Help me make this choice" (cat related) (title amended by MNHQ)

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Hi all,

I had a previous thread in AIBU about getting a cat - perhaps someone clever could post the link? The vast consensus was that i should re-home an older cat due to my circumstances:
I'm out 12hrs 5 days a week for work but at home evenings and weekends. I live alone in a spacious, quiet flat in a cul-de-sac with a large shared garden. I don't really go on holidays. There are some other cats in the area.

OK fine. So I went to the local rescue today and am now torn between 2 cats and need to decide: Both are 9yr old females with no health problems.

Cat A: Not used to other cats. Affectionate - rubbed head on my hand and licked & purred but doesn't like to be picked up. Was a tiny bit scratchy and hissy at one point.

Cat B: Nice & small. Clung to me for dear life - incredibly affectionate. Was like having a baby in a wrap-thing. Used to other cats.

The cat sanctuary people said either would be fine for me but I was surprised Cat B could be left alone for long periods. They have no particular concerns about Cat A with other cats - it just hasn't been tested yet!

I love them both already and am completely torn.
Any advice would be really appreciate, thank you.

If you can't have both, (I think B would appreciate other feline company) I think I'd take B as she looks like she really needs some help.

Both, they get on well looking at photo but in love with cat a. Cat a needs time and love to win him over. Cat b will be snapped up. Mind you i adopted cat b personality 15 years ago and when i split with ex leaving my baby boy hurt more than ex. I loved that cat so much. I did see him look left and right before he crossed the roAd once. We had a love affair. Id come back early and have snuggles in the lounge with him for an hour before ex came back. It was our time. When i left he ran up the road after me in my car. He never done that before so knew. Ex loved him, paid for him (he looked after him amazingly so my boy got the gest of everything) etc so knew he be ok but still hurt. Ok op go for cat b.

Both or b :) keep us posted x

Cat B needs you :).

:-( londonrach. So sorry. xx

Of course! I will post pics when cat/cats come home with me!

As you referenced the film I assume you know what it's about?.

There is no 'lighthearted' or whatever you think it was when you are referencing a film about the Holocaust which is about a woman having to choose which of her children is murdered.

I can't understand how you even related it to choosing an animal?. And the one you don't choose won't die because of your choice anyway and even if it did it would not in any way be similar to the plot of the film. What the hell made you relate this to Sophies choice?

I'm honestly bewildered how you even made the connection let alone expressed it in public.

I would go for cat A personally, because I worry that a cat who obviously loves people as much as cat B would be dreadfully lonely alone in the daytime. And I find the 'affectionate to everybody' thing a bit offputting, to be honest.

"Which one did you feel 'chose' you? From what you say I think Cat B has set her sights on you."

If we'd used that tactic we would never have got our cat at all, and that would have been a dreadful loss for us. He refused to come anywhere near us at the shelter, despite much pleading, cajoling and Dreamies blackmail from his carer. He'd been like that with everyone who'd come to look around since he arrived a few months before. For that reason he got totally overlooked, even though he's a stunning (OK I'm biased) young healthy adult cat. In the end I trusted to the shelter description that he would be a good match for our family and we took him without ever actually get near him. Once he thawed out he's been incredibly affectionate with family members and anybody else he gets to know well over a few days. I take it as a real compliment that he can recognise and trust us like that - much more worthwhile than a cat who cuddles up to anyone in sight. He's also incredibly chatty with us, but was fairly quiet in the shelter with his fellow cats, so sometimes their personalities only unfold when they're out of the shelter setting.

B sounds a bit more needy, though may calm down after a while. My old cat was very clingy when I first got him (10 year old male), he drove me spare at first as he followed me everywhere. He did calm down though, once he found his feet.
I think very friendly behaviour can sometimes be a cover for insecurity/timidity in cats, so she may become more independent as she gets to know you.
I agree with the above poster that cat B looks and sounds like she needs a bit of help.

They usually say that a cat chooses who may care for them, not the other way around.

