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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset for my son

149 replies

flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 09:36

My ex husband promised our son he would take him and step mum and their two children skiing early next year. In the end he said it was too expensive but would pay for him to go on school trip if there was one. Our son asked the school and they said they would let him know if one was organised. In the meantime ex has gone and booked a ski trip over Christmas for his family and another family and excluded our son. He even said there was a chalet available for 9 but thought our son would prefer to go with school. I said he would not and would be upset at not going with them and why hadn't he asked our son what he would prefer. Ex said it was his call and that was what he had decided.

I have kept out of all this as it's his holiday but I decided to just check about school trip as it's very late in day and they said there won't be one due to lack of numbers. So now our son has no holiday. Let the ex know the situation, I think he should have really made sure there was a trip before booking and excluding our son. I have left it with ex and haven't heard back. Hoping he can sort something out.

AIBU to feel so sad that our son has been left out? I think it's shitty behaviour on ex's part as our son was really excited about going with his dad and brother and sister. Ex just cannot see this.

OP posts:
nilbyname · 29/09/2015 10:38

Ring that fucker back and tell him that ds IS going with them, he will need to sort it out and you will
Not stand for him stomping all over his son like this.

Does ds have a good relationship with his step family?

Give me his number, I'll ring the bastard.

molyholy · 29/09/2015 10:40

He obviuosly doesn't want to take his own son. What a fucking twat.

Nilby - Give me his number, I'll ring the bastard Grin

NicoleWatterson · 29/09/2015 10:49

Oh your poor boy, what an utter bastard.
How can he not see it?? Talk about making it a them and us.
Im assuming the PGL will be him with other people he doesn't know? I wouldn't be happy about that one either. Its like you say, its not the skiing holiday per say but the holiday with his family.
Twat

ThomasRichard · 29/09/2015 10:52

I was going to suggest PGL too, maybe with his brother and sister or a friend?

hufflebottom · 29/09/2015 11:00

Lol nilby.

Op-he is a complete knob. Tell him he's got till the end of next week to sort it and he has to tell your ds if he can't.

Could you organise something as some time away for you and him?

Justbatteringon · 29/09/2015 11:07

Well done for keeping your cool. You need to tell him a separate trip is not acceptable ds wants to spend time withhis family. Make sure he knows how much it's going to upset his son looking at family holiday pics knowing he's not invited.
Him throwing cancelled hols in your face is a low blow remind ex partner you didn't swan off without ds.
I agree with nilby and will happily give him a call

MascaraAndConverse · 29/09/2015 11:16

How come he won't just book his DS on to the holiday? Surely it's not that difficult for him to do so! ConfusedHmm

Original poster
flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 11:21

Unfortunately I can't afford a ski holiday and am trying to save for a summer holiday for next year. We had no holiday this year as I had a major op in July and recovery was six weeks.

He is e mailing over PGL style holiday details. I have said he should try and include our son in his family holiday. He says he can't as chalet booked for 8 and so full. I suggested he try and see if this could be changed but he said no.

I am used to my son going off to scout camp, D of E, school trips etc. but I just don't feel comfortable with him going off alone skiing. His siblings are only 9 and 8 and no friends would be able to afford the trip, plus it is GCSE year so I wasn't that thrilled with holiday timing in first place. Originally going to be in Feb half term. Worrying about broken arms!

Has anyone's child been alone on an organised ski trip?

He is my one and only and so I know I can be overprotective sometimes.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/09/2015 11:23

Your ex is a fuckwit, basically.
Or perhaps your DS's stepmother doesn't want him there? Not that it means your ex isn't a fuckwit, he still is - but it might not be all him.

Poor DS :(

Justbatteringon · 29/09/2015 11:27

Well if that's the case I wouldn't send your son alone I would ask ex to contribute to your summer holiday so you can make it extra special or tell him not to bother and that he is to use the money to ensure ds is included on the next holiday. Just a thought but sounds as though perhaps the new wife doesn't want the hassle of looking after another child how is she in general with your son.

gamerchick · 29/09/2015 11:29

I was going to say the same thing.. Are you sure he's not just a spineless twat who's bending to earache from his partner?

GloGirl · 29/09/2015 11:30

Tell him he has to change his chalet or pay for his son to take a friend?

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 29/09/2015 11:36

this was the sort of crap my dad pulled, that is the dad I am not talking to anymore.

