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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

510 replies

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 17:19

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

OP posts:
Thelushinthepub · 14/09/2015 12:07

This thread is hysterical, I'm
reading it opened mouthed. Now I know why a parenting forum for dads wouldn't have taken off the way MN has. Imagine:
OP: got a sore head from the lagers last night. Kids watching cbbc, was thinking of going for a nap. What do you think?
All replies: go for it mate

treaclesoda · 14/09/2015 12:11

I wouldn't go back to bed and leave my three year old to his own devices, but I'm Shock at some of the responses and equating it with neglect. On mumsnet there often appears to be an overwhelming consensus that any parent who doesn't do things exactly as I do is neglectful. It's baffling to me.

BastardGoDarkly · 14/09/2015 12:19

TheLush my dh wouldn't.

Thelushinthepub · 14/09/2015 12:20

Course he wouldn't. I'm sure they'll be a whole page of people now whose DH wouldn't either Wink

NuckyS · 14/09/2015 12:23

TheLush

The chance would be a fine thing ;)

BastardGoDarkly · 14/09/2015 12:31

Yes because all father's are lazy lager swilling dead beats right? Hmm

LilyBolero · 14/09/2015 12:36

You do all know bad things can happen if you're watching the child, right? They can choke if you're in the same room as them....

To counter the 'I left my child for 15 mins and they had a terrible accident' stories, a friend of mine was murdered whilst home with his child. Baby was left for 3 days with his body. Sad

The point is, the extremes are not the things to base your judgements on. There are reasons that there is no law about when to leave children alone (talking about home alone rather than unattended) - and that's because everyone's children are different, everyone's houses are different. I am very happy for my 5 yo to play alone in the garden, but I don't let him play near water unattended (say in a relative's garden with a pond).

Basically OP, you make the call, as to whether you think it's safe in your situation with your children.

Thelushinthepub · 14/09/2015 12:38

Yes bastard that's exactly what I said.

Or maybe they don't judge, criticise and exaggerate for fun quite as much?

InimitableJeeves · 14/09/2015 12:45

Lily, RTFT. It has repeatedly pointed out that of course everyone realises bad things can happen whilst parents are in the room. The point is that the parent can react immediately. If your child starts to choke while you're in the room you can start off banging them on the back, call 999, do the Heimlich manoeuvre. If you're asleep upstairs the chances are you won't even be aware of it.

BastardGoDarkly · 14/09/2015 12:45

Look, op asked if she was BU to leave a 3&5 year old alone, downstairs, for at least an hour.

I think she was, my dh would think it was.

She's invited judgement, and criticism IMHO.

But I don't think she's bothered by either.

NuckyS · 14/09/2015 12:50

InimitableJeeves

You're not wrong, but my point would be the same could equally be said if I'm standing over pans making the dinner, or cleaning the bathroom - unless DC is in the room with me the same could happen, but I don't want them roaming around me when I'm working with hot pans or cleaning fluids.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 14/09/2015 13:00

My 3.4 yr old DD is very sensible. I also have an 18.5 month old. I work a 15 hour night shift once a week then come home and have full charge of my DC. I have a doze on the sofa while DD watches a film and DS has a nap in his cot. I would never go to bed for a nap and leave her alone. It's not a great nap but it's enough to recharge my batteries.

As for going upstairs leaving her alone to sleep off a hangover? Really? You got so drunk you had a hangover knowing full well your DC would be in your sole care the next day? And yes I'm judging.

Nanny0gg · 14/09/2015 13:19

I was more referring to the hysterical responses against the op.

My responses weren't hysterical.

But I think the OP is completely and utterly wrong in going to bed to have a sleep whilst her children of 5 and 3 play alone downstairs.

And I don't care how many other people do it, or how allegedly sensible their children are (and no 5 year-old should be responsible for a 3 year-old, and ime no three year-old is sensible), it is wrong.

LadylikeCough · 14/09/2015 13:27

InimitableJeeves: 'I don't think you can ever be 100% sure that a child will sit and watch TV for an hour.'

