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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 year old Brother very upset- Youtube video - WWYD

106 replies

notamum3210 · 15/09/2015 21:51

Hi,
this is more of a WWYD than an AIBU.
My brother (let's call him Tom Smith) is about to celebrate his 11th birthday and has sent out party invitations to 12 friends. He came home from school today and, after finishing his homework, said that he wanted to look up one of his friends who had a youtube channel. His friend, (lets call him Adam) has been uploading vlogs about all sorts of things (mainly gaming). Tom has been friends with Adam for years and has always regarded him as one of his closest friends - I've met Adam several times at school, birthday parties etc. and his family are lovely.

Tom and I are just relaxing, watching youtube videos on Adam's channel when we come across one 'interesting facts about me' video. Adam's first fact was that he had Asperger's Syndrome (Tom didn't know this before watching and asked me what that meant- I did my best to explain). Towards the of the video Adam said the following:

'Tom Smith, if you're watching this "I dislike you"....I don't know why I just have a massive problem with him'

We were both quite taken aback and Tom is really upset. He thought Adam was one of his closest friends and he's invited him to his birthday. I tried to comfort him and told him not to take it too personally. Our mum heard all of this going on and got quite angry...she wants Tom to uninvite him from the birthday party. I feel this is too drastic and that she should speak to Adam's mum (they're quite friendly though not close).

They're both 10 years old and I don't think things should be blown out of proportions. That said, I feel what a child that young uploads to youtube should be monitored quite closely. Just to clarify, he said my brother's name in full on the video....it's a very unusual name so it's definitely him.

What would you do in this situation? My mum tends to be quite brash and OTT in her judgements, I feel she may be be being unreasonable...any advice?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
notamum3210 · 15/09/2015 21:52

A few more details:

  • Adam was telling all of his friends at school about the youtube channel, that's how my brother knew the exact name...he didn't stumble on the video by chance.
-Looking at the video, it was published online 4 months ago...I'm aware that's a really long time when you're 10.
OP posts:
Feenie · 15/09/2015 21:53

This is cyberbullying - inform the school who will follow procedures all schools now have in place. Hope your ds is okay.

thehypocritesoaf · 15/09/2015 21:54

Your poor brother. Flowers

If your mum were an even tempered woman I'd suggest she say gently to the mum- um, toms a bit unhappy with x in the light of the you tube video and he'd rather he didn't come to the party after all.

Purplepoodle · 15/09/2015 21:54

I think I'd be contacting Adams mum and explaining what's on the you tube video to see what she says.

Feenie · 15/09/2015 21:55

Sorry, db not ds.

EarlyNewDawn · 15/09/2015 21:55

I would I invite him. You can't behave like that and not have the consequences.

I would also involve the school - they should have an e-safety/ cyber bullying policy (not saying it's bullying, but they have to learn that what they put online is not private and their are consequences).

Your poor brother, I feel for him. I'm sorry, but I think that was really nasty of his friend and can't be left untackled.

mumsgoingtouni · 15/09/2015 21:56

Adam's mum needs to be told asap. I'm assuming he's uploading videos on the web without her knowing. If I was his mum I'd want to be told.

EarlyNewDawn · 15/09/2015 21:56

UNinvite him, NOT invite him!

BarbarianMum · 15/09/2015 21:58

What I would do is speak to Adam's mum. Depending on what transpires I might or might not be rescinding the party invite. Id certainly be looking for the video to come down and for Tom to get an apology.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 15/09/2015 21:58

I think someone needs to inform Adam's mum. This could be seen as bullying behaviour, it's one thing not getting along with someone, quite another to put it on YouTube. I don't think he should come to the party either, Autism or not, he should know that this sort of action is not on at all.

Original poster
notamum3210 · 15/09/2015 21:59

Thanks for the speedy replies:
Interestingly, at the beginning of the video he mentions his mum being in the room. I know it's very easy to be in the room but not actually listen but I get the impression she does know he is uploading videos...can't be certain of course.

