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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours complained about my dog. AIBU in how this has made me feel?

142 replies

Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 12:26

I have just received an anonymous typed letter in the post addressed to the 'occupier'.

Essentially the letter was complaining that my dog was tied outside barking between 14.00-16.00 on Saturday and stopped a baby getting to sleep.

I fully appreciate that this would be extremely annoying for the parents, however I am very upset that their approach is to send an anonymous letter. I don't understand why they couldn't call to the door to speak to us or put their name and telephone number on it. There is no doubt who it is, as there is only one house with a baby in the area.

I am an absolute dog lover and my dog is well treated, walked 3 times a day, very much part of the family and rarely left alone for more than a couple of hours. I am not only distressed at their approach, but also the insinuation that I am a neglectful pet owner.

This has taken a lot out of me and I would really appreciate others thoughts/ views. Would you ignore the letter or approach them?

OP posts:

Spartans · 24/09/2015 13:03

So your dog was outside barking for 2 hours and you did nothing or were you out?

Yabu, your reaction is totally over the top. They have probably sent a letter because they don't like or want a confrontation. And to be honest if a letter upset you so much, I imagine them Turing up at your house would have made you feel worse

longdiling · 24/09/2015 13:03

Would you have really, genuinely have felt any better about this if they'd knocked on your door or left contact details though?

Why is the fact that it's anonymous upsetting you so much? It is impossible for anyone to be completely silent and considerate of their neighbours all the time, your dog barking for a couple of hours isn't the end of the world but neither is their note. Pop over and apologise, tell them you'll try and stop it happening in future. That'll no doubt be an end to it

Original poster

Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 13:06

When I go out to leave kids to school in morning, get groceries etc, I will leave her out if weather is dry. I regularly ask my neighbour if there are ever any difficulties and there hasn't been. I accept that the dog possibly was barking and absolutely agree that this is very frustrating. What I do think is that a conversation is much more appropriate. The letter was typed and posted, not just dropped through letter box. I totally accept that dog was a nuisance and will ensure it won't happen again, but wonder why this needs to by typed and posted. Maybe I'm just being sensitive.

OP posts:

Spartans · 24/09/2015 13:09

I am dyslexic, I type everything. Because my hand writing is awful and so is my spelling: if I type I can spell check and its readable. Some people feel happier typing.

It's not like they expected you to have hand writing looked at to trace them.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/09/2015 13:09

You might think a conversation more appropriate but in the neighbour's eyes, you could be anyone....you might not take kindly to someone knocking and complaining...maybe they're cautious types. I am. I would not knock on a stranger's door to complain about their dog...or leave my name and number! No way!

I think YABU to feel so upset and YABU to be leaving your dog outside for 2 hours.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 24/09/2015 13:10

Treat your dog better and have more respect for the rights of your neighbours to some peace and quiet. Sorted.

howtorebuild · 24/09/2015 13:10

They are scared you will shout at them, your dog will bite them or they don't want the hassle of dealing with you for whatever reason. Your behaviour and dog are a pain in the arse and probably have been for some time, they had enough, your lucky the Environmental health or RSPCA are not writing.

hibbleddible · 24/09/2015 13:11

What breed is your dog op?

I never let my dog outside unsupervised. I worry about her injuring herself, getting cold/wet.

In this country dogs usually stay inside. I know in some warmer countries people often keep dogs outside, but that often goes with a different cultural attitude towards dogs (aids rather than pets).

If the dog is left alone outside then what would the dog do if it starts raining?

I do agree with you about the anonymous letter. The neighbourly thing to do would be to knock on your door and have a polite conversation.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 24/09/2015 13:12

What on earth is wrong with their letter? You're the person who was in the wrong; you don't get to fuss over how someone tells you your dog is being a pain.

There's nothing inappropriate about a letter - it's clearly what they felt comfortable with.

Flumplet · 24/09/2015 13:13

Outside on her own where she is most mornings with another neighbour keeping an eye on her?? You're contradicting yourself op - and why should your neighbour be responsible for keeping an eye on your dog?

goddessofsmallthings · 24/09/2015 13:14

Of course it was typed and posted - if it had been handwritten and dropped through your letterbox another neighbour may have seen the person who delivered it which, again, makes me think it didn't come from the baby's parent(s).

Your neighbour may have a higher tolerance for a continually barking dog than most, or maybe she has the radio/tv/vacuum/washing machine full on in the morning and doesn't hear your dog.

margeys · 24/09/2015 13:15

If it was typed and posted, it may be the parent who works did this at munch time in their lunch hour.
Yes it is better to talk to someone about issues, but many people are too nervous to do it.

