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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridezilla strikes again!

125 replies

Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 11:47

Right so my friend is getting married on Saturday.

She asked would I stay over on the Friday night before the wedding and I told her I couldn't as I have 3 kiddies to sort out and the minders are not taking them until 11 Sat morning.

Anyway I got a smart text from her saying "I'm not being smart but the whole point of a bridesmaid is to help the bride out. I'm going to be up to my eyes and will need help with the kids".

I'm flabbergasted. Is she wrong?

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 24/09/2015 11:49

Is this the first time she's asked you to help on the day? What did you think your duties would include? Where will her dh be? Surely she'll have other family staying the night before the wedding who could help?

iamanintrovert · 24/09/2015 11:51

Well surely she knows your circumstances. Is it reasonably easy for you to get childcare? Personally I don't think I'd leave my kids overnight to help a friend get ready for a wedding. If they were teenagers it might be reasonable of her to ask, but not if they are little.

hedgehogsdontbite · 24/09/2015 11:51

No I think she's right. If you have commitments which mean you can't help the bride get ready on her wedding day then you shouldn't have agreed to being a bridesmaid.

momb · 24/09/2015 11:52

Usually Bridesmaids are there to help and support the bride on her wedding day, yes. I don't think she's wrong, just that the two of you haven't communicated the expected role very well.
Is there any way you can get your kids sorted before 11 and then go over early?

glasgowlass · 24/09/2015 11:52

I know someone getting married on sat & she is very entitled....wonder if it's same person...The whole world has to stop for her wedding!
As far as I'm concerned you're a bridesmaid not a babysitter/childcare. She should have something in place for her own kids just as everyone else has had to do so IMO she is in the wrong, not you.

MajesticWhine · 24/09/2015 11:52

It would be nice for you to stay over, but I am sure she is aware you have 3 kids, therefore she should have asked you weeks ago, as obviously it would need some advanced notice for you to make the necessary arrangements.

InimitableJeeves · 24/09/2015 11:53

Why should you have to organise or pay for childcare for your children just to provide care for hers?

And she's left this a bit bloody late, hasn't she?

CruCru · 24/09/2015 11:53

Presumably the OP will be helping her on her wedding day, just not the night before.

There are limits to what can be expected of a bridesmaid.

Original poster
Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 11:54

Ok so say, no I can't be your bridesmaid I have children??? Really hmm.

At the end of the day it was hard enough getting sitters for the Saturday never mind looking for someone the Friday too. She asked me to be her bridesmaid, not her slave.

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 24/09/2015 11:58

I think that she is not unreasonable to ask that you stay over, but she should have communicated it much, much earlier if it was what she wanted. I do think that not being available until 11 on the morning of the wedding is a bit U though (does this mean you'll not leave the house until 11? therefore not be at the venue til later than that?). I think you should have made yourself available on the wedding day itself - including the morning. She might have been less bothered about you not being there the night before if you had said you'd be at her disposal first thing in the morning.

BoyScout · 24/09/2015 11:59

Take a deep breath, don't fall out with her. It's just a miscommunication over expectations. Explain your lack of childcare and help her come up with some alternative solutions.

Original poster
Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 11:59

Wonder if its thesame person glasgowlass lol.

Tell me some more about her haha & I'll figure it out.

OP posts:
glasgowlass · 24/09/2015 12:05

Total drama queen in every aspect of life. She was the first woman in the world to have childrem type! First name starts with J.
There cannot be 2 of her...

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 24/09/2015 12:11

What time is the wedding? Eleven seems late to be leaving your house if that's when you're sitter is coming- aren't you needed for hair/makeup etc etc at silly o'clock in the morning as with most wedding parties?

Oakmaiden · 24/09/2015 12:12

Yeah, actually the whole point of the bridesmaid IS to help the bride out. Not just to turn up and wear a pretty dress for the photos. I don't see it as being desperately Bridezilla-ish.

Can you offer to have her children overnight or something, so that will be one thing less for her to worry about, but you will still be with YOUR children?

rainpouringrainbows · 24/09/2015 12:18

She is completely ridiculous, especially if she just asked you with nearly no warning.

However, her nerves have obviously kicked in, she is getting stressed about her wedding, so deep breath, and try to be sympathetic.

As said above, could you go earlier than 11?
Unless you have a wedding planer, you do need help on the day to collect (or check delivery) of flowers, to put most dresses, check the table seating plan... so a friendly helper would be great for her.

Bottlecap · 24/09/2015 12:20

Are you her maid/matron of honour?

If you're best friends, she might have assumed. I think it's normal for the MOH/best friend to spend the night in the bridal suite.

She should have made that clear, though.

EponasWildDaughter · 24/09/2015 12:22

I'm guessing it was assumed that you would be more available to help out. This needed sorting out much earlier, as other posters have said, so too late now. But i don't think she's being a bridezilla. It's both your faults.

What will you be helping out with OP, if you're not even leaving the house till 11am?

It's bit ingenous to suggest no one with kids can be a bridesmaid. And it's unusual to agree to be one when you know there's no chance of being around for the bride the night before or the morning of the wedding.

Zucker · 24/09/2015 12:23

"I'm not being smart but the whole point of a bridesmaid is to help the bride out. I'm going to be up to my eyes and will need help with the kids".

I love the I'm not being smart bit. YES she is being as cheeky as fuck expecting a slave. I presume her partner is abandoning ship so they can do the whole not seeing bride before big day blah blah. Deep breaths OP your obligations will end as soon as she's passed out on the wedding night Grin

CrapBag · 24/09/2015 12:25

You are really overreacting OP. Very much so. What exactly did you think a bridesmaid would be doing? Their role is to help the bride and they do usually stay with them the night before.

The two of you should have communicated better and need to stop being so snarky with each other tbh.

Zucker · 24/09/2015 12:26

But what should a bridesmaid be doing really the night before or morning of the wedding.

The florist looks after the flowers, hairdresser will be doing hair, makeup person if needed will do make-up.

Make tea? Put the brides dress on? Decorate the venue with streamers and glue?
Really at that stage if every-thing's not done it's never going to be done.

Bottlecap · 24/09/2015 12:26

Oh I just re-read the part where you're supposed to help with her kids. That's not exactly what I thought. She's being a bit cheeky.

Silverturnip · 24/09/2015 12:27

I would totally agree to going over on the Friday night.... With the kids of course!!

PrimalLass · 24/09/2015 12:29

Just say, 'Ok, but I have to bring the kids too.'

hedgehogsdontbite · 24/09/2015 12:29

I missed the bit about needing to be there to help with the kids too. I retract my earlier statement and replace it with 'YANBU the cheeky mare'.

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