About a weekend away. Answer: yes, I'm totally being unreasonable but need people to give my head a wobble

[IdBuyThatForADollar]

I'm going away with my DP this weekend. Without my DC. I feel this should fill me with joy. It doesn't.

It's a gathering organised by some of DPs friends. Loads of people. I know one couple very slightly. I know no-one else. This is the kind of social situation that sends me into meltdown.

Plus, they are all super-cool, super-alternative, super-hot and super-fancy.

I am dowdy, overweight, do a boring job in a boring industry, parent a child ineffectually and generally have nothing to recommend me to anyone outside of my chosen social circle.

I'm driving and we're only staying one night, so I can't even get utterly off my face and pass out as a coping mechanism.

Also, my DP is a lovely, lovely man and I don't want to be a massive killjoy and piss on his chips (he is excellent at and loves large gatherings of people) or be an albatross that he has to support/be nice to the whole time. He's always so positive about time spent with my friends/family (though to be fair, they're all fucking awesome), I feel I should be about time spent with his.

I just want (already) to crawl into a hole and die.

So, how can I cheer the fuck up about this, be positive and try to enjoy it, at least enough to fool my DP into thinking that it's all good.

I have a car booked for tomorrow. I am busting outta here!
If they don't give me my luggage by dd bedtime I'm kicking the door down. The only reason I haven't gone nuclear is dd. But once she's gone to bed.....

OP, why don't you ply everyone else with alcohol? They won't be able to remember anything you said but will think you are wonderful anyway.

IJust, we need a thread on your situation, urgently.

Hah. I really wanted to post an escape clip to inspire you but the first one I thought of was Butch's escape from the pawn shop in Pulp Fiction and that might be a little inappropriate.

Yes. Good point George. I'm off out in a minute, but I'll need some bedtime reading...

I like you too OP! Don't have any other advice but thought I would add my two penneth

And IJust, good luck. Agree that updates are probably necessary. Great thread hijack!

IJust we need updates!

OP what if these mega-cool people are MNers? Maybe we need to give you a phrase to drop in to conversation with them in case they're following this thread and wondering...

Just take a multi pack of Pom bears OP. At least one of them is bound to be a MNer!

Some of these "super cool" people might actually be really nice and friendly, and want to get to know you just as you are. Not everyone only wants to make friends with clones of themselves

Drop some ecstasy in everyone's glass and sit back and watch them gurn!

Not really (obviously) but just go, have a couple of drinks and relax. Treat it as a day at work. Or maybe play hippy bingo with your dp to give conversation a direction.

OP, I hope you are going to come back and tell us how you went on!

Role play the weekend.

Be quiet and deep, be an interested listener, people like to talk about themselves. Think of some good phrases "how fascinating, tell me more", "goodness, that is interesting, you remind me of a dear friend From my childhood". You actually don't need to be interesting, people will think you are if you are interested in them.

Don't worry about your so called boring job, tell them your plans about things you would like to do in the future, when DC are grown-up such as a specific country you find 'fascinating' and would like to travel to, or a a subject you would like to research. Anything that you know enough about to feign a deep interst in, does not need to be cool - your obsessional interest in it makes "it cool".

Oh OP you sound lovely

I'm crap at social stuff with DH's friends. Or with anybody really. Instead of calmly replying to normal conversation starters like "how have you been?", the little voice in my brain goes 'WTF DOES A NORMAL PERSON SAY WHEN ASKED HOW THEY ARE, SAY SOMETHING NORMAL PERMETS, DO IT NOWNOWNOW THEY'RE STARING AT YOU AND IT'S GETTING AWKWARD SPEAK NOOOOOWWWWWW'. And then I say something ridiculous which almost makes sense but reveals me to be an inept wazzock. Like "well I'm not as young as I used to be but then neither are you, know what I mean " and the little voice screams '"I'M FINE THANK YOU" WOULD HAVE DONE YOU FUCKING PILLOCK'.

