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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours complained about my dog. AIBU in how this has made me feel?

142 replies

Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 12:26

I have just received an anonymous typed letter in the post addressed to the 'occupier'.

Essentially the letter was complaining that my dog was tied outside barking between 14.00-16.00 on Saturday and stopped a baby getting to sleep.

I fully appreciate that this would be extremely annoying for the parents, however I am very upset that their approach is to send an anonymous letter. I don't understand why they couldn't call to the door to speak to us or put their name and telephone number on it. There is no doubt who it is, as there is only one house with a baby in the area.

I am an absolute dog lover and my dog is well treated, walked 3 times a day, very much part of the family and rarely left alone for more than a couple of hours. I am not only distressed at their approach, but also the insinuation that I am a neglectful pet owner.

This has taken a lot out of me and I would really appreciate others thoughts/ views. Would you ignore the letter or approach them?

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 24/09/2015 12:41

Spect your neighbours will be clinking glasses when you move, then.

Original poster
Tazzyduffy · 24/09/2015 12:41

Dog is normally indoors and not a problem in the house, however we left her out as weather was nice and she likes to bask in the sun occasionally. She is a house dog, so when weather is good I like her to be able to be outside. I guess she is indoors all the time moving forward Hmm

OP posts:
rainpouringrainbows · 24/09/2015 12:42

Was your dog really barking for 2 hours?

Maybe the letter comes from an exhausted mother, deep in PND, who is afraid of confrontation. They contacted you directly, maybe "anonymously", instead of complaining to the council or god knows who. I wouldn't take their approach too badly.

You can put a (nice) reply letter on your front gate or something. Shy people are not always malicious.

TenForward82 · 24/09/2015 12:43

It doesn't matter what YOU LIKE, OP, for goodness sake.

If your dog was barking, it was disturbing the neighbourhood. Simple.

DoJo · 24/09/2015 12:43

I guess she is indoors all the time moving forward

Or just bring her in if she's barking - your reaction seems disproportionate to the letter, unless it was significantly more aggressive than your OP implied.

charlestonchaplin · 24/09/2015 12:43

I know it is considered bad form on Mumsnet to leave a note for a neighbour, but sometimes that is what people are comfortable with, for whatever reason. A note shouldn't be taken in a negative way, unless the contents are negative. Likewise, some people don't like to be accosted at their door by a neighbour, especially with no notice. I wouldn't leave an anonymous note but surely what is most important is whether the facts as set out in the letter are accurate. Does it really matter in this case who wrote the letter?

reni2 · 24/09/2015 12:46

A dog barking for 2 hour non-stop would annoy me, too. Name under the note is irrelevant, they won't have been the only ones who were pissed off about it, I would think most people in the surrounding houses were.

If the dog didn't bark it is a dreadful note to send to someone.

TenForward82 · 24/09/2015 12:46

your reaction seems disproportionate to the letter

Yes, I feel that as well. OP seems to expect us to ignore the issue of whether her dog was barking or not and just go "Ooooh, anonymous letter, what a BITCH"

TenForward82 · 24/09/2015 12:47

OP also says she's checked with neighbour, so she clearly wasn't home to witness whether her dog was barking or not.

BlinkAndMiss · 24/09/2015 12:47

I'd approach them if it wasn't true, or if some of the details weren't true, and explain that you do apologise for any disturbance and if it happens again then perhaps they could contact you directly (text/phonecall/email if you're at work).

If your dog was tied up for 2 hours outside then I'd not say anything and accept that this situation does not work. I'm a dog owner and I think sometimes we can be slightly oblivious to barking because we expect it. If you're not in then your dog should be inside for it's own protection really.

My neighbours keep hanging over the fence to make my dog bark, when I go out to calm her they say "oh don't worry about the noise" as if I am going to apologise to them. However, as a dog owner any rights probably won't go in my favour so it's always best to be cooperative and calm so things don't exacerbate.

ender · 24/09/2015 12:47

Why did you tie the dog up?
Mine would get in a tangle playing with his toys and bark furiously if I did that.

