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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fancy dress out of the house

137 replies

PegsPigs · 15/09/2015 22:13

DH and I would like MN to rule on this.

DD2.5 loves wearing 'princess dresses'. We have a few we've accumulated at home that she dresses up in most of the time we're at home. She loves going to toddler groups where she can dress up and is disappointed if we go somewhere that doesn't have a box. Our rule is that she can wear it in the house but has to take it off when we go out. There's been a few arguments in the past but she knows the rule and takes it off before we leave. The main reasons we don't let her wear it out are: it'll get damaged and they're not cheap, it'll get dirty and they're a bugger to clean, they're bloody flammable (Claudia Winkleman's daughter's accident for example) & she has lots of nice dresses which aren't fancy dress which she can wear.

However, we often go to places and there are other girls in fancy dress: Elsa, fairy outfits, Snow White outfits etc. She thinks the dress is for sharing and hangs around waiting for it to be her turn to wear it. I have to explain to her it's the other girl's outfit and not for sharing. She is obsessed though and just stares at the girl/s no matter how much I try and distract her.

We went to an event on Sunday where two sisters were dressed as princesses (no particular reason just presumably they wanted to). I asked my DD what her favourite part of the event was (lots of activities). She said 'the princesses'. We went to a drop in dance class on Monday where a girl dressed as a fairy and DD didn't watch the teacher or join in much as she was staring at the girl. I asked if she enjoyed the dancing and she said 'the little girl was a fairy princess in her own outfit' (how I'd explained why she couldn't wear it). I told DH the story and we agreed other parents letting their children wear these costumes out of the house makes it difficult for us to not let ours. Double standards etc when she finally understands that.

So my AIBU is: AIBU to wish other parents didn't let their children wear fancy dress costumes outside of the house (except for fancy dress parties)? Pretty sure I'll hear 'other parents can do what they like' or 'let her wear it out, big deal if it gets trashed she'll learn' so am prepared for a flaming. Just wondered if it peed other people off too? Smile

OP posts:
catzpyjamas · 15/09/2015 22:31

Also she will probably outgrow the dresses before they are trashed completely.

DisappointedOne · 15/09/2015 22:32

And yes, I've spent quite some time fixing dresses. Even the £70 one from Disneyland Paris that started falling apart after the first day of wear.

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 15/09/2015 22:32

Our rule was that fancy dress is for home (or for specific fancy dress parties) but that was really mostly because fancy dress can't usually be washed, isn't very warm and isn't massively safe for climbing frames etc.

We've always said 'other people's Mummies and Daddies have different rules' (about lots of things) and left it at that.

Could you maybe invest in a sparkly princess tshirt/jumper as a compromise?

I'm assuming you know that you are BU regarding everyone else adjusting their parenting to suit yours...

marriednotdead · 15/09/2015 22:32

When my DD was small, I was a relatively young mum who didn't want anyone to think I couldn't parent properly. So she didn't go out in princess dresses or anything like that.
With hindsight I can see that I was wrong.
And now she's a mum herself I encourage her to relax about things like that. They're little and innocent for such a short time.

mamalovebird · 15/09/2015 22:33

I loved it when ds wanted to go to nursery as iron man! He's at school now so that's gone, as is his desire to dress up. I miss it.

Dd is only 2 so loves dressing up. If she wants to wear her princess dress all day then why not, imo. These days will be gone before i know it.

I get most of their dressing up outfits from B&M/Quality Save/Tesco so I'm not fussed if it gets stained at £3.99 for an elsa dress or policeman outfit.

TheOddity · 15/09/2015 22:34

Yabu. If she loves princess dresses that much, I'd just let her wear them. Stop buying other clothes until she has worn those outfit out if it really is a money issue. My DS wears a superhero top and cape every day at the moment, only taking off the cape for school. It's totally harmless and I think you have created a wall of reasons why she can't dress this way that sound reasonable but the bottom line is you are a bit embarrassed by her princess obsession and feel a bit harsh when you see other parents letting their children just get on with it.

WaggleBee · 15/09/2015 22:34

She thinks the dress is for sharing and hangs around waiting for it to be her turn to wear it.

Sad Oh, bless her wee heart!

Just let her wear her princess dresses, fairy wings, super hero cloak. They're there to be enjoyed and wearing them out is what gives her the most enjoyment. It feels a bit like having an expensive toy kept up on a high shelf iyswim. She'll only be little for a short period of her life let her use all that imagination and magic as much as possible.

pigsDOfly · 15/09/2015 22:36

There was a spate of threads on here a while ago OP about little boys wearing princess dresses to things like school non uniform days.