I genuinely went to a party once and the hostess offered me a glass of wine. Now, I don't drink alcohol so the normal response to this is to say 'no thank you, I don't drink alcohol'. The not normal response is to take the fucking wine, try to sip it, grimace, start sweating slightly and panicking that the hostess will think you're mad/not enjoying her choice of fermented grape/will find out you're teetotal and rightly despise you for being A FUCKING PILLOCK and then half an hour later, you get caught tipping said drink into an orchid whilst whimpering awkwardly and wishing you'd stayed at home.

So, yeah, you can't be worse than me.

Hahaha that's beautiful permets. I'm ok until we get slightly past the pleasantries. My problem is that my default conversational style is often deadpan sarcasm. If you do that to strangers you seem rude, if you wildly overcompensate and try and sound normal but end up seeming mildly hysterical then you look deranged.*

*By you, I mean me. Natch.

Also, you all seem lovely (especially all those who would talk to me at a party ). I feel quite ready to mingle, though I'd prefer it if you all came too.

I'll definitely update on Sunday evening/Monday morning - depending on my hangover/shame levels.

That's me too. Deadpan sarcasm. My friends who know me well, accept that it comes from somewhere friendly. DH informs me that to everybody else I sound like a scathing, judgemental wally. So, in an effort to not be that person, I try and be breezy and chatty and normal. Which loosely translates as probably sniffed glue and/or should be kept away from sharp objects for the time being. In fact, some days I'll try really hard in the playground and go for chatty, friendly human being, hate myself for coming across like a total prat and go back to hiding in my hoodie and looking like I'm busy with my thoughts.

Sorry for hijacking . I would have posted a separate thread but I KNEW I was yanbu so no point!
Update: packed everything in binbags and legged it to a mates a couple of hours away whilst in laws were out. I am now with and a mate to botch with. DH has gone mad on my behalf (working away) and paid for the rented car when he found out what was going on.
So all good

What you gonna wear on your weekend away op? What colour hair? We need DETAILS

Woah! You were there without your DH as well? I really feel I need more thorough details.

However, you may stop talking to me now. When I got home last night my DP started talking about this weekend, and how far we had to go and how expensive it was going to be, how Saturday night was supposed to be all dressed up (I hid my look of horror, I promise) and various other logistical issues including him having to go off to work on Sunday night. He finished up with 'So, Dollar, I'm not sure whether we should go. Do you think we'd be able to find somewhere to stay for the night nearer home because I'd much rather spend the weekend with just you?' I did a whole 'I'm more than happy to go, I'm happy to drive, I want you to see your friends and have a good time', but I eventually caved and we have booked a little place much nearer home and are going away by ourselves FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

I feel terribly guilty, but can't really pester him to ask if he's doing it because he thinks I don't want to go, because if I ask him if that's why we've changed our plans, then he will know that there's a possibility I didn't particularly want to go.

I could, I suppose, spend the weekend using your top tips on DP, but if I start tilting my head at him and saying 'How interesting', 'That must be fascinating' and 'Do go on' he may worry I've had some kind of aneurysm. Instead I think we'll behave like teenagers, stay up late and get just drunk enough.

I'll doubtless have to do a similar social event in the future though so I'm still very grateful. Oh, and I'm dying my hair dark blue/black.

Dollar you do realise this means your DH is a MNer?

Just sayin...

was going to shamelessy placemark to find out what happened over the weekend, then read your latest update . How can you deprive us all of this!

Seriously though, I hope that you have a lovely weekend with your DH, he sounds like a lovely bloke.

Ssshhhh noIwont, I did fret about that for a moment.

I don't think so though. Had he read this thread I think he'd be more likely to just tell me. And laugh at me (nicely).

Sorry skyeskyeskye. But if I'm given a free pass (and some, you know, quality time with DP) I'm not giving that up to entertain a bunch of terrible vipers.

He really is. I kick myself daily to check I'm really awake.

My DH joined MN a few years ago, laughed at the threads for a bit and started a highly controversial thread and then (as far as I know) drifted off.

I name change regularly though - just in case...

Delicious! I came on just to check out how you were and saw the outcome - I'm actually physically relieved for you and delighted. Enjoy! Wot a top bloke!

Boringly my advice was going to be to drink 2 cups of green tea - that seems to perk me up like a drink might do - but when I can drink-drink. But anyway it's irrelevant now. Haaaa and we can all relax now. Well - move onto the next shared agony anyway.....