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 15/09/2015 22:00

Report it to his school- they may not be thrilled but they will need to deal with it. They of have the power to act and reprimand children for actions out of school (almost specifically to deal with online behaviour). Mentioning another child on a public we page like that is the same as writing it on a billboard- not on.

They should take it up with Adam's parents as they should be aware of what he's posting. As he has Aspergers Syndrome he may simply not have thought about the consequences of this activity and needs to have the explained to him. School may have an e-safety team or SEND team who can go through this with Adam.

It's great that you are supporting your brother.

Purplepoodle · 15/09/2015 22:01

Of if your mums a bit cross perhaps a text msg saying 'hi, Adam was watching Toms YouTube channel as he's been telling everyone at school to watch it and toms made a statement on it saying he dislikes tom and has a problem with him. Adams really upset. Wanted to let you know just in case you were unaware.

exLtEveDallas · 15/09/2015 22:04

4 months is a very long time when you are 10. They could have simply had a row that day when Adam said that and Adam doesn't have the maturity to realise that once it's on the internet it's there forever.

DD (also 10) had a friend that 'disliked her' two days after she spent the weekend here...over a pair of shoes...and couldn't understand why DD was pissed off a week later when she wanted to be all pally again.

Ask your brother if he and Adam are currently getting along. If they are, fine. I wouldn't rethink the whole birthday thing over a comment made 4 month ago.

Mintyy · 15/09/2015 22:04

Goodness is this actually a thing? 10 year old uploading vlogs to YouTube?

I think Adam's mum needs to get a handle on what her ds is up to and you, op, need to stop minimising the hurt towards your brother.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/09/2015 22:05

There's no way his mother knew about this video. I feel awful for your brother. This needs to be mentioned to the parents and also the school. The school need to drive home how serious cyber bullying can be, even if the family deal with it. I am saddened that this is going on at the age of ten.

fastdaytears · 15/09/2015 22:06

10 year olds uploading videos to YouTube? Shock For realz?

EarlyNewDawn · 15/09/2015 22:08

I know of 7 year olds uploading videos. Neither the children nor the parents are aware of the bigger picture and the problems it could cause.. Sad

wickedwaterwitch · 15/09/2015 22:08

Tell school
Tell Adams mum

It's not ok. Absolutely not.

Haggisfish · 15/09/2015 22:09

My five year old would upload her own blog if I let her!!

fastdaytears · 15/09/2015 22:09

Early Shock

exLtEveDallas · 15/09/2015 22:14

One of DDs best friends has had her own YouTube channel since she was 8. It's the most boring inane bunch of drivel I've ever seen - but her friends seem to like it.

Sadly it's very much a 'thing' - as are Instagram 'shout-outs' and vlogs (not in my house, but definately elsewhere).

razmataz · 15/09/2015 22:15

Given that this was 4 months ago I think the best thing to do would be to calmly speak to Adams mum and get to the bottom of it. That's a long time ago and it could just be that they had a falling out that day - it doesn't necessarily mean anything now.

Obviously it's a horrible thing to do but the boy is only 10 so probably not really aware of the consequences and permanence of uploading something to the net.

wanderingwondering · 15/09/2015 22:19

Dd (6) makes me video her doing YouTube style tutorials for her gymnastics moves and would love to upload them if I'd let her.

Thankfully she doesn't know how to do it herself yet so I just keep them for my amusement. ( and very amusing they are too!)

Original poster
notamum3210 · 15/09/2015 22:20

extLtEveDallas - that's the interesting/slightly heartbreaking thing, I found the videos really quite dull but all the way through watching them until that comment Tom was saying "this is brilliant!" and "Adam is amazing" - laughing his head off. His face this totally fell when he heard him mention his name.

Whoever said I should stop minimising my brother's hurt - you're right, I've just rewatched it and it's not pleasant- he's whispering the 'I dislike you' and pointing his finger at the camera...

I feel this is best spoken about by mum to Adam's mum but I feel she might get emotional/struggling to be calm. I kind of wish I could intervene.

OP posts: