About my job situation and wonder how others do it?

[Lime12]

I'm currently on maternity leave. I've been in my job for nearly 10 years and recently they denied my request for flexible working. I was very upset and angry but have moved on from that. I was on a decent salary, local to my home and it would have been ideal part time. I have now resigned as it is not possible for me to get full time childcare.

I have to work. My husband doesn't earn enough for me to stay at home full time. I wanted to work 3 full days, I thought that would be a good balance. I simply can't find a job that is worth it. Please tell me they do exist?! Nursery costs 50 quid a day and I need to bring in at least £500 AFTER I have paid nursery fees.

I'm doing the maths and most jobs I've seen, it just isn't worth me going out. There are very few part time jobs anyway and most are terribly paid (when you factor in nursery cost).

Aibu to think I have limited options here? What do others do? Evening job? Is there something I have not thought of? I'm starting to get really worried.

Without the risk of outing myself, I have a degree (think core subject like Chemistry) but my previous job didn't use it.

I find it incredibly frustrating that I seemingly can't have a career and be there for my family :(

I found the same in my profession - tiny and no chance of a job-share. I stayed at home with my dd, worked in a shop on Sundays and tutored in the evenings. I wrote tutored adult education courses, I worked in a playgroup too. It can be done, but it was rather a patch worked existence. Now I just have two jobs!

I was lucky in that after DC1 work let me go back 3 days a week - 3 days a week worked out best financially. We only paid childcare for two days as my mum had DC1 for one day. Most of my wage still went on nursery & commuting though. Then I got pregnant with DC2, & we had no idea what we were going to do about money. I simply couldn't afford to work any more. After nursery and commuting costs we were making a net loss of about £20 a day. In our case, DH gave up his permanent job and became a contractor, so his wage increased massively, but no annual leave/sick leave/pension/relative job security. And I became a SAHM.

Presumably not working isn't an option either. Where does £500 per month come from , is that to sustain a particular lifestyle and to achieve over 3 days seems a big ask. Many wohm barely cover basic childcare and commuting costs but it worthwhile longer term to be economically active as those costs should come down over time. Could you review your expenses , a cm would be cheaper, you won't be at home during the day so utilities might be less, if you have contract phones look at payg, meal plan and so on.

How about working as a childminder? Or freelancing?

Fortunately my work have accepted my flexible working application, but I still won't be bringing home much bacon! I've condensed my hours; is that an option? Doing 3 x 10 hour days (eek!) but it means I bring home enough to cover childcare AND all our bills. Still only going to breaking even though.

Back to work fast, take the 4days and take holiday or childminder for 5th day- the cm would also give you flexibility too should you need it for non ill but banned days at nursery
You will not find any role offering the salary you want advertising 3 days, they are only in existence due to people negotiating after proving their worth
Back track, and re request flexi in future
Meanwhile dh can request flexi too

I know someone has already asked if you old job has been filled. If it hasn't could you go back but change your hours or another job with different hours ? Still full time but either early start and finish or lates. We have a member of staff who asked to change hours after maternity leave, still full time hours but it meant the baby only needed half days in nursery. It has worked well for them.

Great scholarships available for retraining as a science teacher. Universities often have onsite childcare you could acces..

getintoteaching.education.gov.uk/bursaries-and-funding

Money- people use CMs instead of nurseries as they're cheaper, both claim vouchers, look into compressed hours, opposite shifts, anything other than both doing the typical 9-5, 5 days a week. Also loads of people have at least a bit of help from family- even just a morning a week can be the difference between work paying for itself or not. And you get some free hours when they're 3, which though useless/unavailable to some people, are a huge help for others.

Finding part time work- the way we've done it is to both have pretty niche skillsets and be willing to work for less than we could get elsewhere. Most people seem to think it's easier to go PT if you're there already, that's actually not been my experience. Depends entirely on the industry. I echo previous posters though, in saying you might've been better going back FT and seeing what could be wangled. If none of this is an option, you find something you can do self-employed and/or round childcare.

Incidentally, is that £500 set in stone? Are all your utilities etc as cheap as you can make them, could your mortgage rate be lower? £50 saved off your bills is the same as £50 in your pocket.

My job before I had my baby wasn't great for childcare, I applied for an NHS job, even though it was advertised as full time, they agreed for me to work 4 days. If you can go back to your old job I would and then apply for new jobs from there.

The only people I know that have well paid jobs on a 3 days a week basis were ones that were able to go part time in an existing job.

Or ones that (realising part time wasn't possible in their existing job) were prepared to work full time for a while in a different job, where they could see part time would ultimately be possible.

I do know one person who managed to land a job share but she admits herself we was incredibly lucky.

I think the chance of finding a sufficiently well paid 3 days a week is slim to none to be honest. I agree with other that you would be better to have returned to your old job full time, perhaps with an eye to moving elsewhere in the company, or convincing your manager that your job could be done part time.

