to wonder what if feels like to be a beauty?

[howtoread]

I don't think I am ugly and probably just missed being prettyish by a nose, literally. I am older now late 30's and I can't complain I have been in a loving relationship with my husband for 21 years and while my looks never opened any doors they didn't really hold me back except from the odd wobble induced my by own insecurities.

Having said all that I do still wonder at times what is it like to be so beautiful that people just want to be around you and see the best in you. I am not for a minute suggesting beautiful women have it easy, beauty carries with it its own set of problems to be sure.

What is it like to get on a bus or enter a room have everyone turn to look at you?

I was pretty when I was younger- and I'm not bearing up too badly for a fat SHAM either.

I'd rather have not been born ugly (obv), but I don't think it's made too much difference to my life tbh. I've never existed for window dressing. Far too much gob for starters.

Arethereanyleftatall, I found that too, anyone who is really beautiful is never very funny. I guess they don't need to bother, which is kind of sad.

123jump, that's really sad. goes to show that women can never have it all really. I am really plain myself so have to try at the personality bit. I do wish I could be really beautiful for one day , just to see what its like to be treated differently! I think that really good looking men probably have an easier time than the good looking women.. would love to know if that's true.

toffee l don't agree really. I worked as a model for twenty years, l still know many others. Personalities vary just like any other person. Some drab, some extremely witty and funny.
I personally worked very hard on my 'ways' as l didn't want to be known as 'just a pretty face' l was also very self deprecating (as a very young woman) so as not to upset other females.

I had a girlfriend ask me recently "has any man ever spoke to you without the agenda of wanting to fuck you?"
I have been told I'm a beauty and I know I can be attractive when I do my hair, makeup, nice clothes etc and I have used it to get me drinks, into places for free, queue jumps etc
But it's true. Men will constantly harass you or only speak to you if they think they stand a chance of getting into your knickers. They think they have a right to your time because you put some lippy on so you must be looking to hook up. And women you don't know will think you are stuck up/a bitch/a bimbo, again because your half decent looking and had the cheek to put some lippy on. It's not at all sunshine and roses.

I've thought about this op. I'm average, or at least I hope to look as good as average. I make the effort with clothes and hair and what not but there's no shifting the basic package. BUT, there have been occasions. Once, when I was young, I had this one dress that fit perfectly. It had a fitted bodice with a loose floaty knee length skirt. The color suited me perfectly. Another time, new years eve early 20's I was in a deep red silk, again perfect but different fit, dress, etc. I've had the experience at rare times of walking into a room and being noticed and commented upon. I must say I remember those times because of the way it made me feel. I felt special in a way that no other experience really provoked. Now that I'm getting older and am losing the 2 extra stone I've carried around through my 30's and i must confess I'm hoping to be able to be able to have an ocasional moment again from time to time but for me I know that the stars seem to have to align so perfectly!

I was considered by some to be 'pretty' when I was in my 20s/30s but I was never more than averagely good looking and I used to worry about getting older and what little I thought I had would fade. Now I'm late 40's and still average. Not hideous but certainly not beautiful and it takes a hell of a lot more effort these days. I have a very beautiful friend who is constantly on a diet, constantly scrutinising herself in the mirror and worries so much about not being 20 any more. Truth is, she's still gorgeous but is losing her sparkle because she's so down on herself about her looks.

I have an ex model friend who is also super nice and amazingly bright. She doesn't seem to notice all the attention but she certainly has a charmed life in everything except relationships. I think how you look is what you make of it but also that you shape your looks with your personality. I look much better if i'm happy and relaxed and feeling bubbly and friendly... Many don't recognise me as a stressed, pissed off, always late for the school run, moody mum. Also there are so many people who are attractive in a photo and when you see them they don't live up to it (mainly due to personality and facial expressions - frowns aren't really attractive are they?) and then there are others who never photograph well but whose sparkly personality almost birsts iut of there skin giving them a magnetism that you can't capture in a photo or see till you're interacting with them. If i think back on who i thought was attractive / wasn't on first glance and what i thought after getting to know them, it's quite eye opening. Makes me try to remember to smile and be nice no matter what my school run throws at me.

