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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if this happens to anyone else (About people disliking you)?

109 replies

IAmTheOP · 18/09/2015 16:47

I have a nice amount of friends and generally get on with everyone. I'd say I am a fairly popular person. I'm not a mean person or a bitch and like people and getting on with others.

However, every so often I will come across someone who absolutely hates me for reasons that I do not know or for very petty reasons, and will go out of their way to make my life a misery and to be nasty to and about me. I don't mind if people don't like me but I always seem to get the nasty ones that won't just leave things alone and are like a dog with a bone where I'm concerned.

Some examples:

When my youngest child was little I joined a FB forum for mums that had their babies around the same time. One weekend we all had a big weekend away together so we could all meet and have a night out.

From the instant that she met me, one mum decided that she did not like me and spent the whole weekend being an absolute bitch to me and/or bitching about me loudly to anyone that would listen. When the weekend finished she was such an arse to me on the group and so nasty that in the end I left the group as everyone seemed to think it was just a personality clash and no one actually stuck up for me when she was being horrible.

I have a 9 year old DD; for a couple of years at school initially she was friends with another girl. However in year 2 the girls were not in the same class and inevitably DD made other friends. I tried to keep the friendship going between the girl and DD though, inviting her round here when I could. The other mum however did not like DD having other friends and it all culminated in her phoning me up and shouting at me down the phone and telling me never to talk to her again. Fair enough, whatever, but since then she has been constantly bitchy towards me, making loud comments to others at school drop off and pick up, glaring at me, and bitching about me to anyone that will listen and saying how she hates me.

I did have this at school too; I was disliked immensly by one girl in my year, who wouldn't just leave it at not liking me, she hassled me for my entire 5 years at secondary school and made comments, etc.

Does anyone else get this? Like I said, I consider myself quite popular and have lots of friends and a good social life, but I also seem to attract rather extreme haters!

OP posts:

Burnet · 18/09/2015 22:34

This happens to me sometimes, but to be fair, I am pretty annoying, so it's probably just because of that.

FindoGask · 18/09/2015 22:41

You've quoted three people in your whole life who didn't like you! Don't we all have people we dislike, for reasons which feel real to us but are probably a total mystery to them? I doubt it's anything about you per se.

I've definitely met people who have taken a dislike to me. It's a bit upsetting, as I am quite an eager-to-please sort, but it helps if I decide I don't like them either, which I mostly do.

laureywilliams · 18/09/2015 22:43

How do you know you're annoying burnet

laureywilliams · 18/09/2015 22:46

findo I dislike a few people, totally normal, but I don't do anything about it. Op says they are nasty to and about her.

gandalf456 · 18/09/2015 22:49

I get this sometimes and the worst thing is that they are usually popular so challenging them would be social suicide. I do fantasise about confronting them and telling them to stop whatever the consequences

FindoGask · 18/09/2015 22:50

Yes, but we only have the OP's word about that. I'm not saying she's a liar, but this is exactly how personality clashes happen - things get blown out of proportion.

AmazeMe · 18/09/2015 22:51

What Findogask said. Three people you know of didn't like you in your lifetime? There are almost certainly more you're not aware of! Liking is a pretty arbitrary thing, especially in randomly-selected groups like parent and child groups or school years. I didn't like anyone in my NCT group at all, and it was probably mutual, and I kept a single friend from my entire schooldays. I had a single, long, perfectly cordial conversation with a woman in the playground just after I'd moved to a new village, and she's cut me dead ever since, to the point of crossing the street to avoid me. I have no idea why, but I don't waste energy on it.

Alittlecurious · 18/09/2015 23:12

This thread has made me think and I can't say I have ever felt this in my life. However I have definitely had men become a bit off with me, can't put my finger on it but definitely a bit cool/wary whereas with women or groups, no problem at all.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 18/09/2015 23:16

It happens to me. People who are desperate to be the centre of everything always hate me. I think they can't "place" me in their idea as to how things should be, and therefore decide I shouldn't exist.

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/09/2015 23:31

Joni This thread is hilarious.

I get this to a lesser extent than the OP, but it's really only since I've been a Mum. Never really had it in a work or social situation that I can think of.

shutupanddance · 18/09/2015 23:46

Im tiny and have always had tall friends. i recently met a silly cow who gave off hate vibes.

NeathTheMexicanSky · 19/09/2015 01:10

I used to be a right selfish cuw but everyone was lovely to me - then went through hell, changed my life, care so much now about everyone and everything yet some people now 'don't get me' - ??
My conscious keeps me good

squidzin · 19/09/2015 01:29

This happens to me every once in a while.

One memorable time was when I had a head office job designing for a small chain of shops.
A few times I was asked to help out in the shop during staff shortages. No problem. However, the store manager decided to take a real dislike to me and tried to ridicule me in front of people. Things like, I asked,

"Where's the nearest bus stop to here, as I'm not cycling today".
To which she replied, in front of ppl "I can't believe you don't know where the bus stop is. What planet are you on"

I was but saw the funny side as it was so blatant.

