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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

510 replies

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 17:19

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 13/09/2015 23:38

alpaca nobody cares where your PhD is from. Nobody 'is wondering' which school your children attend.

Your boasting on this thread is both hilarious and painfully cringeworthy in equal measure.

Boobz · 13/09/2015 23:39

On a weeked, I regularly get woken up by 1 of the 3 DC (usually the eldest - 6) at about 6am. I give her an iPad and go back to bed (admittedly all on one level, but back in my bed in a different room). DD2 (5) will then come through at about 6:20am and I give her the next iPad and if I'm lucky I get to go back to bed until 7ish then the little one (3) comes through. I stick Cbeebies on for him and pray they are all glued to their screen for an extra half an hour at least.

No qualms whatsoever.

YANBU.

Original poster
Snossidge · 13/09/2015 23:43

Not very kind to tell your DC they can't disturb you Lynda, no wonder they're anxious.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 13/09/2015 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaBackPack · 13/09/2015 23:50

Oh and Lynda I did say that I realise that we're by no means immune to SS issues, even though I haven't encountered them personally (yet). Don't worry, I won't make that mistake, but thank you all the same.

TheformiddableMrsC fair play to your DC for his initiative! I don't actually see a problem here - but then I encouraged our DCs to do the same from an early age.

PastaLaFeasta · 13/09/2015 23:50

Did the kids really leave you for an uninterrupted hour OP? Mine would come in every ten, twenty if I'm lucky, minutes. They often visit me in the shower, sometimes join me, often when younger but less now. I don't often shower while DH is out but occasionally need to. I'm always very accessible but I don't know if stairs would make a difference, it one of the upsides of not selling our flat a couple of years ago.

If sleeping on the sofa is ok does that mean the kids have to stay in the room with the parent? If you have two living rooms is it ok to sleep on the sofa in one room and for the kids to be allowed to play in the other as well?

All my kids toys (should) go in their bedroom, eldest put everything in her mouth when little so small parts are put away. In fact her being into everything may have been good in a way, she was told not to do a lot of stuff so is more aware of what is dangerous because she's tried it before.

I like the cereal cupboard idea and may do this soon. I remember being able to make my own breakfast for the first time at a young age and it was great.

NuffSaidSam · 13/09/2015 23:51

'I think most kids would feel a bit bored and lonely if their parent told them not to disturb them for an hour'

The OP didn't say that. They didn't disturb her for an hour because they were happy with each other playing Lego.

There is no value in attributing things you say to your DC/what your DC feel onto the OP's situation.

Were her DC downstairs, lonely and bored, not allowed to talk to their mum then I'd totally agree she was being unreasonable, but that's not what happened. That's a fiction that you have created.

TracyBarlow · 14/09/2015 00:00

Blimey I'm a very relaxed parent but I have 3 children the same age as yours and I'd never bugger off for a nap while they were downstairs. I shower (quickly) with just the littlest upstairs but that's the longest I leave them.

Off the top off my head, just from this weekend, the things they have done in front of me which could have endangered them if I wasn't there are: climbing on the windowsill and closing the curtains to pretend they are in a show; 'washing up' (accidentally using scalding hot water) and playing 'horses' (big one tied his shoelace around littler one as reigns, they were around his neck until I pulled them off).

Children are not able to assess risk in the same way adults are. They are unpredictable, as much as you want to reassure yourself they wouldn't come to any harm.

I watched my eldest absent-mindedly put a little charm in his mouth last year and accidentally swallow it. I had to tip him upside down and bang his back for about 20 seconds before it came out. There's no way if he'd been with just his younger brother that I'd have got there in time. His younger brother wouldn't have known what was going on. He's not normally someone who puts stuff in his mouth but it only takes once.

LittleBearPad · 14/09/2015 00:01

The usual MN hysteria is ramping up I see. Tbh op I probably would have curled up on the sofa with a three year old about. The five year old not so much. But you know your kids. My own three year old I could leave and she'd be fine.

I don't get the stress about toys in cots though. My nine month old is asleep upstairs with a stuffed dog and sheep and a rattle. My DD had a menagerie by the time she moved out of her cotbed plus a couple of soft books she used to look at in the mornings when she woke. Do people seriously not put anything in cots ??

RockinHippy · 14/09/2015 00:02

I think what some n this thread seem to forget, is that even the most sensible of DCs can act out of character - just because they are DCs & just don't have the maturity to judge situations as adults do & shouldn't be expected to, neither should they be responsible for younger siblings at such a young age.

Little ones who are mature for their age can often be prone getting themselves into trouble for trying to be too helpful, or trying things that are too old for them

My own DD was little miss sensible at that age, she could be trusted in all manner of ways - picking up tablets at GMs house & telling her off for leaving them lying around for example

Has it never occurred to those of you leaving your young DCs alone while you sleep, that they might think, you might like to wake up to a cup of tea & take it upon themselves to make you one, because they think if they are grown up enough to look after a younger sibling, you trust them & therefore they can & are being helpful to you

Alsorts of other possible scenarios that just end in tragedy

LyndaNotLinda · 14/09/2015 00:03

OP - you said you can't get a relaxing nap if you're downstairs on the sofa because your kids would bother you constantly. So there must be a reason why they don't bother you if you're upstairs. What do you think that is?