SilverOldie2 · 24/09/2015 12:47

Obviously x posted with OP's second post. Constant dog barking is extremely irritating, and I can only imagine more so if you have a new born trying to sleep. You seem to think the big issue is that their letter was anonymous, and not at all concerned that your dog being left out for 2 hours, resulted in them having to complain. YABU.

If your dog is part of your family as you say in your OP, how come its locked outside for two hours?

TenForward82 · 24/09/2015 12:50

Also, OP, maybe she she did come round and knock and you were out, and she didn't want to be dashing back and forth with a newborn, so left you a note.

sherbetpips · 24/09/2015 12:52

You said the dog is rarely left alone but then you say "This is where she would be most mornings and there is never a problem"? So she is left alone regularly then.

I would be peed off listening to a dog barking for two hours every day too. If I didn't know the owner I would feel comfortable writing a note as I wouldn't know what kind of reaction I would get.

PunkrockerGirl · 24/09/2015 12:52

Our neighbour's dog often barks for more than 2hours when they're at work. It's bloody irritating even without a baby trying to sleep.

TheWitTank · 24/09/2015 12:54

Clearly the dog has been barking then -I can't see why neighbour would complain otherwise (unless you don't get on?). I personally don't leave my dogs outside when I'm not there to supervise. A man in the house a few doors over does and they bark at everything and everyone who walks past. It's bloody annoying. Not for him though as he is at work!
Perhaps neighbour is a non confrontational type who didn't want a doorstep argument? I can't see why a quick note through the door is so upsetting.

Skullyton · 24/09/2015 12:56

i complained about my neighbours dogs barking, no i didn't talk to her about it first, i think the 6 months of us shouting "shut the fuck up" at them over the fence was hint enough.

The final straw came after they were out there for 3hours solid and didnt stop ONCE until 8pm.

If your dog is a nuisance, then don't leave it bark.

howtorebuild · 24/09/2015 12:56

You are lucky it's a neighbour letter not an environmental letter.

Skullyton · 24/09/2015 12:57

yes, exactly, i didnt shove a note through her door, i took it straight to the council, and i dont care either.

Scobberlotcher · 24/09/2015 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 24/09/2015 12:59

I'd send a nice bunch of flowers to the people with the baby with a card apologising for the disturbance, and saying feel free to just knock.

This is a peaceful way forward, which ultimately will work in favour to both of you. Even though you're moving, you will be neighbour for some time yet, and it's far better to get on with them than not.

Chances are they won't mind the dog anything like so much if they like you and know you're amicable and a nice person who won't be confrontational.

goddessofsmallthings · 24/09/2015 13:00

There is no doubt who it is, as there is only one house with a baby in the area

The letter could equally have come from any disgruntled neighbour as the writer of an 'anonymous' letter would be unlikely to give any clue as to their identity by mentioning a baby if there's only one infant in the area.

If the baby's parent(s) had written the letter I would have expected it to say that your dog's barking disturbed the entire neighbourhood for 2 hours because you had left her tied up outside your home.

WeAllHaveWings · 24/09/2015 13:00

I assume you were at home while your dog was outside for 2 hours, or you would know how much the dog was barking yourself. I'm a dog lover too but would never inflict my barking dog on my neighbours for 2 hours while I went out. Our dog only goes in the garden while we are at home and if he barks even once we check him or bring him indoors.

Nothing in the letter sounds as if they are accusing you of dog neglect, they are accusing you of being a nuisance which you are. It is usually harder to complain than apologise to someone you don't know hence the letter. It very likely this is not the first time your dog has been a nuisance that they felt they had to complain.

If you know who they are go around and apologise profusely, let them know you are approachable and tell them it wont happen again.

peggyundercrackers · 24/09/2015 13:02

sounds like you were out of the house so tied the dog up and left your neighbour to look after the dog. Obviously the neighbour isn't going to tell you if the dog was barking all day because they were probably ignoring it and don't want you to know that.

mmmuffins · 24/09/2015 13:03

Ok well it sounds like it is possible your dog was barking for a long period of time. That isn't really on. If your neighbour doesn't know you, perhaps they just thought it best to quietly make you aware there is a problem.

I wouldn't take it the anonymous note to heart. I would take to heart that there is an issue with your dog's circumstances during the day.