to feel a bit tricked by life? And wonder if I will ever have a job I don't hate?

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Hello,

I'm 32yrs old, single, no DCs. Live happily alone in a flat with a mortgage.

I was the good girl at home & school and was led to believe that if I got good exams and went to uni, all would be happy days.

So I became a lawyer (a poorly paid, legal aid lawyer!!). Within 2yrs, I hated it. Thought it was the firm/long commute. Changed firms. Hated it - the politics, paperwork, people. Got made redundant anyway. Now onto Firm #3 before I even turn 30 - had to just take whatever I could get. Hated it. Moved abroad with then-DP and ended up working in a completely different, non-lawyer role. Great at first - nice people. But then I started to hate the job itself - boring, pointless, repetitive. Got sacked eventually as just could not motivate self to actually do it.

Split with DP and moved home. Got current (lawyer) job in Feb of this year. Great at first. Then they moved me to another office with a bitch of a boss. Had me working 10-12 hr days and still wanted more. Got a massive bollocking off the Big Boss last week for making mistakes (even tho I have been 100% trying). Now lost all motivation and wonder where the hell I go from here.

I'm at that stage again where I hide indoors on weekends just praying for Monday not to come. And waking up in the night dreading getting up for another day.

Does everyone feel like this about their jobs? All the time? I can't take another 30 years of working, feeling like this.

I've largely given up on life to be honest. I'm pretty fed up of it. I'm sick of people. I don't want to do anything except maybe work at home and not have to see anyone or go anywhere.

Part of me says to myself "snap out of it, people have a lot worse" and another part of me thinks "it's never going to get any better, just jump off a bridge and be done with it".

Other relevant points: I'm currently low/NC with my DParents. I am on antidepressants, I am a recovering alcoholic (dry 7months) and I currently weigh about 15stone!

Hit me with it.
Thanks in advance.

Another point, you say you're "sick of people". I fully appreciate that everyone is different, but from a previous post of yours about living alone and the joy it brings, I wonder if you have similar issues to me? Those are, I love my friends and family to bits, but as introvert, I suffer people overload and sensory overload. Modern life as a whole is geared up to constant people exposure. Offices are geared up to it too. I find it hard to manage. I don't fundamentally hate people. But in my last job, a largeish company in open plan and frighteningly chatty, by the time I'd even got from door to desk I'd had to exchange pleasantries with a ton of people. The fact that I now walk along a quiet corridor and just slip into a small room with only three others really helps. Plus we all work at home on different days so there's on,y one day all four of us are there.

Sorry to be dull but I share this because the difference it makes to quality of life is amazing, for an introvert to be exposed to too much of this is horrible, I can't cope with crowded places either. I never socialise in rammed pubs either, I don't care who asks, I just won't have a good time.

these things can be managed but you do need to ignore conventional wisdom which seems to ignore the needs of introverts or think we can magically recharge with half an hour quiet time. I need maximum quiet time or I get over stressed and anxious.

Day to day working life is always going to be harder for anyone who is brighter than average and has a different perspective on life. In my experience it is social skills and emotional intelligence that help with career success, not academic smarts.

I too am in a career funk as a result LeftMy. I was always a high achiever academically but after college I struggled to find my feet. Despite trying a few different paths - publishing, marketing, policy work - I never found my niche.

After having my son 3 years ago I took a career break and would like to go back to work now but am put off by not knowing what direction to go in. It does pain me to see how successful many of my contemporaries from university are compared to me but I try not to think about it too much. I second the suggestion to see a good career counselor and/or therapist to get some clarity on what direction you want to go in long term.

It's interesting you're out of touch with your family too. A therapist I saw last year about return to work and career-related anxiety told me that all work related issues start with the family. Some help to understand your family situation might be good for you to see what is going on beneath the surface.

Well done for starting to work out how to change things.
Loads of great advice from previous posters which I won't repeat. Just to add that I have successfully moved into a job I love from a job I hated. The job I hated had one small aspect (required about 10% of my time) that I liked and was good at. It took a long time but eventually I found a job that was doing that bit 90% of the time instead and now I couldn't be happier.

Obviously the whole "having to earn a living" thing is a pain and I wouldn't say no to a lottery win - but enjoyable jobs do exist.

Am PMing you.

Well you seem to have had a fair bash at law so maybe it is time for a career change.

You might want to discuss with your GP changing your pills. Before you said that your thread was screaming at me, 'depression'.

Can you take some sick leave for depression? Take some time to get the meds right.

Have a think about what you actually enjoy, not in terms of career but in terms of skills.

People -do you love them or hate them? Peoiple who are young? Old? Thick? Hyper intelligent?

If you won the lottery would you live in a city, by the sea, in the country, on a farm?

