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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 yo DN and makeup

113 replies

StillFrankie · 28/09/2015 11:49

Maybe I'm just getting old but I feel uncomfortable with the amount of makeup DNeice is wearing and how much she (or her mum) are spending on it (SIL doesn't wear any makeup, never has, so its all on DNeice).

DNeice has not long turned 12.

She wears a lot of makeup, she wears it well, but its still clear she's wearing makeup iykwim.

She was talking to me about brands. She uses MAC, Urban Decay, Benefit, Zoella stuff etc.

She also gets HD Brows, wear fake lashes, has french tips, GHDs, Babyliss curler thingie, wants a tongue piercing, uses teeth whitening gel.

AIBU to think this is too much at her age? Maybe as I said above, I'm just getting old and things have changed. I think at that age I just wore a bit of Rimmel concealor although I did get my eyebrows waxed every so often.

My own DD is only 7 and I'm already worrying about her 'keeping up' with her peers - eg she wants her ears pierced and I am refusing until high school, but 'all her friends' have it done so I feel like a bad mum. So this high school stuff with my DNeice really makes me worry!

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 28/09/2015 12:19

It's interesting that we are perfectly happy for 12 year old boys to dress like a mini version of an adult male (no chance of there being a thread about how disturbed someone was by seeing a 12 year old boy in a tie, or hair gel, or aftershave etc) but the idea of seeing 12 year old girls dressed as mini women is disturbing. Almost like our society has certain expectations of how women should look and act, but simultaneously judges these things as markers of inferiority/moral turpitude.

NinaSimoneful · 28/09/2015 12:23

I agree, I think a lot of it is to do with the vloggers and Kardashian/Jenner tutorials. If you're a 12 year old who's into makeup then there's a lot of info out there. I couldn't even name more than a few makeup brands at that age.

When I was 9/10 I was allowed clear mascara, lip balm and clear nail varnish. By 12 I had pink and blue eyeshadow (twas the early 90s).

Can't remember what age I was when I bought my first 'brand' makeup. Think I was about 21/22 and it was Urban Decay. Since then I only sporadically buy a brand name piece of makeup.

ghostyslovesheep · 28/09/2015 12:24

It does smack a bit of judging 'little girldom' in an odd way doesn't it

I don't wear make up so it baffles me and I am raising all the girls as feminist who value education and have ambition - if her ambition it to be a make up artist who am I to judge?
She looks lovely as she's very skilled with it but she beautiful to me anyway

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/09/2015 12:24

It's just a phase. give it some time and Sue won't be bothered to put it all on again. secondary school is about the time they start experimenting with make up. I never got into it at school but other girls did. they were still the same girls as before they didn't start becoming bimbos and following boys around ir standing on street corners. make up should t stop people seeing them as the children the are and if they do then the problem. is the adult not the make up.

the only things that would concern me is the chemicals/ingredients in the make up itself and whether it would damage or dry out young skin and whether it was washed off properly to avoid spots etc.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 28/09/2015 12:28

I used to spend my pocket money on constance carroll from Wednesbury market of a weekend.
How I wish i'd have been allowed something better

MissMarpleCat · 28/09/2015 12:31

Theycallme makes a very pertinent point.
I grew up in the 80's and wore lots of make up from about 12, including a 'punk' stage, which was interesting. My parents just let me get on with it, as did I with my dd, who is now in her 20's. Personally I think there are bigger things to worry about.

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 28/09/2015 12:31

When I read the headline I thought YABU but when I read HD brows and false eyelashes I can categorically say YANBU

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 12:33

It was normal when I was at school. You started high school at 12, saw what the 14 15 yos were doing and wearing to get the boys so you did it too.

MissMarpleCat · 28/09/2015 12:35

Sharon I used constance carroll from the market too Grin

Corygal · 28/09/2015 12:35

Ew, I just read the bit about eyebrow waxing - you do know they
don't grow back after a while don't you?

These kids will be bald above the eye by the time they're 20 - great look.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/09/2015 12:38

What exactly is it people are actually worried about. honestly?

do you just associate HD brows etc with "slappers" or hookers?

fyi dd1 has bushy eyebrows that are meeting in the middle. they are going go need dealing with In order to stop looking like an old man's brow Grin probably befire 12.

would it be different if it was a hippy or goth stage? would you feel differently of ot was a boy wearing eye liner?

