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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fancy dress out of the house

137 replies

PegsPigs · 15/09/2015 22:13

DH and I would like MN to rule on this.

DD2.5 loves wearing 'princess dresses'. We have a few we've accumulated at home that she dresses up in most of the time we're at home. She loves going to toddler groups where she can dress up and is disappointed if we go somewhere that doesn't have a box. Our rule is that she can wear it in the house but has to take it off when we go out. There's been a few arguments in the past but she knows the rule and takes it off before we leave. The main reasons we don't let her wear it out are: it'll get damaged and they're not cheap, it'll get dirty and they're a bugger to clean, they're bloody flammable (Claudia Winkleman's daughter's accident for example) & she has lots of nice dresses which aren't fancy dress which she can wear.

However, we often go to places and there are other girls in fancy dress: Elsa, fairy outfits, Snow White outfits etc. She thinks the dress is for sharing and hangs around waiting for it to be her turn to wear it. I have to explain to her it's the other girl's outfit and not for sharing. She is obsessed though and just stares at the girl/s no matter how much I try and distract her.

We went to an event on Sunday where two sisters were dressed as princesses (no particular reason just presumably they wanted to). I asked my DD what her favourite part of the event was (lots of activities). She said 'the princesses'. We went to a drop in dance class on Monday where a girl dressed as a fairy and DD didn't watch the teacher or join in much as she was staring at the girl. I asked if she enjoyed the dancing and she said 'the little girl was a fairy princess in her own outfit' (how I'd explained why she couldn't wear it). I told DH the story and we agreed other parents letting their children wear these costumes out of the house makes it difficult for us to not let ours. Double standards etc when she finally understands that.

So my AIBU is: AIBU to wish other parents didn't let their children wear fancy dress costumes outside of the house (except for fancy dress parties)? Pretty sure I'll hear 'other parents can do what they like' or 'let her wear it out, big deal if it gets trashed she'll learn' so am prepared for a flaming. Just wondered if it peed other people off too? Smile

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 15/09/2015 22:53

As this cartoon could have been written for my daughter, I'm one of those causing your problems. No contrition from me, I don't care much about clothes myself but my kid has a great eye and I don't see why I should stop her expressing her personality in this way just because other people don't do it. I'm really happy she enjoys dressing extravagantly and has still got the confidence not to worry about standing out. Little girls have got a tragically short window of time before they start getting judged for all this stuff.

sooperdooper · 15/09/2015 22:54

I love seeing a little child out sbd about in fancy dress for no reason whatsoever, I wish I could do it too Grin

campervan67 · 15/09/2015 22:55

I'm with the "let her wear what she likes, she's 2" brigade! Especially to parties, dance class, quick trip to the supermarket etc. The only part of your OP I agree with is that long skirts aren't always practical. My DD loved long dresses as a 2/3 year old but she also loved climbing trees, riding bikes etc and they used to get trashed or ripped in the spokes of her bike.

If you insist, could you agree on a compromise, for example at places like H&M you can get cheap little tutus, wings etc which can be worn over normal clothes and won't drag on the floor.

catzpyjamas · 15/09/2015 22:57

toomuchtooold Grin

FunkyPeacock · 15/09/2015 23:00

YABU - my DS adored dressing up at that age and I cannot imagine not letting him indulge himself outside of the house

She will have grown out of them in a year anyway so it's not like they need to last forever

fastdaytears · 15/09/2015 23:00

That cartoon is awesome!

Tutus look really cute over leggings I think and then you can still run around like crazy. I mean for kids, sadly. I would love to rock a tutu to Waitrose.

ijustwannadance · 15/09/2015 23:03

Yabu.

Asda do the best cheap ones for around £12.
Pointless spending loads on a 2 year old. They wash easily. Just dunk them in the sink for a min they hang on washing line. They dry very quickly.

I have happily walked round supermarkets/ shops with cinderella, elsa, anna, tinker bell, belle, sofia, a minion etc. She even went to the docs once dressed as sleeping beauty, and stayed in character, told doc her name was aurora and he didn't mind at all.
It's lovely to see their imaginations run free. It goes so fast. They're just clothes.

Rainbowlou1 · 15/09/2015 23:05

I have some gorgeous photos(and memories!) of my daughter who was permanently in her fairy dress and wellies or dungarees and fairy wings...
Could you just have 1 'outdoor' dress she can wear?

sproketmx · 15/09/2015 23:05

I let mine wear whatever they want. My three year old was a dinosaur playing out with his wee pals most of the day. Never once have I ever come across anyone who keeps the costumes in the house. It never crossed my mind that while mines running around as a pirate outside some parents are wishing he wasn't because they won't let their kid Hmm

TheRealAmyLee · 15/09/2015 23:16

I don't do costumes outside the house because they are impractical, cold and would get ruined fast.