How do you feel about animals?

Do you love or hate commuting?

You might be surprised by your answers.

Patrick "A therapist I saw last year about return to work and career-related anxiety told me that all work related issues start with the family."

?? surprised by that.

LeftMy - I hope you will come back and let us know how you are doing?

This thread has touched on something vital for me, so please tell me if you feel I'm hijacking it. I just thought I'd share something else that happened when I was about your age - I saw a few careers advisers and they all said "there's loads of actual work you can do and you're suited to, but it's modern company culture that's your problem". (On top of that I have health issues, including asthma which seems to get much worse when I am using the Tube a lot, and often means colds picked up in the office become full on chest infections etc.)

So much of what you say about yourself resonates with me that I wonder if you too are better trying to stick to jobs where you can get a lot of independence and home working. it may mean - as in my case - that you don't get to say "I am a (insert prestigious job here)" but swapping that for happiness is critical.

I might actually start another thread about home working and change of working culture, I will post a link here if I do (in case anyone is interested).

Hey Lorelei (is that from the Marilyn Monroe film?)

No, that is very helpful, don't worry about "hijacking".

Yes, I hate sharing an office with 2 other noisy people on the phone and having people come in and out all day long.

I just want to do a job quietly on my own and go home at 5.

Maybe accountancy? I think it is a job you can do quietly on your own, involves organisation and that is one of your strengths.

I believe that as a graduate you can study at night school or on an intensive basis to do professional accounting exams.

Or something techy, related to programming or web design? Also can be a solitary job done from home.

Statisticians and data analysts (eg people who analyse data from pharmaceutical trials, or loyalty catd data) also seem to do a lot of homeworking.

I am a teacher/trainer and work with people across a wide range of professions - am trying to think which ones sound like they could suit you.

Leftmy "I just want to do a job quietly on my own and go home at 5."

ah, so you're not completely against working in an office? Do you do a lot of overtime btw?

river - oddly enough when I was thinking this through I thought I might have to train in book keeping or some such but happily found the current place.

oh yes, Lorelei is from there - I happened to be watching it in the background the day I set up my MN!

Oh I can relate to this so much.

Not a lawyer but I am a highly qualified professional, well, I was. Now I'm in a crappy admin job.

I can't seem to get on with other people at work . I don't suffer fools gladly, and there are so many fools everywhere. So many people who are barely literate. So many who are incapable of logical thought. So many bitches in senior positions who take the piss and don't practise what they preach. I can't handle being 'managed' by people like this, for whom I have no respect. I can't cope with having my work 'corrected' by managers, when I am right. So many office politics, hidden agendas, so much bollocks. I envy people who can let it all go over their heads because I can't.

I am aware I must sound like a nightmare, but I would just like to work with people who share my values of doing an honest day's work. Work that is accurate and on time. This is an impossible dream, it seems.

No advice to offer, just sympathy!

I'm 32, child free (by choice), have many similar feelings to those expressed in this thread.

I am intelligent/academic but am lazy, if I'm honest. I winged my way through school and uni, got a first in a decent subject and have ping ponged from job/career to job/career ever since. I have various other qualifications gained during these careers. I like the jobs for a while but then get frustrated/bored and want to move on. I've seen first hand what happens in 'professional' jobs, and have never loved a job enough to make the trade off between job + salary vs hours + expectations worth it. I just don't want to work 60 hours a week.

I now have a job which requires no qualifications at all but pays decently - considerably above national average - but still a lot less than some uni friends are on. I'm content with the fact that at the end of the day I just get to go home and not think about it until I'm next in work but it's shift work and I'm coming to realise this is not helping my mood - it's very difficult to make friends/sustain a social life. I spend a lot of time just wasting my days on the internet and can't seem to summon the get up and go to actually do something. Plus, ironically, I struggle with the negative reactions I get to my current job and I'm bored at work, can't win!

I don't know what the answer is OP but I really feel for you. It definitely sounds like lawyering is not right for you, and I hope your GP appointment will be the start of an improvement in things for you.

I don't know op I don't hate my job well not all the time anyway but I don't love it either. If you hate it then change absolutely but I think 30 is about the age where most people notice that life's hard most of the time. You have to cherish the good bits and accept that it's not all fun and romance imo. I am also easily bored which is a problem with jobs.

Can you break down your work into separate aspects like

Analysis of written information
Analysis of spoken information
Identifying key points in received information and marrying it up with key points in existing knowledge
Formulating relevant questions for clarification
Consideration of all aspects of a case
Ability to formulate succinct response in writing and spoken word

Can you then decide which things you liked doing and which made you miserable. I don't mean in particular to the law, but in general. When you were at school, did you enjoy any of that? For instance, the thing I loved at Uni was the light bulb moment when things fell into place. I would put up with any amount of shit for the pleasure of pulling it all together, discarding this fact, exploring this bit more deeply, pulling that comment along a bit and finding it fits with that idea there, and then Bam! It makes sense!!