^ This, times a million! I've seen several posters here claim that nothing will budge their kids from the TV, but like you said that's only true until something particularly catches their attention. Then all bets are off. I wouldn't leave my 2.5DD in front of the TV for an hour, unsupervised.

My mother (lone parent) once left my sister and I home alone for 40 minutes while she drove locally to pick up a piece of furniture. We were primary-school-aged, pretty sensible, and zonked out in front of Live and Kicking. Twenty minutes later, I'm running up the street knocking on doors, half hysterical, because my little sister now has a bleeding headwound requiring stitches. She was fine, in the end, but it was mortifying for my mother and very scary for me.

(We managed to bring a bookshelf down while constructing a Barbie tightrope; I dread to think what we'd have done if we'd actually wanted to cause trouble.)

sproketmx · 14/09/2015 13:47

I don't have a playroom. The boys share a room and all their stuff is in there apart from their outdoor stuff. Girls share the other room and keep their crap in there. My house would be overrun if people didn't stick to that. I'm in the box room so my crap is everywhere but my room coz it don't fit Grin

IamlovedbyG · 14/09/2015 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

InimitableJeeves · 14/09/2015 14:49

Nucky, the fact remains that if you're cooking and in the bathroom you are conscious and therefore inherently likely to react more quickly.

There seems to be an odd idea that, because risk exists, then it doesn't matter how many risky things you do or how risky they are. Sure, you cannot eliminate risk. But you can avoid taking unnecessary risks. And sleeping upstairs whilst leaving your 3 and 5 year old unsupervised downstairs definitely comes within the category of unnecessary risks.

NuckyS · 14/09/2015 15:02

InimitableJeeves

I can only speak for myself (I don't have an upstairs) but I certainly would not consider putting DC2 in front of the TV, or leaving her to play in her room, for a short time unacceptably risky.

JumpRope · 14/09/2015 15:07

A friend is a social worker, and I'm afraid being in bed when you are supposed to be looking after children of that age would constitute neglect in many cases. Its not on.

Thelushinthepub · 14/09/2015 15:10

Oh well, if you friend is a social worker jumped....

treaclesoda · 14/09/2015 15:17

The strange thing about risk is that people (and I include myself in this) come to entirely different decisions about risk even when presented with the same information.

And I read threads on mumsnet and think 'there's no way I'd let my kids do that, far too risky' yet on another thread I can be accused of being neglectful because I allow my child to do something that someone else considers lax.

I have a close friend whose children were unfortunately removed from her care due to neglect. She never allowed them to play outside, she didn't even allow them to take the bus to school or walk home from school at secondary age, as she thought it far too dangerous. On a thread like this she would appear to be a very protective parent, as indeed she is, and she is very vocal about the risks as she sees them. But whilst she was super protective about supervising them, she utterly neglected them in a different, but equally serious, way. An extreme and unusual example obviously, but even the same person can make entirely different decisions on risk depending on the circumstances.

JumpRope · 14/09/2015 16:06

Sorry, meant to say, from conversations I've had with her, I would come to the conclusion that.......

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/09/2015 16:07

I'm always bemused by threads like these. I agree with a pop about it being funny how different people assess risk.

I've asked before on here for advice when I saw a reception aged child walking to school alone and also a group of pre schoolers being left in a car alone and well out of sight, I was told that I was being ridiculous and that it's completely normal.

I don't think it's a very good idea to leave young children unsupervised while asleep in a different room particularly the 3 year old.

People are becoming quite hysterical though and you always get the ridiculous people popping up with their social worker friends and their toy free bedrooms.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/09/2015 16:08

What conversations have you had with your social worker friend jump rope?

InimitableJeeves · 14/09/2015 16:10

I can only speak for myself (I don't have an upstairs) but I certainly would not consider putting DC2 in front of the TV, or leaving her to play in her room, for a short time unacceptably risky.

Neither would I. But I would consider leaving them for an hour whilst I was asleep on a different floor of the house goes over the line into unacceptable risk.