to be fucking beyond furious with my ten year old daughter

[ovaryhill]

Had a call from fraud prevention at my bank today
Daughter has been playing Movistar Planet and has taken my bank acard nd spent £266 over the past couple of months!!!
I'm so upset I could cry

We simply don't want to raise assholes

good for whoever said this. Most are raised, not born. Do something about it to prevent it, OP.

personally I would cancel Christmas

yup! And maybe birthday too

Having said that - and I feel your pain (I'll probably be flamed for this) should she not have been a bit more supervised?? Absolutely she should know better etc but she's 10. If you tried to get a refund I'm sure that the company would say similar)
Id just say be glad it wasn't more money and she wasn't on a more dangerous site. Hope you've cancelled the card too

Children from parents that are tyrannical twats usually have 'issues' and cause the 'most' problems for society, not the other way round. Stop being 'angry', is the best lesson for children in life.

Lots of us have been raised by 'soft touch' parents and haven't grown up to be assholes.

Funnily enough, the people who advocate for more discipline of children (normally Britain First types) often qualify it by saying "My parents were strict, I was disciplined, and it ain't done me no harm or nothin".

Nice assumption, Goldenbear.

Really, is that the best argument you can find? "I disagree with your opinion on parenting, therefore you must not have children!"

?

Not read the whole thread yet, but I would certainly he contacting the parents of the other children to give them a heads up that their dc have colluded in this kind of behaviour. Maybe your dd would have done this whether they were present or not or it could be that they encouraged her. I don't know. Either way, these kids knew and said nothing. They deserve to feel the heat a bit too, especially as their motivation for telling was purely to get your dd into trouble.

One punishment would he that those kids never set foot in my house again. Together, they are untrustworthy.

we simply don't want to raise assholes and little shits yes your language suggests you are model parents

There's a world of difference between parenting which involved sensible guidance and appropriate sanctions while always demonstrating your love and care of your child to draconian cruel measures like selling their toys and cancelling Christmas for a 10 year old child

If you can't see the difference God help your poor children. Trust me as a mum of 4 older ones yours will piss off at the first opportunity and will treat you with the same scant understanding and empathy you showed them.

Since I am moreorless in agreement with Ceyes - Goldenbear - I have a DD of nearly 18 and have always been a sole parent, working full time. I am not shocked or outraged, do not read the Daily Mail and realise that people parent differently. My DD would have understood from very early on that our situation meant that everything costs money and that I have always been the one to provide that money. If she had ever stolen a card from my purse, I would have come down on her fairly hard - not because I would "enjoy" punishing her, or for "retribution" but because I would have been surprised and disappointed and would have talked to her as well, yes, to understand why, as it would have been completely out of character. Nothing like that every happened though, so in a sense I'm not qualified to comment as I didn't have to deal with it.

jorah I'm sorry, why TF are you mentioning Britain First? I'm not even British (even though I live here - you lot should love me, technically I'm an immigrant).

Yes, my parents were strict, but I wasn't beaten, abused or locked in a cellar. They weren't the best parents but when I did something wrong, I was punished accordingly. I see nothing wrong with that and that's why I'm a law-abiding successful individual. There's far too much hand-wringing about "damaging" your children just by (crazy thought) parenting them.

Meant to add that I wouldn't sell my dc toys. I think that is cruel. I would put a ban on all computer/tablet/phone use except for homework and I would also withold pocket money.

hello Excuse me, I would never call my child an asshole or a shit to their face. Also, I'm taking about them BECOMING assholes, not saying they are. I've not even said the OP's child is. I'm saying it's a slippery path to becoming one.

I'm also not advocating cancelling xmas. I'm advocating selling the dolls which are now up the attic

It's a bit of a giant leap to assume that people who think children should be appropriately disciplined for theft are also "Britain First" types. Honestly, sometimes I think that a part of the brain necessary for deductive reasoning gets removed when some people become parents; either that or it gets redirected into the kind of logic needed to deduce "My child stole, and an appropriate punishment for that is to put some toys in the loft for a while..."

