to feel a bit tricked by life? And wonder if I will ever have a job I don't hate?

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Hello,

I'm 32yrs old, single, no DCs. Live happily alone in a flat with a mortgage.

I was the good girl at home & school and was led to believe that if I got good exams and went to uni, all would be happy days.

So I became a lawyer (a poorly paid, legal aid lawyer!!). Within 2yrs, I hated it. Thought it was the firm/long commute. Changed firms. Hated it - the politics, paperwork, people. Got made redundant anyway. Now onto Firm #3 before I even turn 30 - had to just take whatever I could get. Hated it. Moved abroad with then-DP and ended up working in a completely different, non-lawyer role. Great at first - nice people. But then I started to hate the job itself - boring, pointless, repetitive. Got sacked eventually as just could not motivate self to actually do it.

Split with DP and moved home. Got current (lawyer) job in Feb of this year. Great at first. Then they moved me to another office with a bitch of a boss. Had me working 10-12 hr days and still wanted more. Got a massive bollocking off the Big Boss last week for making mistakes (even tho I have been 100% trying). Now lost all motivation and wonder where the hell I go from here.

I'm at that stage again where I hide indoors on weekends just praying for Monday not to come. And waking up in the night dreading getting up for another day.

Does everyone feel like this about their jobs? All the time? I can't take another 30 years of working, feeling like this.

I've largely given up on life to be honest. I'm pretty fed up of it. I'm sick of people. I don't want to do anything except maybe work at home and not have to see anyone or go anywhere.

Part of me says to myself "snap out of it, people have a lot worse" and another part of me thinks "it's never going to get any better, just jump off a bridge and be done with it".

Other relevant points: I'm currently low/NC with my DParents. I am on antidepressants, I am a recovering alcoholic (dry 7months) and I currently weigh about 15stone!

Hit me with it.
Thanks in advance.

It sounds from your OP as if you don't know who you want to be and have no vision for your own future. You are the consummate "good girl" who meets others' expectations for you as a child/young person but then wakes up to the fact as an adult that you need to be in the driving seat of your own life only you have no practice at going anywhere without directions.

OP
This is just a suggestion but I wonder if you have seen the women aspie stuff online. I can't remember the name but the stuff you said about liking your own company best etc reminds me of me and I found a lot of stuff on those sites that helped me as I do a lot of hiding at home.
That said I retrained a few years ago and now I have a part time job I love. Teaching at third level. I'm totally into it. Never would have thought I could do it. But I did follow my passion (art) and that helps for sure. Btw I'm 46. Early 30s I would do what others suggested and go work in a bar on a beach in Australia and fuck losing weight first!

*"She was clever and worked very hard at school and then university and now works very hard at a demanding job that she doesn't like.
Her "success" put a lot of men off.

She says she wishes she was not that bright , got a job in the checkout at Woolworths and married a nice postman !"*

Am I the only one who finds this utterly depressing?

The thing is, it's not even like the money is that great!
I'm on 25k now! If you take into account the hours worked, the stress and the tax and the commuting time/expenses, it's not worth it, especially when you know you're never going to reach the stage of the megabucks anyway.

I feel sorry for students. It's all a big lie! and I feel sorry for ppl with DCs who have to think primarily about big mortgages and possibly school fees.

Hi Riding Crop

haven't had time to read whole thread, sorry

suspect our stories may be similar - worked hard at school etc, badly advised - not liking work etc.

I hear you on the work thing, I still feel like shooting the wall and screaming "bored, bored, bored, bored" a lot. I'm nearly 40 and at your age I had the lowest point I'd ever had about it. Since then it's been better, I had a job for about six years which I really liked for about four of them, now I'm in a job which is better for me mostly because I'm allowed to work at home a fair bit.

