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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12 yo DN and makeup

113 replies

StillFrankie · 28/09/2015 11:49

Maybe I'm just getting old but I feel uncomfortable with the amount of makeup DNeice is wearing and how much she (or her mum) are spending on it (SIL doesn't wear any makeup, never has, so its all on DNeice).

DNeice has not long turned 12.

She wears a lot of makeup, she wears it well, but its still clear she's wearing makeup iykwim.

She was talking to me about brands. She uses MAC, Urban Decay, Benefit, Zoella stuff etc.

She also gets HD Brows, wear fake lashes, has french tips, GHDs, Babyliss curler thingie, wants a tongue piercing, uses teeth whitening gel.

AIBU to think this is too much at her age? Maybe as I said above, I'm just getting old and things have changed. I think at that age I just wore a bit of Rimmel concealor although I did get my eyebrows waxed every so often.

My own DD is only 7 and I'm already worrying about her 'keeping up' with her peers - eg she wants her ears pierced and I am refusing until high school, but 'all her friends' have it done so I feel like a bad mum. So this high school stuff with my DNeice really makes me worry!

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 28/09/2015 19:33

And I bet again, if she was spending the money on foot ball kits or pokemon cards or anything else more "boy oriented" there wouldn't be a problem. all are a waste of money or over priced.

but it's a girl buying girl things yet again that's a problem

BrianCoxReborn · 28/09/2015 19:40

My DD is 11.5. She's been faffing with make-up since this time last year when she discovered Zoella and co

I do wear make-up albeit occasionally (used to wear it constantly but in the past few years I cba)

I found it quite good, we got to discuss why women wear it and "should" we wear it - it was my first foray into feminist thinking with her. She was doing it because she looked on it like colouring in a colouring book, it was relaxing and a hobby/way to pass the time.

I gave her some tips on non-tangoing and also really tried to get across that she didn't need make-up, that she has beautiful skin and a lovely personality etc etc.

She doesn't wear it for school (very strict)/and only puts it on when we go shopping on a Saturday. It's very subdued and i always say "but you don't need it!!" Grin

She wants to start plucking her eyebrows. She says I have awesome eyebrows, they're to die for apparently. What she doesn't realise is that years of over-plucking have led to me having to rely on a bloody eyebrow pencil and the fear of having a Scouse-Brow means I've spent far too long perfecting my application technique.

Grin
HamaTime · 28/09/2015 19:48

I'm 44 and have no 'need' for make-up. DD on the other hand loves it. She doesn't 'need' it, but she doesn't need shit loads of other stuff that she's interested in either. As it happens, she's pretty good with it and has done the make up at her school plays and does face painting at school events.

00100001 · 28/09/2015 19:50

who made that assumption giles? Not me!

Senpai · 28/09/2015 19:53

I was big into make-up and hair products at 12. It's when all the hormones kick in and girls are transitioning away from child to teen. She's probably just making a distinction between no longer being a child with it.

Anyway, by high school after my goth phase I had out grown it and decided it wasn't worth all the faff in the morning. Now I rarely wear it, except on special occasions or at an event I know there'll be lots of photos of me floating around afterwards.

In the mean time, she's still your same lovable niece with or without her faced dolled up, no?

shebird · 28/09/2015 20:05

I think it is natural for girls of this age to experiment with make up, it's something we've all done. The difference today is that girls are under increasing pressure to be picture perfect all the time.

In the past we mucked about with make up trying to look older and cool but today girls want to look like a magazine cover 24/7. I'm constantly amazed at how immaculately groomed they are at such a young age. It must take them hours to leave the house. While there's nothing wrong with wearing a bit of makeup its the whole perfection thing that is a the issue here. It is cause of major anxiety for girls and eating disorders and self harm are on the increase.

maxxytoe · 28/09/2015 20:40

I think its fine
I'm makeup obsessed and would rather stay in watching tutorials and practising different looks whilst other girls my age are getting drunk and doing drugs
There's worse things in life than makeup

Unreasonablebetty · 28/09/2015 23:18

I wore make up at the age of 12- but my daughter will never know this!
Having a seven year old (I haven't taken everything into account so this may change by the time she hits 12/13)

But I am hoping that before we start with make up that maybe we can start off with a good skincare routine and general taking care of oneself- manicures, eyebrow tidies and the like.

We will the go to a local Dior counter and buy all of the most discreet makeup we can get, BB cream or tinted moisturiser and a very discreet lipgloss and a clear mascara.

There is no way my daughter will be wearing a full face of slap until she's 15/16- hopefully.
It looks awful. We had the fair in town last week, these teenage girls all walking around with so much make up on, and they don't know how to apply it so there were tide marks on so many of their faces and they end up looking worse than they would without it. I'm very much hoping my girl grows up knowing that to look natural is so much nicer, and easier!

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 28/09/2015 23:24

I've seen 11-12 year old girls with selfies on FB, in which they're wearing a face full of slap, posing hand on hip with the obligatory duck pout and crop top. It's awful.

