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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if this happens to anyone else (About people disliking you)?

109 replies

IAmTheOP · 18/09/2015 16:47

I have a nice amount of friends and generally get on with everyone. I'd say I am a fairly popular person. I'm not a mean person or a bitch and like people and getting on with others.

However, every so often I will come across someone who absolutely hates me for reasons that I do not know or for very petty reasons, and will go out of their way to make my life a misery and to be nasty to and about me. I don't mind if people don't like me but I always seem to get the nasty ones that won't just leave things alone and are like a dog with a bone where I'm concerned.

Some examples:

When my youngest child was little I joined a FB forum for mums that had their babies around the same time. One weekend we all had a big weekend away together so we could all meet and have a night out.

From the instant that she met me, one mum decided that she did not like me and spent the whole weekend being an absolute bitch to me and/or bitching about me loudly to anyone that would listen. When the weekend finished she was such an arse to me on the group and so nasty that in the end I left the group as everyone seemed to think it was just a personality clash and no one actually stuck up for me when she was being horrible.

I have a 9 year old DD; for a couple of years at school initially she was friends with another girl. However in year 2 the girls were not in the same class and inevitably DD made other friends. I tried to keep the friendship going between the girl and DD though, inviting her round here when I could. The other mum however did not like DD having other friends and it all culminated in her phoning me up and shouting at me down the phone and telling me never to talk to her again. Fair enough, whatever, but since then she has been constantly bitchy towards me, making loud comments to others at school drop off and pick up, glaring at me, and bitching about me to anyone that will listen and saying how she hates me.

I did have this at school too; I was disliked immensly by one girl in my year, who wouldn't just leave it at not liking me, she hassled me for my entire 5 years at secondary school and made comments, etc.

Does anyone else get this? Like I said, I consider myself quite popular and have lots of friends and a good social life, but I also seem to attract rather extreme haters!

OP posts:

Mintyy · 18/09/2015 21:20

We all have a few people who irrationally dislike us, just as we have some that we irrationally dislike. Just don't give it another thought.

SubUrbaneFox · 18/09/2015 21:21

You read too much in to my response. You made a comment about height. I responded. You challenged, I defended. We could go on all night here. I think you should let the height thing go as it's nothing to do with the point of the thread. It was a bad example. I was trying not to be rude. I should have just said ''that's a dreadful example''.

jonicomelately · 18/09/2015 21:22

For goodness sake SubUrbaneFox leave it alone.

SubUrbaneFox · 18/09/2015 21:22

eh, you leave it alone. You're the one who keeps coming back to it.

Now. Leave it.

bessarabiantiger · 18/09/2015 21:23

I'm unsure. What's the AIBU here? I'm missing it aren't I?

jonicomelately · 18/09/2015 21:25

I think you are bessarablantiger

tobysmum77 · 18/09/2015 21:28

I think I'm missing it too, I have racked my brains and I can't think of a situation where someone has disliked me for no reason. The only examples I can think of it was about their own insecurity not me personally.

So op I think yabu, it's not you they dislike, its themselves .....

BoffinMum · 18/09/2015 21:31

There is tall poppy syndrome, where you are considered too clever/pretty/whatever and someone decides to cut you down to size to teach you some kind of lesson. Might be something to do with that. You can be perfectly innocent and nice and get a dose of this.

jonicomelately · 18/09/2015 21:32

Good god Boffin Don't use the word tall. It could get you into all sorts of trouble on this thread

thehypocritesoaf · 18/09/2015 21:33

Someone recently took a dislike to me- blanking me etc- it IS weirdly discombobulating.
She can't be jealous- she's taller than me(!), prettier and younger. Dunno what it is.

Lizzylou · 18/09/2015 21:35

A Mother of a boy in DS2's class dislikes me, from first time we met on first drop off.
I am tall, but am a bit of a minger. So no idea why
She is matey with everyone else, just completely took against me.
No loss really, she seems very drippy but I do wonder what it was that she decided made me so awful from first meeting. If she had made the effort to get to know me and then hated me, I could understand it

SubUrbaneFox · 18/09/2015 21:35

Joincomelately, u r a dog with a bone. Let it go. It is a derail.

jonicomelately · 18/09/2015 21:36

SubUrbaneFox I will probably get told off for this but you are proper nuts.

SubUrbaneFox · 18/09/2015 21:38

Projection.