The general consensus seemed to be that it's perfectly acceptable for boys even as old as eleven to be wearing these dresses out and about, so I rather think mn is going to vote that your 2.5 year old should definitely be allowed to wear them when she's out.

Personally, I'm not so sure about eleven year old boys, but 2.5 year old girls or boys, can't see it's a problem and it sounds as if it would give her so much pleasure.

FinnMcCool · 15/09/2015 22:37

She's 2. Let her wear them, YABU.
My DS was a puppy for a while it's not a big deal.
Buy the proper flame retardant ones BS certified that can be washed on delicate.
They're only little once.

reni2 · 15/09/2015 22:38

I went shopping with Spiderman and to the playground with Pipi Longstocking, I don't mind fancy dress, but there are certain days when that won't work (going to a wedding or nursery..) and then I'd say no.

The point is, YOU don't want her to and that is all that counts. Tell her your reasons and be prepared to take the tantrums or moans for a bit. She might be allowed to eat what others cannot or stay up longer, she will very soon learn, different family, different rules.

Yabu to want other parents to conform to your parenting style. It would be easier for me if all parents banned Coke and Pepsi for children, but of course I will just have to take the "But X, Y and Z are allowed!" moan.

MrsDeVere · 15/09/2015 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LimitedSedition · 15/09/2015 22:38

You can fold them loosely and pop them in a pillow case to wash them- it'll make them last a bit longer and you won't get glitter in your pants.

I'd let her wear them outdoors if she wants too that much.

steppemum · 15/09/2015 22:39

well, I have always ignored the instructions and stuck them in the washing machine. I didn't always remember to do them on a delicate cycle either and they have been surprisingly robust.

It is your call what your dd wears out and about.

But I have never had a problem with my dds wearing whatever they liked out, and dd aged 7 still often chooses to go out in her Alice in Wonderland dress which she adores.
And sorry poocatcher, that is usually on church days. She likes it because she twirls to the music and it has a big skirt.

YABVU to think that I should restrict my dd in accordance with your rules. Pointless rules at that.

fastdaytears · 15/09/2015 22:41

It would be easier for me if all parents banned Coke and Pepsi for children,

At least that would make sense (and I say that as a diet coke addict).

Did a polyester (flame retardant) Elsa dress ever make anyone's teeth fall out?

ceeveebee · 15/09/2015 22:43

I have a similar rule in that DD can't wear her elsa dress to the park or to nursery but I'm not bothered if she wants to wear it elsewhere (although if she wanted to wear to a party I'd check with the party girl's parents first). What about just a crown? Or a tutu?

DrCoconut · 15/09/2015 22:43

Our former minister's DC wore fancy dress at church! No one could really say anything and why should they? DS likes to go to town as Optimus prime occasionally.

AlpacaPicnic · 15/09/2015 22:45

Aww, it makes my day when you meet a little Spider-Man or Elsa! I always smile and chat to them in character and it always seems to be well received.

I love the sheer confidence that they have when walking round in their superhero suits or princess dresses, when they haven't been squashed by social norms to appear as 'normal' as possible. I'd love to wander round the supermarket dressed like a dinosaur, or wear a tiara for the sake of it.

SistersOfPercy · 15/09/2015 22:45

Tbh on a cold, dull day there is something that makes you smile about a child happily skipping along pretending to be a princess or a super hero.

goblinhat · 15/09/2015 22:46

Have you seen what some of the cardinals wear at the Vatican? Some of that would make Snow White look positively casual.

SistersOfPercy · 15/09/2015 22:46

Weird cross post with alpaca who said pretty much what I was aiming for!

fastdaytears · 15/09/2015 22:47

I wore a tiara to school for a whole term when I was 13... I thought I was SO COOL

reni2 · 15/09/2015 22:50

That must have taken guts, fastdays, love it!

fastdaytears · 15/09/2015 22:51

Ugh I think I sort of thought I was a princess! I was a special snowflake for sure! Real life has been something of an awakening.
I wore some crazy stuff to school and genuinely didn't care what the other kids thought. I'm much less exciting now I assure you!

Pedestriana · 15/09/2015 22:52

MrsDeVere my DD was recently being a pirate in Waitrose. She had the stripy ragged trousers, the skull and crossbones waistcoat and was using the weekend freebie paper rolled up as a sword. The trolley was her ship, and she kept shouting 'ARRR MATEY!" at staff members as we passed them.
Thankfully they're quite used to us in there.

AlisonWunderland · 15/09/2015 22:53

I was about to suggest a tiara too!

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