Playdate hell

[scortja]

I am not good at playdates but recently decided it would be the best for DS to try again.. He's just gone into Year 2 so thought it might be easier and they might be better behaved..

So - just brought home DS's friend who always seemed really sweet but it all seems to be going wrong - how do I turn it around?! Should I just call him mum to pick him up - that seems unfair to her! Help!

DS's friend is pretty worldly compared to DS and has demanded Lucozade, XBox, Playstation, money, Netflix and Transformers - all a no. He's thrown toys at the window to try and break it/them (firmly told not to otherwise he'd be going home), he's been pushing and shouting and telling DS2 that he hates him..

Now he's saying he's going to tell their teacher that DS pulled his pants down - which DS has taken to heart instead of laughing off.. DS is now not talking to him and DS's friend is playing with DS2 who is 3.. I have two hours to go and i have to try and feed him ..

special snowflake

Hurrah child has gone! Have

Aside from never having the child visit again I would tell the teacher (tomorrow morning) what he has threatened. This way if he does say something to his teacher they don't have to start safeguarding against you and/or your child and 2) they know this is the trick if he does it to another child who has been on a playdate and not "cooperated" with his demands.

Ds1 had a friend round when he was in y6 - let's call him Liam (not his real name). Ds2 was in reception, so 11 and 5.

They were all sat in ds1's room playing on the X-box. Ds2 annoyed Liam, so Liam punched him in the stomach.

I sent Liam straight home, after telling him his behavior was unacceptable. He lived 10 mins walk away, so not far.

Anyway, a couple of hours passed, and I'd kind of expected a call from Liam's mum, so I called her to check he got back ok. He hadn't told her why he went home early. I said I'd asked him to leave after he punched ds2 in the stomach.

I'd have been mortified if either of my ds's had done anything like this, but she didn't apologise, get him to apologise or anything. I didn't invite him back.

He's not a 'spirited' child, he's a rude and naughty child.
My son is 'spirited' - independent and hard work (for me). He wouldn't dream of behaving like the child you've just had round, because he knows to be polite and respectful to others, and is always good as gold whenever he is being looked after by someone else.

There have only ever been two children banned from my home (and I have two children). The first, was DD's friend a few years ago (DD's now an adult) who decided it was an absolutely brilliant idea to completely trash DD's bedroom (every single item in drawers/her wardrobe was on the floor, as was her mattress and bedding - DD was 13/14 at the time and too frightened of the girl to tell her to stop/come fetch me to do so on her behalf). Upon discovery, when I called the little witch's mother to complain, I was informed that as I apparently kept "a shit house", I should "expect to have to deal with it".

... banned.

The second child was DS(10)'s friend a few years ago, who not only persisted in bouncing on our brand new sofa - despite having been told to stop - but also called DD a c*. I took him home. Immediately. And explained to his mother precisely why. Who prompted to whitter on about how her precious baby would never do such a thing, or ever use such language.

Banned.

But then, having spent years teaching first year university students... I guess I have little patience for brats.

Even less for their poor excuses for parents who try to make me feel guilty for their lack of parenting.

Just brought home ds's friend who always seemed really sweet.
Exactly seemed being the key word. Those too sweet to be wholesome kids are always the worse. Give me a for want of a better word an openly badly behaved child any day over a sly manipulative seemingly "sweet" child
at least you know what you're getting with an openly badly behaved child

Sorry, I got sidetracked. I do feel your pain, having had a less-than-desirable playdate experience at mine a year ago. Have some and

You sound utterly pathetic and unable to deal with a child.
A child.
I'm not convinced this is real anyway

But with much respect, Sad. You have just added to the thread, or are your set of rules superior to everyone else's. It's a public site, people are more than entitled to add to the thread. Yes, even you

i feel your pain.

Thank you to the recent nice posters!

I'm exhausted now - a mumsnet mauling and devil playmate (kidding! kidding!) in one afternoon..

Don't know about , I think you need a straight double vodka

iliveinaighthouse

I meant to say "adding" as in the emotional giving and sharing of stories - which is what sets Mumsnet apart from other sites. We share and we support; we offer suggestions for possible solutions. Sometimes we even make RL friends.