You say you like being alone, for me the problem with work is often not the work. It's the environment. One good way to find things that suit you better is to do temp or contract work with them first so you can see what the culture is really like as opposed to what they tell it you it's like.

also - important note - don't fuss about reputation or whatever other people think. I am doing a job that a lot of people think is beneath me compared to my academic achievements, but for me it ticks crucial boxes

1. working at home a lot!
2. reasonable pay for reasonable effort
3. not a "bake sale" "team drinks" culture
4. the sort of steady boring work that's usually available

I often find that an increase of a mere ??3-5k gets you into territory of working late, being on call (albeit unoffiically) being seen as amibitous and getting offered extra work for no extra pay! forget about it!

I also seomtimes work Saturdays in a different job because it pays more.

You could also set yourself up as a decluttering expert? I wouldn't want to go into other people's houses but maybe you could take a coaching approach.

Re Australia, I took a couple of months off and travelled. It was lovely but going back to work was awful. I wanted to cry every day for about two months. I don't want to put you off, but it was a shock to me to still feel so awful after a break. That was when I was when I was your age though and still working in an office daily, and a horribly busy one with the bloody phone ringing constantly. Like I say, working at home makes a massive difference to my outlook.

Good luck whatever you choose next! Sorry for typos - I will leave you to guess why there are so many and why I'#m typing in a rush, lol!

PS I do have a hugely fulfilling personal life so that's great - also of course working at home a lot means if my work only takes 2 hours that day, I effectively have the rest of the day to myself.

Thank you all so, so much for your invaluable thoughts and just a bit of encouragement!

I do not intend to be the person who has regrets on their deathbed about staying in the rat race.

Without breaching anyone's privacy, is anyone willing to say what they actually DO at home by way of work?

thanks!

no acknowledgement for my Sherlock reference?

seriously, I've done a lot of investigating re home work and I'm sorry to say, I didn't find any "type" of work that related that much unless you work on a freelance basis. What I found more of was that some companies are open to it and others aren't. I don't wish to out myself but what I do is something that most employers would expect me to be in for, but this particular place - and dept - is keen to ensure that our homeworking technologies are used. it's also partly because both the most senior people have long commutes and they feel, quite rightly, that if you can work on a train, there's no need to add 3 hours to your day etc.

I would love it if others have advice about proper fixed employment that you can do at home but I had a really good look and couldn't find much. Helps if you are senior enough to consult but I'm not and I can't face all the "face time" and politics I'd have to do in order to attempt to climb the ladder.

PS am also extreme budgeter and hoping to retire by 50. Really do not care what others think of me turning up to things in the same faded jeans etc, which I likely bought in a c harity shop in the first place! have also taken things like peanut butter and banana sarnies to work in order to ensure full use of food!

Lorelie9 can I PM you? I am also a budgeter/frugalist

Oh no! What was the Sherlock ref?
Sorry for being dense!

Sherlock ref - "bored, bored, bored, bored" and shooting the wall?

feeling like that now as it happens, literally watching the clock...

Buddy - not set up for PMs but there's a limit to how much I can talk about budgets in any case.

You say you feel like you are waiting for life to start.

You also say you will wait until you have lost weight before you travel.

No worries

Not in a good way about work myself at the minute, so thank you OP for starting this thread and for all the lovely folk who have commented. It has made for interesting and inspiring reading.

Oh, and well done on your 7 months OP - I wish you on-going success with that as well as all the other "stuff".

I have the same impression as Lorelei which is that home-working could in principle be done in the vast majority of jobs, but you are dependent on your individual bosses for whether you are allowed to do so or not. Unfortunately I am not sure whether making it clear that this is very very important to you at interview, is likely to make a good impression. (Even if you will actually smash it when it comes to doing the work, there is a lot of bullshit stuff around looking Keen Keen Keen which is really important at recruitment stage.) The only thing is to find out I suppose whether anyone else works from home already - find out casually.

Heh, you sound a bit like me. Trained as a lawyer, hated it, have bounced around law-related policy/comms jobs ever since, wondering what I'm goig to do with my life.

