to feel a bit tricked by life? And wonder if I will ever have a job I don't hate?

[LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary]

Hello,

I'm 32yrs old, single, no DCs. Live happily alone in a flat with a mortgage.

I was the good girl at home & school and was led to believe that if I got good exams and went to uni, all would be happy days.

So I became a lawyer (a poorly paid, legal aid lawyer!!). Within 2yrs, I hated it. Thought it was the firm/long commute. Changed firms. Hated it - the politics, paperwork, people. Got made redundant anyway. Now onto Firm #3 before I even turn 30 - had to just take whatever I could get. Hated it. Moved abroad with then-DP and ended up working in a completely different, non-lawyer role. Great at first - nice people. But then I started to hate the job itself - boring, pointless, repetitive. Got sacked eventually as just could not motivate self to actually do it.

Split with DP and moved home. Got current (lawyer) job in Feb of this year. Great at first. Then they moved me to another office with a bitch of a boss. Had me working 10-12 hr days and still wanted more. Got a massive bollocking off the Big Boss last week for making mistakes (even tho I have been 100% trying). Now lost all motivation and wonder where the hell I go from here.

I'm at that stage again where I hide indoors on weekends just praying for Monday not to come. And waking up in the night dreading getting up for another day.

Does everyone feel like this about their jobs? All the time? I can't take another 30 years of working, feeling like this.

I've largely given up on life to be honest. I'm pretty fed up of it. I'm sick of people. I don't want to do anything except maybe work at home and not have to see anyone or go anywhere.

Part of me says to myself "snap out of it, people have a lot worse" and another part of me thinks "it's never going to get any better, just jump off a bridge and be done with it".

Other relevant points: I'm currently low/NC with my DParents. I am on antidepressants, I am a recovering alcoholic (dry 7months) and I currently weigh about 15stone!

Hit me with it.
Thanks in advance.

Also... I had a total change in career at 35 and it was the BEST thing I've ever done. I was a teacher, but now manage a bar. Not the "professional" role my parents envisaged when I did my degree, but I'm having the best time.

Ohhh, then for anyone else who has trouble 'adulting' please go and look at this for a proper giggle:

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

And she writes beautifully about depression too.....

xxxxxx

Don't wait for life to start, or put off living until you lose weight. I spent years promising myself I'd do something when I lost weight but, in the end, I found when I got 'going', I lost weight.
I think Green's travelling idea and Bee's post are great. Life is for living now.

When I left teaching I had a bit of "light" CBT and counselling with a therapist who had an interest in career counselling. She was amazingly helpful, but it did take a good while before I stopped considering myself a failed teacher. I felt I almost had to justify my choices etc. And then I just stopped giving a fuck. I am not what I do. I am what I am. And only I can make me happy.

OP I wonder if you hate working with other people, or in an office/workplace? I do. I have had office jobs, but I could never make sense of the office politics and pointless meetings, and I couldn't work with the noise. I ended up managing to convert my skills into freelance home-based creative work, and that has been my career. I work all day at home on my own, and it's bliss.

I really relate to what you say about people in your face, mess and noise. I've also suffered with anxiety and mental health issues all my life. In my 40s, I've now had it to put to me by my psychologist that I may well be on the ASD spectrum/have some traits. I haven't had that officially confirmed and it's not for certain, but it does make sense and has helped me kind of "let myself off" about the things I find so difficult.

I think the key to making your life happier is finding what works for you, and feeling free to try whatever you want to, as beelights says so well.

You sound to me like you have a deep-seated unhappiness that may be only partially related to the job. If you are NC with your parents I'm guessing your childhood wasn't 100% idyllic? That can leave one with relational baggage that make sticking with any job difficult.

It's easy to say 'do something different, change your life' but if the real issue is your emotional backstory rather than the job it will follow you even if you start a new career and you may find yourself in this situation again in five years' time and still with no solution.

My advice in the short/medium term would be to find a shrink you really like and who you feel 'gets' you and commit to at least a year of weekly therapy unpacking some of that stuff. In the course of doing that you'll almost certainly get to grips with whether or not you want to remain a lawyer or step off into the unknown. Good luck, you sound like you're at a turning point in your life and great things may be about to happen

OP your post resonated with me.

I used to work in Corp Law. I think there is something about law (and other careers too), where it takes so long to get there and even getting a foot in the door is so hard.

For those who do "make it", I guess there is the added pressure that it would be somehow foolish not to continue. In that it would be "throwing it all away".

If you have a Google, there are alot of sites about life after law and other careers for lawyers.

There is another "life" out there. You really are still so young.

Hi OP

I think a lot of lawyers feel a bit like you do about their job. Especially if they work in private practice which, in my experience, attracts a much higher proportion of sociopaths than in the general population and which makes the job more stressful than it needs to be. Added to this most areas of the law mean that you are being paid to argue with people all day, and in most areas, another lawyer is being paid to find fault with what you do. It's bound to be inherently stressful.