I like pp above tend to chalk it to jealousy.

squidzin · 19/09/2015 01:37

But yeah in life some people like you, some don't, same as you don't have to like everyone.

What bothers me though is, if I don't like someone I keep it to myself, act courteous, and never blatantly try to make anyone feel bad. There's a difference. It also seems like a waste of energy being deliberately bitchy.

SilverBirchWithout · 19/09/2015 01:44

I've experienced this from both sides.

Sometimes people make assumptions about who you are from some minor part or your looks or backstory or body language, people can consider you to be too cocky or too needy from a very minor trait. Queen Bee characters need you to pay homage to them to like you. If you are quiet, and they are a bit insecure they will assume you are stuck-up or think you think you are better them then.

I personally find it hard to like (perhaps not actively dislike though) people who are too familiar too soon, such as calling me the shortened version of my first name. There was a new work colleague recently that everyone else thought was wonderful, I really couldn't warm to her she was just too friendly and I just felt "hey, let us get to know each other first", she was just too full-on and familiar iykwim. It makes me feel wary if someone is like this, I guess I expect a level of social getting to know someone first. I think this is more likely to happen when someone is a friend of a friend and they think they already know you and behave in that way.

SilverBirchWithout · 19/09/2015 01:46

Lots of typos don't help either

IAmNotAWitch · 19/09/2015 04:13

There is a woman at my work like this.

I think it is jealousy. She is FAR more attractive than I am, like way more. I am about a 7 and she is easily a 13 kind of beautiful.

However she is a miserable bitch who moans constantly about everything and everyone. When I first started 6 months ago she was very friendly.

I have a pretty happy life to be honest. Loving husband, two healthy kids, great (part time) job, nice house, nice suburb, enough money etc. So actually I don't spend a lot of time complaining because quite frankly I don't have anything to complain about.

She can't bear it. She now mostly blanks me about from the odd little comment here and there.

I definitely get the impression that she thinks I have the life she should have because she is so much better looking.

I now respond to all 'must be nice' type comments with 'yes, yes it is' with a big grin.

Drives her crazy.

Siriu5Black · 19/09/2015 06:12

That totally happens to me too. Back in school a girl would go out of her way to make my life miserable and turning all my friends against me with gossip etc. And ever since ( I am 30 years old now) I have always tried for everyone to like me and be nice to everybody, but the older I get, I realise you can't please everybody. You need to stick to being you and the right friends will stick around.

FluffyCubs · 19/09/2015 06:28

But op, if you have loads of mates Nd everybody likes you, then three unfriendly but he's is not much, really!

I seem to run into this shit and I have about three friends haha! Then one day I caught myself in a video and realised that I suffer from bitchy resting face and look aggressive! I try to smile more now....

thecatsarecrazy · 19/09/2015 06:31

Everyone seems to dislike me . I don't know why. I'm not nasty, go out of my way to help people.
I've noticed over the years that when I talk people either completely blank me or start looking the other way when I'm half way through a sentence. At work yesterday one of the girls would say something but when I tried to reply she wasn't interested. When I'm on the till I will say things small talk about the weather or whatever and I just get stared at or ignored. I cant even get a reply to would you like a bag half the time. I have a dh but no friends

Thisisnotmyshed · 19/09/2015 07:23

From way up thread "Do you think some people equate confidence to height, looks, weight, job, husband, status............. I have sometimes wondered if what gets a couple of women's backs up (when I've done nothing wrong) is not that I have no confidence, but that in their deeply held unspoken view, I have more confidence than I ought to have. Being a single mother.... Being small?"

I think there might be some truth in this. What do other people think?

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/09/2015 08:07

I haven't felt like this since school, no. I am therefore either oblivious to it and happily ignorant or haven't thought about it if it has happened and just don't care. I doubt everyone I have ever met likes me so it must be one of the other options! I mean, I think I'm a nice person, I do tend to get on with most people and can't say that I hate anyone either but I'm sure someone out there must dislike me at the very least. Don't waste time thinking about it op.

tinkerbellvspredator · 19/09/2015 08:39

I have to admit there was one occasion where I met someone and was a bit frosty with them due to jealousy. We were both bridesmaids and she was organising everything, very confident and seemed to be putting herself in 'head bridesmaid' position. It really got on my wick as I was a much older friend of the bride but couldn't organise things as was in a different country.

Good job I only saw her on that one day as not sure I would have ever been able to like her after that i was also secretly pleased that the bride fell out with her afterwards

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/09/2015 09:00

That sounds like the plot from the film Bridesmaids tinkerbell! Was a handsome Irishman involved?

gandalf456 · 19/09/2015 09:59

thecatsarecrazy. I wouldn't take that personally. Sometimes customers can just be rude

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