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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't know if DD is right, she always manages to confuse me

54 replies

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 19:50

DD1 is a disabled and vulnerable teen. DD2 is a year younger at 16. DD2 has had an apple device for 3 years. DD1 has just got one. DD1 doesn't spend money but saves it, but is generous. DD2 is very tight with her money, but spends it all on clothes and make up

DD1 has spent probably about ??100 over a few months on iTunes. in 3 years DD2 has never spent anything on music because she'd rather spend on clothes even though she loves music.

DD2 got DD1's password and copied 56 songs. DD1 doesn't mind

I suggested to DD2 that the next batch of music should be bought by her and shared with DD1

she went ballistic and said that a few years ago I copied some of her CD's and gave them to DD1, so why should she pay for any music when DD1 didn't pay for the CD copies.

if you've got this far, please give me your advice, DD2 is so difficult in every way right now. I just don't know if she's actually right on this one. my brain is so fuddled. I just know that DD2 is devious and will freeload off whoever she can.

thanks all

OP posts:
DragonsCanHop · 09/09/2015 19:54

I would pick my battles. If DD1 doesn't mind then I don't see the problem, it's like sharing a cd, no?

DoreenLethal · 09/09/2015 19:54

She does have a point! Probably quits at the moment then.

coolaschmoola · 09/09/2015 19:54

I'm with your dd on this one - it hasn't cost dd1 anything and dd1 doesn't mind so surely there's no issue?

It is exactly the same as copying cd's so if you did copy dd2's cd's for dd1 then unless you made dd1 pay for the next lot of cd's you are being hypocritical and unfair.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/09/2015 19:55

I think they are old enough to manage this stuff themselves. If DD1 doesn't mind, and it doesn't cost her anything, why do you care?

And this I just know that DD2 is devious and will freeload off whoever she can made me very sad. She's 16 and a bit feckless; she'll learn.

Lilaclily · 09/09/2015 19:57

I wouldn't interfere tbh

ImperialBlether · 09/09/2015 19:57

I think that's just what sisters do, isn't it? If one has the money and buys the tracks then the other takes a copy. Same as if they were CDs.

Does DD1 have more time and attention spent on her than DD2? I wondered whether that's why she was difficult.

Saltedcaramel4 · 09/09/2015 19:59

I think they are quits now but anything this point on needs to be fair.

PatriciaHolm · 09/09/2015 19:59

I'd be encouraging DD1 to change her password though and not give DD2 the new one.

googoodolly · 09/09/2015 20:00

They're just sharing music - it's the modern-day equivalent of borrowing a CD, surely.

I don't think it matters who bought it if they're willing to share.

coolaschmoola · 09/09/2015 20:00

Tbh though it sounds like you have a hugely negative view of 'manipulative, devious, freeloading' dd2 and have nothing but praise for 'vulnerable, good, generous' dd1.

If the difference in your feelings about them is so blatantly obvious in a few lines on the Internet I can't help but wonder how obvious it is to dd2. I'm also wondering if it's a contributing factor to her behaviour.

I actually feel a bit sorry for dd2.

DragonsCanHop · 09/09/2015 20:03

I wouldn't encourage DD1 to change her password, she can share if she wants to. I would talk to DD2 and encourage her to buy a token thank you gift for her sister though.

ThedementedPenguin · 09/09/2015 20:04

This might not be the case but I'd double check it just for peace of mind. There is a thing on Apple called family sharing (or something like that!) this means you can share apps, music.
It's great however, only one person (the one that set it up) pays for everything. I buy music/apps and it comes out of my boyfriends bank account.

Not an issue for some or if there's no account linked but could cause an issue if this has been set up.

On this issue I wouldn't force it. This like this tend to work out anyways.

cowbag1 · 09/09/2015 20:07

I agree with the pp, you sound like you favour dd1. If dd1 isn't bothered, why are you interfering? They're just sharing and you're creating problems.

You are being hypocritical and the favouritism shows. If you treat dd2 as a problem child, how do you expect her to behave any better? It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/09/2015 20:10

I think they're quits.

LongHardStare · 09/09/2015 20:10

Have to agree with coolaschmoola

You need to think about why you're so down on your DD2

Just stay out of this music sharing stuff, its fine and its for them to sort out between them anyway

fredabear · 09/09/2015 20:11

we use family sharing and have the free apple music trial at the moment so we have access to loads, much easier than quibbling over a couple of ??

Rarity08 · 09/09/2015 20:13

My sister was a saver and I was the spender, my sister was always borrowing my clothes, make up, shoes, LP's. My friends had similar relationships with their sisters, not unusual. If Dd1 is happy to share, then that's her choice.
My mum stayed out of it, unless warfare ensued Grin

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 09/09/2015 20:15

I wouldn't get involved if I were you. DD1 doesn't mind.
I hope you don't favour DD1 in real life as much as you appear to from your post.

ImperialBlether · 09/09/2015 20:25

Does your DD2 associate possessions with love? Is she happier, the more she 'has'? Have there been times when your DD1 has all the attention and the way round it has been to give your DD2 something material to make up for it?

Scoobydoo8 · 09/09/2015 20:31

Perhaps having a disabled Dsis is difficult, life is difficult anyway at 16.

Perhaps she is embarrassed by DSis.

Just suggesting these things which imo are normal human emotions. And perhaps that influences DD2's behavior and attitude to DD1

GlitzAndGigglesx · 09/09/2015 20:34

Honestly it wouldn't phase me. It's hardly theft and your other dd is happy with it

Original poster
icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 20:34

I knew you'd give it to me straight on this board, that's why I came here!

I think the trouble is that DD1 is disabled and vulnerable, DD2 hates her as she cannot accept her disability and openly admits it. DH and me find it hard to get our heads round it and I do feel like I have to keep an eye as DD2 is very money orientated and has stolen several items including money out of DD1's room, but DD1 still says she's fine about it and doesn't mind.

I try to encourage DD2 to do some jobs to earn the extra cash she wants but she doesn't want to.

I think I am also surprised that DD2 has remembered about the CD's from years ago, when I have no recollection at all. I don't doubt her, but it's obvious how much it meant to her at the time.

OP posts:
Aqualady · 09/09/2015 20:37

she is taking the piss.

Me and my brother used to pull this shit.

'Two years ago I lent you a fiver and you never paid it back so I'm not paying XYZ you bought"

Or " last year you slapped the back of my head going down the stairs so that's why I just tripped you up"

You know your kids better than anyone here. If you feel she is taking the kids she is.

Corygal · 09/09/2015 20:40

Is DD1 frightened of DD2?

Pico2 · 09/09/2015 20:42

If this continues, then I'd just be careful that your DD2 isn't pressurising your DD1 into buying music that DD2 wants so that she can 'share' it.

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