care when your child is small, school is open for only 40 weeks of the year, there is holiday care to factor in as most jobs are not term time.
People I know have worked opposite their DH, worked weekends, or lived near to parents who help out.

parrotsummer · 01/10/2015 14:25

I understand you want a balance but if you really can't afford not to work I think accepting the nursery for 4 days and making other arrangements for the fifth is probably the most sensible thing to do.

Then look for other more suitable positions, or appeal against the PT position?

Solasum · 01/10/2015 14:27

Childminder for the 5th day, compressed hours (you or DH) would seem to be your best eyes at this point. You can always keep an eye out for a part time job as well

Headofthehive55 · 01/10/2015 14:28

Could you ask if you could do part time for a short period? Eg 6 months let them know of the nursery situation? Could your husband have gone part time? Or taken some unpaid leave....it would buy you time, until a space comes up

Number3cometome · 01/10/2015 14:29

I wouldn't risk taking unpaid time off or winging it until a space comes up - if you can't fulfil that promise you could end up losing your job.

The childminder idea seems the best - it's just one day a week?

icanteven · 01/10/2015 14:32

I think you were rash to resign. I understand that you wanted a balance, but it just isn't available to your right now, so you either need to stay at home, get a full time job or come up with a Plan C instead of lamenting the utter absence of part time work that comes with any kind of useful salary. There are practically no such jobs.

Personally, I have gone down the Plan C route, and have my own business now. I am essentially a project manager, running digital projects. Do you have the sort of skill set that would translate into working for yourself? Take a look on People Per Hour. That's how I got started.

PenelopeChipShop · 01/10/2015 14:35

I had to go self employed. We also upped sticks and moved to my parents town so that they could help with childcare, otherwise it wouldn't have been viable.

Babyroobs · 01/10/2015 14:39

The only way we have managed it is to work around each other. Fortunately my career is a job which demands me to work nights / weekends etc anyway so I have fitted these around my dh's 9-5 job for the past 16 years. I am also lucky to have flexible employers who allow me to work more day shifts in term time and more night/ weekend/ evening shifts in the school hols.I think a lot of mum just do low paid work in the evenings / weekends whilst their kids are small then try to pick up their career again once the kids are school aged. Either that or they save before having kids knowing that childcare costs will be a huge cost for a few short years. You are a bit stuck if you have already resigned, otherwise I would be trying to do the full time ( perhpas use a childminder for the extra day) if only for a short while until a more suitable job comes up.

curvyredmug · 01/10/2015 14:42

It's not unusual to work for almost nothing in the preschool years - basically working for the pension contributions and to keep yourself in the job market. Sad but true.

snowgirl1 · 01/10/2015 14:46

Sorry, but I think YABU to have resigned without another role to go to and to then complain about it.

I work full-time as it hasn't been possible for me to reduce my hours or find a part-time job at the same level and can't afford to go part-time and take a job a level (or two) down. If I'd been you, I would have arranged a childminder for the 5th day; or found a different nursery that could offer 5 days; or if neither of those were possible, I would have asked for unpaid parental leave to see if the nursery waiting list came up with a place or while I sorted out a different childcare option.

ginnybag · 01/10/2015 14:46

Forgive me, but has your husband looked at reducing his hours?

You say you have, and it's not possible, and that your Nursery of choice can only do 4 days of a needed 5.

You don't say whether your husband has looked at reducing his hours, and I wonder if that's been considered or discussed?

Or him looking at working compressed hours?

If you're the higher earner - as it sounds like you might be - it actually makes more sense for him to be the parent who drops down.

It also, if it really comes to one of you quitting and getting a new part time job - makes mores sense for that to be him as well, especially if you have ten years in with a company in a good, professional role.

MrsKoala · 01/10/2015 14:54

Would your work have let you take annual leave one day every other week and your dh take annual leave one day every other week, while you wait for the 5th day at the nursery to become available? (only possible if you both have lots of AL of course).

I wouldn't have quite if i were you, it is easier to find work when you are in work sadly.

Unfortunately i can't work because childcare costs are way more than i could earn. It's really sad. I find myself reading job ads and getting really upset. I can't imagine i will ever meaningfully work again. It was a decision i made tho, fully knowing how much childcare cost.

NoSquirrels · 01/10/2015 15:00

Have they filled your role yet? Could you possibly go back to them and ask to go back FT over 4 days (compressed hours), which could work if you are local to home and don't have a huge nursery-work-home commute.

I agree with PP that you need to discuss holistically the entire childcare/work situation with your DP, and he needs to be as much part of the solution as anything else.

It is much MUCH easier to negotiate a position with your previous employer than to find something at 3 days a week that pays what you need.

You'd be better just going back FT and looking to leave as soon as possible - it's easier to get a job when you have a job...

BringBackBagpuss · 01/10/2015 15:12

Adding to the list of people that are saying go back full time whilst sorting something else out. Work luckily approved me to go part time, but us moving cities was a real possibility whilst on maternity leave, and I was dreading having to find a part time role - was expecting to look for full time work then ask after six months or so to go part time. Good luck.

Booyaka · 01/10/2015 15:16

Childminders are cheaper than nurseries and often more flexible. I have been able to find a lovely one and it works very well for us.

If you're looking part time then often the public sector is the best place to look. Schools, NHS, Universities, Councils.

You don't say what field you are in but skilled admin is a good role for this sort of thing. So getting computer quals, OCR typing, bookkeeping or payroll quals are all useful.

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 01/10/2015 15:21

Hi OP I was in the same boat a few months ago did your offer you another job within the company that could satisfy the hours? Now I might be wrong but I think they have an obligation to at least look for you and see if any other area would be able to offer you the hours you wanted. It's a shit situation OP. I stayed on full time but it's very hard going.

BrandNewAndImproved · 01/10/2015 15:22

Would you consider working in a nursery?

You would get 20% off the dc place and you could probably do casual for 3 set days a week. Most private nurseries take on casuals without prior experience and pay for your level 2.

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 01/10/2015 15:22

*did your company

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