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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours complained about my dog. AIBU in how this has made me feel?

142 replies

Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 12:26

I have just received an anonymous typed letter in the post addressed to the 'occupier'.

Essentially the letter was complaining that my dog was tied outside barking between 14.00-16.00 on Saturday and stopped a baby getting to sleep.

I fully appreciate that this would be extremely annoying for the parents, however I am very upset that their approach is to send an anonymous letter. I don't understand why they couldn't call to the door to speak to us or put their name and telephone number on it. There is no doubt who it is, as there is only one house with a baby in the area.

I am an absolute dog lover and my dog is well treated, walked 3 times a day, very much part of the family and rarely left alone for more than a couple of hours. I am not only distressed at their approach, but also the insinuation that I am a neglectful pet owner.

This has taken a lot out of me and I would really appreciate others thoughts/ views. Would you ignore the letter or approach them?

OP posts:
Focusfocus · 24/09/2015 13:24

I would never leave my dog tied outside while I am away. A neighbour keeping an eye is simply not enough. What if it got too warm? What if the dog just fancied coming in and having a lie down? WHat if if if?

If the dog was barking on being left tied up outside for two hours, the dog shouldnt have been left that way.

I havent managed to consider the legitimacy of the neighbours response - because I am surprised and taken aback at the treatment of your dog.

LyndaNotLinda · 24/09/2015 13:25

Is the dog not allowed in the house?

TenForward82 · 24/09/2015 13:28

DoJo said it best. You're focusing on the wrong issue here, OP. Put your hurt fee-fees to one side.

diddl · 24/09/2015 13:28

Why is the dog tied up?

Is that usual?

Surely if you have to tie it up it would be better off indoors.

NotMyMonkey · 24/09/2015 13:31

I think you are missing the point OP.

It doesn't matter who made the complaint or how the complaint was made. You left your dog outside for 2 hours barking, possibly not for the first time. YABVU.

echt · 24/09/2015 13:31
  1. What kind of person leaves a dog tied up? Well out of order. Dog lover my arse.
  2. Your complaint about the mode of the NDN's complaint, while not immediately addressing the barking issue, smacks of weakness, i.e. they're right so I'll get sniffy about the letter. So much easier to make them the problem, not you/your dog.
  3. How was the NDN's letter a critique of you as a dog owner?
Original poster
Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 13:32

The dog is in the house 90% of the time. I generally would only leave her out for a short period- Saturday was longer than planned.

When these neighbours had several pre pregnancy late night parties/ used our parking area for their car etc we never dreamt of complaining. When they moved in and baby was born, we had popped round with a gift, so it's not as though there is a fraught relationship. Anyway, lesson learnt, dog in house. Hopefully there won't be any more problems moving forward!

OP posts:
dodobookends · 24/09/2015 13:35

If there is one thing guaranteed to piss off the neighbours, it is a dog left outside to bark for hours on end.

Spartans · 24/09/2015 13:36

You feel a conversation would have been better? They didn't. Why do your wishes, for handling this top theirs? How would they know you would prefer that?

I actually think you are purposely over reacting to make yourself the victim.

TenForward82 · 24/09/2015 13:36

FGS. Why ask AIBU? You're totally avoiding responsibility for this issue and throwing your toys out the pram.

You're also constantly contradicting yourself and dripfeeding unrelated points to get sympathy.

ShammyDavis · 24/09/2015 13:36

The dog is obviously not happy about something if she's barking for any length of time.

And why on earth does he need to be tied up in your garden?

You shouldn't be annoyed at your neighbour not approaching you in what you consider the appropriate way, - just apologise and find a solution to the problem.

Barking dogs are irritating even when you don't have a sleeping baby to think about.

MaxPepsi · 24/09/2015 13:36

Anonymous is crappy. I'm wondering if it's perhaps a friend or relative who was visiting your baby neighbours who have sent the letter?

Our neighbours have a dog. They have a dog flap. Their dog is a yappy one. DH regularly has to remind them to lock the flap. They are now immune to the noise and sleep with their windows closed. We however are not and sleep with our windows open. When the dog goes outside at 3am in the morning and barks at the bloody moonlight it wakes us all up. A face to face word the next morning and all is well again!

laureywilliams · 24/09/2015 13:42

'Distressed', 'hurt' 'uncomfortable'...

