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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder what if feels like to be a beauty?

141 replies

howtoread · 10/09/2015 18:42

I don't think I am ugly and probably just missed being prettyish by a nose, literally. I am older now late 30's and I can't complain I have been in a loving relationship with my husband for 21 years and while my looks never opened any doors they didn't really hold me back except from the odd wobble induced my by own insecurities.

Having said all that I do still wonder at times what is it like to be so beautiful that people just want to be around you and see the best in you. I am not for a minute suggesting beautiful women have it easy, beauty carries with it its own set of problems to be sure.

What is it like to get on a bus or enter a room have everyone turn to look at you?

OP posts:

Knackeredknitter67 · 12/09/2015 14:28

I think I've been too badly affected but I was a very sensitive child. I think the tougher you are the easier it is, like any other type of bullying, since it is essentially bullying.
I still have wobbly moments, but on the whole I cope better.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/09/2015 15:10

Ironically, it was about a week ago when my dd (6) asked me
'Will I be beautiful when I'm older'
And my immediate response, before this thread was
'I hope not too beautiful'.
And from the responses on this thread, it does seem it's more of a curse.

PennyPants · 12/09/2015 15:23

My DD is already beautiful at 13. She always stood out in the school photos.
l kid you not we have had two boys in tears because she wouldn't go out with them. School had to intervene when an
much older boy wouldn't stop pestering her. A friend of Ds ran away from home at night to see her and had to be returned by the police. It's a bit unnerving.
Dh is beside himself and she's not 14 yet.
I was always told I was pretty, but she's in another bracket.

DadOnIce · 12/09/2015 15:30

I imagine it must be a lot like being extremely rich, or privileged. It doesn't solve all your problems, but it certainly provides you with the opportunity for a lot of choices - and, if you are savvy about it, a way to control your life.

I've always thought it must mean you have incredibly high self-esteem, too, but then I've met beautiful people of both sexes who are insecure, so that doesn't fit.

Turquoisedance · 12/09/2015 15:41

I am (was) above average and had some stunningly beautiful friends who had men constantly coming up to them in the street asking them to marry them. They just smiled sweetly at the men / boys and walked on and and carried on their conversations with me. They were so used to it they dealt with it very diplomatically. Most but not all found it therefore difficult to find the perfect man as lots of decent guys were intimidated by them.

I on the other hand was very approachable so always had great boyfriends.

All of them had lovely personalities and yes people always did a double take and wanted to be near them. We all had a great social life.

Knackeredknitter67 · 12/09/2015 15:41

My daughter is 7, and I can see a blossoming beauty, with the high cheekbones, full lips, cute button nose and the large eyes with full eyelashes. She is already the tallest girl in her school. But she seems unaware of any attention she gets, and doesn't judge anyone on their looks or otherwise. I never emphasise, or mention her looks, and focus on other character building skills and talents.

Turquoisedance · 12/09/2015 15:59

Saying that though, although I would never have classed myself as a great beauty, I did have a few stalkers.

When I was still at school my mum would have to pretend I was out or on holiday. When I was older they would constantly call me, send letters, text, just turn up at my house or work. Quite scary sometimes actually come to think of it. You get so used to it though, it seems normal after a few stalkers because you just presume it's happening to everyone else.

JustDanceAddict · 12/09/2015 17:52

I wouldn't have a clue, being a bit of a munter myself, but a friend of mine who was a obvs very pretty as a teen/20/something (I didnt know her then), always says that she misses her looks now she's in her 40s, whereas I have nothing to miss and think I blend in more now as everyone starts losing their looks a bit. I have always been slim though with a reasonable figure and I do get a lot of 'you're so lucky, etc' & I suppose it's one attractive feature!! i also rely a lot on my 'great personality' - I have good friends, and a decent DH (who is reasonably attractive!!). I do know a very pretty woman who has never married l, although she does make a living from he looks. She's also funny, etc, but I think she has trust issues round men. Best to be average to good looking with a decent personality I think!!

comingintomyown · 12/09/2015 20:42

DD 16 is stunning got scouted at Reading gives her no joy whatsoever nor me really it's about so much other stuff isn't it

I'm not that good looking so don't know what goes on when she looks in the mirror but wish I heard her laughing more

Tornupinside · 12/09/2015 20:47

I'm considered a beauty (apparently) but I've always been sickly with poor health and I have a limp. id rather be healthy, personally

lavenderhoney · 12/09/2015 21:06

Beauty is time and money:)

Depends on your idea of beauty really. I am attracted to short, very skinny red haired men preferably with glasses. I think when you get to know someone, their essence is beautiful. I have a friend who I think is outstandingly attractive and ther is literally no one who agrees with me:) even him:)

Anyone could look fabulous with the time and inclination to work out daily, diet ferociously, wear amazing clothes and take time to go to salons for hair, nails, treatments. And have the money to pay for it. I guess it's a full time occupation and the company you keep helps. If your friends are like that, you will be too, to some extent.

I went out with a friend once and some blokes sent over champagne. I sent it back with a smile as we both had bf and wanted to catch up. Friend looked askance and said " no one ever does that to me. It's your normal isn't it?" And yes, it was. I'm older now:)

I have been told many times throughout my life my face is my fortune. I'm comfortable with that, and I appreciate beauty in others- the flash of a smile lighting up a room, confidence and poise. I like to see beautiful people:) its aspirational:)

GhettoFabulous · 12/09/2015 21:14

When I was a teenager I had model looks - tall and willowy - but all the boys were interested in my short, plump, blonde friend. I married young to an abusive twat (I came from an abusive home) and when I got out of that, mid thirties, discovered I was a head turner, which was weird. I've filled out now and have an hourglass figure but I think it's my confidence more than anything that makes the difference.

Guiltydilemma · 12/09/2015 21:48

I was always told how gorgeous I was by friends and family and although I could see I was better looking than average I always felt insecure and was shy. I think people that didn't know me would take my shyness as being stuck up. I think being shy is less forgiving when you're good looking. I've had people that I've got to know in time tell me that we're surprised at how nice I was and admitted that they'd previously thought I was stuck up. My insecurities would mean i'd have to wear make up. Me wearing make up would be attributed to me being vain though instead if insecure. In my early twenties I split up from my long term boyfriend, became bulimic and put on a bit of weight because of my eating disorder. There were some people who were openly pleased that I'd put on a bit of weight.
In short I don't think there is pros and cons to looking good. I'm much happier these days mainly thanks to overcoming shyness. I think more people like me because they get to know me rather than form a judgement on what I look like. Ps I still look pretty good for my age and being a mum in her 40's with 2 kids??

AnUtterIdiot · 13/09/2015 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/09/2015 01:05

I am typically 'very attractive' and it means nothing to me. My life has left me completely uncomfortable in my own skin. I can't honestly feel like I'm pretty. I wish I could.

Aridane · 13/09/2015 07:44

@50shades

My most stunningly beautiful friend is the most miserable, negative, entitled, bitter person I know. When we walk down the street people come up to her and tell her that she is the most beautiful woman they have ever met. She models, and right now she is trying very hard to become an actress.

She has never had a relationship (she is 33 now.) She has only had 1-3 night stands because she gives off this air of entitlement, dissatisfaction and always deserving better. There is nothing gracious about her

Sorry - but you call her your friend and say this about her?

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