To wonder if this happens to anyone else (About people disliking you)?

[IAmTheOP]

I have a nice amount of friends and generally get on with everyone. I'd say I am a fairly popular person. I'm not a mean person or a bitch and like people and getting on with others.

However, every so often I will come across someone who absolutely hates me for reasons that I do not know or for very petty reasons, and will go out of their way to make my life a misery and to be nasty to and about me. I don't mind if people don't like me but I always seem to get the nasty ones that won't just leave things alone and are like a dog with a bone where I'm concerned.

Some examples:

When my youngest child was little I joined a FB forum for mums that had their babies around the same time. One weekend we all had a big weekend away together so we could all meet and have a night out.

From the instant that she met me, one mum decided that she did not like me and spent the whole weekend being an absolute bitch to me and/or bitching about me loudly to anyone that would listen. When the weekend finished she was such an arse to me on the group and so nasty that in the end I left the group as everyone seemed to think it was just a personality clash and no one actually stuck up for me when she was being horrible.

I have a 9 year old DD; for a couple of years at school initially she was friends with another girl. However in year 2 the girls were not in the same class and inevitably DD made other friends. I tried to keep the friendship going between the girl and DD though, inviting her round here when I could. The other mum however did not like DD having other friends and it all culminated in her phoning me up and shouting at me down the phone and telling me never to talk to her again. Fair enough, whatever, but since then she has been constantly bitchy towards me, making loud comments to others at school drop off and pick up, glaring at me, and bitching about me to anyone that will listen and saying how she hates me.

I did have this at school too; I was disliked immensly by one girl in my year, who wouldn't just leave it at not liking me, she hassled me for my entire 5 years at secondary school and made comments, etc.

Does anyone else get this? Like I said, I consider myself quite popular and have lots of friends and a good social life, but I also seem to attract rather extreme haters!

I'd say I get this every now and again. Ive always put it down to being tall and having an out-going personality - small-minded and insecure people seem to project their insecurities onto me, possibly thinking I can handle it because I look confident. Doesn't hurt any less of course.

I get this occasionally. Not as extreme as the person bitching about me, but I'm generally friendly with everybody and it's 'easy' and then a friend of a friend will be noticeably cool with me, whilst simultaneously being very WARM to everybody else around me., NO idea what is with some people.

It's awkward though. I was discussing it with somebody and she said that it's motivated by them not understanding why people like you (me, that is, in this scenario)

There's a mum at school like this with me. I've convinced myself she thinks I'm someone else! I do go out of my way to say hello so has to respond. It's so odd!

I think this happens to people who are not assertive enough. It used to happen to me when I was younger, but I'm a hard faced bitch now I'm older so it doesn't happen anymore.

I think nasty people have a skill of identifying who is vulnerable and won't be able to stand up to them and they home in on that to pick on them.

I consider myself quite assertive but I really need to learn to stick up for myself a bit more.

I think it's hilarious when people don't like me, I do all I can to noise them up and make that hatred burn deep so they're wasting tons of pointless energy and I genuinely couldn't care less.

I read something once that said that this pretty much happens to everyone and that it can be bewildering because it comes from nowhere. Apparently the theory is that there is something about the 'hated' person that the 'hater' recognises and feels they are deficient in. For example, you are tall, a smaller person who has always wanted to be taller hates you for it. It really is them not you OP.

Sticking up for myself wouldn't help me. I can think of a woman who is a fairly good friend of a few people I'm friendly with. For the sake of ease, my approach would be to always be pleasant and friendly with friends of friends to avoid any awkwardness. But the problem is I feel like a ghost. What can I say?! 'you're weird, you're being nice to my friends and ignoring me!". A woman I know came for coffee with two women we're both friendly with (and me) and the whole time, she didn't look me in the eye once. My friends didn't seem to notice. I@ve done nothing to offend her. Seriously, nothing.

The reason for hating can be really tiny and something the 'hater' doesn't even consciously recognise themselves.

i'm small and I don't hate tall people!

