to wonder what if feels like to be a beauty?

[howtoread]

I don't think I am ugly and probably just missed being prettyish by a nose, literally. I am older now late 30's and I can't complain I have been in a loving relationship with my husband for 21 years and while my looks never opened any doors they didn't really hold me back except from the odd wobble induced my by own insecurities.

Having said all that I do still wonder at times what is it like to be so beautiful that people just want to be around you and see the best in you. I am not for a minute suggesting beautiful women have it easy, beauty carries with it its own set of problems to be sure.

What is it like to get on a bus or enter a room have everyone turn to look at you?

Thanks lighthouse, it was only when I was older and men would look at me that I thought maybe I wasn't ugly, mum wasn't a well person back then, no excuse I know but we have a good relationship now

Ask me anything you like

I don't know any stunningly beautiful people. Never have done. I am puzzled by that, reading all your posts above. We must be a really ugly bunch of people down here

I think being beautiful could be a very double-edged sword but imo there is no doubt but that being good-looking is a distinct advantage for most people if only because of the confidence it gives.

I was an average looking kid and teen and was way more focused on academics and friendships than looks - didn't wear makeup till age 18 for example - and then in my late teens/early 20s became very pretty - didn't look like any actresses or supermodels but was pretty. I am now a lot older and gained a bit of weight etc but I still have the confidence that comes from knowing I am somewhat good looking and can walk into any gathering and not be intimidated even if there is a stunningly good looking woman there. I have friends who are very similar -none of whom are stunning but all of whom think they are attractive and act accordingly.

I do have one friend who is the spitting image of Angelina Jolie (and my friend is age 52). For some reason she doesn't even seem to notice her looks and others kind of act the same.

We also had an incident in our local sail club where a big row brewed up because of something a 12 year old had done. Big overreaction from the managing committee despite people defending him etc. I honestly think people were harder on that kid because his mother is stunningly attractive - there was a lot of envy around.

I wouldn't say I'm beautiful but I've been told by numerous people I'm pretty or very pretty. A guy told me once I have a serious body/looks and personality mismatch. Because I'm very self-deprecating, bookish, quiet, don't like being the centre of attention generally, shy etc. He said I look really glamorous and stunning which is very flattering and if my looks matched my personality then I should look more like a cuddly, mumsy, librarian which I found rather amusing.

I get attention from men but it's all superficial. I rarely get men wanting to date me because I'm too anti-social, weird and introverted for them. Such is life. When I was younger I was picked on a lot by boys but I don't think that had anything to do with my looks (and I wasn't an attractive teenager) but I was an easy target because of my personality.

I used to have buck teeth and braces and was shy and awkward in my early teens but then I was a successful model and actress in my twenties. I never really saw what the casting agents saw, I was still the buck teeth girl iyswim.

I am in my 50s now and am finally comfortable in my own skin. I never wear make up, bother with moisturiser or get my hair done and am the same weight as when I was in my twenties.

I was 'scouted' many times by modelling agencies before I decided to give it a go so it wasn't as if I went looking for that type of work, the work literally came to me. Sorry if that sounds conceited.

The only way I could deal with it mentally was to detach: if I wasn't successful for a particular role then I just said to myself, oh I haven't got the right look for the product rather than take it personally.

As far as men were concerned, I had a ridiculous amount of attention which put me off ( I didn't marry until my 30s). I had lots of male friends but did not date any romantically as that would have upset the friendship group. It sounds odd to say it but as all the guys in the group (whether at uni, travelling, work etc) 'seemed' to have a thing for me it would have caused friction between the friends if I had gone out with one of them so I never let on who I fancied so it was quite a lonely time.

Girls who were aquaintances were often jealous but my closest friends were great. Funnily enough I found US girls bitchy but Ozzy girls lovely.

I don't regret becoming a model and actress as it took me around the world, paid very well and I was able to buy my dream home so left me financially very independent. I had very high standards so I never did glamour modelling or anything of that ilk and I was treated like a princess and I was not subjected to any sleazy behaviour whatsoever as I was told I came across as very aloof

It was a very artificial world. I probably became more selfish and self entitled than I would if people had believed in the buck teethed version of myself. I am an artist now and feel far more fulfilled but insecurities don't leave, they just change. I do worry whether a commission I have just done is going to be liked.

My dds are incredibly beautiful (more than I ever was that's for sure) and have been scouted too. But I think it's more important that they are kind and thoughtful (which I wasn't then but hopefully am more so now).

I used to 'take take take' as being a model puts you in a position of advantage over others in so many areas: free entry, free meals, clothes, VIP treatment. These days I much prefer and get more pleasure out of 'giving'.

In my experiance even very pretty women with great bodies who don't play their looks up with make up, great hair and sexy / stylish clothes can more or less fly under the radar in terms of getting attention, with notable exceptions of course.

