to wonder what if feels like to be a beauty?

[howtoread]

I don't think I am ugly and probably just missed being prettyish by a nose, literally. I am older now late 30's and I can't complain I have been in a loving relationship with my husband for 21 years and while my looks never opened any doors they didn't really hold me back except from the odd wobble induced my by own insecurities.

Having said all that I do still wonder at times what is it like to be so beautiful that people just want to be around you and see the best in you. I am not for a minute suggesting beautiful women have it easy, beauty carries with it its own set of problems to be sure.

What is it like to get on a bus or enter a room have everyone turn to look at you?

I've never considered myself 'beautiful' in the classical sense at any stage of my life. Too short, too chunky-legged, too brunette (yes, I know there are dark-haired beauties but blondes really did have more fun in the 70's and early 80's) and too bespectacled. That said, I've always scrubbed up pretty well and don't look that bad for 47 (although like most people I think I should be a size 8 not a supermarket size 12...ho hum). But the thing is, I am not always comfortable in the post-makeover 'you look wonderful, wow' everyone-looking-at-you state. I can sustain it for a few hours at a party or gathering, but I'm actually happiest when I'm in everyday clothes, with no make-up and nobody noticing how I look, because I'm just being me. I hate to think what it must be like not to be able to get away from that experience of being looked at and assessed as an object.

I found my mojo at about 26 and really didn't know what to make of it all - suddenly I was looks-popular.

I am so tall, not booby, and wasn't the popular type in the teen years. Spots, bad fashion, giggly - I hadn't that "other worldly" allure my beautiful friend had! Boys would come talk to me to get to her and she would sit there doe-eyed. It drove me mad. I wasn't her bodyguard and she was well able to speak.

I modelled a bit and still got stopped on the street by a scout into my early 30s.

I know j can turn heads walking into a room, but that's my height and figure. But I am not sexy.

My sis is sexy, men get drunk on her sexiness. I have never had that. I do wonder what that is like.

But I'm an old bag at 40 and having children late so everything is catching up on me now!

My most stunningly beautiful friend is the most miserable, negative, entitled, bitter person I know. When we walk down the street people come up to her and tell her that she is the most beautiful woman they have ever met. She models, and right now she is trying very hard to become an actress.

She has never had a relationship (she is 33 now.) She has only had 1-3 night stands because she gives off this air of entitlement, dissatisfaction and always deserving better. There is nothing gracious about her. If somebody buys her wine, she's upset it's not champagne. If they put her up in a 4 star hotel, she is upset it is not 5 star. Everything is a disappointment and it's hard for anyone else to be around, even as her friend. The only people who tolerate it occasionally are men with lots of ££ who sleep with her quickly because they give her the 5 star treatment, and then shut her down just as quickly. It's almost like someone told her as a little girl that she'd get everything she wants in life because she's gorgeous. Well that expectation has done her no favours.

I am above average in attractiveness too and I must admit I do find it a struggle to get taken seriously too. I am just a trophy to the man's self esteem.

Having said that I have 4 unhappy live in relationships with men over the years and since single parenting and all the vicissitudes that brings I would never live with a man again anyway so casual sex is all I need!

I just don't need the hassle of a bloke they make me too unhappy.

I was the ugliest girl in my class, and my best friend was the most beautiful in class. We became friends because one day I stumbled on her crying in a corner because a bunch of girls were picking on her as often happened.

She looked just like Blondie at a time when they were in the charts. I looked like a gangly troll. We did get called Beauty and the Beast.

It meant I had a free spectator ticket and I was awed by the teachers, train station ticket inspectors, shop staff, and sixth formers who fawned over her. I don't think she even noticed them. I overheard girls in school calling her awful names just because she happened to sit a couple of 'boy's' classes like Technology and Technical Drawing; they thought she did it on purpose just so she could be the only girl in the class and get all the attention.

I was also in a 'boy's class' and I never got the same criticism! Perhaps because I was no threat due to my lack of looks.

She was a little bit of a tomboy which endeared me to her, and she was the only daughter in a family of I think 3 or 4 older brothers. So she had a natural easy friendship with men which other women probably irked at.

She wasn't treated well by men in later relationships. She went on to work in council planning and play competitive darts, both male enclaves really, and is still very beautiful now in her 40s.
But what I learnt from her and have remembered, is that being beautiful is only admired from afar. On a daily basis, it scares other people, that beautiful woman is a threat to their marriage, or their job promotion.

And I still see it at the school gates. There are two particularly beautiful Mums and neither of them have 'friends at the school gate'. They are always stood alone. So I befriended one (history repeats itself!) and again, it turns out she is hiding behind her looks, not showing them off. She was bullied at school for her looks.

