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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Playdate hell

167 replies

scortja · 23/09/2015 16:17

I am not good at playdates but recently decided it would be the best for DS to try again.. He's just gone into Year 2 so thought it might be easier and they might be better behaved..

So - just brought home DS's friend who always seemed really sweet but it all seems to be going wrong - how do I turn it around?! Should I just call him mum to pick him up - that seems unfair to her! Help!

DS's friend is pretty worldly compared to DS and has demanded Lucozade, XBox, Playstation, money, Netflix and Transformers - all a no. He's thrown toys at the window to try and break it/them (firmly told not to otherwise he'd be going home), he's been pushing and shouting and telling DS2 that he hates him..

Now he's saying he's going to tell their teacher that DS pulled his pants down - which DS has taken to heart instead of laughing off.. DS is now not talking to him and DS's friend is playing with DS2 who is 3.. I have two hours to go and i have to try and feed him ..

OP posts:

tiggytape · 23/09/2015 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nocabbageinmyeye · 23/09/2015 17:12

Blimey - you're teaching DS to be a doormat hmm and you are allowing him to be bullied.

^^ This

PingpongDingDong · 23/09/2015 17:12

Well at least resolve not to have him back. Do not get into a ridiculous situation where he comes over regularly and behaves badly and you never say anything and then finally you do and......well believe me it doesn't go down well!

Wolpertinger · 23/09/2015 17:15

So he's been horrible to you and your DS for most of the afternoon - and you are teaching him (and your DS) that horrible behaviour to your family should be rewarded with Minecraft and pizza.

This is hard to hear, but you are not helping your son's sensitivity and friendship problems.

Original poster

scortja · 23/09/2015 17:17

My god he's never coming back! And DS is not going there again..

He has brought his own dinner for some reason.. Only one hour to go..

Has anyone ever had someone call them and ask them to pick up their child? How did you feel?

OP posts:

FartemisOwl · 23/09/2015 17:17

I'd call his mum and have her take him home. By allowing him to stay, you're letting him think this is acceptable behaviour. I wouldn't tolerate it in my house from my own DC, let alone someone else's.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/09/2015 17:18

If you cant yell the mom, then you shouldnt be telling anyone!! Seriously its worse to be talked about than told the truth.

Jo4040 · 23/09/2015 17:19

OP, you don't seem to be listening to anyone.

'Just an hour to go...'.

If you don't tell his mother she might be botherd that she didn't know what was going on. Be a adult about it and deal with it in a adults way.

PurpleElla · 23/09/2015 17:19

I've never had anyone ask me to collect my child. In this situation I would feel mortified but think it was fair enough tbh. Sure the Mum must be aware that there are behaviour issues, so I'm surprised she didn't warn you. I have a son with ASD and always talks to play date parents about what to expect.

FartemisOwl · 23/09/2015 17:19

Sorry, posted before your last post. If it was my child being a complete brat, yes, it would be embarrassing to get that call, but I'd rather know so I can address the behaviour problems.

DSClarke · 23/09/2015 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wolpertinger · 23/09/2015 17:21

Are his mum's feelings more important than yours? or your DS's?

Come on, find your inner tiger and get rid of him!

RebootYourEngine · 23/09/2015 17:21

I would be telling the little shits mother NOW. Why do people pussy foot around these kids. They are like this because no one ever stands up to them.

shutupanddance · 23/09/2015 17:22

I would defintley send him home.

lazymum99 · 23/09/2015 17:22

I'm intrigued to know what he has brought for his dinner

Original poster

scortja · 23/09/2015 17:22

I just wanted to know if it was normal - like I said it isn't too much worse than pretty much all the previous playdates I've hosted.. I do think I'm partly to blame - I am not in step with modern parenting so am aghast at things like fridge raiding and toy breaking..

OP posts:

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 23/09/2015 17:23

Oh come on, send him home! He is behaving horrendously!

PingpongDingDong · 23/09/2015 17:24

OP does not want to tell his mum or get her to collect him because she fears (and she is probably right) that the mum will take great offence and it will cause huge bad feeling between them. She may not believe her or the child might deny it and blame her own DS. She may have to see the mum at the school gates for years to come. I think you are all right in saying she ought to call but it is not easy.

RebootYourEngine · 23/09/2015 17:25

Fridge raiding and toy breaking is NOT NOT NOT modern parenting. It is bad behaviour.

wonkylegs · 23/09/2015 17:26

DS's best friend can be hard work on play dates so is only invited with a parent and when they can go outside.
He has one school friend who I will only invite for class parties, he's really badly behaved. His mum is perfectly oblivious to what a little horror he is, even when it's explained.
Most of the rest of them are fine, if a little enthusiastic.

Youarentkiddingme · 23/09/2015 17:27

I would want the call and my ds would be spending a good few hours removing my boot from his arse!

However a friend of mine would be mortified and be telling all and sundry how badly her DD was treated, and how unkind the patent was to them because her Dd said .........

So I'd make the decision dependent on what the latent will act like. The child however would be told quite firmly that his behaviour has been diabolical and he will not be invited back. I'd also tell him that your informing the teacher that he's threatened to make lies up about Ds and that when people lie over and over again it ends up no one believes them.

Jo4040 · 23/09/2015 17:27

It's not easy...that's why I suggested speaking through the child... Then it can seem a little more light hearted.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 23/09/2015 17:27

That's not remotely normal. We have endless kids here and have had drop off "playdates" (though we don't call them that) from age 3. I have 2 boys too so its not a boy thing - nobody has ever behaved like that. Absolute worst thing has been a child accidentally breaking a toy and lying about it out of embarrassment and fear of consequences (I saw it happen from the window, they were in the garden).

I have called a parent to fetch DD's friend once because DD was being a horror :o Never had to for a friend but I absolutely would. I tell them off if they misbehave in my house and don't invite anyone high maintenance back - but by high maintenance I mean kids who come and pester me rather than playing with the DC of mine who has invited them, or who claim to be bored more than once, or are overly fussy about food without prior warning or a reason, or generally who just don't entertain my DC for me and enhance the afternoon :o

I did have to tell DD's friend off for trying to give me housework tips and commenting on my unhoovered stairs - I think she was a plant sent by my MIL :o The child was 5 at the time :o

Wolpertinger · 23/09/2015 17:28

Fridge raiding and toy breaking isn't modern parenting - and a good few of your playdates won't be allowed to do it at home either. They've tried it on with you, got away with it and then proceeded to steam roller your house. Most of the mums would have been furious with them if they knew.

Original poster

scortja · 23/09/2015 17:28

I'm sorry I'm just not calling her..

Everyone is playing nicely now - if it started up again perhaps I would.. When she asks how it went I will say we had a rough start but the last hour (hopefully) were better..

OP posts:

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