But read this thread where a long-term poster has finally said what we all feel: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2472523-To-want-to-vent-about-the-grief-competition-thread

So I stood out of my comfort zone (I am NOT a rule-breaker) and suggested people to stop investing (time, energy, advice)

Those of us who have been sucked into fake threads feel a little bit less energised the next time we read a thread where we could possible help.

I will, of course, apologise to sjcorta if I got it wrong. S/he will have 'caught ya' (me) well and truly!

Prepare to apologise!

As for feeling 'a little less energised' you certainly had enough to say on a pretty flippant subject.

sleeponeday

You said: The thing is, your own kids behave fine

Please read the thread. I think 00100001 has done a summary for us!

I have read the thread. Her own kids aren't mentioned by 00100001 in her summary. When OP mentions her kids, it's not to describe especially diabolical behaviour, but to say she'd never allow hers to do this and that they seem embarrassed by the playdate's shenanigans.

I also don't get why you are repeatedly posting in a rather agitated manner, and then post to tell everyone else "for goodness sake" not to post because you suspect nefarious goings-on. I mean, STOP INVESTING! and THINK BEFORE YOU POST AGAIN!! - it all seems a little over the top, no?

This is not a very dramatic or exciting thread. It's about a playdate. OP may have that limited an imagination but I don't see any especially emotional investment going on over it all, do you?

Sympathies, OP! You sound similar to me - I wouldn't have wanted to call the mum either. It does get easier though, as you weed out the ones who don't behave and never invite them again! My DS is in Y4 now and has about four lovely friends who are calm, polite, respectful and know they're welcome at any time, but we've had some nightmares in the past and I've actually changed my school-run route and timings to avoid one particular kid who used to spend every school run asking when she and her brother could come over. The last time they came there was carnage beyond belief, tears, rudeness, toys everywhere, going through my fridge and food cupboard, nearly a broken telly, nearly a broken £1k guitar, and they took absolutely no notice of me repeatedly and very firmly telling them off. I didn't have the option of ringing the mum to collect them because she and her entire family were at a funeral, and the kids knew it!

Anyway - !!

Even if the op made it up it's hardly harming anyone.

Yeah, I think even mentioning that horrific thread, which so badly abused the best instincts of some deeply hurt and grieving people, in this context is to diminish what happened there, tbh.

Of course it's harmful when people make up stuff, it makes others suspicious.

It's completely believable. I've had s very similar experience. All those insisting op ought to have sent him home are right but as several posters have said many parents will simply not believe you if you tell them their child has misbehaved or they will turn it back on you.

I have this exact same problem. All the bloody time. I have a 3 yr old who seems to always be the kid that others bully. I've never really learned how to handle brattish children who want to ruin any chance of fun my ds is having. I end up taking my ds home from wherever we are which seems so unfair but not sure how to deal with oblivious parents who think their kids can do no wrong.

I have to admit I can be a bit of a pushover (with other people's kids and other adults in general ) mostly because I hate confrontation. Perhaps you are the same op?

I think it's sweet you didn't want to upset the other mum and tbh the really obnoxious kids parents never believe their little darlings would behave like that anyway. Doesn't get you very far really. I would have had words with the kid probably and then no more play dates with that child again.

Feel a bit sorry for you op really as you clearly just don't want to cause bad feeling. As long as your kids know there are boundaries I don't see the issue here....let others deal with their own problem child

Sad widow get a grip. If the OP hadn't been giving regular updates, we'd have been crying out for them

I certainly wouldn't have been shouting out for updates. The OP was responsible for 3 children at the time and her focus should have been on making the play-date happy, safe and successful.

14 updates in 1hr 10 mins was NOT the way to be dealing with 3 small children IMO. Particularly where the visiting child was throwing toys at a window; barricading the OP out of the room; demanding money etc etc

sleeponeday said: "The thing is, your own kids behave fine"

Err, the OP posted:

scortja Wed 23-Sep-15 16:29:30

There's been a thaw and now they're locking DS2 out of the living room

That is bullying and ganging up against a smaller, weaker child.

My advice is that you never invite friends over for a play-date until YOU get your strategies and skills in order.

And my message got deleted why? Because I told sad widow to get a grip? I'd understand if I called her a name as on some of the other threads but really???

Mumsnet, get a grip. This is why I lurk rather then post very often.