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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 yo DN and makeup

113 replies

StillFrankie · 28/09/2015 11:49

Maybe I'm just getting old but I feel uncomfortable with the amount of makeup DNeice is wearing and how much she (or her mum) are spending on it (SIL doesn't wear any makeup, never has, so its all on DNeice).

DNeice has not long turned 12.

She wears a lot of makeup, she wears it well, but its still clear she's wearing makeup iykwim.

She was talking to me about brands. She uses MAC, Urban Decay, Benefit, Zoella stuff etc.

She also gets HD Brows, wear fake lashes, has french tips, GHDs, Babyliss curler thingie, wants a tongue piercing, uses teeth whitening gel.

AIBU to think this is too much at her age? Maybe as I said above, I'm just getting old and things have changed. I think at that age I just wore a bit of Rimmel concealor although I did get my eyebrows waxed every so often.

My own DD is only 7 and I'm already worrying about her 'keeping up' with her peers - eg she wants her ears pierced and I am refusing until high school, but 'all her friends' have it done so I feel like a bad mum. So this high school stuff with my DNeice really makes me worry!

OP posts:
LadyLonely1 · 28/09/2015 11:52

Yanbu, maybe i am getting old too but i really don't like seeing girls of this age all dolled up. Its sad that they feel like they need to grow up so fast.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 11:52

My DD is 11 and is always banging on about mac/benefit etc.
Its because they watch all these make up tutorial/spoiled bloggers on youtube

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 28/09/2015 11:53

It's the world we live in.

Looks mean everything. I agree, it's a bit fucked up.

Bottlecap · 28/09/2015 11:54

I find this absolutely horrifying but it's best to keep your mouth shut. Her mother (your sister?) will not appreciate your input.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 11:54

I was interested in make up from about aged 11.
sadly my first make up purchase was Charlie eye shadow and lipstick in fluorescent pink colour. Pat Butcher clearly taught me well.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 11:56

Bottle can I ask what you find 'horrifying' about a 12 year old wearing/liking make up?

Stillunexpected · 28/09/2015 11:58

This makes me glad I have boys! It seems very common for all 11-12 year old girls onwards to wear large amounts of make-up, despite it being against the rules in most schools. Oddly enough, I noticed in my sons' school, it seems to tail off again in 6th form so the 14 year olds are wearing much more than the 17 year olds. Not sure if growing up and maturing is something to do with it - or maybe being expected to buy all these expensive brands from your own money once you have a part-time job?!

LoseLooseLucy · 28/09/2015 11:59

I think it's horrifying, sharon, 12 is too young to be wearing make-up.

There isn't a chance I'd be walking about with a girl of that age with a face full of slap on.

Bottlecap · 28/09/2015 12:00

Maybe you missed this part?

She also gets HD Brows, wear fake lashes, has french tips, GHDs, Babyliss curler thingie, wants a tongue piercing, uses teeth whitening gel.

I think 12 is too young, I gather you think it's just fine. Different strokes.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 12:01

Its been normal for years and years and years for some girls to take an interest in make up!! I dont know what worries some people about it?
Like I said I myself was interested from an early age. Wore it to school etc. Now I dont wear a scrap, its just a phase some kids go through.

Bottlecap · 28/09/2015 12:02

I have a son in year 8, just turning 13. No sign of makeup on the girls at the school. So it's certainly not a forgone conclusion that all 12 year olds wear makeup.

trulybadlydeeply · 28/09/2015 12:02

It's a phase.

My DD at 12/13 was very preoccupied with make-up etc. Would spend hours just to get the right "caked on" look Grin. I used to be horrified at how she looked sometimes, and we did have words on occasions, but looking back, it was harmless.

At 18, she now wears very little. A bit of eyebrow pencil day to day, and that's it. if she's going out she will wear a bit, but always it always looks tasteful, and nothing like the orange/false look of her early teens.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/09/2015 12:03

I have an almost thirteen year old. She has a quite expensive lip balm habit she loses them all the fucking time and has to replace them herself and a couple of mascaras. There's apparently a middle ground too. None of her friends do the tango foundation/spider leg lashes look, they thinks it's ridiculously silly. Most of them cleanse and moisturise, those with spot problems have sometimes used serum and treatments for it.

Their school allows makeup but if it is 'extreme' they get sent to the bathroom to wash it off.

Bottlecap · 28/09/2015 12:03

Its been normal for years and years and years for some girls to take an interest in make up!! I dont know what worries some people about it?

Of course it's normal. What's not normal is that the parents don't force them to wash their faces before the leave the house. I was always in my mother's makeup as a teenager girl but I had not a chance of getting out the door with it on.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 12:04

Did anyone say all 12 year olds are wearing it? Hmm
Luckily in my dad there was none of this shitty 'hd' eyebrows crap but I remember tweezering the life out of mine when I was a bit older say 14....if only my mum could have took me to the benefit bar....

