Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Playdate hell

167 replies

scortja · 23/09/2015 16:17

I am not good at playdates but recently decided it would be the best for DS to try again.. He's just gone into Year 2 so thought it might be easier and they might be better behaved..

So - just brought home DS's friend who always seemed really sweet but it all seems to be going wrong - how do I turn it around?! Should I just call him mum to pick him up - that seems unfair to her! Help!

DS's friend is pretty worldly compared to DS and has demanded Lucozade, XBox, Playstation, money, Netflix and Transformers - all a no. He's thrown toys at the window to try and break it/them (firmly told not to otherwise he'd be going home), he's been pushing and shouting and telling DS2 that he hates him..

Now he's saying he's going to tell their teacher that DS pulled his pants down - which DS has taken to heart instead of laughing off.. DS is now not talking to him and DS's friend is playing with DS2 who is 3.. I have two hours to go and i have to try and feed him ..

OP posts:

TeenAndTween · 23/09/2015 16:43

I never invited a child round for tea who hadn't previously been round for just 1 hour and behaved.

sleeponeday · 23/09/2015 16:44

When you say his mum is great, how well do you know her...?

I'd call her, certainly. If you know her well enough, be honest. Otherwise, just say that your youngest isn't feeling great and you think he needs some peace and quiet.

And why would you leave him to play with your 3 year old when he'd just been pushing, shouting and saying he hated them?

This is very much not normal playdate behaviour. I've never had anything like it unless a hopelessly indulgent parent is also present - when they aren't, I can be firm about nonsense myself, and no problems arise. For a child to do this in the face of sensible adult management, there is a big issue IMO.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/09/2015 16:45

Call his bloody mother and get the little shit collected!

What can you say to her? How about the truth?

"Little Johnny has been badly misbehaving and I think it's time you came to get him".

KevinAndMe · 23/09/2015 16:45

Call the mother and just tell her what her son did. The whole lot.

KevinAndMe · 23/09/2015 16:45

Oh and don't invite him again.

PingpongDingDong · 23/09/2015 16:45

Dd had a friend like this. Truly horrible behaviour but parents wouldn't acknowlege it at all. We're no longer friends. You have to ask them to come and collect and you need to tell him he's not coming back. I totally get how hard that is but I really wished I'd said something sooner about DD's friend. I put up with nonsense for a very long time before finally putting my foot down. More fool me.

Original poster

scortja · 23/09/2015 16:45

Jo4040 Cripes! I take this kind of thing waaaay too personally.. Like why do you hate my house?! Is there actually something wrong with it that no one except the innocent child dares mention?

AT 5 I'm ordering pizza.. It will arrive at 5.30.. Eat for half hour.. Minecraft for half hour.. Over and out..

OP posts:

PingpongDingDong · 23/09/2015 16:46

I should add her other friends since then have all been lovely.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/09/2015 16:46

You're rewarding him with takeaway pizza?

Jo4040 · 23/09/2015 16:47

You have to feel sorry for the child really...there are maybe some issues cropping up

blibblobblub · 23/09/2015 16:48

Fuck pizza. Get the little shit collected and get pizza just for your kids!

claraschu · 23/09/2015 16:50

I have never had a child behave like this, and we used to have loads of children over. This is not normal; don't give up on inviting friends to play and don't feel bad!

MissMarpleCat · 23/09/2015 16:50

Ds had a friend round (once) who set a fire in my garden. His mums response 'boys will be boys'

GladysTheGolem · 23/09/2015 16:50

Send him home. If he's not getting any parenting at home, knowing his behaviour is unacceptable is the only way to help. Be his Obi Wan.

fuzzpig · 23/09/2015 16:52

Send him home. No pizza for such nasty behaviour.

sadwidow28 · 23/09/2015 16:52

If you do decide to continue with this totally bizzarre playdate then make sure you tell the Mum.

I did a lot of weekend/holiday childcare for DN from aged 6 yrs. Playdates were arranged with a neighbour - one time my house, another time her house. The last thing I would say is, "Best behaviour for N" and to N I would say "Ring me if there's a problem". She would do the same when dropped her boys off.

They were good as gold - but our expectations and strategies were in place and the boys knew it.

I would also report to DN's mum how well he had behaved on playdates.

RiverTam · 23/09/2015 16:54

I simply can't understand why you haven't had him collected. Woman up, ffs!

insanityscatching · 23/09/2015 17:00

I'd get him collected but I speak as the mum who frogmarched one of ds's friends home after he told me to fuck off. I didn't care that he was half way through his meal I was absolutely livid. I think his Mum knew too when I dropped him off as she couldn't apologise enough. I somehow doubt she said more than "oh dear" to her darling son though.

Original poster

scortja · 23/09/2015 17:00

I just CAN'T call the mum. I'm sorry - I'm delicate.. If she asks then I'll tell her..

And to be honest its only slightly worse than the others I've had.. It seems to be a bit of a badge of honour to have 'spirited' children?

I think I need to do as sadwidow suggests in future..

There are a few 'nice' kids in the class.. DS is oversensitive and I think he could use a really good old fashioned best friend..

OP posts:

Jo4040 · 23/09/2015 17:07

If you can't tell her what he's been doing then maybe use the technique of talking through the child.

' you didn't really like it at my house today did you...'

PurpleElla · 23/09/2015 17:08

Oh my goodness, I must be lucky as I've never had this kind of experience. Personally I would be sending him home tbh, as that sends the message to your son that are looking out for him. If I ever get wobbly about other Mums I remember that I'm sons advocate and that trumps any embarrassment. Good luck!

sleeponeday · 23/09/2015 17:09

Call her and lie then! Say DS2 is ill. Do NOT reward with pizza and Minecraft - tell him you've had enough and you called his mother, told her how he is behaving, and she is collecting him.

nocabbageinmyeye · 23/09/2015 17:09

Don't tell the mother if you don't want to but if your son starts acting the same in your house or on a play date then don't go blaming that kid for influencing him because you've just told them both it's ok by giving them takeaway and mincraft

NeitherHereOrThere · 23/09/2015 17:10

Blimey - you're teaching DS to be a doormat and you are allowing him to be bullied.

Where are your boundaries?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 23/09/2015 17:10

The child's behaviour is beyond the pale, and if he were mine I would want to know he had been like this so I could firmly nip it in the bud before he went and did the same elsewhere. I wouldn't thank you for not getting me to come and collect him if I found out later he had been behaving like this.

(BTW, as a general comment on the thread, can we lay off calling 6yos 'little shits', please? It is such a horrible, horrible, aggressive expression and I hate hearing or seeing it used for a child. I am obviously not saying the behaviour is OK, but something has obviously gone wrong somewhere for the child to behave like this).

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7