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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridezilla strikes again!

125 replies

Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 11:47

Right so my friend is getting married on Saturday.

She asked would I stay over on the Friday night before the wedding and I told her I couldn't as I have 3 kiddies to sort out and the minders are not taking them until 11 Sat morning.

Anyway I got a smart text from her saying "I'm not being smart but the whole point of a bridesmaid is to help the bride out. I'm going to be up to my eyes and will need help with the kids".

I'm flabbergasted. Is she wrong?

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 24/09/2015 13:50

Just send her this link

SeasideSunshine · 24/09/2015 13:53

I'm confused. MOH is staying over, so she wants MOH for her and you to stay over to be a babysitter? I would calmly explain the difference between "bridesmaid" and "childcare" in terms she can understand. Hmm

No, no, and just no. FFS she is a grown adult, with children of her own. She is not a blushing 18yo that is nervous about a big step in life and needs support the night before. She needs to grow the fuck up. You could always tell her you will provide exactly the amount of support that she provided for yours, which should relieve you of most duties. Or calmly remind her that as you organised the hen do (since the MOH didn't), then you'll let MOH take point for Friday night and let her deal with it. Then breezily say "see you Saturday!" and ignore.

Katedotness1963 · 24/09/2015 13:56

She seems to be confused between bridesmaid and childminder. If she has her MOH there and is going to bed at ten what are you supposed to do? Fan her gently with a big leaf? Rub her feet all night? Peel grapes for her breakfast?

Original poster
Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 13:57

lol love it!!

That is exactly what I want to say SeaSideSunshine but I am trying to bite my lip until after the wedding that she won't see me for dust. I have had enough of her.

OP posts:
Fizrim · 24/09/2015 13:58

When did bridesmaids start staying overnight before the wedding? Why? What is there to do on the morning apart from get yourself ready?

laureywilliams · 24/09/2015 13:59

Traditionally the role of the bridesmaid is to 'support' the bride.

Meaning perhaps emotionally or last minute decisions on hair.

It certainly isn't to provide childcare.

But then traditionally the bride doesn't have a couple of kids.

InimitableJeeves · 24/09/2015 14:06

Did you have children when you got married? If so, can you text back "What, like the help you gave me the night before my wedding?"

Original poster
Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 14:10

I had children yes. I was so tempted to say that but I really don't want there to be an atmosphere on the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 14:15

On a serious note how do I act with her on Saturday? When I just wanna punch her in the face lol

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 24/09/2015 14:18

Tell her, "I was basing my expectations on what we did before my wedding. Sorry if I misunderstood, but sure you have MOH there to help and presumably many other assorted female relatives".

Sounds like she wants her entourage there to fawn over her rather than help. The day of a wedding is always manic and the house sounds like it'll be crammed with people. Why would you want to add more bodies into that mix unnecessarily is mad.

Original poster
Daffy10 · 24/09/2015 14:24

I went back to her yesterday biting my lip and said that you know yourself childcare arrangements are difficult and she said "You have x how many months to organise it!!"

OP posts:
Skiptonlass · 24/09/2015 14:25

I clearly missed a trick with my bridesmaids... The most I asked of them was to pitch up the same time as everyone else and grab a glass of fizz, then walk up the 'not an actual aisle' and stand to the left for five minutes while we got hitched. Then enjoy the food, drink and music.

That was it.

Oh no, I did get a group pic of the four of us... I'm demanding, me :)

Yanbu - what sort of help does she envisage? Is the dress something that requires scaffolding?

Pancakeflipper · 24/09/2015 14:28

I need to make a public apology to all those (been many I have been bridesmaid for.

I just wore the dress they wanted.
Force fed them toast to prevent bridal faints.
Held flowers.

Shoved veils back
Helped in loo situations.
Smiled a lot.
Danced with some dodgy uncle
Told them they looked wonderful.

Sorry, I really underestimated the role.

AyeAmarok · 24/09/2015 14:52

I'd text back.

"I don't mind coming but I don't think having 6 excited children running riot all night is going to help you feel any more calm, but it's your call".

Oakmaiden · 24/09/2015 15:16

Ah - for some reason I thought you were MoH. If she has MoH already staying, then it is less of a deal.

Maybe I am just fondly looking back to the night before my wedding and doing last minute flowers, etc and then all (OK only 3 of us, so not a big all) camping out together in my sisters bedroom.

Jux · 24/09/2015 15:52

I bet MoH has dropped out of pre-nuptial night childcare, and that's why bride wants you.

Ask her.

wizzywig · 24/09/2015 16:16

Thats why its good to be unpopular like me!

regenerationfez · 24/09/2015 16:29

I'd turn up for the wedding, walk up the aisle smiling sweetly, get drunk at the reception then bugger off forevermore or until she apologises for being a massive PITA, whichever is sooner.

alleypalley · 24/09/2015 22:22

I am trying to bite my lip until after the wedding that she won't see me for dust. I have had enough of her.

On a serious note how do I act with her on Saturday? When I just wanna punch her in the face lol

Um, perhaps you should not be her bridesmaid. It doesn't seem as if you like her at all.

alleypalley · 24/09/2015 22:30

When did bridesmaids start staying overnight before the wedding?

Probably when most weddings involved a few days away in a hotel, a meal the night before, and breakfast the morning after.

CrapBag · 24/09/2015 23:01

Ok in light of the extra info, she is being a bit demanding. She has a MOH there and she was crap for your wedding. Nope tell her you didn't realise she wanted you there the night before and you can't arrange childcare but you will, of course be there at X time on the day. I assumed she wanted your help getting ready etc, not a nanny. My bridesmaids stayed with me and we just had fun getting ready. This just sounds like a lot of work for you.

Is this going to sour things on the day. I'd imagine it will. Tbh she really should be focusing on her marrying her fiance, not trivial shit like this.

Aussiemum78 · 25/09/2015 00:54

I'd just cancel TBH. Tell her she's being unreasonable and rude and you think she should find a better friend to help her on the day.

If she paid for the dress return it.

Why can't her husband to be take the kids for a night? She could book a hotel? Sounds like she's too cheap to pay for make up or babysitting but expects you to fix it for her.

Aussiemum78 · 25/09/2015 00:56

Does she not have a mum or Aunty who can babysit for one night? Sounds a bit odd to have no relatives around the night before a wedding?

Original poster
Daffy10 · 25/09/2015 10:03

I did like her before she started acting like a demanding missy.

There is alot more history to this. We are friends over 20 years and I can honestly say hand on heart she has never done me a favour in all the years.
She basically treated me like a mug for years and I accepted it. I nearly died after having my 2nd daughter and I never heard a word from her.

When I showed her my wedding dress and she piped up " I wouldve thought you would have to be a twig to wear that".

We fell out for years as I heard she was talking behind my back.

She got back in touch a year ago and I honestly thought she had changed.. She hasn't.

I am being the mug no longer & she doesn't like it.

OP posts:
regenerationfez · 25/09/2015 10:35

Blimey after all that, I wouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid in the first place! Can you pull out of the wedding? A year of being friends after having a massive falling out is not really that much. Doesn't sound like you will be seeing each other after the wedding anyway!