We had character t-shirts, tiaras, capes etc. Never caused me any issues. I don't care what others do. There will always be parents with diff rules on things.

missmakesstuff · 15/09/2015 23:18

YABU. Love seeing a kid dressed up out and about, it brightens my day. As does the look parents give those that smile at them/question the kids about what/who they're dressed as, that 'seriously, like I'm going to argue, she/he's happy...'

I do know what you mean about the frozen/princess type dresses though, they are a tad impractical. That's why I can't wait for ds to be old enough to dress up....although Dd also loves to be a cat, dog and bat girl, which are all much more practical.

Has minion suit and gruffalo onsie in ds size already

MrsMoggy · 15/09/2015 23:19

Starting to think we must be weird here as 3 year old DS doesn't even own any fancy dress outfits, never even crossed my mind to buy any, now I feel bad!

ijustwannadance · 15/09/2015 23:24

I always put DD in t-shirt and leggings underneath the dress do if it needed to come off she wouldn't be in just her underwear.

Snossidge · 15/09/2015 23:27

Mine are boys and love dressing up. They can wear them wherever is practical eg not plastice masks in softplay of trailing cloaks out of the house.

Purplefrogshoes · 15/09/2015 23:40

My dd just loves dressing up and often wears them outside. She went to sainsburys dressed as a sheep today. Yabu

cocobean2805 · 16/09/2015 00:05

yabu. If you can't wear a princess dress round the supermarket when you're 2 when can you

My Dsis wore a tutu over dungarees with 101 dalmation ears for about 6 months when she was small. But she also pretended to be a puppy and refused to answer unless you called her 'Perdy'. She's 23 and doesn't do it now, just for context she would if it was socially acceptable

CrystalViewI · 16/09/2015 00:18

unless they are going somewhere that it is really impractical (climbing etc) then they can wear fancy dress if they want. I quite like taking fairy/princess pirate/superheroes out :) It's fun, they're kids - so what if they trash them - what are you saving them for? Get cheap costumes for £10 from the supermarket and handwash. Childhood is far too short to worry about this stuff.

TowerRavenSeven · 16/09/2015 03:28

This reminds me how pissed off I was when my friend let her kids order the happy meal with a toy and I wouldn't let ds get one. I was so ticked off that I told another one of our friends (this was 10 years ago!!) and other friend gave me a look and said, 'sometimes it's lucky to be Jane and sometimes it's lucky to be Jenny'. And she basically told me I was being massively unreasonable and I'm saying the same to you. I get where you are coming from but you are being u.

TowerRavenSeven · 16/09/2015 03:34

Obviously my post was about asking other parents not to do fancy dress! As for not going out of the house in it, I'd left her. Yeah they look ratty. But I'd let her anyway.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/09/2015 03:44

YABU.

They aren't pennies, but they're not that expensive either; true, they're crap quality but they're not meant to last, because children grow out of them so quickly. Get your money's worth, let her wear them, it doesn't matter if they get a bit grubby (although I would draw the line at letting her wear them to the park for safety reasons)

I love to see children out in dressing up clothes, it makes me smile. Especially little Batmen or Spidermen running around.

Maybe keep a couple for indoor only, and have a couple for outdoor, on the understanding that when they're in rags, they'll have to be binned. I have a 2.11 year old, he understands the concept of "Broken, has to go in the bin now"; I expect your DD could understand it too. :)

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 16/09/2015 04:14

I love seeing fancy dress, usually accompanied by wellies, non matching tights and t shirts and slightly Miss Haversham hair on "dad days" (and non dad days before I get flamed, that's what we called them). In a few years she's going to be stuck with school uniform, so let her spirit free now.
(Disclaimer-I was never a mum who let her kids dictate to them. Or said spirit)
From the mum of spider and bat man and for a time Jeff Tracy.
OP Do you know someone, or can you, make a more robust version of a fancy dress? One that she's happy with and can get washed easily?

BuyMeAPony · 16/09/2015 04:46

I agree with you OP. I find there's never a good temperature for an Elsa dress. Either it's too hot for nylon or DD doesn't want to cover it with a coat.

I also think it looks a bit bogan to wear them out and about

Your DD sounds really really keen though. I'd be tempted to go with the flow.

MrsSparkles · 16/09/2015 05:22

My DD loves fancy dress, and now after school/weekends is invariably dressed up as something. It never crossed my mind to say no - we have nothing for best in our house, everything is designed to be worn (before she grows out of it again), and if it gets holes in/muddy because she's worn it to climb trees she's learned a valuable lesson or that's what I tell myself

YANBU to have your rules, but YABVVU to expect others to conform to them

Mermaidhair · 16/09/2015 06:17

You are seriously annoyed that parents allow their own dc to wear fancy dress outside of the home? 3 of the 4 of mine were constantly either a giraffe/princess/ballerina. It's their childhood and it makes them happy. Yabvu.

ISingSoprano · 16/09/2015 06:32

My dd spent a year of her life dressed as Snow White when she was about 3. It's a phase - it doesn't last long. Just embrace the eccentricity of childhood!