So whilst I've always rankled at being ugly all my life (although to be fair I have not had a problem getting handsome and decent boyfriends - now there's a thought) I can see that being beautiful will only ever be perceived for what it actually is - skin deep therefore of superficial benefit.

Interesting insights here. My dd is considered beautiful, though not stunning, and I always wonder how much that has to do with her getting prats for boyfriends. I mean the kind of jerk who wants to go out with a beautiful woman because of her looks, not because of any interest in who she is. While the nice ones probably feel that they could never get a beautiful girl and don't ask.

I had one blossoming of looks when I was aged about 28-35. It made certain aspects of my fairly intellectually demanding jobs easier. Some of the more difficult male partners would have meetings with me and do what I wanted and I was told it was partly because they liked the way I looked.

These days that would be frowned upon. But it made my life easier, and TBH, I had the professional competence, experience and determination to do a really good job for them regardless of my looks, and I never felt threatened.

But, going back to Horlicks's post, I think standards were lower (or more reasonable) back in the eighties because I wasn't gorgeous by today's standards--just blonde, tall and slim and reasonably healthy looking. Didn't have to groom myself as much as attractive women are expected to these days. Make up was just mascara, blusher and a bit of lipstick, job done. Hair washed every 2-3 days. Nails filed and occasionally buffed. Not this constant need to preen and groom all the time, which must be so time-consuming and boring. I could not have been bothered with all that and despair when I see how my pretty daughter has to spend so much time on grooming just to go to sixth-form each morning.

I think the bar was raised when Photoshop and the internet took off, and also earlier in the early nineties when the Eastern European and Russian girls realised what physical assets they possessed--those figures, those cheekbones! I remember the first Russian girl I ever met in London knocking on our agency's door and handing in her CV. She was fluent in English and stunning.

I look a bit haggard round the face now, though my figure's not bad, but nobody would wolf-whistle me now. But I am probably just as happy because of the good relationships I have with my lovely husband of 20 years, my children and wider family and all my friends. I like my work, too.

My daughter is pretty and has a bubbly personality, but isn't strikingly beautiful and I think that means she has more chance of nice men wanting to be with her. Her first proper boyfriend is lovely and seems to value her for more than just her face and that makes me very happy and hopeful for future relationships.

I was frequently told I was "beautiful" when I was young and although I am now older, a bit fatter and tend to have remnants of my toddlers Weetabix in my hair most days, I still get a fair bit of (unwanted) male attention.

I have never been an extrovert and don't like to be the centre of attention so have always found the attention/compliments deeply uncomfortable. When I was a teenager I was sexually harassed by a male teacher for two years and didn't have the confidence to tell anyone which was all a bit traumatic. At school, girls were very bitchy and cold towards me and boys were often inappropriate so I had few close friends. At university I was groped, followed and harassed frequently on nights out so I became anxious and a bit reclusive for a while and needed some CBT to sort me out. Every close male friend I have had since I was a teenager has ended up, at we point, making unwanted sexual advances which is upsetting as you then feel a fool for thinking you were friends when they only wanted one thing.

I am now in my thirties and although I now have the confidence to shut down unwanted male attention so it doesn't affect me socially, work is another story. I feel I have to work extra hard to be taken seriously despite my experience and qualifications as people tend to underestimate my intelligence. I still get a lot of snarky comments from older female colleagues. I work with teenagers and although I dress VERY modestly and professionally for work there have been some issues with adolescent boys forming inappropriate attachments. I am more than capable of dealing with this when it happens but some colleagues (again, older females usually) have made bitchy comments as though it is somehow my fault.

Hum odd. Depends on your view of beautiful. My mum was v. beautiful with no makeup and no preening - nothing - and got lots of attention but she didn't notice. Not in her world view.I was a plain and tubby child and then grew up to get lots of attention - again, no makeup - no preening. etc. I didn't feel anything from it.

Now a frumpy almost 50 year old. Get no male attention and pretty much invisible - again, I don't feel anything from it.

I would never imagine trying to feel what it's like to be beautiful - why would you? I love the fact that we all look different and have our own histories.

I find this really interesting and think the way others treat you is often down to how you feel about yourself and expect to be treated.
I was very plain with glasses, weird teeth and terrible hair. I had lots of friends and met Dh at 19 but was cripplingly shy, full of self loathing and lacking in confidence, especially after gaining lots of weight after three children. I'm now mid thirties and in the last few years I have had laser eye surgery, teeth straightened, lost weight and grew my hair long. It wasn't part of a mission to better myself or anything and I'm not planning on changing anything else!
At first I thought lots of people were shallow as I got more attention, people spoke to me more in shops etc and I made new friends. However, I've since realised that it is down to my increased self confidence And security because I feel happier in myself, which makes me more approachable, smily etc so was projecting myself better. I guess this actually makes me the shallow one! I do feel compiled to maintain it now so regularly have my hair done and watch my weight but this is just a personal thing as I enjoy it.
I think my point is that appearances can put huge pressure on individuals and you can't judge people by their looks.

