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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel upset for my son

149 replies

flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 09:36

My ex husband promised our son he would take him and step mum and their two children skiing early next year. In the end he said it was too expensive but would pay for him to go on school trip if there was one. Our son asked the school and they said they would let him know if one was organised. In the meantime ex has gone and booked a ski trip over Christmas for his family and another family and excluded our son. He even said there was a chalet available for 9 but thought our son would prefer to go with school. I said he would not and would be upset at not going with them and why hadn't he asked our son what he would prefer. Ex said it was his call and that was what he had decided.

I have kept out of all this as it's his holiday but I decided to just check about school trip as it's very late in day and they said there won't be one due to lack of numbers. So now our son has no holiday. Let the ex know the situation, I think he should have really made sure there was a trip before booking and excluding our son. I have left it with ex and haven't heard back. Hoping he can sort something out.

AIBU to feel so sad that our son has been left out? I think it's shitty behaviour on ex's part as our son was really excited about going with his dad and brother and sister. Ex just cannot see this.

OP posts:

m1nniedriver · 29/09/2015 20:39

I wondered how long it would take before someone blamed the SM start of page 2. Surprised it took that long

The difference between this post and a similar post currently running in SM board is that your ex basically lied to your DS to get out of taking him in holiday. That's shit and he is a twat, nothing to do with the SM. Your son will realise what his dad is like, I don't think you can protect him from that unfortunately

nilbyname · 29/09/2015 20:44

I don't think people were out to blame the sm- just asking the question about the relationship. I think all evidence points to the ex being a dreadful man.

m1nniedriver · 29/09/2015 20:47

Yes, some were. OP never specifically mentioned her at all, it's actually funny that SM must be bending his ear anyway .....

I agree, he sounds like a twat!

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 21:03

Wow isent he shitty, sounds like he does not want his son to go on holiday with the family, the cheek of the man trying to blame you to ds for his choice, what a lowlife bastartard. Well your ds is discovering what a nasty lowlife he is, and is seeing the situation in its reality.'

radiohelen · 29/09/2015 21:06

Sorry excuse for a male! At least DS has seen some of what his father is like and is also now included on the family trip. Two plusses out of a seriously shitty situation.
Let nilby have him! I'd pay money to watch that.

coolsurfer · 29/09/2015 21:14

Husband is not a nice dad. I hope when I'm a dad I'm not like him.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 21:14

No shitty ex still does not get it, it's not about the skiing, it's about being excluded from a family holiday because you don't share the same mum, and being lied to and treated like a nobody by your dad.

BlahBlahUsername · 29/09/2015 21:14

What a manipulative, passive-aggressive twat. This is what happens often with bad parents. The children grow up and see them for what they are, and it's the easy option for the bad parent to simply blame the other parent, than deal with the fact that their kid can see them for who they really are.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 21:16

If I were ds, I woukd nit want to go skiing with the family now, that I know that was not not really wanted there, dad only changed his mind because mum had a go at him about it, not because he wants him there

Original poster

flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 22:50

Precisely, ds really feels unwanted by his dad and part of him wanted to say don't bother with ski holiday for him. But he loves his dad and siblings and wants a holiday with them. He is really upset and can't get to sleep thinking about how his dad has acted. Luckily he talks to me about how he feels and he has a gf and other good friends to chat it through. They all said what a bastard his dad was!

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 22:56

Your ds sounds absolutely lovely, must take after you and your wonderful influence. It's a shame he has such a deadbeat dad .

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/09/2015 00:30

So your ex is going to include him on the family holiday now? After all the bollocks of how he couldn't etc.? What an utter cockfaced twat he really is. And to put emotional blackmail pressure on his son, saying "I'm sure you'd really prefer a solo holiday, Wouldn't you?" Evil. :(

AGirlCalledJohnny · 30/09/2015 01:25

Christ he's a prick. Your poor dotey DS, it must be heartbreaking for the scales to start coming off his eyes, even if it's all for the eventual best. The only reason he's not completely heartbroken is because you called him on it fliss and that shady fucker had to back pedal. Go you!

On the upside, it's perfectly obvious to the rest of us vipers, that you are raising a stellar young man, who will be ok despite having Fucko up there as a parent. Bloody good show lady

MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/09/2015 01:53

Oh that's such a horrible thing for your DS to have to go through.

How do these people justify it to themselves? I don't get how they can sleep at night, or do these things knowing they are damaging the child they made and should be loving and protecting. Hideous hideous man.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/09/2015 02:06

lunar1 · 30/09/2015 03:10

Is he actually going to include ds now then? Your son sounds like a lovely boy.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 07:43

And to blame you for ds waiting to holiday with his dad, instead of some random PGL trip . Ds is not stupid, he knows what is going on, he can hear mum ripping one off dad about his shit behaviour towards his ds. Go you op, yes you are raising an incredible ds.

Original poster

flissfloss65 · 30/09/2015 09:57

My ds and I are similar in that we will argue, think about it and then try and move on. BUT just picked up phone message left yesterday night by ex saying how we all need to act like adults and how childishly both ds and I have acted in our phone calls!!! Grrrr....I rationally argued, our ds cried once and then very fluently explained how upset he was and why. He really tries to put the blame on anyone else and ds can now see this.

This morning ds bought up the situation before school and I tried to diffuse it by saying ex had acted badly by not thinking rather than on purpose. I was trying to soften situation for ds but will give up now. I have lost all faith in ex and his selfish behaviour. He knows he was wrong as he rang numerous times yesterday, a rarity. I hate feeling so pissed off with him, so hard to believe I once loved such a spineless man. Breath and move on... and I will ensure I have as little to do with him as possible.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 10:06

My goodness he really is a piece of work isent he! He has a gall to tell you and ds to act like adults, but its ok if he acts like a fecking prick to his child. He really does take the biscuit. Don't soften any blow, ds is old enough to see his father for who he really is, and he is now doing that.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 10:07

He really earns the title of the year of deadbeat dad!

LuckyBitches · 30/09/2015 15:46

This thread makes me sad - I grew up similarly excluded from my Dad's new family and it's really affected my self esteem if I'm honest. But OP, it's wonderful that your DS knows you're on his side. You sound like a great mum! .

PS. Your exh is a penis.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 16:20

Your ds is old enough to contact his dad on his own without you being an untermediary. I would have nothing more to do with ex, he is disgusting.

fairyfeatures · 30/09/2015 16:27

I want to punch your ex in the face.
What a prick.

Original poster

flissfloss65 · 30/09/2015 18:00

This situation has really upset ds. He normally looks forward to his weekend at his dad's but this weekend he has arranged a sleepover for Saturday night. He would see his dad on Sunday and come home Monday for school. Ex has said no to sleepover. He is friend's with the parents and has contacted them to say no and that ds must go and stay with him.

Ds explained how upset he is at present and it will take time for him to forgive his dad. He just wants to see friends rather than him, have fun and try and forget the situation. Ex just doesn't get it despite it being explained numerous times why his behaviour was appalling.

Ds has even said he may just come home. I have always tried to ensure ds sees his dad but am not going to continue to do that. I am just going to let ds decide what he wants to do. There is a whole backstory of thoughtless behaviour from ex and I have now reached the end of the road with him. As others have said ds is old enough to make his own mind up.

So upsetting as we have been divorced for years but always put ds first and just about got along. But ex has screwed up badly and I am unwilling to defend him to ds.

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 30/09/2015 18:03

I wouldn't make him go to his dad's this weekend. Not with all this nonsense going on.

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