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 12:04

In my day ffs although there was also no hd eyebrows in my Dad, luckily.

LadyLonely1 · 28/09/2015 12:07

I went out to for lunch with Dh yesterday and a family sat next to us. The two daughters looked very young possibly 11/12 and i could also hear from their voices. Sorry to say they looked a bit cheap, bright red lipstick with pouting, those awful hd brows, and fake lashes and dressed far too old for their age. The parents seemed lovely though. I couldn't understand how they found that acceptable.

Whyamihere · 28/09/2015 12:08

DD is 11, I'm afraid I'm old fashioned and wouldn't let her wear a full face of make up in a million years at this age, she's allowed nail varnish in the holidays and when she goes to sleep overs I know they all experiment with make up, she wants curling tongs for Christmas (we occasionally use rags to curl her hair) but I worry they may damage it so she'll have to wait for a few years.

I have told her that when she is a few years older I will take her somewhere who can show her how to put makeup on properly.

I really don't care if people do think I'm old fashioned, she'll have the rest of her life to wear makeup/do her hair etc.

ghostyslovesheep · 28/09/2015 12:08

I think there is a little hysteria on this thread Smile

I have a 12 almost 13 year old and she is obsessed with make up - she has been since about 2 - she spend all her money on it and yes sometimes wears too much! She's a bright high achiever and it's something she enjoys messing with - she's not mainlining crack Ffs Smile
She's asked for money for her birthday and she's planning to spend it all at the make up counters at selfridges- it's her choice
She is a normal kid - she just likes make up
Oh and she has her eyebrows waxed which I am sure will horrify you all ??

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 12:10

My DD has also been obsessed with make up since about 2!! I dont get it, like I say I dont wear it myself and couldn't care less about it.
Its like boys who want to start wearing hairgel/spray/lynx but as usual its always the girls who are judged for caring about appearance.

surpriseitsme · 28/09/2015 12:10

My dd is 13 and insists on caking herself in foundation/powder and mascara...it drives me mad that she can't 'see' herself in the mirror. I know from my elder dd that the more I natter the worse it gets so I'm trying to hold my tongue.

Stompylongnose · 28/09/2015 12:11

I have a 12 year old.
She started wearing make up when she started secondary school. At first it was very thick but by Christmas she worked out a more understated look. I buy her brands like Maybelline and Rimmel because I don't have the money for anything else. Zoella doesn't do makeup and her products are like £8 for bubble bath etc. My dd owns straightners and a curler but rarely uses them and does her own eyebrows with tweezers.

I don't wear any makeup so this is new territory for me but my dd (and friends) enjoy make up and wear it to enhance their looks rather than impress boys or whatever.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2015 12:13

I think she's a bit too young, but each to their own.

I'm not sure why you're worrying about your 7 year old though.

In the grand scheme of things, there'll be far more things to worry about between now and the time she turns 12.

Just try to keep your worries in perspective or you'll drive yourself mad, worrying about these things in advance.

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/09/2015 12:13

I understand the reaction, and I wasn't allowed makeup at that age - but really, I think that at that age you are really experimenting with adult behaviours, and that this is perfectly normal and natural. I definitely don't think it has to mean anything sinister. I read lots of beauty magazines and was preoccupied with clothes and make up as a teenager but always did well in school and went on to have a successful career. She's not necessarily going to turn into a Kardashian is what I'm saying.

I think also the reactions of 'horror' at make up are part of the same culture that makes girls feel they want to wear make up. Like, you want the girl to look like what your idea of a little girl 'should' look like and have a visceral, emotional reaction when she does not conform to this. Like wearing make up is something that is totally separate and opposite to 'childhood innocence' and it is somehow associated with being sexually attractive, which is 'bad'. I think that shrugging your shoulders and letting girls get on with experimenting, while providing them with support and encouragement and a sense that their worth does not stem from their looks, is probably a healthier attitude than banning certain things or acting like there is something morally wrong with beauty treatments.

Lurkedforever1 · 28/09/2015 12:16

Yanbu. Dd isn't 12 yet, and I've always been fine with age appropriate glittery eyeshadow and lip gloss for parties if she wants it. Just recently she's taken to mascara but only for dress up occasions, not everyday. Concealer and perhaps tinted moisturiser I've said she can have when/if she starts getting blemishes or spots, but up till then not only would correctly applied foundation not make any difference, just risk incorrectly applying, it will clog up her pores and cause spots, so best avoided till needed. Relatively easy coz she's dark skinned, therefore raiding mine or friends looks ridiculous even to her. Same for fake nails, straighteners, product etc, I only talk about damage not age appropriate. She can get her eyebrows done when or if she wants, but threaded not those stupid joke shop mustachios ones.
Her school has a no makeup rule anyway, with the exception of if they wear it subtly for concealing.