Hellocampers, surely the sensible guidance comes before the event and not after. Selling something of importance to pay for the misdemeanour is hardly draconian; in the absence of any income, how else is the OP supposed to recoup the cost? Apart from scamming the company for a refund, which some posters are advocating? Nice.

TenForward The majority of people who advocate for more discipline and no 'namby pamby' parenting, tend to be the Britain First type in my experience. I certainly wasn't suggesting that you're a Britain First supporter, so apologies if that's what you took from my post.

Meant to add that I wouldn't sell my dc toys. I think that is cruel. I would put a ban on all computer/tablet/phone use except for homework

So removing material possessions is very bad, but social isolation (given that children essentially live online these days) is an acceptable punishment? I think that you can debate that without appearing Dickensian. Removing access to digital devices strikes me as a much more severe punishment, if not for 10 year olds, certainly for children a bit older than that.

Apart from scamming the company for a refund, which some posters are advocating? Nice

A PP mentioned a refund via iTunes. Did you read what I wrote about refunds for iTunes? Or are you deliberately ignoring that because it doesn't fit with your sense of outrage?

Yes, I read it. No, I'm not ignoring it - I disagree with you. Which part of that are you having difficulty with?

It's not causing social isolation to remove the computer. Get a grip. She would still be going to school, out to play, allowed to have friends over (but not the two who colluded with her to steal).

The punishment has to be serious enough to teach her that this behaviour has real and unpleasant consequences.

As much as a child enjoys playing on a computer, it is not something they are emotionally attached to like a doll or teddy. Therefore removing the computer is a punishment but not a cruel one!

Ceyes03 - there's nothing to disagree with. There are DEVELOPERS flouting the iTunes Terms and Conditions. Which is why people get refunded. Ever so simple. Do keep up.

Ceyes03, the Op is talking about a personal problem not a societal one. Consequently, understanding how a 'parent' feels in this situation is pretty fundamental and difficult if not impossible to do if you literally have 'no clue' so do you have children??

OP - sounds like you are getting this sorted. I think what you are doing sounds v sensible. Hope you can both move on soon.

I am not familiar with the game your DD was playing but it will have been painstakingly designed to be as compulsive as possible. Many gaming and gambling companies use behavioral analysts' input to make games as 'rewarding' (ie addictive) as they can. Adults can easily get 'hooked', let alone children, but it's unsurprising when they are designed to tap into our strongest most instinctive behaviours.

I took money from charity boxes in our home when I was a child (probably similar age?). It didn't set me on a life of crime.

And I can't help but think that the aggressive, unthinking and seemingly unintelligent posters on this thread are a classic example of the current and awful low point that Mumsnet is currently at. You used to be able to get really thoughtful and considered responses in the majority. Not any more it would seem.

I totally agree that sensible parenting occurs before the event but that doesn't always occur does it?

Children do sometimes do completely daft things. This isn't evil it's daft and stupid. It needs addressing and punishing appropriately. My deal would be chores and a huge discussion on trust and how disappointed we would be in her.

Selling the dolls is ott. Cancelling Christmas despicable.

scamming the company? sometimes these companies act in an irresponsible manner and parents have a right of redress which in no way should negate the child's appropriate punishment.

2 different things.

Unfortunately, "personal problems" like "my child is stealing / breaking the law / hitting me / misbehaving badly" *becomes a societal problem when the kid goes out in the world and tries this behaviour on others, at school / playground / college / the mall, etc.

Why are we classed as being angry just because we think the OP should get her money back via the child?

Should she just be out of pocket? Or get it back from the game maker? What's that teaching anyone?

I know what, why doesn't the mother apologise to her child for being such a crap parent and leaving her card lying around so the daughter HAD to steal from her and then give her a hug (because that fixes everything) and take the kid out for an ice cream and a gift of her choosing.
That will make her realise what a disrespectful thieving little shit she has been.

Jacques - I disagree with the notion that the first port of call for someone who's lost money due to their child's theft - which it was in this case - should be to go to the company to try to get their money back. Which bit of that aren't you keeping up with?

The child stole the OPs debit card to do this. That is not the company's responsibility and neither should it be.

No, I'm sorry, they do not have a "right of redress". If you don't want your child to spend money on a game, or on iTunes, don't give them access to it. Very simple.