Fancy dress out of the house

[PegsPigs]

DH and I would like MN to rule on this.

DD2.5 loves wearing 'princess dresses'. We have a few we've accumulated at home that she dresses up in most of the time we're at home. She loves going to toddler groups where she can dress up and is disappointed if we go somewhere that doesn't have a box. Our rule is that she can wear it in the house but has to take it off when we go out. There's been a few arguments in the past but she knows the rule and takes it off before we leave. The main reasons we don't let her wear it out are: it'll get damaged and they're not cheap, it'll get dirty and they're a bugger to clean, they're bloody flammable (Claudia Winkleman's daughter's accident for example) & she has lots of nice dresses which aren't fancy dress which she can wear.

However, we often go to places and there are other girls in fancy dress: Elsa, fairy outfits, Snow White outfits etc. She thinks the dress is for sharing and hangs around waiting for it to be her turn to wear it. I have to explain to her it's the other girl's outfit and not for sharing. She is obsessed though and just stares at the girl/s no matter how much I try and distract her.

We went to an event on Sunday where two sisters were dressed as princesses (no particular reason just presumably they wanted to). I asked my DD what her favourite part of the event was (lots of activities). She said 'the princesses'. We went to a drop in dance class on Monday where a girl dressed as a fairy and DD didn't watch the teacher or join in much as she was staring at the girl. I asked if she enjoyed the dancing and she said 'the little girl was a fairy princess in her own outfit' (how I'd explained why she couldn't wear it). I told DH the story and we agreed other parents letting their children wear these costumes out of the house makes it difficult for us to not let ours. Double standards etc when she finally understands that.

So my AIBU is: AIBU to wish other parents didn't let their children wear fancy dress costumes outside of the house (except for fancy dress parties)? Pretty sure I'll hear 'other parents can do what they like' or 'let her wear it out, big deal if it gets trashed she'll learn' so am prepared for a flaming. Just wondered if it peed other people off too?

DD just wears her fancy dress over regular clothes. Most of hers are hand me downs so slightly big.

I did let her wear a fancy dress to nursery once, when she was about 2 1/2. She ripped it and while she was distraught at the time, it's served as a useful lesson. Whenever she asks to wear fancy dress to nursery I remind her what happened to her other dress and she always chooses not to.

I also let her wear it to the park, within 2 seconds of arriving she realised it wasn't practical and happily let me take it off.

Sometimes it's better to let them discover things for themselves rather than imposing rules. And DD has learned that when I warn her about something, I'm usually right and she ought to listen!

Yabu

Youve kind of made it a bigger deal than need be. My DD would stare at kids dressed up but she wouldn't think the outfits are for sharing. She can wear hers out occasionally-she grows pretty quickly so hardly going to keep the outfits for that long anyway.

Dd wears them everywhere and even dresses as a belly dancer to start school last week.
She says her school "costume" is ugly

I have taken monkeys, snow white, a ballerina and various other variations out with me. If we were going to the park it was easy to say no that's not practical butcher rest of the time I was happy to do it.
Love seeing little children all dressed up. They are displaying a little bit of who they have chosen to be.
Actually felt quite sad when I read the bit about your dd hanging around waiting for her shot of a dress. Is it really such a big deal?

Yabu this is something that your lg is clearly obsessed with, let her wear it! Of course it's unreasonable to expect other parents to be as uptight as you!

I took batman and robin shopping with me frequently when mine were small. Also a dinosaur, thunderbirds character and Harry Potter.

I think it's quite sad that you put the value of a cheap dress over your daughters fun. Would you really rather she spent her time staring wistfully at others whilst they are racing around having fun?

Yabu

I work in a supermarket and I love seeing all the little kids dressed up to go shopping! There's a mum that comes in with twins who dress up as batman and spiderman most weeks, one who dresses as the Hulk and several girls in wings and tutus, it's adorable!

Why do you object to her wearing them out? She'll grow out of them in months so surely it's best for her to get as much wear out of them as possible before they end up chucked in the bin?

YABU.

Yabu

IMO you're picking a strange battle to fight. You say you don't want her fancy dress clothes to her ruined, but in the process you're ruining your daughter's experience of those dresses by not allowing her to dress up when out. Why not earmark a dress for going out... If it does get damaged you'll have one or more back at home (btw they're going to get damaged at home too).