It's grinding and soul destroying, particularly when you feel as though you've wasted a decade on something you don't like or believe in. What's helped me recently are the mantras 'I am not defined by my job' and 'I am not defined by other people's idea of success.' And I'm not. It sounds so facile, but it's helped me to get past some of that sense of failure and frustration and start thinking clearly about where I want to go next. Yoga, meditation, talking to lots and lots of people about different career and life choices, a bit of travel, researching university options and generally taking a step back from the work grind and focusing on myself has been really helpful. I'm pregnant now too, which has opened up a whole new set of horizons and challenges.

One of the interesting things that's come out of this is that, in discussion with friends with 'dream jobs', the sort that people aspire to when they're kids (television producers, surgeons, fashion designers, environmental campaigners, that sort of thing), many of them aren't that happy with their jobs either. Lots of them dream of something different and dread going in to work every day too. There's something in that, I think. No job is perfect, no life is ever quite what it seems from the outside. We've got to find meaning and contentment in our own day to day. This doesn't mean staying in a profession you hate, but, for me anyway, it does raise interesting points about success, and how a 'successful life' is defined.

Good luck with it. You sound like you're well on your way and I have no doubt that you'll rise above the shitty law world and find something you love.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention - therapy was pretty helpful too, if only for me to get a handle on why I've made the choices I have and to stop blaming myself for having fucked my career up. It's bloody expensive though!

Left

I'm a TA. I love the school environment. I feel I use my skills, I work with like-minded people, and I have a meaningful relationship with the children but not too much responsibility

I found it through volunteering.

'I'm not defined by other people's ideas of success'

Also wanted to say - I hear what people are saying about ASD, but being burnt out and depressed 9and maybe feeling guilty about being depressed, or worried people don't understand) can make you just want to get away from everyone too.

Thanks for starting this thread OP, as I think you've tapped into something a lot of people feel.

If you want to work from home, look for jobs that have field officers. They're often out and about most of the day and do their writing up at home. Even if you're meeting people when you're out, it's often only for a few hours at a time so they're not in your face all the time. You get lots of alone time travelling.

Or, since you're a pretty experienced lawyer, could you bone up on the A level law curriculum and do some home tutoring? Not sure of the demand for this subject but might be something to think about? Or set yourself up as a consultant in a particular field? Not sure how that would be different from "lawyering" but it might be?

Could you write articles for trade journals? I don't think this will make you much money but it might be an enjoyable outlet.

I'd suggest a portfolio career - either short-term contracts here and there so that you don't feel trapped or a few different part-time jobs i.e. some tutoring, some consultancy, some bar work even. The variety will break things up. (It might make you feel more stressed, of course!)

I think your mid-30s is quite a horrible time. The feeling that you should be making some progress with something but panicking because you don't enjoy what you do.

Good luck and well done for staying sober.

Hello again all,

I'm a bit sad to see how many people seem to feel the same as me but heartened to hear success stories.

Major update:
I phoned HR today and told them of the problems at work and how I'm feeling. (First time I have ever done such a thing!!!) I've gone home and I will get a Dr's appt asap to at least get time off to breathe (again, first time I have ever, ever done that). And I apologise now for my previous unsympathetic outlook to people "getting signed off". (Part of the reason my job was stressful was because of folk going sick all the time!!)

I must admit I'm not sure bar work is best for a recovering alkie but maybe a quiet coffee shop! I like the idea of a portfolio life as well. And thank you for the many, many other suggestions.

:-)

I'm going to post my progress here. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome!

Give me a couple of years to send dd safely off to Uni and I'll be up with the best of them!

Will be watching your progress! Good luck

Do keep us posted

Does this mean you're going to ask to be signed off due to work related stress specifically? Much as I'm not cut out for working in offices, I do get a sense that yours is probably one of the worse ones?

As well as the home working, this is a very quiet place I work in, we have little rooms of four people max instead of dog awful open plan.

Btw at your age, I was so miserable with work I'm surprised I didn't drive my friends away, I needed to offload so frequently.

I feel much the same as you OP. I actually like what I do, but it all seems so pointless. I don't feel fulfilled at all, in fact I've never felt fulfilled in my life. It's like there is something missing but I don't know what it is? Added to that I suffer from anxiety, OCD and depression which makes eveything feelso much worse.