I have noticed though that tall people can overlook small people. YOu need to work a bit harder to win tall people over. It's like perhaps, they don't imagine you'll be friends so they're slightly less friendly to small people than they are to other tall people. But I wouldn't over analyse that one. I've had a few really tall friends over the years. Once my friiend (old flat mate) made me go to long tall sally with her and we found that hilarious.

yes, I think the 'hater' has no idea why she is ignoring or being unpleasant to somebody who has done nothing to them.

The woman who treats me like a ghost, no idea why she does it.

It's not your problem , it's hers.

I think you've misunderstood me SubUrbaneFox

Obviously not all small people hate tall people! It's just an example, but you may get a smaller person who has hated being small all their life who feels incredible envy when they meet a new person who is tall. It could be anything. Curly hair, straight hair, big breasts, small breasts. You could literally say something quite intelligent. another person could hear that and feel envy at how articulate and insightful that person is and take against them. the most obvious example is of course beauty. Somebody less beautiful could decide (often subconsciously) that they don't 'like' the beautiful person.

I hope that explains it a little better.

I get this from time to time. Thankfully I usually manage to avoid or ignore the culprit but it's not always possible, especially at work. The thing I don't get is what they get from being so unpleasant. In fact I had a poster on here being really personally goady a while back - and I just thought "why"?

Yeah I have one at work. Grrr

Im pretty sure I would get this, however I seem to have a reputation as a scary person, so no one dares to even disagree with me.
It's odd really, how so many people can get me wrong. I'm a bit of a cowardy custard actually.

A friend of mine gets this. She's fantastic, funny and kind. She's very confident and outgoing and I think some people reapond badly to that (jealousy maybe?), then they try to put her down. Truth is, she is confident but it doesn't mean she's not vulnerable too. It makes me really sad for her, and a bit sad for people missing out on a fab friend.

I've met people who obviously dislike me but have rarely had it so blatant but I think I can be a bit oblivious.

No one seems to take to me much.

I don't understand it. I just started a new job a month ago and people are friendly to me but a new person started a few days ago and she is already more friendlier with everyone than I am. I am friendly, chatty, and kind but apart from people talking to me now and then no one ever seems to want to be my friend :( You think I would be used to it by now. I know you are well liked OP so I've gone off on a tangent a bit but I can't work out what I do wrong, but obviously I do something if other people can just walk in to a new job and be instantly loved.

And yes, I have had a few people who strongly dislike me for no reason.

Yeah, this has happened to me a few times over the last few years. 2 women in particular that i had friends in common with. Both of them, individually, took an instant dislike to me. Everyone around us was baffled by it. That was the point where i just accepted that not everyone is going to like you.

At least your friends noticed cloppysow!

Can I say something risky...

Do you think some people equate confidence to height, looks, weight, job, husband, status............. I have sometimes wondered if what gets a couple of women's backs up (when I've done nothing wrong) is not that I have no confidence, but that in their deeply held unspoken view, I have more confidence than I ought to have. Being a single mother.... Being small?

This happens to me every so often, and always has. It is always jealousy. Jealousy of things they perceive me to have, that they perceive themselves to not have.

All in their own mind, and rather sad, and absolutely nothing to do with me. :)

I expressed taht really badly.

I mean, I do have confidence. But that fact might baffle some women. They might think I have no business being confidence when I'm short, don't have a degree, don't have a husband!! But yet I am confident.

This has happened to my mum all her life for some reason, the only one that makes sense is jealousy stemming from other people's insecurities. It can't be a height thing as she's 5 "2 but I suppose it depends what the offending person feels insecure about. She is still attractive and was very beautiful in her youth, kind, friendly, funny and just a generally good person but she has always had these women that just decide to hate her from the off. What other reason can there be if there's no rationale behind it? I wouldn't say this is the case for everyone and I have had friends that other people seem to not like but I can usually put my finger on why IFYSWIM