I do think some dog owners don't realise how much their dogs bark. And if you have a new baby and little sleep, every bark is going to annoy you even more.

howtorebuild · 24/09/2015 13:15

Maybe she wrote the letter.

EponasWildDaughter · 24/09/2015 13:16

''I regularly ask my neighbour if there are ever any difficulties and there hasn't been''

Maybe your dog barks a lot when you leave it and the neighbor either hasn't the balls heart to mention it, doesn't see barking as an issue, or doesn't hear it (plays loud music, goes out also, uses head phones, is hard of hearing).

A letter sounds to me like a response to an issue over time.

Anonymous typed and posted is no big deal. At least they've contacted you personally rather than just reported you to the dog warden for eg.

Spartans · 24/09/2015 13:16

I also wouldn't assume that it's definitley the one with the baby. I wouldn't identify myself so easily. Or you are wrong and there are more babies in the area, and they know this so didn't think that would indentify them.

EponasWildDaughter · 24/09/2015 13:16

Oh and btw, the baby in the letter could be a grand child staying over or the mindee of a child minder.

pebbletime · 24/09/2015 13:17

My neighbour threatened to thump me when I stood speaking to another neighbour, with my dog at my side, and it barked for around 3 minutes (it is a barky sort of dog and the other neighbour didn't mind it barking as we spoke.

The 1st neighbour took annoyance at my not checking it.
I did try, but it IS a barky sort of dog.
However, it was less than 3 minutes (witnessed)

Now, THAT's unreasonable, not a letter!

Barking for 2 hours outside isn't on, tbf.

Backforthis · 24/09/2015 13:19

You leave your dog tethered outside while you're out of the house? Arsehole.

howtorebuild · 24/09/2015 13:19

If the are a property owner they would be trying to avoid a dispute on record, or trying to stop the barking before putting off those looking to buy their home.

SacredHeart · 24/09/2015 13:19

I Would have written a letter as my experience has been people who do antisocial loud things (like banging music, boy racer cars, letting their house alarm go off daily, let there dogs bark for hours etc.) have been the type of people to lamp you regardless of how polite you are.

Sorry if you don't want people to think of you that way but for me I've had far too many gob-fulls in my time to risk it.

Anonymous or not, a thoughtful person would react to the letter a thoughtless person won't react to a royal decree.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/09/2015 13:21

It's unusual to leave a dog outside when alone. Does she have access to shade and shelter?

Original poster

Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 13:22

My neighbour is a retired lady who most certainly will tell me if there is an issue and we are close friends. She has no problem telling me if there is a problem with the dog- we were in her garden and my dog piddled on her grass and she expressed annoyance, which I tilt ally understood as it can burn her grass, so have no doubt she would tell me if there was an issue. The dog obviously has an insulated kennel, where she will be if weather changed.

We have lived here 7 years problem free and have had these neighbours for 4 years, so I would have thought a conversation would be appropriate.

I have had my dog 6 years and she was a rescue dog. The rescue shelter did a full home assessment, including the outdoor area and had no reservations about our suitability.

OP posts:

Scobberlotcher · 24/09/2015 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 24/09/2015 13:23

I think your righteous indignation about the means of communication is blinding you to the fact that you behaved inconsiderately in the first instance, and therefore any response to that is based on your neighbour's perception of you as someone who doesn't think enough of their neighbours to ensure that their dog is not a nuisance to others.
You are expecting them to come round at a time which is convenient to you (i.e when you are there) and discuss the situation, whereas they probably want to say their piece, hope it has the desired effect and get on with their lives without having to keep hyping themselves up to potentially have a disagreement with you only to find that you are not there or to leave it so long that it is no longer really appropriate to address the matter. Their reasons for complaining in the manner they did shouldn't diminish the fact that they felt the need to complain at all.

LyndaNotLinda · 24/09/2015 13:24

Maybe the person who wrote is is frightened of confronting you? Maybe they suffer from social anxiety? Maybe they've got dyslexia?

I can understand that you're upset but if I were you, I'd go round there and be really apologetic and horrified that your dog was barking for so long. He's clearly not happy - have you asked the neighbour who's supposed to be 'keeping an eye on him' (what does that mean exactly?) if the dog barks when you go out.

There's a dog round here which sometimes barks for nearly an hour and it drives me (and my dog) absolutely potty.

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