I am pretty good looking, nice hair, skin good bone structure and when I make an effort then sure I can turn heards and get chatted up, checked out etc but on a week day, no make up, hair up, leggings and a baggy jumper men don't look twice.

I find most men are much more interested in "availability" than true beauty and things like trendy, sexy clothes, high heels, make up, perfume, showing skin etc all signal availablity and so even women who are not beautiful or even pretty if they do all these things they will get more obvious attention than a bare faced beauty. I am not saying some men don't notice that beauty but that the decent ones probabaly don't hit on her and the cruder ones just don't notice her, too swayed by long blonde hair extentions and fake baked cleavage.

Use to work with a guy who would basically couldn't tell the difference between a 50 year old and a 21 year old as long as they both has fake tan, fake nails, cleavage out, blonde hair and loads of make up, track suit with juicy on the bum, to him all that stuff signaled she was up for it.

Being beautiful would be wonderful if the world was filled with heterosexual men and lesbians.

But it isn't.

Therefore beauty is a burden because women are the architects of aesthetic envy and biological competition.

Beauty is an exercise in peer isolation and disingenuity.

DP thinks I'm beautiful so that'll do for me!
I was an awkward, ugly duckling and was told by my not so 'D' DM that I wasn't clever enough to be a doctor and not pretty enough to marry well...!!! I went through life assuming men would leave me due to my 'ugliness' when in reality I was asked to model but you only remember the hurtful words.

A friend of mine was stunning, like Claudia Sxhiffer back in the day but couldn't get a boyfriend for love or money. We would stare open mouthed as she'd approach some guy she fancied (hey, we were only 18 then!) who would turn her down flat on the spot. It was because she was our ideal of what we'd like to look like but not a man's idea of perfection.

I am cringing as I am writing this, like well and truly cringing but here goes.

I have always been told I??m ??beautiful?? I can feel men??s eyes on me all the time, a man has literally walked into a lamppost before whilst gawping. I modelled a bit when I was late teens.

HOWEVER, I am an intelligent, thoughtful, insightful, funny person and yet men are only ever interested in me because they want to shag me, I REALLY want more male friendships but over the years, every male ??friend?? I??ve had has tried it on eventually so I now don??t bother.

I have a few gay male friends and I get my male friendship company from those, my DP and his friends.

Women have never liked me, I??m lucky in that I do have quite a few female friends but generally, women tend not to like and I end up over trying and being too nice and that puts them off more.
I am the most insecure person I know, I suffer with anxiety and have had counselling. I might be nice to look at, but I had a shit childhood and I guess I am a bit of a troubled soul now I??m in my late 20??s (not that anyone apart from my DP would know)

Being pretty really isn??t all that great, there are a lot of drawbacks. A few years ago a few friends of a friend were always very funny, cold and catty towards me, it was really getting me down and making me paranoid and anxious and when drunk one evening I commented to my friend how her friends were making me feel. I was convinced it was because they were jealous of me being friends with her and she turned around and said

??No WhiteChocolateToblerone, they don??t not like you because you??re good friends with me, they don??t like you because you??re prettier than them.??

So that??s okay then?!

So yeh, there are definite drawbacks!

Not sure why all my inverted commas are coming out as question marks up there, sorry!

It does intrigue me that the more I read, the more you realise that 95% of all heroines are 'beautiful' but that in real life, while I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who are very attractive in their different ways, the number of 'beauties' is pretty small.

I was an odd looking child, spent the teenage years with puppy fat, braces and a 90s perm, and from about 19 reached the heady heights of someone who can scrub up reasonably well if I put in the effort( seldom do).

The most beautiful person I have ever known, one of my best friends, has had a terribly rocky ride with relationships. I do wonder whether having the pick of any man you want means you're at much greater risk of making a bad choice. Or that the fundamentally decent guys never had the confidence to try their luck amongst the crowd.

DD is a really lovely looking child and I suspect will grow up to be a looker (didn't get it from me), so I hope that her experience is a positive one. At the moment I am making a point of allowing her out in whatever self chosen mismatched gear she fancies as I don't want her to get the idea that appearance is critical. We have some interesting outfits

I'm what you would say was average. I've always made the best of myself and in my 60s still do but it gets harder as you get older.

I've always had plenty of confidence and I think that helps. I also was a much wanted child and I think that all can give you a good starting off point in the world.

I've never given it a lot of thought.i wear make up every day. Make sure my hair is nice even if I tie it back and wear something I feel good in. Unless I'm really I'll when it all goes to pot.

I lost touch with nearly all the girls I was at school with so I don't know how their lives panned out. I don't remember any stunning ones in my classes to be fair.

Make the most of yourself, put your best foot forward and get on with it. Best advice I could give.

I used to have male acquaintances who would want to walk with me to see what it was like to be with someone who makes everyone stop and stare.