This is really interesting to read.

I've known a couple of very beautiful women and I have to admit being with them in public was quite entertaining. They were hit on constantly, stared at, treated way better than normal looking people.

They definitely got treated better by society, as it were, but both found it very difficult to make female friends. The guys just wanted sex, and as a few people have said, it was never the nice guys, always sleazy older creeps. Ugh.

From what I've seen, personality and charm counts for a hell of a lot. Both these women had not much of either, so were basically a trophy and any guy they dated quickly dropped them and moved on. I found myself quite often being the 'second thought' as it were, as in the guys would notice my friend more, then talk to me and found I was funnier/more charming etc.

And I'm not ugly either. I scrub up pretty well but am by no means beautiful. I learnt quickly that if you are on the pull you need to be with a group of friends who are about equal in looks - otherwise it's just annoying and boring, being the ugly sister as it were!

Me and my attractive but less beautiful friends had way more fun than the knock-outs.

I am pretty but not at all beautiful. I think at 5'2" with a practical haircut I totally blend in. I am 26 with 2 kids (currently 18 weeks pregnant too) and my friends from school and college do tend to spend a lot more time on their hair, make up etc as theu havent got children and are pursuing careers in competitive industries where being groomed is expected. So, when we go out, I'm probably the ugly duckling which is fine by me!

I have one very beautiful friend and she stopped going to a singing class with her two children when she overheard the other mums bitching about her. She is still bfing her youngest daughter who is nearly two and people bave commented she does it to get "even more attention." Truly foul some of the jealousy.

beardsrock

I'd ask what is a 'knockout' - is it a universal look? When I was young I thought the prettiest girls at school had small noses? I was not considered attractive at my school as I had fuller lips - they are now 'fashionable'. You see successful hollywood 'beauties' throughout the decades and you see a change in what's consider beautiful both in terms of face and body - for women.

There are fashions in what is thought as beautiful in women. That's weird. I'm uncomfortable with it.

I know three people, two women and a man who are unbelievably attractive. One of the women is a dead ringer for the woman from the Timotei ad (showing my age!). She is incredibly shy which is made worse from the attention she receives. It's intimidating to her and men often get extremely creepy and/or aggressive around her. Her niceness and shyness are very apparent though so women are never standoffish with her, she is very popular. The other beautiful woman I know is my colleague, she is very self obsessed. She is the kind of woman that doesn't have girlfriends, she thinks it's because women are competitive and jealous of her looks. It isn't, it's because she's a bitch and flirts outrageously with other women's boyfriends and husbands. She has been engaged 3 times (she is 29 now) and each time the fiance broke it off with her so her personal life isn't particularly happy either.

The handsome man I know is lovely but very, very shy as well as a consequence of his looks. We went to university together and I didn't bother speaking to him for the first year because I thought he was arrogant. I was completely wrong, he is just shy and ironically he had a hard time getting dates because women were too intimidated by his looks or like me, they projected onto him that he must be an arrogant arsehole because his shyness made him look aloof. He doesn't think he's all that good looking (he is!) so he has a hard time dealing with it. His longterm girlfriend is plain looking but she has loads of confidence. They're a great couple but some rude people make comments about the mis-match in their looks. So being beautiful can negatively impact your loved ones too.

At the end of the day I think it's far better to be pretty/cute rather than beautiful. I was chubby, mousey-haired plain teenager and I had an easier time in my teenage years because of this (I now realise, back then it didn't feel that way). Being plain meant that I developed an outgoing personality to compensate. I came into my looks in my late twenties and I'm considered very cute these days. I'm happy with that because I'm very approachable and I've noticed over the years that I do very well in job interviews, I always get offered the job. I'd like to think it is my skills and accomplishments that get me job offers but I'm fully aware that being cute and approachable is what gives me the edge and makes me a "good fit" in the eyes of interviewers. Beauty can provoke negative responses unfortunately.

Wouldn't describe myself as a beauty, but I scrub up alright. Genuinely didn't realise how much attention I got until I switched to contact lenses when I was 25, I was Mr. Magoo before that and assumed I was just fairly average.

Men can be aggressive, entitled, physically threatening or at best, plain obvious in eye-fucking you especially gross when they're with wife and baby in a pram yuck yuck yuck. LTRs I had would either enjoy having arm candy or HATE the attention you would get from other men and subsequently become controlling/paranoid.