I'd ask more about their backgrounds and how they came to be in the rescue centre and see if that helps make your decision.
Also take into account the time you're happy to spend on the cat and the amount of maintenance needed e.g. grooming.

Erm sorry, no I didn't know it was about the Holocaust! I have reported my title to get it changed. I just thought it meant a difficult choice, like, just a saying.

I apologise unreservedly.

Personally, I'd go with cat B.

He's friendlier, and if you ever decide to date or no longer live alone he'll be the one to adjust easier to new people.

I think OP gets that she made an error of judgement wrt title. No need to keep berating her!

To be fair to OP, "sophie's choice" has been thrown around as a slang to a tough decision. I didn't know the origin of it until a couple years ago.

OP I had no idea of the meaning behind the wording until googling it now so you are not alone.

Hobson's choice is better

I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this. Why did you have to post photos?! Now I'm going to stress over the poor cat who doesn't get picked. Pls post and say you've got both even if not true.

I tell you, Doo, I am off to see if any of my friends will adopt the other!
I know I won't sleep tonight.

Fair play for admitting you didn't understand OP. I make a rule of checking out the origins of things before I quote them and I'm guessing you will from now on!.

There was a thread on here a while ago by a poster complaining her new partner sprang a visit on her when she was just 'monging out for the night'. The poster was ripped to pieces by people saying how offensive and disablist she was. And the word is offensive and disablist but U believed the OP when she said she didn't know the origin of the word and in her local area it just meant 'slobbing about'.

Sophies choice is a deeply distressing film which you really don't want to watch if you aren't resilient!. I'm surprised lots of people don't seem to know the origin but given what it's about, I think it's good this thread has made it clear if people didn't know and thought it was just a turn of phrase.

Because I would definitely look askance at anyone that used the phrase in day to day life in a similar situation to the OP. Lots of people would.

Cat b has chosen you. (Looks up local rescue place). We were told when we visited the rescure that the cat chooses you not the other way.. My boy choose us and although he was high maintainence at the rescue he was the perfect cat at home. He knew when our time was(after work snuggles) and always was back for that but had his own time when he needed (after tea he disappear till8pm) . He always stayed in every night but one night we had a horrible time as i saw him playing with his two kitten friends from two doors away, and a dog appeared and kitten a ran across the road and sadly lost his life to a car. My boy saw this. I ran down the stairs to get my boy and kitten b. Kitten b was in owners arms but i time i ran down the stairs, but my boy was gone. Ex turned up and we walked the streets with food and shaking the biscuits but he didnt return for his tea (never happened before). It was the worse 8 hours of my life before he returned at 4am for his tea. I cant tell you how i felt when he returned. He spent the rest of the night on our bed and im afraid he never left after that night. He was a tabby if that helps. Got for b as he choosen you. Hes the cat for you..

Thanks, laughing. It was mentioned in Friends. Didn't actually realise it was a film.

32yrs old and still so much to learn.

Isn't Sophie's Choice a fictional film? As OP said, it has been used in a comedy sense often, so there's really no need at all to snotty about it.

And it's totally off-topic anyway, I'm here to read about cats, not Meryl Streep films.

As a cat fosterer I would say, take them as you find them. So, no 'If that one gets to know me and love me she'll be more affectionate' or 'Once that one is settled in a home she won't be clingy.' As they are right now, which would you rather share your life with?

It's very difficult to gauge how a cat will be at home from their behaviour in a rescue centre. Even the most relaxed cat will be stressed out in the presence of so many other cats, and smells, and people coming and going. My cats were both very stand-offish and silent in the centre and didn't really like being stroked, but once they were home they completely changed and became very affectionate (and loud!) so don't worry too much about the first one hissing or the second one being clingy, it probably doesn't tell you much about how they would be in your home.

If you'd seen the film and the relevant hideous scene where she has to make "the choice" you wouldn't be so flippant about it BlahBlah.

The OP has apologised which is enough for me and hopefully the stupid thread title will be amended soon.