To not be able to help a friend in need?

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

So a friend told me she's selling her mother's flat in another country and coming to live in UK because as she said she's struggling there and she considers UK the land of opportunity so she knows she ll do well here
This woman has never worked in her life (she's in her 50s) always been supported by relatives parents etc
She has an incredibly bad credit record, she had to sell a property she was given by relatives to pay off credit cards
I've asked her what's her plans were, what will she do when money from the sale runs out, she had no plans, only said she ll try to get a job (she has no experience no qualifications, never the desire to work), but hang up the phone swiftly as she felt I was questioning her
When I told DH he immediately said to stay away, if she ends up coming here she ll end up homeless and camp outside our door
I laughed it off , but got a call yesterday from her that she's here with her elderly mum stating in a hotel looking for accommodation (she sold her flat already)
I was really shocked but said was looking forward to see her as haven't met up in over 10 years
A few mins later as I was listening to voicemail I picked up one from 2 days ago that I has obviously missed, and her saying that she arrived but because of problems with her account she has nowhere and needs to stay with me!! Have to say I was shocked, didn't expect Dh to be right so soon and really happy i missed that message as I wouldn't have been able to accommodate her and would have been awkward
Today she texted me that she needed cash as again another problem with account!
I told her I have no cash as everything allocated to shopping nursery fees etc but she txt back that she wanted me to call her back to talk further . I haven't called yet, I'm a bit upset that she's in uk for two days , I haven't even seen her for years and asking stuff from me. I have two small children, lots of bills, trying to get by every month, I'm in no position to help someone who without any plans decided to move to another country with her mum

So Dh told me to totally make clear I can't help, other friends told me to be extra careful as she ll get desperate and will come outside my house asking for accommodation
I can't help money wise but not sure what I can do to help her! Her suggestion was for me to do my shopping in her credit card (not UK one) and I can give her cash!
Told Dh that as I was considering this option, but he told me not to use someone else's card online
So what would you do? Would you accommodate if she ends up homeless? Would you use her card for groceries and give her cash? Would you cut all ties,
And above all AIBU to be fucking pissed off with someone who decided to leave their own country and house and relocate with a handful of cash no job and no plan?

So not even give the advice from other PPs re foodbanks job centre etc?

I can't improve on PP's comments, but would add that someone capable of getting herself from one country to another and trotting out her sob story to all and sundry is more than capable of researching this for herself

Thing is, she doesn't want practical help, she wants money - you said yourself she's always been supported by others and never worked, and clearly she expects this to continue. I guarantee that if you start an "advice" conversation with her she'll brush it aside, burst into hysterical sobs and ramp it up still further

Certainly there are times when any decent person would offer a helping hand, but given her con artist behaviour this isn't one of them. Isn't it time to cut off all contact, concentrate on your own lovely family and move on from this?

Do you know for a fact that the elderly mum is really in London, or even exists...?

I'd be tempted to think she's using that as a sympathy generator.

Second opinion that she has money, and is choosing not to use it while she can attempt to leech off other people.

op it is just possible that your friend is not a con artist, 'just' very very self-centred and incapable of thinking about anyone other than herself. In either case, you need to distance yourself very quickly. Don't answer the phone, claim it's broken, internet outage, whatever. Just don't be in touch!

How is it that you are her first port in a storm when lets face it, you aren't remotely close?? Do you think she has you down as a soft touch in her little black book of suckers?

I agree with the hoards of posters saying to cut her out. And tbh, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up stalking you a bit, she seems very focused on you being the one to help her.

WeAllFloat To be fair OP may not be the first port; after all she says this woman has always been supported by family up to now, but just blown what she had. I've no doubt she'll have tried it on with others too

Maybe those closer to her have finally run out of patience (and money) so now she's spreading her efforts more widely?

Honestly, she'll just use any contact as a way to guilt you. I really wouldn't be passing on anything. I'd be leaving it now.

Yanbu, stay well clear!!!

If it was a close friend who found herself in a shit situation in a foreign country not by choice, and she was asking reasonable things, of course you should give whatever help you can. But this person isn't a friend OP! At best she's a deluded, entitled, lazy, free loader. At worst, she's a con artist criminal.

Yes defo steer clear!

Thanks a lot ladies
Just for info I'm definitely not the first, she's been sponging people of for years! But they were older relatives, which I suspect they died hence she's been having issues lately
Her mum definitely exists, she's been talking about her for years!
So just to confirm there would be no way in hell I'd let her stay over for reasons I mentioned before and no way I'd give cash or use her card
I did think about picking up the phone if she was actually homeless to give her some advice but as you mentioned there is a risk I engage into conversation with her which will be awful emotionally
So worst come to worst Dh will txt her with advice . But that's the worst case scenario and tbf she hasn't called till Wednesday so she might have found someone else to help her. She did say she went to Orthodox Church so hopefully they are helping her
Btw relative said she moved to cheaper hotel!! Interesting! So she was relying on his help all along hence she started with the expensive hotel! It didn't work out and they kicked her out! How embarrassing and what a mess

Anyway thank you you're absolutely brilliant support!

So if her card was rejected at the hotel, she must have found some money from somewhere to settle her bill - or else surely the police would have got involved? Stay well out!

I reckon she 'borrowed' from somewhere else!!!
Yes I will definitely!

Have I missed something? What relative?

Have you heard from her again today?

Any updates?

Hey ladies, no nothing thank God! While she still has money in her account from the sale she will be ok, she moved to a much cheaper hotel now and in one of her voicemails she did say she was looking for houseshare/bedsit which can be affordable so let's hope she got something! Let's hope she forgot about me and got the babysitting job that she wanted!
Thanks for asking, I ll definitely keep you in the loop!

No she is a freeloader, cut this 'friend' dead right now, she is nit your friend anymore. She wants to freeload off you.