I am assuming that your area is contentious in some way, and all the things you have described as not liking about work would figure highly in some way (i.e. mess, people in your face etc).

You might want to leave law altogether, and that sounds like a good option for you. But even if you don't there might be different areas which would suit your work preferences better (based on what you have said I am thinking of Estates, Trusts, possibly tax and comm prop). Another sector, especially public sector, might suit you. But you will have loads of transferable skills, and will be used to working to a very high standard so have lots to offer any employer.

You might want to have a look at law care. www.lawcare.org.uk/get-help/redundancy-alternative-careers/ if you haven't before. I haven't used them myself but they do provide support for depression and drink problems (and congrats on staying dry - major achievement) as well as other careers you could look into .

OP believe it or not - you are the successful (in my Mum's eye's) version of me. She desperately wanted me to be a lawyer. I failed by taking a Geography degree and getting kicked out of University. Though my Ma would probably never admit it, it was probably for the best, it certainly didn't damage my career.

I also now work largely at home doing a job I really really love, but I've learned along the way that as others have said that you can make changes - I had a shock redundancy in my 30s that cured my workaholic tendencies - it also gave me extra time with my Dad (who died soon afterwards) although I also split up with the woman I probably should have married. I know it's a cliche, but sometimes the thing that you fear the most kicks you in the teeth (I got a massive tax bill the first day I didn't have to go to work too), and it actually improves things.

32 is nothing - as you get older, you get better at taking the hard knocks and rebuilding.

The fact that you're wondering is a good thing - the answer is yes, things will improve.

Could you go in house? I did, and life is much better. Private practice is soul destroying IMO.

There's often a huge gulf between what you think you want / will make you happy and what actually fulfils you.

Or indeed what society tells you is 'success' and how you determine that for yourself.

I'd quit. Law clearly isn't right for you. You need to find out what is.

.

OP, there are two basic attitudes towards work: it is either the thing in your life; or it's a means to paying the bills. I think both are valid and one may shift from one to the other during one's lifetime, too. I was a teacher for nearly 20 years. Super-enthusiastic and dedicated during the first 12-15, then gradually grew tired. I am now in an office job, where I do what I am asked to to the best of my abilities (management is satisfied with me) but it's just a job, the main things in my life are in other areas, and even at work I spend downtime daydreaming about personal stuff or, indeed, revising a few words of a foreign language I am learning for fun. What I'm trying to say I guess is that it's ok to have a job just to pay the bills. Do you have hobbies, things you do with friends outside work?

(Not helpful but I've always thought being a legal aid lawyer must be an inspiring job, fighting for justice for the poor... is it not like that?)

You cannot do a high stress job like being a lawyer if you have chronic long term depression. Simple as that.

Find a job you love and everything else will fall into place. Travel is a very good idea as you are still young and single.

"I was the good girl at home & school and was led to believe that if I got good exams and went to uni, all would be happy days."

It sounds like you've spent your life doing what you think you're meant do instead of what you want to do.

If you could start over again and have complete freedom do whatever you want, what would you choose?

OP I COMPLETELY get what you are saying.

My best friend is a dentist and feels in a first world problem way that life has sort of cheated her for exactly the same reasons.

She was clever and worked very hard at school and then university and now works very hard at a demanding job that she doesn't like.
Her "success" put a lot of men off.

She says she wishes she was not that bright , got a job in the checkout at Woolworths and married a nice postman !

Massive congratulations on the booze battle so far x

A friend just gave up being a doctor to become a personal trainer

also... you HAVE THE BEST MUMSNET NAME I HAVE EVER SEEN !

watching this with interest.
i've never had a job that i like either.

Thanks, Regular, it's a line from Sherlock!

(checks it was defo me you aimed that at!)

Great post OP. I relate completely. I remember being told going to
Oxford would open doors for me, but I felt the corporate walls closing in. Like you I always did what I thought others (my parents) wanted. I have never gone to a doctor but I know I have depression. Management roles didn't help that. I am now a SAHM in another country but it has come with me if I am honest though I cry less now and have much less rage. I do think high achievers at school are prone to this in some weird way. It sets you up for a bigger fall when life isn't as easy or logical as school. I am taking time now to figure out what career or job I want to do without external pressure, and I'm trying to get back into my hobbies like music. I don't have the answer but I'm very sorry because I do absolutely get it. For what it is worth, I also think it is maybe nothing to do with career and all to do with emotional baggage and basically illness.

Yy to what Manatee said.

Have you ever tried any talking therapies, OP?

Huge congrats on giving up booze. I think if you went to Australia, or travelling, you may well find you lose weight with nicer food and a more outdoors lifestyle.

Not sure how much you need/want to earn, I work for an advocacy charity, there are some very satisfying roles that may suit you
Google IMCA, IMHA, Care Act advocacy etc
Email me if I can help