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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request that all parents please ask

253 replies

SunshineAndShadows · 22/09/2015 20:20

... Before you let your child loose on a strange dog!

I was just out with my two hounds, both friendly beasts but bouncy when out walking and neither enjoy contact with children as they've had unpleasant DC experiences and will avoid them as much as they can.

Both dogs off lead but under control by me when I see a nearby mum release her toddler (very small, no older than 2) in my direction. He toddles forwards and I put a hand on each dog's collar so that I have full control (no time to clip on leads) and mum cheers him on.

I eventually have to do a crazy toddler knee block whilst holding both dogs and saying 'no' very firmly, which stops him in his tracks. Mum then comes over and stands there expectantly. I was wordless with astonishment and eventually she pulled him away saying 'oh dear, the doggies don't want to play'.

I felt like asking her if she also let him play with knives and electric sockets (but of course I didn't)

AIBU to expect that my dogs and I should be able to walk peacefully without attacks from uncontrolled children?

OP posts:
Sunshineandsilverbirch · 22/09/2015 20:47

YANBU and I wish all dog owners were as responsible as you.

I've taught my DC to 'wait to be introduced' to a strange dog and never to pat them without being invited.

Nataleejah · 22/09/2015 20:47

To me and my dog the biggest problem is not children, but senior citizens. Children and parents usually know well enough to ask. Pensioners just go for a cuddle without asking. Lucky my dog is well-behaved. There are dogs which aren't.

wanderingwondering · 22/09/2015 20:49

Yanbu.
It's basic common sense.
My Ds adores dogs and I have to be hyper alert because he will still approach them without asking if I'm not careful.
I must admit I expect most people to say it's fine to stroke their dogs and it's a bit awkward when they say no but better a bit of awkwardness than a scared dog or injured child.

Original poster
SunshineAndShadows · 22/09/2015 20:53

Thank you to all the oarents who are teaching their children to ask. It very rarely happens. I always say ' thank you so much for asking but I'm afraid they don't like to be touched' and make sure I thank the parents too.

I have to admit that I am getting less tolerant about uncontrolled children and usually ask parents to call them off but this is the first time I've had to physically block a child whist the parent just watched

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 22/09/2015 20:57

I absolutely do not seek to justify the behaviour of the parent. To let a small child approach dogs in this manner is dangerous. (Not saying you have dangerous dogs! A scared, injured or previously abused dog may be hugely stressed or bite out of fear or stress.)
I just thought the word attack was a bit emotive.

OrionsAccessory · 22/09/2015 20:58

Yanbu it really annoys me when people let their kids (and indeed their dogs!) run up and touch my dog. Luckily my dog is really friendly so he doesn't mind but every time it happens and my dog isn't bothered it teaches the kid and the parent that they aren't doing anything wrong so I always stop them and tell them to ask regardless.

I'm always quite pleased when dd asks to stroke a dog and the owner says no because it's a good reminder to her that she is asking for a reason and dogs that don't like children/strangers do in fact exist!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 22/09/2015 20:59

No you are not. My kids always in passing a dog will say ohh look and I remind them they don't know the dog etc. Most people if they know their dog is okay will say when passing though somethibg like 'its okay, she's friendly you can give her a pat'.

I'd never let them go over to a dog though when it's not in our path.

Original poster
SunshineAndShadows · 22/09/2015 21:00

I agree Wolfie but the reason it's dangerous is because some dogs will perceive such an approach as an 'attack' from an unpredictable 'not-quite-person' who scares them Sad

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 22/09/2015 21:02

YANBU.

But why didn't you say something to her?

MaudGonneMad · 22/09/2015 21:03

'Uncontrolled children' sounds a bit arsey tbh.

DoJo · 22/09/2015 21:05

I don't understand why you didn't say something to the mum or toddler before he got close enough to warrant a 'knee block'- it sounds like it was pretty obvious what was happening, so I would have thought that speaking up before it got to that point would have made sense.