AIBU to wish other parents didn't let their children wear fancy dress costumes outside of the house

AIBu to think people shouldn't try to dictate how others let their children dress?

You are being ridiculous. My children are past fancy dress now but I wouldn't stop them wearing it out of the house just because some mother doesn't want their own child to do so.

I've not read the whole post but I think that is a parenting battle I wouldn't bother with. I would source cheap copies and wash them very carefully.. My son's spider man costume machine washes at 30. I had to cut the batteries out but he never used the light up feature.
Could you get bits that make her a princess like a crown or a cape if you don't want the whole hog (and over come the flammable issue)??

I've not read the whole post but I think that is a parenting battle I wouldn't bother with.

the OP doesn't want to bother with the battle either. she wants every other parent to stop their child wearing fancy dress out of the house so her little darling isn't upset because she isn't allowed to.

We have the same rule as you - no fancy dress outside the house (unless you are going to a fancy dress party).

My DD went through a phase of telling other children off when she was a toddler , but now she understands that different parents have different rules, and I think it is much better that they get to understand that than trying to police what anyone else wears.
I am also strict about sun hats, bike helmets and suitable footwear, and the DC know that it is useless to protest that x doesn't have to wear one. They know they have to dress appropriately for whatever activity they are doing .

It's up to other people (or their parents!) what they wear inside or outside of the house, and none of our business.

(I did buy DD a leotard with a tutu attached for dancing classes though . That's not dressing up, it's an appropriate outfit for dancing.)

Yabu
As long as it's not unsafe for her to wear what she chooses (I.e. Long dress and climbing in the park), then just go with it.
They are small for so short a time, it's fun and she'll be more able to enjoy the other things you're doing instead of focusing in on and hankering after a dress like the other little girls.
I would suggest a variation of dressing up clothes though, not just princess dresses.

I have a no fancy dress outside rule too.
I sometimes feel sad missing out on those Right On Parent With A Boy In A Dress In Waitrose moments, but rules are rules.

I frequently went to Sainsbury's with Snow White or a pirate or Sleeping Beauty or Harry Potter, etc.

Didn't give a hoot and I think it's great to see kids being allowed to be who they want to be.

My first time at Brownies I went as a cowboy (had to leave my guns and holster at home but, hey, that's not unreasonable!). My Mum was equally liberal minded (on some things) and she got jip from people back then.

Everyone has different rules and kids have to learn that. I wouldn't let mine wear 'heels' as youngsters and still try to dissuade them (with increasing ineffectiveness !).

I recall having a discussion with my 8 year old about Suri Cruise and why she was allowed to wear heels and make up. She came round to my way of thinking

Pretty sure I'll hear 'other parents can do what they like' or 'let her wear it out, big deal if it gets trashed she'll learn' so am prepared for a flaming. - You were spot on it seems.

Well, "other parents can do what they like" is hardly rocket science is it?

YabcompletelyU

And you've made me quite sad. This is such a short and precious stage. A fairy dress with jeans t-shirt and wellies was DD1s must wear outfit for about 6months. She's almost 16 now and won't wear anything with the slightest hint of pink or sparkle about it! Enjoy it, have a laugh, and take plenty of photos to embarrass her with when she's older!

If they did decent quality princess dresses in MY size I would be on that like flies on crap. And I would rock my princess outfits at Asda, on doctors trips, to school....basically anywhere that I could wear clothes. But they don't so I have to resort to wearing 50s dresses and sparkly shoes.

I really don't understand the issue with your daughter wearing princess dresses? she obviously absolutely adores them, why on earth would you deny her a tiny pleasure (that is not even unnhealthy or bad for her)? Yes they may be expensive but if you look on ebay you often find bargains. I bought my daughter the medieval style traditional dresses as they are better quality and can be washed a dozen times a week and still last fine. Your kid is going to be grown up in no time, let her enjoy being a child!

Could you get her some wings that she could wear out? Not hugely practical but at least it's not a whole outfit?

Fanny I'd do it too! I have been known to wear a tiara out and about. I had real fun a few years ago camping, DD and I spent the whole weekend dressed up (her in tutu/fairy wings, crown over t-shirt, leggings & wellies. Me in a ballgown & tiara over same).

More recently, she was Princess Elsa at a 'stay and play' party in the park. We took a change of clothes for tree-climbing. The dress got grubby but so what? She had a whale of a time. All other fancy dress has cost a max of £3 per item. I'm lucky that we have great charity shops round our way.