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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

510 replies

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 17:19

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

OP posts:
AlpacaBackPack · 14/09/2015 00:56

This reply has been deleted

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mathanxiety · 14/09/2015 00:57

Minion:
What I find incredible is the notion that someone is so tired that they need to sleep right there an then, like their life depended on it.

I have actually drifted off sitting on the couch to read someone a little story -- sat down, leaned back and ZZZZZZ. I have arrived home from grocery shopping unable to remember a single detail of the trip home in the car. I have nodded off in church, sitting in a wooded pew and leaning against the cold stone wall.

Maybe everyone is different.

mathanxiety · 14/09/2015 01:04

I put a lock on the bathroom door so I could have some privacy in there. They all survived, and accepted the notion that mommy couldn't be available for them every minute they were awake. I think I agree with those on this thread who incline towards the reasonable risk camp. Mine were able to reach the snacks in a low cabinet -- cheese strings, crackers, raisins and apricots, and breakfast cereals. They could all pour themselves a drink of water. Everyone is dealing with their own kids though.

AlpacaBackPack · 14/09/2015 01:14

Love your reply mathanxiety. That's pretty much exactly where we were too.

Mrsfrumble · 14/09/2015 01:19

Bogeyface, MrsRyan stated that she'd never showered while alone in the house with her children, presumably whether asleep or awake. But I was being unnecessarily facetious and I'm sorry. I get a strange urge to react against the competitive paranoia on threads like these.

NuffSaidSam I just wanted to say your posts have been excellent.

Nanny0gg · 14/09/2015 01:32

I'm still not seeing the massive risks of them playing downstairs. They could hurt themselves just as easily if they were playing for an hour in their room and I was downstairs.

But you wouldn't be asleep!

ChipsandGuac · 14/09/2015 01:36

Crikey! This thread is a little bit hysterical and very very harsh. I would have happily had a nap if I desperately needed one when mine were little. Having had 4 kids in 4 years, with the younger two being terrible sleepers as babies and toddlers, I wouldn't have coped if I hadn't occasionally put the baby and toddler down for a nap, and said to the 3 and 4 year olds, "Mummy needs to sleep. This is what is going to happen. You are going to watch the whole of Boobah/Tweenies/Blue's Clues/ and have your snack. If I haven't come down when it's over, you come and wake me up. OK?!". I would only power nap for 15 minutes or so, but without doing that when I needed to, I would have drowned.

And fwiw, I think I'm a pretty darned good mum!

TheMirrorOfErised · 14/09/2015 02:30

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sleeponeday · 14/09/2015 02:45

DS was absolutely trustworthy at 3. Spookily so. Followed rules precisely, very scared of any sort of risk, would happily watch CBeebies and play by himself reliably. BUT we had a totally childproofed flat at the time - stairgate into bathrooms and kitchen, other rooms all safe as anything. We moved at almost 4 and I never needed to babyproof again.

DD... is very different. Nothing scares her, absolute barrel of monkeys, thinks risks are challenges and can't be left for a minute.

It comes down to what your kids are like, what your home is like and what your child is capable of. There's no absolute answer here.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 14/09/2015 04:12

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BathshebaDarkstone · 14/09/2015 04:25

I used to let the older 2 get up before me from about 4 and 5. DS1 has cystic fibrosis so he had a snack cupboard with no child lock on full of Monster Munch and Mars bars, they used to turn on the TV. I can't do it with the younger 2 because I can't trust DS2 not to wreck the house.

Zame · 14/09/2015 06:17

Presumably you're on the same floor as your children when they're awake and playing in the morning? More able to hear them and respond quickly.
Anyway,j think you started this thread to demonstrate what a chilled out parent you are and how the rest of mums net are ridiculously anxious and overprotective .
You're so sure your children won't do anything dangerous , you shouldn't be. You have no idea what they can get up to unsupervised, not a clue, small childen can be very creative at finding ways to injure themselves or cause distress.
Not that you're listening to anyone's opinion anyway, you and your oh so laid back boyfriend just carry on doing what you're doing, your 5 year old is totally mature and responsible enough to watch out for a 3 year old.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 14/09/2015 06:53

Anyway,j think you started this thread to demonstrate what a chilled out parent you are and how the rest of mums net are ridiculously anxious and overprotective

This.

