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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't know if DD is right, she always manages to confuse me

54 replies

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 19:50

DD1 is a disabled and vulnerable teen. DD2 is a year younger at 16. DD2 has had an apple device for 3 years. DD1 has just got one. DD1 doesn't spend money but saves it, but is generous. DD2 is very tight with her money, but spends it all on clothes and make up

DD1 has spent probably about ??100 over a few months on iTunes. in 3 years DD2 has never spent anything on music because she'd rather spend on clothes even though she loves music.

DD2 got DD1's password and copied 56 songs. DD1 doesn't mind

I suggested to DD2 that the next batch of music should be bought by her and shared with DD1

she went ballistic and said that a few years ago I copied some of her CD's and gave them to DD1, so why should she pay for any music when DD1 didn't pay for the CD copies.

if you've got this far, please give me your advice, DD2 is so difficult in every way right now. I just don't know if she's actually right on this one. my brain is so fuddled. I just know that DD2 is devious and will freeload off whoever she can.

thanks all

OP posts:

Aqualady · 09/09/2015 20:44

X post with your last post.

Kids will remember years back if they think some one owes them somthing.

I'd stop the sharing. There is one thing sharing and another where some one is taking the piss with it.

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2015 20:51

She's stolen money off her sister? whether DD1 minds or not is irrelevant, you're the parent it's up to you to instill manners and moral conduct. Could DD1 be saying she doesn't mind for an easy life? Could her sister be bullying her and making her life hell when you're not around? As she apparently hates her she could just get trying to get what she can out of her.

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 21:02

I wouldn't say DD1 is frightened of DD2, but she does try to 'buy' everyone in return for friendship. she took 20quid to school more than once to buy her 'friends' lunch. Iddidn't find out until a dinner lady saw her pay for everyone's dinner.

I have suggested that if they are now quits if DD1 got music for free years ago, then the sharing should start from now. she told me to do one. DD1 has spent another 20 pounds tonight on music, and let DD2 choose it. she bought stuff DD1 doesn't know, but she said she would get to like it so she's fine with it again.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2015 21:07

Sounds like dd2 is a bully and dd1 is a pushover. You need to work to boost dd1s confidence and work with dd2 to stop her being a bitch. She told you to 'do one' !? Sheesh, I'd have been shown the door if I'd spoken to my mum like that.

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2015 21:12

This is obviously more complicated than music- but get Spotify. That will sort the music issue out.

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 21:13

she is quite ruthless yes. she will go far in life as she will do what it takes to get what she wants

I took her to the police for stealing 80 00 off DD1. again DD1 said she could have it and she didn't mind. DD1 won't be able to live independently ever. DD2 just finds her irritating, and tbh she really really is a lot of the time.

OP posts:

diddl · 09/09/2015 21:15

"DD2 hates her as she cannot accept her disability and openly admits it."

That is just bloody awful.

She'll happily take her stuff though, eh?

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 21:15

she's been sent to her room without her phone pinky for that so is currently protesting.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2015 21:22

I try to encourage DD2 to do some jobs to earn the extra cash she wants but she doesn't want to

She can go without then, can't she?

BertrandRussell · 09/09/2015 21:45

Honestly- Spotify. That will solve the music issue. Then you can deal with all the other problems........

morecoffeethanhuman · 09/09/2015 21:47

Change the password, or if ur DD2 is like u say, DD1 will be paying for all the music from now on. Apple accounts cant swap music like burning a cd, the paid for data is just on the registered account. so DD2 has signed in as ur DD1. So like pp said anything bought will be charged to DD1.

PatriciaHolm · 09/09/2015 21:53

Sounds like, sadly, your DD1 is too vulnerable to be allowed full control of her own money, if as you say she is overly generous to the point of foolhardiness with it. I know its hard to accept, but it doesn't sound as if she is capable of making the decision to be "fine with it" and you are going to have to step in and make those decisions for her.

And you need to come down like a ton of bricks on any stealing, not letting her get away with it because her sister said it was fine.

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 22:09

DD2 gets a lot more money than DD1, simply because she is your usual teen and needs lots of clothes etc. DD1 isn't interested in clothes.

I control Dd1's debit card. I have to, but I put some on this morning for lunch and she has spent it all.

Bertrand I have seen Spotify on my kitchen radio, not a clue what it is. Can you tell me more please? And can they get it on their iphones?

OP posts:

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 22:11

I should say that dd2 gets money in her hand and spends it all. DD1 gets it in a savings account that i then feed her spending account with

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2015 22:17

Spotify is a website/app that allows you to stream music. Its free for a certain amount of listening.

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 22:32

Can you get chart music for free on Spotify?

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 09/09/2015 22:43

As far as I know yes. It's streaming only so you can't save music. I think the free version let's you listen to anything but only for a certain amount of time. I've got the premium version now which is ??10 a month for unlimited use, plus no adverts like the free version has plus the streaming is higher quality and you can download tunes to listen to offline which is a real bonus. There's literally millions of tracks on there, Def worth a look.

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 09/09/2015 22:48

Thanks pinky, I've just been having a look but my brain hurts. I will look!further into it tomorrow. I!expect itmwould be over ??20 for a family mof four.

OP posts:

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 09/09/2015 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pranmasghost · 09/09/2015 23:02

I have Spotify free on my iPad. You can save and play anything at all but if you want to listen offline you have to subscribe. Try the free version your dds will love it.

notmaryberry · 09/09/2015 23:14

My dd's are younger (12 and 7) but I could have written your posts! My oldest is disabled and kind and naive and my youngest is clever and manipulative (and frustrated by her sister). Of course I love them both the same, but it doesn't mean I can't see when dd2 is taking advantage of her sister! I understand where you're coming from. And both my girls love spotify!

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/09/2015 23:22

Spotify free will allow you to stream anything that's on the database while you are online. It can be used on mobile, tablet or even your laptop/PC. It has adverts periodically but you can listen to whatever artist you fancy. If either of the girls have an NUS card they can get a premium subscription for ??5 per month which will allow them to save music to their device to listen to offline.

Scoobydoo8 · 10/09/2015 07:36

Imv you will prob have to wait until DD2 is out of her teens before she can empathise with her DSis.

You often read threads on here about siblings not getting on for whatever reason, I had no time for my much younger DSis, we are best buddies now. Sibling rivalry is common (as is lying to get out of trouble imv).

CatMilkMan · 10/09/2015 10:00

OP, do you regularly use Amazon?

Original poster

icouldjusteatacroissant · 10/09/2015 11:38

giraffe, yes we are involved with camhs for both girls.

notMary, thank you for your supportive post. I am sorry you have similar difficulties. money is a huge issue for the youngest. she had a job, but she said it was too hard. last year she stole an unused gift from her sister's room. wrapped it up and re gave her it for Xmas!

thanks for the info on spotify. yes I'm on amazon prime, she has some music off there, but the recent stuff costs.

OP posts:

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