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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling someone a 4x4 is as bad as racism

145 replies

Rufusgy · 13/09/2015 13:08

Cbb related Blush but I really don't see why this is acceptable at all. Should be classified as bad as many other 'isms' that have a zero tolerance in society.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 13/09/2015 13:20

By that logic, any horrible expression used to describe a group of people is as bad as racism. Confused

(It's not.)

Snakesandbastards · 13/09/2015 13:21

Yanbu. It's plain nasty sexism. No one would say the same to a man. It implies she is a slut who sleeps around. There's nothing polite that can be construed from it. I think it's about half as bad as racism but pretty vile. It's judgemental.

KoalaDownUnder · 13/09/2015 13:22

But yes, it is extremely nasty.

CheesyNachos · 13/09/2015 13:23

I think also it is a horrible and offensive term. There is no equivalent for men, no matter how many children they have with how many women so it is misogyny.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 13/09/2015 13:25

YABU, it's nothing like racism.

A person gets no say in what culture/skin they are born so to judge that is wrong. Judging someone on their lifestyle choice is completly different, if you dong want to be judged you don't do anything that gives people opportunity.

PolishRemoverOfNail · 13/09/2015 13:26

It's misogynistic term because it's always applied to women with different children to different men.

I've never heard of men being called this term (or any other derogatory sexual term). It seems to be applied to women to put them in their place and make them feel like they are branded by society for their supposed poor lifestyle choices. Personally if the children are well raised then the family set up shouldn't be for anyone else's judgement.

Also think it's ironic that two porn stars are the ones who are casting moral judgements on Natasha for this Hmm

LookAtAllThesePhucksIGive · 13/09/2015 13:32

I find it amusing that these comments were made by a woman who made her living having sex with hundreds of people over the years and a woman who used her "misfortune" of a being teen mother to make pornographic films about being a teen mum addicted to anal sex. Natasha is simply a woman who has been unlucky in love. I really hope she doesn't take it to heart when she gets wind of it. As I say it reveals more about the person/people saying it.

hattyhatter · 13/09/2015 13:38

Sorry but that earns you a Biscuit

ManorGreyhound · 13/09/2015 13:39

No, I think someone with 4 children, each having a different father has made poor choices that will have an adverse effect on innocent parties (the DCs in question). This is a valid reason to think less of someone.

FWIW, I would think exactly the same of a man who was the RP (of all 4 DCs) in the same situation. The only reason men typically aren't judged in the same way is because they are usually the NRP, hence the situation would be completely different for the DCs.

YABU, and to compare being judged on lifechoices to being judged on a protected characteristic shows quite spectacular ignorance.

Fairenuff · 13/09/2015 13:42

One of those women is famous for having sex. Not much to shout about is it.

The other is famous for having a baby. Again, not really newsworthy.

They make themselves feel better about their poor choices in life by being nasty, vile and vulgar towards others so I wouldn't give any credence to anything they say, it's just bile spewing out. They can't keep their self loathing inside, it has to come out somehow I suppose and directing it at others is easier than self relfection.

There is no equivalent for men, no matter how many children they have with how many women so it is misogyny.

What about 'sperm donor'?

ChristmasZombie · 13/09/2015 13:42

It's misogynistic slut shaming. Nasty.

(Does CBB mean Big Brother?)

SanityClause · 13/09/2015 13:45

The only reason men typically aren't judged in the same way is because they are usually the NRP, hence the situation would be completely different for the DCs.

Actually, in our society, men can easily get away with being a "4x4", and no one would make any kind of comment, at all. After all, it's up to women to be good parents, in our society. If women did as little for their children as many men do, who are classed as "good parents", the women would be viewed as downright neglectful.

lushilaoshi · 13/09/2015 13:46

What funky said. It's a rude, snobby thing to say, but individuals choose to have four children by four different men, and whatever you may think about that, it's not the same as insulting someone for their skin colour.

FayKorgasm · 13/09/2015 13:49

It's sexism which I believe is as bad as racism. Spermatogenesis donor is more commonly used about men who financially and emotionally neglect their children. Jude Law for example wouldn't face the sexism that Natasha has. He would be revered for being a good dad and supporting his children.

FayKorgasm · 13/09/2015 13:51

Spermatogenesis? Autocorrect go home,you're drunk.

hattyhatter · 13/09/2015 13:52

Jude Law is not revered for being a good dad. He looks sexually incontinent and irresponsible.

Kaekae · 13/09/2015 13:52

I didn't know it meant that, I do find that quite offensive. But then I think that insulting someone with ginger hair is close to racism but is accepted.

ManorGreyhound · 13/09/2015 13:52

Actually, in our society, men can easily get away with being a "4x4", and no one would make any kind of comment, at all.

COmpletely disagree - a man, with residential custody of 4 DCs, each with a different mother (which would be an accurate 'reversal of the genders' in this situation) would be judged just the same.

It is the fact that the 4 DCs would all live together as siblings, with the 4 fathers coming and going and all the upheaval that would cause that people (well I) would judge, not the fact that the woman has had lots of sexual partners.

hattyhatter · 13/09/2015 13:54

Ginger-hatred is much closer to racism than the use of 4x4 (rude though it is) Kae

Micah · 13/09/2015 13:54

I read this as 4x2 to start.

Thinking about it I don't even know is that's racist, it's Cockney rhyming slang to describe a certain race/religion. I've never heard it used as an insult.

(4x2= Jew, for those that didn't know)

4x4 is practically calling someone a slut though, so I would say that's an insult.

JohnCusacksWife · 13/09/2015 14:02

Completely disagree that a man wouldn't be judged in the same position. If I met a guy who had 4 kids by 4 women I'd definitely judge him....and run a mile.

BeautifulBatman · 13/09/2015 14:03

What cookiemonster said. And have a Biscuit whilst you're at it OP.

FayKorgasm · 13/09/2015 14:04

I don't think Jude Law has faced the same vitiligo as Natasha although I don't know much about him other than he is a shite actor and has lots of children. Ulrika had the same crap. Women are more likely to have their children living with them and if a man had four children by four mothers living with him the question would be why are the mothers so crap so as they don't have their children living with them.

thehypocritesoaf · 13/09/2015 14:12

Vitiligo? Smile

It's not as bad as racism.

However, it's shitty, horrible and misogynistic.

lushilaoshi · 13/09/2015 14:16

OK, I'm going to throw something a little bit controversial out there: is it possible that, while irresponsible, Jude Law gets a bit more sympathy for having lots of children by different women because he has perhaps been taken advantage of by said women? It does happen, women having a wealthy, famous guy's baby by 'accident' after a brief fling... and I certainly haven't heard of it happening the other way round. I mean, it could just be a coincidence but...

On the other hand, he should have made damn sure he was wearing a johnny if he didn't want any more kids. And there is NO excuse for insulting anyone because they have kids by different people. It's just a thought.