Then there are other things to think about. Commuting, town, country or suburbs. Large organisation with amenities and lots of opportunities or small firm.

Take a year or two out of the ladder-climbing, and let all that stuff churn about in the back of your mind. Meanwhile, if you're travelling, you'll see lots of different ways of doing things and meet a wide range of people. Casual work waitressing or suchlike will allow you to observe so much. Chuck it all into the soup in the back of your head, stir for a long time, and if, or when, you come back, you'll know so much better who you are and what you want.

You've spent so much of your life doing the 'right' thing instead of the right thing for you that I reckon you deserve to get the opportunity to mooch about and think.

Did you know that in Australia and New Zealand, they want their youngster (under 25s) to travel and experience other cultures etc, so jobs are held for them for two years if they go off travelling. I know they're a little more isolated over there, but it's so good for people to literally see the world, and I really really wish we had that in our culture.

Left, you might enjoy these
shop.moderntoss.com/collections/work

BorisBus, my situation is similar to yours, although I am not as frustrated with it as you sound; but I am also appalled at how many people - in admin jobs - are illiterate and uneducated. I don't much mind being managed/corrected. In fact I feel a bit sorry for the managers, who tend to be these young "business girls" trying hard to climb up the ladder in something that's not really a career. I have had a proper career, now I'm winding down.

Bumdance and tobysmum, the way not to get bored at work is to have your own projects and do them at work whenever you can (not instead of work, that would be immoral, but in downtime). I usually learn languages.

I see Left has a head start on ignoring comments if she opts for something that isn't a "proper" career either

I know some people feel sorry for me that I don't have that any more but I'm much happier so it's all good.

Evening all! (Just back from an alcohol group meeting) :-)

Lorelei :-)
You're right - I will say "I used to be a a depressed, alcoholic solicitor but now I am a healthy, happy (fill in blank)".

But yeah, I try to avoid meeting people IRL anyway so who cares what these theoretical folk think anyway!

I'm going to reread this thread carefully over the weekend and comment properly and note suggestions. I'll keep coming back to it as well.

And yes, I could work in an office in some circumstances and YY, i have been doing silly hours - having to check into a travelodge because I was too tired to drive home then back again!

I am actually after something to do at work, I have loads of downtime, but it needs to be portable, not reliant on good internet reception and something that can easily be picked up and put down (literally and figuratively!)... Language learning is a possible but I'd prefer something that's not screen related if I could find something that still meets those criteria...

According to my lovely life coach, your thirties are the years for experimentation and discovery. At the age of 32 you should absolutely not be settled in the perfect job or perfect life. In fact, you might have at least another 8-10 years of weird jobs, horrible bosses and crap relationships before you feel truly confident and comfortable in your skin.

Haha BorisBus - we should go into business together . Your post sums up how I feel about work too. Too much bullshit, not enough work. It's the interpersonal stuff that I struggle with. It's tiresome. Especially as a woman because you are expected to go in for all this gossip and intrigue and bitching. It's more acceptable for men to just come into work, do their job and go home.

lorelei - what's surprising about it? She meant that we tend to reproduce the roles we've been 'given' in our families in the workplace. So if a person is labeled in their family as the black sheep, for example, they will replicate that in their other interpersonal relationships including in the workplace. Ditto for victim, perfectionist, good girl etc. It takes therapy, time and self awareness to see those patterns and break them. Certainly made sense to me at the time anyway so it struck me that the OP's family relationships are dysfunctional in addition to her work situation. Possibly the problems have the same root?

Just back from GP - been signed off for 3 weeks.
Apparently the boss is concerned for me...

Left, do you feel all right with that outcome, I mean in terms of, you feel it's the right thing for now? I hope so.

Given what you say about having to stay in a hotel overnight, I wonder if this is one of those situations where the way we talk about it needs dissecting. That is, if you had the same job in a less stressful way and a more containable fashion so you weren't working late, would you feel the same?

Also wonder if changes to Legal Aid have changed how you feel about your work in any way? These may be total red herrings, I just thought I'd raise them in case they were of interest.

Bumdance, at language-learning being "screen-related": I had done a BA(Hons) in a mfl before internet arrived in the country where I was living in my 20s. At work I sit before a screen all day but of course my private projects - thus language learning, too - cannot be screen related: the IT dept are probably monitoring usage. I learn from hand-written notes, flashcards, grammar summaries and texts inserted in my diary.