Not that you should have been in that situation in the first place, and I agree that it's stupid to send an unaccompanied toddler towards a dog without checking it with the owner first, but if something did happen then you would still be in an awful position, regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation.

Thefuckinggrinch · 22/09/2015 21:06

YANBU I won't let my DCs approach a dog unless they have asked the owner if they can and are old enough to both understand this and do it. I drill it into them from young. A toddler I would just keep away from a dog and admire it from distance!

PosterEh · 22/09/2015 21:07

She's an idiot but I also don't think dogs should be offlead if there are small children nearby so YABU too imo.

JohnCusacksWife · 22/09/2015 21:09

I often used to take our dog up to the school when I was picking up my DDs. It always amazed me how many kids who didn't know him would just run up and start patting him. There are obviously a lot of parents out there who don't educate their children about dogs.

Wolfiefan · 22/09/2015 21:11

Thanks sunshine. I hadn't realised you meant from the point of view of the dog. Totally fair enough.
Couldn't you manage to turn away and get away from this kid? Can't believe his parent let him get so close you had to fend him off!
Shock

OhBigHairyBollocks · 22/09/2015 21:12

God no, YANBU. I have always taught DD to ask before she touches.

Flumplet · 22/09/2015 21:14

YA absolutely nbu!!!! I thought it was basic common sense parenting to ask before petting a strange dog... It works both ways, dog owners control our dogs, parents control our children and it should then work a treat and we can all get along beautifully!

Scaredycat3000 · 22/09/2015 21:15

Maybe everybody could have some common sense with dog owners and child owners all agree not to let their charges bound up to unknown living things and scaring the shit out of each other, pick up any excrement left in public spaces and generally expecting random strangers to entertain the thing they are responsible for?

Original poster
SunshineAndShadows · 22/09/2015 21:16

They were pretty close already (came around a nearby corner saw me and moved in) and I was carrying bags - I got treats called my dogs to me, put them behind my body and turned back at which point the child was on me. So I said 'no' very clearly and put my leg out to block the child.

It was all I had time to do

Mum on the other hand did sweet FA in that time except gawp.

OP posts:
Original poster
SunshineAndShadows · 22/09/2015 21:17

And you're right in that I should have said something but I was pretty speechless that anyone thought it was ok to send an unaccompanied toddler towards two strange dogs.

With older children I usually say 'please don't do that' or ask the parents to call off their child

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/09/2015 21:17

Yanbu. Children should learn how to respect animals and part of that is not making contact with them without the owners permission and close supervision.

DS is scared of dogs, something I am trying to help him overcome but I would never encourage him to go to a strange dog. On your point about people letting their dogs approach children who are scared of them although I know it's done with best intention it drives me mad, you can't cure a child's fear by bringing your "friendly", strange dog up to them when they are already anxious because of said dogs presence!

whois · 22/09/2015 21:19

People should stay away from other people's dogs.

And dog owners should make sure their dog stays the fuck away from other people too. Way too many times I've been chased or had a big dog jump up at me while out running. "He's only playing" rights, so if I came up behind you and jumped up and smeared mud all over your back that would be playing too...

TimeToMuskUp · 22/09/2015 21:19

Parents like that are stupid. We have a dog, have always had dogs since before the DCs and the children have been raised since they could toddle to sake before they pet anyone's dog. To such a degree that DS1 (9) now says to people who approach and fuss her without asking "You know, you should always ask before you stroke a stranger's dog". He's right. People are dumb.

Our dog is lovely but wouldn't know what to do with a heavy-handed toddler, and I'd do exactly as you did in such a situation.

Original poster
SunshineAndShadows · 22/09/2015 21:26

There are clearly a lot of sensible parents out there - thank you
I wish you all lived near me instead of the numpties I regularly deal with

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 22/09/2015 21:26

You talk about children like they're dogs Confused

Apart from that yanbu.

Oh, and you didn't say anything that's weird too.

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