Get over yourself. How do you think they feel?

Spartans · 24/09/2015 13:43

Oh so it's ok because they have been loud?

Why not complain? If it bothered you?

Drip feeding information doesn't make you anymore reasonable.

I doubt it was these people (especially if they are the only people with a baby) as it identifys them, there is nothing wrong with a letter, nothing wrong with a typed letter.

Yabu and even more so to carry on feeding info to try and absolve yourself.

Fwiw I don't think any 'indoor' dog should be left tied up while you are out and an elderly woman keeps and eye out.

Maybe she went out too and doesn't want to tell you she wasn't watching the dog. She has life too.

amarmai · 24/09/2015 13:45

this is like attacking someone for the way the way they said whatever because you cannot defend against what they said. You are in the wrong - not the letter writer.

babyboomersrock · 24/09/2015 13:47

I have had my dog 6 years and she was a rescue dog. The rescue shelter did a full home assessment, including the outdoor area and had no reservations about our suitability

And they were quite happy about her being tethered outside, OP?

Even the RSPCA, with their less than exacting standards, advise against tethering. They say Dogs must not be tethered/chained, except for very short periods, as it can lead to injuries and restricts normal behaviour

DoJo · 24/09/2015 13:49

When these neighbours had several pre pregnancy late night parties/ used our parking area for their car etc we never dreamt of complaining.

You can't use historic transgressions that you never even complained about to justify your dog's noise now. Apart from anything, your dog barking probably bothered other people who didn't mention anything, so even if you think that you should get a free pass with this particular neighbour because they have been noisy in the past, why should other people in the area have to suffer? I just don't understand how you can completely ignore the contents of the note to focus solely on the means by which the communication took place.

VicWillia · 24/09/2015 13:51

I'd probably send you a letter too, I hate confrontation.

If you know who it is, I would go knock their door, have a chat, tell them your dog won't be barking outside again and that you are a decent reasonable person and in the future if they have anything to say to you you would appreciate them coming to talk to you in person.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/09/2015 13:52

I agree with you OP,

I think you thought you were doing right by your dog in leaving her outside, but i tbink she is better off inside when you're out. Which you are now going to do.

And I agree with you OP about the anonymous letter. It's cowardly of them not to include their details, so I'd just bin it and ignore it.

Investmentspaidout · 24/09/2015 13:55

Yabu times a million

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/09/2015 13:56

I don't agree DoJo, the op has been a very good neighbour in many ways letting others use their parking space, not complaining about noise etc, without sending anonymous letters about it. All she wants is to be approached in person and I'm sure she would be very reasonable, she certainly sounds it. There is something not very nice about anonymous letters.

herderofcats · 24/09/2015 14:00

How good is your retired lady neighbour's hearing?

Possibly she just can't hear your dog being a nuisance.

Sleepybeanbump · 24/09/2015 14:09

Jeeeeezus. Who leaves a dog barking outside for two hours? It's antisocial and surely cruel to the dog (not a dog owner so don't know for sure, but doesn't sound great)?

The anonymity of the letter is totally irrelevant. Maybe the sender subscribes to the same hard learned belief as I do- that generally speaking if you have to pick people up on their rude behaviour, you generally get a rude response. The sort of people who would go 'oh, you're right, terribly sorry, won't happen again' generally aren't being rude in the first place.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 24/09/2015 14:10

YABU.
You have disturbed all your neighbours for hours, but feel as if they are in the wrong because of how they asked you to stop?
You are not the victim here - you are the unreasonable neighbour who doesn't care that her dog's barking makes other people's life a misery.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 24/09/2015 14:11

I can't believe you leave a dog tied up in a garden while you go out!

You realise that another dog could get in and attack your teathered dog or that the dog could be stolen?

Where do you think bait dogs come from?

The dog doesn't have to be "kept in the house going forward" just not left alone in a garden where it's vunerable to theft or abuse.