I was stalked once, in Australia, but he was not aggressive, just annoyingly puppydog devoted. He was quiet, very sweet but when it got to the stage where he'd be waiting late on the platform for me to come home or be outside my room constantly waiting for me to emerge then friends of mine took complained to the landlord, he was evicted and warned off I suppose as I never saw him again.

After reading other poster's experiences I must say it does seem as if I had quite a charmed experience. I was always treated with respect, if anything I would say men were probably more in awe of me and it was definitely a 'hand off' experience I had which left me feeling quite lonely, as I mentioned before. I got told "You're out of my league" a lot but it did mean I had fabulous friendships with men. I went on all sorts of expeditions/ trips and no one ever tried any thing on.

At uni at nightclubs I had the saddest experiences as I would go with my female housemates and I would be the only one getting male attention so that was annoying for all concerned.

I would say to a guy please could you not talk to me as you are upsetting my friends. When the attention got ridiculous I would disappear into the loos and not come out again until later on in the night.

Little old ladies on trains were always delightful to me, and toddlers (especially little boys!) seem to think I was some sort of Disney princess so would always be smiling shyly at me .

Once I was minding my own business in a supermarket when my hair was tugged ( I had it in a long plait at the back). I looked round and there was a very small boy and a very apologetic mother who explained my plait had mesmerised him so much as I had walked around the store and he just had to grab it! He was about 3.

I was pretty when I was younger. It is a double edged sword. Friends would get drunk and tell me that they wanted to hate me when they first met me but found I was "quite nice really". This was said to me a lot. It was very upsetting!

And I was pretty with a nice figure. Not beautiful.

I find it hard to make close female friends even now.

I don't get too many passing glances from blokes now. I'm middle aged but think I have aged ok. I'm MUCH more comfortable in my own skin now.

I hate hearing people tell girls how pretty they are.

Now at 43, l have quite a few good female friends. I have kept many from my younger days too. I used to get the "oh, thought we would really hate you" blah blah... My personality is very sage like though, l think that helps. You can be beautiful and smart . l am not the smart bit. Beautiful and self obsessed will always trip you up!

I looked older than my age and attractive from very young, and had adult men hitting on me from the age of 11 (I looked much older). It made me quite emotionally cold for a long time as a defence mechanism - from the age of around 14 I had that 'everyone turning to look when I came in a room' thing for while. It made me quite conceited and shallow for some time. I definitely had some fun with it, but it also made me grow up pretty fast. I have been harassed, assaulted (I realise that's not necessarily dependent on looks) been accused of having no personality and had to work harder to form friendships.

Also, for years my sister has struggled with her weight and when were younger it was the cause of friction between us - I remember once we were waiting to go into a club and a guy got chatting to us - he found out we were sisters and said, 'Oh, so you (me) got all the looks and you (my sister) got all the personality, then?' Comments like this have been damaging to our relationship (which is good now, but it hasn't been easy).

I had to learn to be a warm person and had to learn to see more value in myself than just how I looked. I am now 38, a few stone heavier, and people don't turn to look anymore. But my husband adores me and I feel happy in my own skin, which is a blessing.

At school I was considered very ugly and repeatedly told I would never have a boyfriend. If I was asked out it was by someone playing "pull a pig".

Something changed in my late teens - not in my appearance but in the way I presented myself and in people's attitudes. I have, by current western standards, a very good figure, but I'm striking rather than conventionally beautiful. I think, as I met young men rather than boys, that they grew more confident in saying they were attracted to me. Nonetheless I found the shift in attitudes, when I as a person had not changed, very confusing. It also left me with little respect for men as it became obvious how shallow their judgements about me could be. Fine if they didn't think I was attractive, but there was no need to announce this repeatedly in public. And fine if they did think I was attractive but ditto, no need to shout it across the street.

In my 20s and 30s I was considered very attractive. Did it help? Well I think as pp have said that it's a mixed blessing. I'm lucky that I have a lot of body confidence but I think that comes from being fit as much as anything. I find some women, particularly when they're in groups, just take an automatic dislike to me. Nonetheless I have close friendships with both men and women.

I'm crap at relationships and they don't last but I think much of that is down to the childhood bullying. That and I have several academic qualifications which can put some men off. I'm happy that I like the way I look but also glad, in an odd way, that I experienced the flip side of this, as it has shown me that looks really aren't the be all and end all.

