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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset for my son

149 replies

flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 09:36

My ex husband promised our son he would take him and step mum and their two children skiing early next year. In the end he said it was too expensive but would pay for him to go on school trip if there was one. Our son asked the school and they said they would let him know if one was organised. In the meantime ex has gone and booked a ski trip over Christmas for his family and another family and excluded our son. He even said there was a chalet available for 9 but thought our son would prefer to go with school. I said he would not and would be upset at not going with them and why hadn't he asked our son what he would prefer. Ex said it was his call and that was what he had decided.

I have kept out of all this as it's his holiday but I decided to just check about school trip as it's very late in day and they said there won't be one due to lack of numbers. So now our son has no holiday. Let the ex know the situation, I think he should have really made sure there was a trip before booking and excluding our son. I have left it with ex and haven't heard back. Hoping he can sort something out.

AIBU to feel so sad that our son has been left out? I think it's shitty behaviour on ex's part as our son was really excited about going with his dad and brother and sister. Ex just cannot see this.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 29/09/2015 12:56

me too Bastard!

Original poster
flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 13:02

The company he has found is a French based on called Go Outdoors. He would take a flight there and then meet the group at the French resort Tignes. Anyone heard of this company?

I feel backed into a corner now as our son will probably go along with this rather than no skiing. If this had been proposed in the first place I would probably said I wasn't keen on it and to wait until they could afford to go as a family. I'm sure it would be fine but I can't help worrying. With DofE and scouts we know the group and leaders, same with school.

He gets on really well with his brother and sister, no problems ever mentioned. They get cross when he goes out with his friends as they want him all weekend! Step mum probably doesn't want step son there, but no overall issues have ever been mentioned and she has been in his life since he was about 7. Certainly not close but just get along.

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 29/09/2015 13:03

Many moons ago I went on a pgl ski holiday in Andorra. I was 14. I went with a school friend and we had a good time. Can yourDS go with one or more of his friend?

Very sorry this has happened to DS. Your ex sounds appalling.

Radiatorvalves · 29/09/2015 13:07

Hmm. How sensible / independent is DS? Tignes is some way from airports and you would need a transfer sorted. I would still want him to go with a friend...you wouldn't want him to be the only one....you've no idea what other sort of people would go....not being alarmist, just mean would they be his age, standard and would he have fun.

Mrsjayy · 29/09/2015 13:11

Urgh your poor boy its not about the holidays its about spending time with his dad what an arse he is to treat his child so badly

Radiatorvalves · 29/09/2015 13:12

Tried to google Go Outdoors. No results except for a clothing company. Hmm

juneau · 29/09/2015 13:16

What an absolute cunt your ex is. I can't believe that he'd exclude his own DS from a family trip and then do nothing to include him when it became clear that the school trip isn't going to happen - instead packing him off on holiday on his own with a bunch of strangers Sad

Good for you keeping your cool, but I'd have told him exactly what I think of him.

HoggleHoggle · 29/09/2015 13:19

Let's call a spade a spade. Your ex considers his younger children and new wife as his 'family' and does not include his eldest child within that.

This PGL trip is all well and good but it's enabling your ex to feel like a good guy and he is throwing money at a guilty conscience.

The fact of the matter is that he didn't want his son on holiday with him. If he did, this situation would have never happened.

It's disgusting.

Fwiw, if possible I would try to get over your (understandable) concerns about the PGL, so that your son does get to enjoy himself skiing - assuming he wants to go. But mark my words, your son will still know what his dad has done to him.

Original poster
flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 13:19

That's the thing, it is skiing but my son wanted the family part too. Not sure if any friends can afford it. Will ask him.

At present am leaving ex to explain all this at the weekend but feeling furious and so hurt for him. He is such an easy going teenager, at the moment!!!, and there is no reason to have done this.

Thanks for all the links. Will have a look. Unfortunately I cannot go skiing as have another op scheduled for January time.

OP posts:
Original poster
flissfloss65 · 29/09/2015 13:23

Sorry, company he has looked at is called Action Outdoors. Anyone used them?

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 29/09/2015 13:24

Have you checked in with the school to see if there's any ski trip pending this year or next when he is AS level?

I'd agree about the PGL trip - who looks after him, visits in the hospital etc if he is injured?

Mrsjayy · 29/09/2015 13:26

He is just throwing money at your son Sad

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 13:37

Your ex is a nasty and spiteful wanker, I woukd rip him one and tell him it's unacceptable, if he carries on, ds will have a very low opinion of him and not want to see him again.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 13:41

And what will hurt more than not skiing, yes he is throwing money at it, is being excluded from a family holiday, he is less important, and dpfeelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, if this behaviour continues.

Jux · 29/09/2015 13:56

There's a company which do skiing holdiays called Action Outdoors.

Jux · 29/09/2015 13:57

Here www.action-outdoors.co.uk

radiohelen · 29/09/2015 13:58

Bloody ring him up and tell him that you will not be telling DS the news, tell him that he has to explain to your son why he isn't included in the family holiday and that he has to do it in person so he can deal with the fallout.
Make the miserable, cheapskate, cock sucking, wankpit do the nasty job he's obviously expecting you to do for him.

Sending the poor kid off solo so the man can assuage his guilty conscience is not on either.. is there not a grandparent you can rope in to get the message across.

So angry for you. YANBU. I've got a shovel, a gun and an acre of land if you need it.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 14:03

Oh no your. Not telling him, HE has to,and deal with the reaction of ds, bloody coward. I hope ds begins to see his dad for what he is, and stops seeing him for his own good.

HesSpartacus · 29/09/2015 14:06

radiohelen is spot on. Make the useless bastard clean up his own mess. It's not on you to be the deliverer of disappointment. It can come direct from the source - that way he can see exactly what he's done to a lovely kid.

NicoleWatterson · 29/09/2015 14:14

Surely taking your son would be cheaper than packing him off on his own

MascaraAndConverse · 29/09/2015 14:21

I can't believe your DS's SM can just stand by and let your ex do this to his DS. if my DH suggested we go on holiday with ours and leave DSS behind then I would say no. Not happening. But he wouldn't ever suggest that though.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 14:21

nicole op said it wasen't possible as she had an op

Charley50 · 29/09/2015 14:28

Your ex needs to put himself in your DS shoes and consider his feelings. He needs to understand that it really isn't about the ski-ing, but it's about being included or excluded, and the long-term damage this sort of thing does to DS, and to his relationship with his DS. I think he needs to change his mind and welcome him on the holiday. Fuck that PGL shit. nothing against PGL just so annoyed on you and DS behalf

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2015 14:32

Your ds does not want to go skiing with PGL, but his father and family fgs, what a wanker and areshole he is.

dreamoutloud · 29/09/2015 14:36

It's heartbreaking to hear how he's treating his own son. Strangers on the internet feel sad for a child they don't know, but the boy's own father... Sad