He is e mailing over PGL style holiday details
so this is the year he will be 16, the point of the camp holidays are you go alone, he will be fine.

LadyMacmuffintop · 29/09/2015 11:38

What a total twunt. Poor DS. My dad did this to me several times on the basis that I was 'too old' to go on their 'family' holiday. Basically it was because he was a tight arse and my evil step mother didn't want me there. She still doesn't to this day. Anyway, I agree if he's like my DF then as gamerchick says it's probably because he is spineless. Very sad. Tell your ex he will need to pay for DS to take a friend too since it's not very nice to go on holiday on your own when you are still a child. Idiot.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/09/2015 11:43

I doubt you will get any YABUs about this.
What a rat thing to do. Not only did he make a promise before he knew he could keep it. I can't stand that.
But he has excluded his own ds. Not surprised you're upset. You're more than entitled to be. . I don't about upset though. I,'d be nuclear.

ExitPursuedByABear · 29/09/2015 11:43

What an utter bastard.

Your poor son.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/09/2015 11:49

I'm another one who'd happily ring the twat for you.

riverboat1 · 29/09/2015 11:52

Well you can't force your ex to take him but surely he could be squeezed into the chalet, the three kids could take it in turns to sleep on floor in sleeping bag.

And if he is 15, it wouldn't matter if he wasn't sitting with them on plane or even on a very slightly earlier flight, he could wait for them at airport. So it is surely not too late to book a plane ticket for him.

Excuses excuses...

I think there must be something else going on, eg problems with the relationship between 15 yr old and siblings, or with his stepmother or something.

BenguinsMummy · 29/09/2015 11:53

Wow, your ex sounds like a complete and utter failure as a human being, let alone a parent....

You are NOT being unreasonable at all.... If my ex had pulled that shit I'd be burying him in the garden....

hibbleddible · 29/09/2015 11:58

I feel bad for your ds.

That is really, really, poor behaviour from your ex.

There isn't anything you can do about it from the sounds of it, but your ds is now an age where he will be able to form his own opinions about his father.

MascaraAndConverse · 29/09/2015 12:11

He's just making excuses. Simply saying there isn't enough room isn't good enough.

Charley50 · 29/09/2015 12:47

What a prick. This has made me really sad. What a divisive thing to do.
Is there a problem with his step mum or is she a reasonable person who you can speak to, instead of your prick of an ex? There's always room for one more. They can swap chalets or ask for a campbed.

BoffinMum · 29/09/2015 12:48

His dad is being very selfish and I doubt much progress will be made there. Sad

Personally speaking I have sent my kids on all sorts of trips alone and would not hesitate to send them on a PGL ski trip. It looks good value considering everything is included, even kit.

Skiing can be very expensive as a family but if there are literally only the two of you, it would be possible to do it a lot more cheaply if you stay in a B and B with access to what they call a Teekuche (kitchenette) to make snacks, well away from where English people normally go skiing.

For example you could go to Germany to the Black Forest (Feldberg) www.j2ski.com/ski_resorts/Germany/Feldberg.html - fly to Karlsruhe.

or Bad Reichenhall (Berchtesgaden) - fly to Salzburg www.j2ski.com/snow_forecast/Germany/Berchtesgadener_Land_snow_report.html.

Lenggries is also an option but I have not skied there. www.j2ski.com/ski_resorts/Germany/Lenggries_Brauneck.html - fly to Munich.

I think Lenggries might be the easiest to get to in terms of public transport from the airport, if you want to hire a car.

My record was £2000 for a family of five skiing in the Black Forest for a week with ski passes for the adults and some lessons for the kids, but that was a family record in terms of budget holiday spends. The flights to Karlsruhe were very cheap and I got a very good deal on car hire. We had packed lunches, borrowed kit and I cooked every evening.

BoffinMum · 29/09/2015 12:52

£353 for a week including breakfast and ski passes Shock

Gastehaus Faller

Probably need a hire car but still ....!

BastardGoDarkly · 29/09/2015 12:55

Aaaaarrgh!! I see this sort of thing often on MN, and honestly don't know how you all keep yourselves from stabbing these heartless bastards!

Honestly, how the fuck he could do that to his son I just don't know.

The skiing trip with no family is not the fucking same at all!!

Your poor boy, I hope ex breaks his leg and rips his cock off on his trip.

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