Really interesting thread and the talk of most of my friends at the moment. My conclusion: I can find no industry where you can keep your pre children position on a part time basis without some consequence. In the majority, we have taken a cut in seniority and responsibility to go part time.

I took my employer to tribunal for not adequately assessing options to go part time and won! Wind forward 4 years where I now cannot now progress, am sidelined for any promotion and have never been so stressed or depressed in my life. My only way to move forward is to go back full time but I am not willing to do so. So, hard as it is I must accept that my career is sacrificed but my children definitely benefit.

My only way to move forward is to go back full time but I am not willing to do so. So, hard as it is I must accept that my career is sacrificed but my children definitely benefit.

Why have your children benefited?

I work full time, have a child of 12, 8 and 11 weeks old.

Are my children worse off than yours because I work? No, of course not.

When my pfb was tiny, we split compressed hours, dh did 5 days in 4, so had one clear day with pfb. On that day, I worked a very long day, then did 2 or 3 more regular days. So I worked 4 days, dh did 4 days, nursery mopped up the rest. It was a juggle, but kept us in work.

I would return to work and look for a solution to the problems around the basis of their refusal. Solve their problem for them by identifying others who you could delegate to for example.

Sorry but I think it was a big mistake to resign without a job to go to, it just played into your employer's hands.

I was goi g to ask the same as Ginnybag. Is there the possibility of your dp doing less or compressed hours.

Thanks all! Lots of responses and lots to think about (self employed, nursery job, multiple jobs etc.)

Going back to my old job that I just quit isn't an option, although I said it was good salary, benefits and would have been a good part time role... I wouldn't say I enjoyed it and full time doesn't mean 37 hours. I was always working extra and getting stressed as a result.

My husband runs his own company and earns the same as me. He can have one week doing not much then another week working every day and evening with some international travel thrown in too. Might not be the easiest to work around.

Thing is though you both became parents and your career and income will suffer if you (as you already have) make changes and he continues as before.

As others have said where is DH in all this? It does annoy me that it's always the woman's problem to sort out childcare and part time work. Doesn't that annoy you?

Seems neither of you make enough to support a full time SAHP so both of you need to compromise. Why doesn't he put in a flexible working request for the other day and both do 4 days?

Loads of people do it these days. It's both of your responsibility to earn money for your family and to care for DC and if you can't do it the traditional way that's not solely your problem.

I take it you have taken into account any benefits/ childcare support you might be entitled to in your calculation.

From my experience I have found the years before the oldest child starts school as the easiest to work from a childcare perspective. Not the cheapest or emotionally easy at all, but one child in full time care, no holidays etc.

The change when he moved up to school was monumental, the amount of logistical planning needed to cover drop off/pick up and holidays was really hard to cope with. Never mind clubs, celebration assemblies, performances etc.

Without the risk of outing myself, I have a degree (think core subject like Chemistry) but my previous job didn't use it

You are a million miles from outing yourself. What was your profession before maternity leave and what are your qualifications?

Rash to have resigned as you could have looked for a job share partner when you went back FT for a bit but you are where you are. Spilled milk and all that.

Seriously unless you say you were PA to the Prime Minister or similarly high profiled person you are highly unlikely to be outed.

Sorry cross post. I see he is self employed. So is my DH. That means he's actually more flexible in many ways as his own boss.

We work it that I do 4 days and he does 5 but he picks up any sickness or times I need to do more.

Having young DC and needing to work is a tough compromise. You go part time and they still expect full time work despite a pay cut, you constantly juggle and feel guilty.

There's no easy way out. Either you both make sacrifices and hope it gets better long term (it does) or one of you quits and you downsize your outgoings and lifestyle expectations

I'm also wondering if your husband could work 4 days a week.

Or look for a FT job, but where you could work different hours My husband does 3 days 8.30-6, and 2 days 8.30-1. If you could find some kind of similar arrangement you might be able to manage with 4 days a week nursery depending on how you structured your hours.

Did you consider a 9 day fortnight? If both you and hubby worked a 9 day fortnight I think you'd have the non-nursery day covered.

When ds was tiny I did a mixture of slightly reduced hours (35), home working (initially 2 days a week, reduced to 1 when he got older) and dh applied for flexible working which gave him Monday afternoons off. We also used a childminder rather than a nursery though as she was really flexible (and I wanted more one to one time for ds with whoever looked after him). It worked, but I would say that it halted my progression. My career is back on track again now ds is at school and I have a new job after redundancy.

The ideal is that you both have flexible time jobs & no childcare at all.

In that case OP, you have various options, some of which can be undertaken simultaneously:

-Apply for everything that comes up in your industry and say you want part time. Contact them and ask about jobshares. If part time is important to you, that may involve willingness to accept a lower salary.

• Consider whether you can contract.

• Look for other roles using your skillset but in a different industry.

One thing strikes me though, you don't seem to have any experience working 37 hours a week. Your old job was effectively FT plus. Would you consider an actual FT job?