Pranmasghost · 28/09/2015 12:42

What are hd eyebrows? I lost mine when I had chemo, I don't want tattoos and am not great with an eyebrow pencil but I'd like eyebrows for special occasions.

ouryve · 28/09/2015 12:59

Good grief, she's only a few months older then DS1.

I get that adolescent girls will wear make up etc and better it's done well than like a clown, but so much of this is so OTT, apart from the hair stuff:
She also gets HD Brows, wear fake lashes, has french tips, GHDs, Babyliss curler thingie, wants a tongue piercing, uses teeth whitening gel.

Spartans · 28/09/2015 13:01

I just donated a load of make up to 11 year old dd. it includes Mac, clinique etc

I really don't get the fuss about it. Dd doesn't wear make up for school as she simply can't be bothered getting up earlier to do it (her school allows make up) , but she loves to play around with it at home.

I feel a bit 'meh' about it. It's upto the child and their parent.

I don't get how wearing make up is sexualising a child at all. It's child in make up. Wearing make up is not sexual thing

ouryve · 28/09/2015 13:03

Cory I have eyebrows like Giles' DD's. The not growing back thing isn't always true. I'm fighting mine back as hard as I ever was.

I don't wax, though. Just use tweezerman tweezers, a magnifying mirror and wear my reading glasses to see what I'm doing. Amazingly, they never look that bad close up until I put my reading glasses on and look in the magnifying mirror :o

Spartans · 28/09/2015 13:03

Oh and when dd wants her eyebrows doing I will pay for them waxing professionally. I made a right hash of mine at 13

Songofsixpence · 28/09/2015 13:05

My DD is 14 and has worn make up since starting high school at 12 and I don't have a problem with it. She doesn't look like she's been tangoed and school are fine with natural make up so I leave her to it

She pays for it out of her allowance and tends to choose stuff like Maybelline, Max Factor, etc. If she could afford Mac, Benefit, etc, then thats up to her. I don't actually think she has heard of the expensive brands anyway, none of our shops stock it

She thinks HD brows look silly, but I have taken her to get her brows threaded. I didn't want her to attack them with tweezers and end up with no eyebrows as all

She has GHDs, she saved christmas and birthday money up and bought her own

She's really no different to how I was at the same age (at least she hasn't tried purple eye shadow!) and I am happy to let her get on with it.

I pick my battles

ouryve · 28/09/2015 13:06

And no, I don't dress my almost 12 year old boy like a mini adult, though there are days when his jeans, t-shirt and hoodie don't look much different to DH's.

I can't say I see all that many 12 year old boys in suit and tie, anyhow, unless it's school uniform - in which case the girls are usually dressed more or less the same.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/09/2015 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Songofsixpence · 28/09/2015 13:10

Posted too soon

I pick my battles, the teeth whitening and tongue piercing would be out of the question, but I'm meh about the rest of it

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/09/2015 13:10

funny, most have said op is not being U

yet no one's really said why.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/09/2015 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lurkedforever1 · 28/09/2015 13:12

My issue isn't that it sexualises them, it's more the fact constant ott grooming by a preteen can cause damage so it becomes a vicious circle.
Also I feel differently when it's just doing a few things here and there, and maybe going all out on special occasions. Whereas I don't like the message that appearance is so important spending a large amount of time on it should be a priority at that age. Getting up in time to apply subtle make up and do your hair nicely is very different to dedicating the time in the op.

Notso · 28/09/2015 13:13

Fellow Constance Carrol sympathiser here Grin My Mum only ever wears mascara on special occasions nothing else. I loathed her "natural is beautiful" mantra as an awkward self conscious teen. DSIS and I still joke that we can be having the worst hair day ever with maximum frizz and our parents will gush about how gorgeous our hair looks.

Great point Theycallmemellowjello there are lads in DD's year with beards. Big, bushy, manly beards. Nobody bats an eyelid.

DD wore loads of make up at around 13. Now at 15 she has toned it down a lot. She does like the big brands but pays for most of it herself. It does have benefits, she has recently passed on an expensive foundation to me as it wasn't her colour.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 28/09/2015 13:18

DD (12) wears make up but not at school. Like PP have said, she watches bloggers. I have banned foundation and concealer till she gets spots though!

Annoyingly she puts it on beautifully and makes a much better job of it than I do!