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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playdate hell

167 replies

scortja · 23/09/2015 16:17

I am not good at playdates but recently decided it would be the best for DS to try again.. He's just gone into Year 2 so thought it might be easier and they might be better behaved..

So - just brought home DS's friend who always seemed really sweet but it all seems to be going wrong - how do I turn it around?! Should I just call him mum to pick him up - that seems unfair to her! Help!

DS's friend is pretty worldly compared to DS and has demanded Lucozade, XBox, Playstation, money, Netflix and Transformers - all a no. He's thrown toys at the window to try and break it/them (firmly told not to otherwise he'd be going home), he's been pushing and shouting and telling DS2 that he hates him..

Now he's saying he's going to tell their teacher that DS pulled his pants down - which DS has taken to heart instead of laughing off.. DS is now not talking to him and DS's friend is playing with DS2 who is 3.. I have two hours to go and i have to try and feed him ..

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 23/09/2015 17:28

No its not 'normal' in anyway. Its disgraceful behaviour and completely unacceptable. As other posters have said, you need to stand up for your son and show him that hitting out, breaking things and running riot in other people's homes is just not on.

You should be calling this mother to come and get her son and telling her why. You can do it calmly and politely. But do it.

Jo4040 · 23/09/2015 17:28

For example...phone the mum and say

'He doesn't seem to be having a nice time, I think he would be better at home'

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 23/09/2015 17:29
  • 2 boys and a girl to be clear - can also be problems between invited friends when DD has hers over and DS1 his, at the same time - think there is a bit of childish pre-teen hormone stuff at play!
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/09/2015 17:30

Modern parenting??? You`re no better than his mom.... and i dint believe your this soft?

AimlesslyPurposeful · 23/09/2015 17:30

Agree that telling the Mum would be a difficult conversation.

Maybe invite her in for a coffee when she comes to pick him up and let her see for herself?

sleeponeday · 23/09/2015 17:31

I've never had kids behave this way, OP. It's not remotely normal. One who did this, and I'd think you were unlucky, but lots? I'm afraid you aren't managing to keep control of them, because they won't all be doing this at home. It's not behaviour I've seen in more than one family, and even those kids never dared do that sort of thing when here.

RiverTam · 23/09/2015 17:34

You are acting like the mum's feelings are more important than your DS's, which is nice for him, isn't it Hmm? Always good to know your own mum hasn't got your back.

ArendelleQueen · 23/09/2015 17:34

Are you for real?! Confused

laffymeal · 23/09/2015 17:36

Are you one of those people who are terrified of a child not liking you so you let them treat you and your ds like shit. Good luck with that op.

WizardOfToss · 23/09/2015 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

var123 · 23/09/2015 17:39

Not long to go.

You realise he will tell his mother that your DS was mean to him, don't you?

(PS Its not normal what he's been doing and you aren't making your Ds a doormat.)

starlight2007 · 23/09/2015 17:43

Everyone is playing nicely now - if it started up again perhaps I would.. When she asks how it went I will say we had a rough start but the last hour (hopefully) were better.

When you say playing nicely do you mean he is on playstation?

I know you don't plan to tell mum the truth or call her..I think you behaviour shows what kind of behaviour you will tolerate.

I had a child behave badly once at my house..Mum was called .. among other punishments he wrote me an apology letter. He has been previously and before and I have never seen that kind of behaviour again..I am sure I would had he thought I would tolerate it.

Original poster
scortja · 23/09/2015 17:43

I suppose I don't want to control them - I just want them to play together without much input from me.. maybe that's what I mean by modern parenting - I actually don't want much to do with them - as far as I'm concerned they're here to play with my child not pester me for food and entertainment, and push MY boundaries - you can do that kind of thing at home, surely..

No one has behaved this badly but I have had children be very demanding, very rude, very boisterous and disrespectful of our things, I've had continuous tale telling and lies, along with precious children (not so bad I guess) who are scared of cats, DS2, won't eat that type of cheese, won't eat that type of bread, don't want to play with x toy, want to sit and draw with me etc..

Hmm - I started out thinking this was a failing of mine - and it was! But not how I imagined..

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 23/09/2015 17:45

I just CAN'T call the mum. I'm sorry - I'm delicate...

I don't think you are cut out for doing playdates OP:

a) You simply can't manage another person's child
b) Your own elder child runs you ragged and barricades the lounge door
c) You spend too much time posting on MN when you should be absolutely responsible and watchful of the 3 children in your care.

Nice one Wink

crystalgall · 23/09/2015 17:48

But you don't seem to have an boundaries. He's doing what he wants Confused

crystalgall · 23/09/2015 17:49

That's in response to you saying you don't want kids to push your boundaries btw

Original poster
scortja · 23/09/2015 17:50

No they're not on the playstation - they're building lego..

Sorry but I just don't understand the 'youre a doormat and you're teaching your son to give in to bullies' comments. I have a spritied child over - I'm waiting it out - my children are embarrassed by his behaviour.. I have told him off and threatened to call his mum unless he stops doing x (which he does but moves on to y)..

Ten minutes til playstation!

OP posts:
crystalgall · 23/09/2015 17:51

Also what do you mean by 'delicate'?? How hard is it to just factually state the things he was doing (throwing breaking rudeness mean to your DS etc) and then end on a positive if you can

crystalgall · 23/09/2015 17:52

Well you have just proven that you're a doormat because you have threatened repeatedly
To call his mum and then haven't Confused

Original poster
scortja · 23/09/2015 17:53

I'm sitting in the dining room where I can see/all and react quickly - what would be the best position for me?

I'm definitely NOT cut out for playdates.. No more.

OP posts:
diddl · 23/09/2015 17:53

"Sorry but I just don't understand the 'youre a doormat and you're teaching your son to give in to bullies' comments."

Because by all accounts he is treating you, your sons & your house like shit & you are putting up with it!

Lottapianos · 23/09/2015 17:54

Any child who was hitting mine and throwing stuff at my windows trying to break them would be going home. He needs to be shown in no uncertain terms that this behaviour will not be tolerated and that there are big consequences. Your DS needs to see this too. At the moment, he's had a school friend come and cause havoc in his home, then get rewarded with pizza and PlayStation! Surely you can see how thats confusing and unhelpful for both of them?

sadwidow28 · 23/09/2015 17:54

Look folks, the question was Should I just call him mum to pick him up?

She got a resounding "Yes" and suggestions about what to say.

Who in their right mind would invite a 3rd child into the home for a play-date and allow them to play without supervision, encouragement, praise, suggestions .................. and keep up-dating on MN?

Is she sitting on her bum or doing something else?

Original poster
scortja · 23/09/2015 17:54

No - I've said unless he stops I will call his mum. He stopped = I didn't call the mum.

OP posts:
starlight2007 · 23/09/2015 17:54

I am not condoning the behaviour of the child however yes I think in year 2 they need some sort of direction whether it be why don't you go play outside, get the box of lego out or pick a game to play together.

My Ds has some friends who they can entertain themselves together for hours with no input others who can't..Part of it is not knowing their options in a new home. Some of it is learning your boundries.

If they are bouncing off the balls take them out to the park with a football or simply to burn off steam.

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