Women - by no means all, but def the more insecure ones - treat you like absolute shit. There's that who the fuck does she think she is? 'competition' element to it. I've been treated to some exquisite looks of sheer hatred from complete strangers, especially when I'm out with other, better-looking female friends.

Obviously it's not all bad - but a double-edged sword.

howrudeforme

I don't know if a knockout is a universal look - I reckon that it's just how symmetric and striking your features are.

One thing is though, slimness is usually involved and more often than not, height.

Beauty ideals have definitely changed over time but the underlying quality is beauty, which we obviously place far too much value on.

I would rather look stylish and cool than beautiful but beauty would do if you have a magic wand op!
Maybe I'm just old but I don't understand why some women in their teens and twenties are covering their natural beauty with tonnes of makeup and pulling silly duck faces. I hope that trend has stopped when my dd hits her teens.
I want to tell them off old gimmer

I think most women look better with some make up on, good tailoring and nice hair. There aren't many women who looks incredible without some sort of preening.

I always remember my bee-yoo-tiful flatmate who was stood on our balcony, first thing in the morning, having a fag and drinking a brew. This guy nearly fell in the pool gawping at her, it was ridiculous. She looked amazing even then!

She had a very interesting racial background, she looked just like Pocahontas.

I had a tick box: cat walk, front cover of magazine, tv ads, movies, tv programmes etc and in my career I achieved them all. I met some real characters (tv/film stars) and people were always asking me what they were like in real life.

Once I had achieved all that I wanted to there was a bit of a void, an anticlimax. I had worked really hard and did not socialise much but I was financially in a very good position for the first time in my life (mid twenties).

I don't wish for that life because I had my fill of it and actually, I love my back seat life now and happy to steer/mentor my own dds in a way I wished I had.

I never believed in the hype surrounding me and I thought they were all mistaken and I still believe that. I am happily married to my Mr Right who is beautiful inside and out and who loves me 'warts and all' (not literally!)

I am still considered beautiful but I ignore it/them and am finally confident to just be me and not worry 2 hoots about others opinions!

@ Fatrascals: I am in my early forties (so nearly a decade older than Kelly Brook). I also had someone stalk me through Soho one lunchtime and trick his way into the offices where I worked (he told reception he was a courier) because he thought I was Anna Friel!!! Anna don't look much like Kelly Brook, but she's the comparison that most people used (probably the big tits though, no-one looks at your face that closely, LOL). Recently I was asked in all sincerity if I was Sarah Millican....time is a cruel bitch! ;)

@ Anutteridiot. I can relate to every word you say. Don't be ashamed. Not one of us gets to choose what we look like, we're all victims of our own personal circumstances. Admiting you are aware of how other people perceive you is not showing off. Nobody gets a say in their own genetic code do they?

@ Wotoodoo, I can relate to none of what you say, not at all. Your life sounds like a chic-lit plot.

I think if you're too pretty, too young, you get fawned over and are popular, and often don't develop other characteristics which make you popular - ie being funny or kind.
In fact, come to think of it, I have never met anyone who is both beautiful and funny. (That's not to say there isn't any of course, just that I've never met anyone).

My Mother, myself and one of my sisters were all when young professional models. So regardless of beauty in the eye of the beholder and it is subjective, we got paid for the way we look.

We have all spent large chunks of our lives being harassed by men if I'm honest and it's a pain. Myself and my sister are now in our forties and our lives are very different. I married and glamour very much takes a back seat. My sister still embraces it all and craves attention, I think she is quite messed up if I'm honest. I still get Wolf whistled at very occasionally and have had complete strangers tell me I'm beautiful.

Things I haven't liked are being called a trophy wife, ultimate MILF and when young and living in a shared house my male housemate told me his male colleagues had asked how he managed to control himself with Eequals in the house, that was especially hideous.

I had a stunningly beautiful friend at Uni. She was just absolutely perfectly beautiful and it was in a really accessible, kind of Disney girl-next-door kind of way.

She was also a lovely person.

I knew her for a few years, here are some anecdotes I remember:

• someone stopped her in the street and give her free membership to an exclusive club that cost a fortune to join
• everyone, but everyone found her mesmerising to look at and commented on her looks
• men literally fell at her feet.

Also:

• a bloke in the halls opposite started stalking her and staring in through her flat windows every night, she reported him and ended up moving off campus when nothing was done

• she was leaving the pub and a bloke who was a complete stranger ran up to her and forced his hands down the front of her trousers.

I am quite happy with being 'alright' looking, myself, it has always seemed such a double-edged sword to beautiful.

I also echo the commets about the girls who were lauded as being beautiful being the least confident - there is a a kind of strange, affected hair toss/hair rearrangement that I only associate with 'beautiful' women that always strikes me as so self-conscious and unconfident when I see it.