What is beautiful goes in and out of fashion all the time though,

I scrub up pretty well, but the things that make people consider me attractive now, got me picked on mercilessly and a teen.

I have a big arse, tiny waist Kim Kardashian-esque figure and very thick hair and olive skin.
For most of my life so far I've been looked over, as I don't look like Kate Moss in the slightest but now it's desirable to look like me apparently.

Gotta take the rough with the smooth eh?

Toffeboffin & Arethereanyleftatall; I get told I'm funny quite often. When younger, despite having had the same personality since childhood, I was told I was "attention seeking" and so was forced into a comfortable little societally acceptable box. As a skinny kid however, my gobshite behavour was saluted (by my friends, not the teachers) and then puberty struck and suddenly the rules changed and I had to conform or be damned.

The actress Cybil Shepherd is one funny lady who either did not observe these rules, or chose not to bend. What's your opinion of her? Do you imagine her to be classy and demure, a little aloof due to the sheer beauty of her? I would wholly recommend her book Cybil Disobedience (if you can find a copy) and here's a fairly illustrative clip of her in action....

m.youtube.com/watch?v=1wRA89kqHd0

Just wanted to add I've been assaulted in the street by women I don't know when younger (pinned against a wall and punched and spat on while they hissed "you think you're it" etc.) and surrounded by a group in a nightclub toilet who were intent on glassing me in the face because their ex had offered to buy me a drink (which I'd turned down). Luckily, both times I was with friends. When I was a teenager, a woman (early 20s) followed me around in her car and sat outside my house in it. My Mum called the police and it turns out her fiance was someone I knew casually.

i am not great beauty, but had a good period between about 19-24 when everything sort of fell together nicely
At the time I found the attention from men both irritating and welcome in equal parts. I didn't like being treated like a dolly bird in a professional/academic setting, and find I am far more respected now I'm fatter and considerably more haggard.

Working my way through this thread with interest.
I would be so intrigued to know what it feels like to be really good looking- I posted something a few months ago when I met my beight our for the first who would make most supermodels look plain- it must be a completely different experience in life to be 'that' good looking.
Anyway I get told a lot that I look like a celebrity who I would consider to be beautiful but I don't think we do look that alike rather the same sort of 'look' Iyswim but wouldn't consider myself to be beautiful- I'm average but Im pretty good with make up and hair so that helps me to look more together- but in no way a natural beauty.

I remember once going to a bar and the owner said please come back with all your friends, drinks and food will be all on the house!

I went back and told my group of friends (6, all male) and they didn't believe me so went with me to see if it was true.

The bar owner kept his word and we all had a fun evening but it wasn't until later I think it dawned on me that he probably meant invite all you female friends

I dont think Cybil shepherd is my idea of beauty tbh
She looks 'fake' now.

Cybil Shepherd's 65 Greengardenpixie....I'm guessing she's had work done.

As a young woman though...
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dgd6gV5Z53UU Last Picture Show
m.youtube.com/watch?v=9l2hwkqmHxU Taxi Driver (serendipitously very topical to this thread)

"I dont think Cybil shepherd is my idea of beauty"

I think people's idea of beauty varies culturally, historically and just personally. Nonetheless, Shepherd did conform to a mid/ late 20th century, western ideal of beauty for many people. So she'll have known what it was like to be judged and valued as a beautiful woman, with all that that entails.

I was considered very beautiful, people would stare at me,they still do, and I was very anxious because of it. I had stalkers, and was, and still am, considered slutty if I make an effort with my appearance. I have very few friends, most women hate me. I have had two failed marriages and a string of failed relationships usually with abusive men. My own sister avoids going anywhere with me, and I am very lonely.
I like myself as I get older, and the fact that my looks are fading sightly. Its been a bit of a curse.
I think people who are average looking are much happier people. At least people love you for who you are.

I have always been very wary of making eye contact with men, or smiling too much. I hate being objectified, having drinks bought for me, and when younger hated the invitation to queue jump outside night clubs etc. I hated that the only reason 'friends' invited me anywhere was to get free entry.

Ive been compared to Zoe Deschanel or Liz Hurley ie blue eyes and dark hair. Ive had positive comments but also utter spite from women. My DH tells me im the most beautiful woman ever so that will do me. Im starting to grow out of what people think of my looks positive or negative does it really matter??