I was once walking through a park alone when I heard the stampede of feet, I turned around to see what was happening only to be surrounded by hundreds of schoolgirls who just wanted to have their photo taken with me or just say hello and smile at me.

I was in the library doing research for my thesis when I noticed a librarian literally quivering so much he couldn't hold the pen to write down the information he needed to give me. I thought he had something wrong with him until I realised amongst the extreme blushing and stuttering it was actually ME that was causing him to be like that

If I was walking down the street with a couple of male friends, a passer by would always ask my friends rather than me for permission to take my photograph!

I could go on with such anecdotes but it's coming across as narcissistic, sorry

But as the attention/accolade is not earnt and based on shallowness it's not going to make a person as fulfilled and happy as if they did something more meaningful like caring, coming through hardship or accomplishing something worthwhile.

People believed in an image of me which I turned to my advantage financially even though I didn't believe in it myself. When I got wolf whistled I remember thinking how unfair it was that these guys get pleasure out of looking at me but I never get pleasure out of looking at them in their string vests and bum crack showing. Ugh.

Fwiw I have never dressed provocatively or done anything to myself to gain attention, in fact I actually marvel at women who have the confidence to dress up, wear figure hugging clothes, heels etc. I have never felt comfortable or confident in drawing attention.

I am ok looking but struggle with my weight. When I am slimmer I do get a lot of unwanted attention but when I am bigger, I am almost invisible to people. I carry a lot on my face so it does change considerably when I am lighter.

When I was around 19, I slimmed down to a size 10 and my intermediate manager, who was married to the big boss and had always been lovely to me, suddenly turned in to the ultimate bitch. Every time he spoke to me, she would come over afterwards and say something snide, in a group situation she would belittle me and if someone was talking to me on a night out she would try and dominate the conversation away by doing something "crazy!" I feel like she totally valued other women on how they looked and as long as I was lower than her in the pecking order, I was fine. She was as pretty as I was btw but took great care in everything to do with her appearance.

I have never forgotten her behaviour and I imagine beautiful women get this treatment all the time, every day of their lives. It must be so horrible.

I was a cute child, then a plain teen and then was considered good looking in my 20's but have always felt like an ugly duckling still.

Now I'm in my 30's I find women consider me a lot more attractive than men - I'm always being told by younger women at work that they love my poise and style, but the attention I used to get from men seems to have gone.

Looks fade, and I don't think they do you many favours in the first place - I always felt I was loved for my looks, not my personality - which is quite quirky!

Seems to me that in many cases those 'blessed' with traffic stopping beauty have too little life experience to fully exploit the potential power of their looks? ??

I look at myself in the mirror and generally think I look ok, but I'm paranoid as to how others really see me because of how shit I always look in photos! My face squishes up when I smile and my teeth are a bit wonky and despite my hair looking ok and quite funky/spikey in the mirror I generally look like a boy in a frock in photos. Not sure quite what I'm trying to say after all that except sorry, I'm not beautiful, so I can't really help!!

Oh, I do remember another school friend who was stunning. She came from a well-to-do family which was a rarity at my old school. If we went out she'd have random men staring at her, she went on a trip once and it was raining. A car stopped and a man jumped out with an umbrella and walked down the road with her. A semi famous politician visited our 6th form and spent an hour just staring at her non stop. We found it all hilarious, she expected it. Not in a conceited way at all, she'd just always had that kind of attention. And no, she wasn't Samantha Brick!

My DD is considered by quite a few people to be " beautiful" but I suppose it depends on what your definition of beauty is. We have literally have people stop her to tell her she is beautiful but she doesn't think she is and to be honest she really doesn't like the attention it brings her - she much prefers praise for what she does not just what she looks like. She hates being the centre of attention unless it's just close family.
I do wonder if she continues to be beautiful ( puberty just starting so who knows) whether it will help or hinder her. I have in the past been annoyed by comments some people have made about her looks, such as when I mentioned DD doing something academic a friend said that it would matter whether she achieved much academically as " she would always be ok with her looks" and an older relative commented that she " would have no trouble finding a man to look after her when she's older"
I worry that she might be judged on her looks rather than her achievements when she is older and whether she will attract shallow friends or boyfriends who are interested in how she looks.

Wotoodoo just for interest, do you still get that kind of attention, and if not do you miss some of it?

I was beautiful when young. It was fine. But people stare at you, and nice men are afraid to approach you.

I always thought I was very attractive as I attracted a lot of male attention and never had any problems getting boyfriends throughout my teens and twenties, in fact I had to fend them off to the extent that I deliberately became overweight to stop the unwanted attention. When i look back at the photos I now realise I wasn't very attractive - just fairly pleasant looking. I must have given off some sort of 'attraction' vibe.
I do remember being taken aback when a friend remarked that she didn't know why one certain guy wanted to go out with me because 'he usually goes for good looking girls.'
And no, I definitely didn't sleep with all and sundry and didn't lose my virginity until I was about 20