AlpacaBackPack · 14/09/2015 00:05

Salem not sure what your problem is but I do feel for you whatever it is. I sure hope nobody cares what school my children attend, as I will never share enough info on here to make them identifiable! However I do stand by my posts to OP.

LittleBearPad · 14/09/2015 00:06

They're having fun playing Lego Lynda. Just a thought...

Meandyou150 · 14/09/2015 00:08

Rockinhippy- such wise words indeed

arethereanyleftatall · 14/09/2015 00:14

This thread is bonkers. I've only skim read it. Yanbu at all.
I'm asleep must mornings when my 4&6 year old are up playing. Surely most people are.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 14/09/2015 00:15

Alpaca I haven't read any of your posts and do believe I was engaging with the OP. Since you asked so nicely though, I assume giving a child breakfast is a necessity. (Although why you would need to leave them alone in the kitchen for an hour to do this, I don't know) Getting a child to school/ nursery/ daycare, is a necessity. Having a 1hr nap to rid yourself of a hangover whilst in charge of 3 young children, is not what I would consider a necessity.

LaNouba · 14/09/2015 00:23

Alpaca just wondering if you have a Rover driving husband called Richard, son called Sheridan and some Royal Doulton with hand painted periwinkles?
Stealth boast cracked me up- Thanks Wine

NuffSaidSam · 14/09/2015 00:24

'Has it never occurred to those of you leaving your young DCs alone while you sleep, that they might think, you might like to wake up to a cup of tea & take it upon themselves to make you one, because they think if they are grown up enough to look after a younger sibling, you trust them & therefore they can & are being helpful to you'

That's exactly what I'm talking about re. knowing your own DC. I know 99.9% that my children would not do that. If you think that yours might, then not leaving them with access to the kitchen is the right thing. It has no bearing on whether it is right for my DC though.

It's not about not realising that children can act out of character, it's about weighing up the risk of them acting out of character in way that endangers them, without being heard from upstairs. If that risk is very, very low then it's a risk that can be taken.

My eldest DC will be off to secondary school next year. I expect that she will be using public transport to travel there alone/with friends, like all secondary school age DC in this area. Can I guarantee she won't run across the road for a bus? Mess about on the tube platform with her friends? Run into a group of bullies? Get mugged? Get abducted? No. And I won't be able to guarantee that when she is 12 or 13 or 14 or 15 or 16 or 17. I'll never be able to guarantee that. The risk will always exist. It's about how high that risk is. If it's very low, it's a risk that can, and at some point must, be taken.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 14/09/2015 00:27

*Do people seriously not put anything in cots??'

No, why would I? All 22 month old DD does in her cot is sleep. Why can't play with anything while she's asleep! She has one small dumbo comforter. Other than that she is in a gro bag on a mattress/sheet.

BastardGoDarkly · 14/09/2015 00:29

arethere I think most people get up when their young kids get up tbh.

Mine are 8&4 and I get up when youngest does, I don't think it's up to my 8yr old to babysit his sister.

Mrsfrumble · 14/09/2015 00:42

MrsRyan, does your husband never go away alone for work or leisure? What should single parents, or parents who's partner is in the armed forces, for instance, do? Not shower? Ever?

mathanxiety · 14/09/2015 00:45

My DCs got up to a lot just in the next room with me wide awake. One DD washed a cake that was cooling on the counter. Same DD let herself out a locked front door to go out to wait for the older DCs arrival home from school on foot while I was upstairs settling another DD down for her nap. And DS stuck a loose staple into a socket and electrocuted himself while he was upstairs in his room and I was downstairs in the kitchen. I remember as a child locking myself into the upstairs bathroom while my mother was downstairs, and taking out dad's straightedge razor and shaving soap and shaving my face.

So all in all, I think I would nap on the couch in the same room. I have done this while they watched tv or played some quiet game -- colouring, glueing stuff, etc. Just a quick half hour of shuteye followed by a cup of tea was often enough.

(My cot held lots of blankets, soft toys, and occasionally the cat.)

Bogeyface · 14/09/2015 00:48

What should single parents, or parents who's partner is in the armed forces, for instance, do? Not shower? Ever?

Ermmm...do it after they have gone to bed? As I did as a single parent and do now as the wife of a man who works unsociable hours?

sproketmx · 14/09/2015 00:49

Sheesh, how many precious kids here? My five year old plays out in the street with his friends and gets himself up the road to and from school with his friends without adult supervision. He can make his own cereal and tea. I taught him to do it proper so he could be independent. All for free ranging. I was left on my own as a kid or with my brothers all the time. Was running my own house at 16 too

TheRealAmyLee · 14/09/2015 00:56

I dozed on couch when they were at that age. Mine now go downstairs slightly before me but they are much older.

When my eldest 2 were 3 and 5 everything in their bedroom was babyproof. No small bits, no climbable furniture, furniture fastened to wall etc.