to feel a bit tricked by life? And wonder if I will ever have a job I don't hate?

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Hello,

I'm 32yrs old, single, no DCs. Live happily alone in a flat with a mortgage.

I was the good girl at home & school and was led to believe that if I got good exams and went to uni, all would be happy days.

So I became a lawyer (a poorly paid, legal aid lawyer!!). Within 2yrs, I hated it. Thought it was the firm/long commute. Changed firms. Hated it - the politics, paperwork, people. Got made redundant anyway. Now onto Firm #3 before I even turn 30 - had to just take whatever I could get. Hated it. Moved abroad with then-DP and ended up working in a completely different, non-lawyer role. Great at first - nice people. But then I started to hate the job itself - boring, pointless, repetitive. Got sacked eventually as just could not motivate self to actually do it.

Split with DP and moved home. Got current (lawyer) job in Feb of this year. Great at first. Then they moved me to another office with a bitch of a boss. Had me working 10-12 hr days and still wanted more. Got a massive bollocking off the Big Boss last week for making mistakes (even tho I have been 100% trying). Now lost all motivation and wonder where the hell I go from here.

I'm at that stage again where I hide indoors on weekends just praying for Monday not to come. And waking up in the night dreading getting up for another day.

Does everyone feel like this about their jobs? All the time? I can't take another 30 years of working, feeling like this.

I've largely given up on life to be honest. I'm pretty fed up of it. I'm sick of people. I don't want to do anything except maybe work at home and not have to see anyone or go anywhere.

Part of me says to myself "snap out of it, people have a lot worse" and another part of me thinks "it's never going to get any better, just jump off a bridge and be done with it".

Other relevant points: I'm currently low/NC with my DParents. I am on antidepressants, I am a recovering alcoholic (dry 7months) and I currently weigh about 15stone!

Hit me with it.
Thanks in advance.

Following being signed off, I've emailed, as requested, to HR a summary of what was going on at work to make me feel so stressed. It is 2,000 words long! And purely factual, no waffle!

Fuck knows what they will make of that in the morning. Hopefully they shit themselves and pay me off. Rather than just sack me off!

In other exciting news, today I went for a walk on the beach with a friend and picked up some pretty stones. I told my friend how I am wondering about becoming an alcohol counsellor one day...as well as a decluttering expert!

I always think discontent/dissatisfaction is the chrysalis for change, or at least, the catalyst that propels you into a new direction.

So it is a very exciting time. You are back in your pupa LeftMy and and it doesn't matter how many times or how or when you emerge, when you are ready you will be able to spread your new wings like a beautiful butterfy.

Good luck!

Glitterbomb80 -

It's grinding and soul destroying, particularly when you feel as though you've wasted a decade on something you don't like or believe in.

This ^^

Thank you. Not related to a job. The other side of the coin. I'm unemployed. I'm living overseas as that's what my husband wanted. We've ended up in a small town with very few jobs. We get by on his income which isn't what we planned to do, but, we're here now. I'm nervous about returning home next year after five years but I struggle to be happy here. Just going to have to, 'feel the fear and do it anyway.'

Well done OP for speaking up and speaking out. I look forward to reading your updates.

(For the record my husband was a lawyer but felt that as his Dad did not own his a legal practice he was pretty much dead in the water in his career. He worked for three legal practices in the first year after graduating before realising it wasn't for him and returning to University to get his commerce degree so he could work as an accountant instead. He's been doing that ever since and is not unhappy. I mean it's only work, means to an end, when all is said and done.)

Hi,

Writing that was probably really therapeutic for you. And it's so good to hear you've had space to think about the future.

Wishing you all the very best

Just read this post OP and wanted to sympathise. I know so many lawyers who no longer practice. Did I read that you are currently on £25kpa per year? You are hardly the only one. I have friends who went to work in the public sector for £35kpa and that's where they will be until they retire. They work hard, do high risk, stressful work, nothing is easy, but the salary isn't commensurate. But at least its better than doing the same in private practice and under constant pressure of billable hours and being sacked. Being sacked is not uncommon.

To me, there doesn't seem much point. Obviously you have to pay the bills, but don't feel you have to work as a lawyer just to justify the work it took to get you there. There are so many fields requiring less hard work with much better salaries. I know people who do consultancy work from home, which, after you take off commuting costs etc doesn't leave them much worse off. Or who go into an entirely different field altogether. I do consultancy myself now (I write practice notes, legal articles, guidelines, opinions, some teaching, etc.), but it took a long time to establish myself.

UPDATE:

Well, following being signed off sick for 3 weeks, I had a phonecall with HR today. It lasted about 2 minutes and they want to let me stay in the one office nearest my home as opposed to being moved around a lot. They will give me some more support and training both of which I do need. Longer term though, I think I will keep thinking about what I "really want to do" (as the mortgage still needs to be paid!)

I have also adopted a rescue cat so I can have some love!
I have been eating well and am "just about" to start going for walks.

So things are much better!
Thanks again for the advice

Left, I read your original post and the following pages with a lot of empathy - I'm half an ex-lawyer, if that makes sense - doing some contract/doc review type work when needed while setting up a business in another field. I was in corporate law, which I know is a bit different.

As mentioned upthread, law does seem to attract people who are a) slightly masochistic, b) a bit uncertain about what career to do. It's not a great combination and can lead to lots of unhappiness.

I tend to be a bit when people throw book recommendations around, but here's one from me, called How to Find Fulfilling Work: www.romankrznaric.com/how-to-find-fulfilling-work

The thing that really stuck with me was the idea of trying out new careers - for example, staying in your current role for now, but spending one evening a week / part of the weekend on developing your new career/business, basically just trying out different jobs to see if they "fit".

and

And congrats on the moggie! Just in time for winter snuggles

Thanks London!

("london" was one one of my proposed cat-names!)

Yeah, like dating around! Trying new jobs!
Great idea! See if you can find "the one" :-)

I read this thread with interest as I'm 29, was made redundant a few months ago, and am struggling with depression and wondering wtf to do with life - well actually, just my career, as the rest of my life is fine. But it turns out career is important to me and my self esteem!

Anyway, I don't have any answers, but I would like to recommend the book "How to find a job you love". It hasn't magically made the decision for me but it is very thought provoking and has lots of exercises to help you think about what you'd like to do in different ways.

PS Excellent to hear you got a rescue cat