JohnWick · 28/09/2015 23:29

At 12, a bit of an interest in make up is fine. Plus having say a rosy lipstick and a brown black mascara, maybe a little highlighter, something like that.

What you describe sounds a bit much though. But the whole social media thing has made youngsters so image conscious now, the whole contouring/sculpting type looks are so aimed at a certain type of social media friendly type look. And, to be honest, being a make up artist is now a real career option for people, there's lots of work in it, whereas 30 years ago you would have needed to go into film or theatre or fashion in a big city.

Can you encourage her interest in it down professional i.e. more subtle and sophisticated lines. There will be lots of youtube videos on make up for photos and so on.

Katedotness1963 · 29/09/2015 05:45

Someone said no-one says anything about boys looking like men with hair gel and aftershave. You must have missed the mums who talk about their early teen sons who think Lynx comes in a one serving size bottle. It seems all boys go through that stage, just as all girls seem to go through the same with eyeliner...

Stompylongnose · 29/09/2015 11:48

I feel very sorry for the current generation of teens/tweens and how they seem to be pressured into only posting heavily filtered pictures of themselves especially as anyone with access to their picture can easily zoom into any part of their face.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 29/09/2015 11:58

I really don't see the problem.

If your sister wants to buy her expensive make up then more fool her. If your niece wants to use her pocket money to buy it, then so what?

FWIW, I used to wear make up at that age because I had bad skin. Not acne, but enough to make me self conscious. I wish my mum had taken me out an taught me how to do make up properly rather than let me wear something orange off the market stall!

RB68 · 29/09/2015 12:06

I also wouldn't judge the quality of the make up by price - many big brands are just a marketing machine and that is what you pay for...the marketing. There are good value brands out there that are perfectly good for kids to learn on. Thankfully I have a daughter that I can explain the pigment thing to and who understands and judges on performance not brand name - but thats years of training against the brainwashing of todays consumer market

Nataleejah · 29/09/2015 12:09

I wasn't allowed make up at that age either. But then i'd go to a friends house on the way to school and paint myself like a clown. Of course i looked horrible with all that shit on, but felt myself so grown-up. Look at me, i'm big enough to wear make up!
Relax. Its a part of growing up.

Gottagetmoving · 29/09/2015 13:03

I think it is ok for girls as young as 12 to 'play' with make up. I don't think it is ok for them to get obsessed with it or go out in it though.
I think some parents just cannot apply rules or say no. Simple as that.

ghostyslovesheep · 29/09/2015 13:08

No some parents just have different rules Confused

Gottagetmoving · 29/09/2015 13:13

I was not talking about the parents who are happy to let a 12 year old go out made up. I was talking about those who are stressing over it Hmm

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/09/2015 13:13

Wow how many more threads can you pop up and spout your perfect parenting skills Gottagetmoving?
Mylenne Klass- is that you???

Gottagetmoving · 29/09/2015 13:15

Just have opinions as do you sharon Not my fault you don't think your own are perfect.

Booyaka · 29/09/2015 13:17

I was going to say YABU, but then I thought about the girls who used to wear a lot of make up at school, I'm still friends with them on Facebook and I have to say to a woman their lives haven't turned out well, largely because of growing up too soon so I suspect actually YANBU.

Asteria36 · 29/09/2015 13:31

When I acquired a beautiful DSD I was shocked by how much make-up she wore (to school at 8 Hmm) as I'd only previously experienced my perpetually muddy DS who thought make-up was ridiculous - aside from that one time he liberally painted his penis with my favourite clinique lipstick...
I'm no longer concerned by the wearing of subtle make-up at that tween stage, however wearing it to "look sexy" is not great. Rather than fighting against it, I took DSD to have a tutorial as to how to apply make-up so she wouldn't look like a clown properly. I bought DS v expensive organic face products when his skin went all teenagery and I happily do the same for DSD as it is a damned sight better than her caking her face in cheap toxic rubbish!!

NewLife4Me · 29/09/2015 13:40

I don't like make up on young girls and refuse to buy it or encourage dd to look at make up tutorials.
As a parent you have your own values and belief, I think it's up to you what they do and what they are into to a certain degree.
When my dd is a bit older currently only 11, she can make her own mind up, but for me the very slightest amount at weekend at 14 seems ok.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/09/2015 13:42

It's ok to wear a little make up but she'll destroy her skin.

Bouncearound · 29/09/2015 13:48

I have a twelve year old dd who loves make up. She likes wearing mascara, cream blusher, lip gloss and eyebrow pencil but really only if it is a special occasion I will let her. However, she is a 'good' girl who works hard, does lots of extra curricular activities, is kind and helpful and I think we need to choose our battles carefully. She has danced since she was 2 and worn stage make up for many years so knows how to apply it properly and doesn't look OTT or ridiculous in it. If she likes wearing it then it isn't doing any harm to anyone and allowing her this little bit of freedom is beneficial.
The only issue I have sometimes is that she wants to wear mascara to school. School rule (all girls) is that no excessive make up is allowed so mascara is ok but our house rule is that there is no make up allowed at school, partly to save time in the mornings but also because we want her to focus on school as somewhere to learn!

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