Lambzig · 18/09/2015 21:42

I get it sometimes, but i usually find its because the person thinks I am posh (stuck up, thinks she is better than us, Tory bitch, etc, etc). I am really not any of those things but I do have a bit of a jolly hockey sticks accent, privileged education and I have learned to not get hurt when people make hideous assumptions. I have had a client at work throw me off the job (which I know I was doing well) because I wasnt "one of them". I see it as their insecurities. It's not nice though.

hesterton · 18/09/2015 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jonicomelately · 18/09/2015 21:44

I know but it's fun

PuppyMonkey · 18/09/2015 21:48

Getting back to the thread, I've known a woman on and off for a few years who has this happen to her all the time. She is of average height

She used to come in my local a lot and there were 2 or 3 other friends I used to meet up with in there who all loathed her. She was a perfectly nice, chatty, funny woman, happily married, not snooty, not common, nothing I could put my finger on to say she was hateful.

I lost touch with her for a fee years. But now her kids go to my DD's school. Guess what? A lot of the mums don't like her. Weird.

Sazzle41 · 18/09/2015 21:54

I had it a lot when i was younge, really shy, unassertive , socially challenged and therefore, looking back, an easy target. Now i am mid 40's I get it now and again - a clique of 3 at work were openly hostile to me: colleague said it was because I got on with everyone/settled in so quick at my job and they had been there longer but hadnt tried to fit in/kept to their clique. so resented me getting on with everyone straight away. Sigh. Cliques who speak to no-one else and sit whispering is so playground.

80schild · 18/09/2015 21:55

Interesting thread as the other day it dawned on me that if there is someone who has the potential to be a bully for some reason they think I am fair game to be a victim. It is weird because I am not insecure and am relatively popular (although I am quiet). They seem to find it strange when they realise that I don't put up with it and argue with them. I think it is a different strand of the same thing, and the root of it is definitely insecurity on the other person's part.

I used to think that I needed to accommodate people's insecurities and be tolerant but nowadays I feel there is no excuse for bad behaviour and I will always say something if someone does something to upset.

lurkinginthenorth · 18/09/2015 22:04

I think most people can identify with you OP.

I don't know why I attract so many people who dislike me. Luckily, I am/never have been on the receiving end of behaviour that is threatening, bullying or insulting. Rather I get the 'ignoring treatment'.It sounds so childish but being ignored is, to me, the worst. To be ignored is simply not to exist to some people.

The one thing I struggle with, and my mum knows about this, is how my village mums gravitate towards MY mother and are more friendly and welcoming with her than they are with me. I have told my mum that she may as well take my DD to groups because me going is pointless! She knows and agrees that some of the village mums treat me appallingly.

I am in my 30s and only now is it starting to bother me. I went through school being 'unpopular', being one of the last to be picked for teams (regardless of my talent or worthiness) and even now in work and my social life, the 'ignoring treatment' continues.

Bowing out of social situations. I have a very small group of friends (sadly most through my husband so not my own) who like me for who I am and I don't see the point looking for acceptance with people who, for reasons clearly unknown, don't want to be my friend.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/09/2015 22:13

I've always had this as well. I'm not sure exactly what I do to offend people. In my personal life I can be very argumentative so I understand why some of my personal acquaintances don't like me. However, at work, I'm quiet and shy so it's a completely different thing. Most of the problems I've had at work have come from people who were afraid I'd take parts of their jobs away from them, they were people who felt easily threatened and had large but fragile egos. I do wonder if the problem for me is a kind of quiet inner confidence masked by shyness, maybe the combination disturbs some people who notice it.

laureywilliams · 18/09/2015 22:16

I was once the hater. When I was a teenager. I was totally jealous that my best buddy might prefer her. both average height

BoffinMum · 18/09/2015 22:18

TBH I get it a fair bit but I also have a lot of people who really like me. I think the ones who get bitchy have confidence issues, and pretty blonde people (for example) who can hold their own give them the willies. I am sure it is something like that. You just have to be pleasant and neutral and ignore it.

sliceofsoup · 18/09/2015 22:20

This has happened to me a few times. But one was only last week. I went on a hen do, and one of the brides other friends who I had never met before was a cow the whole time. She talked over me or changed the subject if I spoke, and I over heard her bitching about me because I am a SAHM. Seriously. I was, and still am, thinking WTAF?

I did nothing to warrant it. I only talked about my kids when asked about them, she talked about hers non stop. I never monopolized the conversation, only joined in now and again. Once it was clear she was going to talk right over me every time I kind of gave up. I am assertive, but actually I just wasn't arsed with having some kind of show down with her, so I let her get on with it.

Not sure I buy that she is jealous. Maybe because I am bridesmaid and she isn't?? I don't know. Its not worth acting like that over surely.

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