ChocolateWombat · 14/09/2015 07:27

The replies of the OP have got to the point now,where I can't see this as a serious thread, or can only see the OP as devoid of any capability to understand what is being said.

If hundreds of people suggest an action is unreasonable, most people would be able to consider their views and see at least something of truth in them. However the OP is determined to argue her point, either refusing or failing to see the difference between being in another room whilst children are asleep or being in another room close by, or being in another room whilst awake, and leaving children on another floor whilst they are wide awake and active and she is asleep hung over for an hour on another floor. It is this which makes me think the OP is probably a troll/fake poster.

There will always be grey areas. Some people will take their children to the shower with them and others will leave their children downstairs while they clean upstairs. However, I hope even the OP would agree that going out and leaving small children unattended would be unacceptable. Going to sleep whilst hung over upstairs for an extended period of time, is clearly not as bad as this, but in most of our minds leaves the children without adequate supervision - there could be a whole hour of them doing something foolish at least and dangerous at worst - it is simply too long, with the OP unconscious rather than alert to hear something untoward happening.

Original poster
Snossidge · 14/09/2015 07:34

I think the replies have been pretty split tbh Chocolate - though the hysterical ones have been much more vocal Shock

Anyway, after getting a lie-in til 7.30am today while the kids played I'll leave this thread here.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 14/09/2015 07:45

So everyone who doesn't agree is 'hysterical'?

JumpRope · 14/09/2015 07:47

One big fear would be someone coming to the door.

NuckyS · 14/09/2015 07:55

Our 2 yr old youngest usually crawls in beside us between 5.30 and 6am, sometimes to sleep but more often to chat and play.

Sometimes I take her through the house

NuckyS · 14/09/2015 07:57

Oops, hit 'post' too early!

Sometimes I take her through the house and put CBeebies or a DVD on for her, so I can get more sleep. Never had any qualms about doing so, never will.

LaNouba · 14/09/2015 08:17

Alpaca glad my post annoyed you enough to google my user name Hmm Been posting for years but name changed due to the hacking incident. However sweetheart feel free to PM me and I will gladly provide you with my previous username so you can do some more digging Grin

Rainuntilseptember15 · 14/09/2015 08:22

Well now Nucky, you can't really say you will never have qualms about it can you - if your dc unfortunately came to harm while you were asleep you would probably find the qualms rose up pretty sharpish.
I'm beginning to see why some mothers look a lot more relaxed and well-slept than me Hmm but I'm happy to carry on taking my responsibilities seriously and not taking unreasonable risks.
It's not as if we're talking about a one-off here.

crapfatbanana · 14/09/2015 08:31

I think YWBU to leave them unattended for so long. Napping/dozing on the sofa is different as you're close by and alert to what is going on. Going back to bed for an hour would mean slipping into deeper sleep. How would you possibly know if something awful befell the little ones downstairs?

LoseLooseLucy · 14/09/2015 08:32

So you weren't actually asking if you were being unreasonable or not, were you, OP? You clearly don't think you did anything wrong.

Try going to bed earlier, maybe, and you won't need to go back upstairs for a nap, will you?

Crazypetlady · 14/09/2015 09:08

I think it's wrong to leave your children unattended whie asleep upstairs. If you had been up all night with a newborn not right but slightly more understandable. You were hungover , so it was self inflicted and you knew the consequences of drinking. YWVU in my opinion

arethereanyleftatall · 14/09/2015 09:15

Chocolate wombat - I really don't think that a vote yabu in this is representative of the majority of parents. I really don't. Representative of a majority on mumsnet clearly, but that's because a website dedicated for support for mums, is of course going to attract the more overprotective if parents.
As I have slept many times when my dc have been playing, and will continue to do so, I was surprised by the responses. Thus I asked 7 mums at school this morning, non mumsnetters if they would sleep upstairs whilst their kids (if 5&3)were playing downstairs, and I got 7 yeses.

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